The Geek And The Rebel
by eastern.meridian
Summary: Before wedding bells ring, Meredith must go to great lenghts to bring in Derek the man he really is or accept that teenage love cannot survive the passage of time. AU MerDer during residency and in flashbacks. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1: Of Love And Hate

**A/N** **Welcome to my newest fic! I do realize I have 2 fics going already but for this one I have a couple of updates saved which means regular updates.**

This fic is something new for me, especially concerning its form. Those of you liked a strong Meredith from my former fics should like this version as well ****

Hope this story makes you smile and sometimes tugs at your heartstrings.

A thousand different and conflicting emotions shook her soul as she halted in the entrance of the bustling Emerald City Bar. A part of her felt like curling up in a corner and crying her eyes out. It was not like it supposed to be, it was not what they promised to each other. But that was only a tiny part of her, one that never had the upper hand when the forces struggled inside her.

Because another part of her, the part that tended to make people step out of her way, that part wanted to strangle him, to wipe that cocky grin from his pretty face, to knock him over that empty head so his stupid perfectly styled hair stood up in all directions, to give him a foul black eye with her clenched fist. The ring on her finger would certainly leave a nice pattern on his face. However, she would never dare to disrespect the engagement ring previously belonging to Carolyn that way. She just had to find a different way to vent her anger. In a few purposeful strides, she crossed the distance between the door and the animated table occupied by Derek, Mark and Alex, currently entertained by some chicks who had three things in common – platinum blond hair, visibly oversized boobs and apparently no reservations.

"I need that more than you do," Meredith apologized to a man sitting at a table on her way, kidnapping his glassful of beer. She got closer to Derek's table and her blood boiled seeing one of the women sneaking her claws dangerously onto his shoulder.

"Meredith!" growled slightly inebriated Mark noticing her halting behind Derek and the girl that was heavily hitting on him.

"Mer," Derek turned around to face her with a big grin plastered on his lips. "You've finished early!"

"Want to grab a beer, Grey?" Mark asked her, or rather his neighbor's ample breasts.

"No," Meredith smiled viciously. "I already have one," she raised a hand with the stolen glass in the air, "and I came to share it with my fiancé," she gritted out, her eyes throwing daggers at the slut next to Derek. With no intention of further maintaining the conversation, she poured every single drop of the golden liquid onto Derek's lap. He jumped to his feet with a gasp but it was too late. The beer soaked his pants instantaneously.

"Enjoy your drink, honey," she spat and marched back through the crowd consisting mainly of the staff from Seattle Grace Hospital where they were all doing their residency. Everyone, from the nurses to attendings, was now roaring with hysterical laughter. However, she felt no reason to be amused and as she got out onto the fresh air, a lone tear escaped down her cheek. She brushed it off roughly as her heart panged. She just wanted her geek back.

**Flashback**

The fourteen-year-old Derek Shepherd dejectedly shoved his food around the plate. His first day at school was going exactly the way he imagined. He was dubbed a nerd even before he crossed the threshold of the educational institution proudly calling itself the best high school in Seattle. Everyone was either giving him contemptuous smirks or wasn't paying any attention at all. Yes, the second reason was probably why a senior from the team barreled into him leaving a big purple bruise on Derek's skinny arm and spilling all his books around him. He hastily tried to gather his books back trying to protect them as the throng of teenagers treaded carelessly over his belongings.

No one wanted to sit next to him in classes as though he was a leper. Idiots, he thought burying his head in his notes. Acne wasn't contagious. And now he was sitting all alone at a godforsaken table in the cafeteria. Soon enough, he'd be probably joined by other dorks and social pariahs. His friend Mark Sloan certainly wouldn't show up around him. It was his first day at high school as well and he needed to nourish his reputation. A guy like Mark, handsome and already starting to work up some muscle couldn't be seen with a dork like Derek Shepherd, at least for now.

However, he was not destined to suffer through his lunch in solitude. He jumped, startled, raising his head from his plate as a tray was thrown with a thud at his table, right in front of him. He watched with wide eyes as a thin girl wearing black clothes and very short pink hair threw herself angrily on the chair facing him. He stared at her, pausing on his lunch. He saw that girl before, he had classes with her. What was her name? Meredith… Grey? He would joke that Black would suit her better but he was slightly afraid of breathing a little too loud in her presence. She certainly looked like she could pull a chainsaw from her bag and cut his head off. At least, that was what indicated the constant murderous look on her features.

As he studied her form he couldn't help thinking that she was at the bottom of the high school social ladder as well, though definitely by her own choice. She could well be one of the girls chatting happily at the section of the cafeteria reserved to the popular crowd. She was slender, though her boobs were presenting themselves quite nicely. Her skin was milky white and looked like it would be very soft to touch. And her eerie green eyes additionally underlined by the thick black eyeliner were exquisitely big and… looking at him!

He felt hot under the collar and quickly dropped his eyes to his food. But the curiosity got the better of him. He furtively glanced back at her to crash against her cold regard, and her eyebrows arched down in a scowl.

"Something you don't like?" she gritted out with unmasked hostility.

"No!" he shook his head frantically.

"Then mind your business," she hissed. "Keep your eyeballs on your healthy shit or they'll end up on my fork."

He winced and resumed eating his salad not daring to look up at her all throughout the rest of the lunch.

Meredith elbowed her way through the crowded corridor. She hated high school. She hated the institution, she hated the people. They were completely brainless, self-centered and phoney, with the beauty queens and jocks being the cream of the cream and the entire rest dragging behind them, desperate for some popularity.

Yet, Meredith acknowledged the sad necessity of high school education. Her way of being and her choice of wardrobe could be frowned upon by narrow-minded personalities but her work was flawless. It had to be if she ever intended to break financially independent from her mother and prove her wrong, show her she could be even better, smarter, more talented that the great Ellis Grey. School was the unavoidable phase on the way to freedom.

Still, that little tiny detail didn't stop the all-consuming rage towards school… and the pair that were currently using her locker as a making-out surface. Meredith snorted disdainfully, it couldn't be more cliché. The guy was some hunk from the football team as his blouse would indicate while the girl, either a junior or a senior, a cheerleader.

Meredith cleared her throat loudly and stood beside with her arms folded over her chest. The only reaction she got was the brunette opening one eye to check who was interrupting her engaging activity. Seeing it was just a younger girl, dressed like a freak on top of that, she closed it back and intensified the lip lock with her boyfriend. They looked like they were wrestling.

Meredith's jaw hardened. Her fist pounded on the locker next to hers making the boy and the girl jump.

"Look, I don't give a damn what you're doing," she hissed at them. "You can suck face till you suffocate or even go at it in the middle of the corridor just. not. on. my. locker. Got it?"

The older girl let out a snort. "Do you think I care what a lousy freshman like you has to say?"

"Well, you will be when I pull out this crappy hair of yours from you empty head," bit back Meredith.

"Bring it on!" spit out the brunette rounding on her.

"Give it a rest, Nance," drawled her boyfriend. "Don't make a scene, everyone's lookin'."

"Yeah, Nancy Pants," jeered Meredith. "You'll tarnish my reputation if you continue to speak to me any longer."

"You little-"

Meredith never learnt who she was according to Nancy as her boyfriend dragged her away. With a self-satisfied sigh she retrieved her books from the locker and hurried to her biology class. Thanks to the incident with the cheerleader she arrived just before the teacher and the only available seat was at the end of a long counter. Not that she minded, she never had to sit up front in order to be at the top of the class.

"Today, any field of science is highly multidisciplinary," announced their teacher shortly into the lesson . "A real scientist knows that in order to achieve something, they need to cooperate. We'll get a little taste of that this year. Turn around and face your neighbor, you are a team as from now on. You study together, you work together, you make projects together."

With a stifled groan Meredith turned her head left and scowled at the person sitting beside her. She was a lone wolf, she worked best on her own, independent, relying only on herself. However, she wasn't as screwed as she expected, she remarked with relief. She landed with that awkward guy who was staring at her in the cafeteria, the classic high school loser. He was thin and lanky, as though he was growing so much his body couldn't catch up with him. His hair was wild and he had a few pink spots on his face. All of these things, she didn't care. The neatness with which he organized his materials indicated he was a good student. Thank God she sat in the loser zone, she didn't end up with some stupid Barbie or a hormonal kid anxious to get some action for the first time. And that guy would be so easy to control too, she giggled inwardly. Yeah, she could clearly read utter fear in his wide open eyes.

She squinted at him for additional effect.

"Derek Shepherd," he stammered. "We… uhm, we've had classes-"

"Meredith Grey," she interrupted him pitilessly. "Don't try to be nice, I already hate you. And what did I say about staring?" she snapped.

Derek slowly closed his mouth, silently praying he was going to make it through the survival camp called high school. He was so screwed.

**End of flashback**

It was well after midnight when Meredith heard the door to her and Derek's apartment open. She didn't sleep a wink since she went to bed hours earlier. It was just like any other day. She finished her shift, she drove home, took a bath and went to sleep… alone. Their schedules often didn't cover and in the evening Derek liked to go to the bar across the street with their friends from the hospital. Not that she didn't like hanging out with them. She did, she just didn't need to do it every day as though in order to feel like a popular kid in high school.

And today… today she poured a pint of beer on his lap in a bar full of their colleagues and she had no idea what Derek's reaction could be. If things were how they used to be, they would spar for a bit, maybe argue, but then they would laugh at the incident and have a hot passionate make-up sex. But the things changed recently and Derek was an arrogant cocky man she recognized less and less.

**A/N** **If you enjoyed it at least a bit, hated it, want to make a suggestion or comment in any way, please leave me a word! I need your feedback.**

Em

PS A new update for BBAW will be up before the end of the week.


	2. Chapter 2: Of Lying

**A/N So… first of all, I need to let off some steam … I've just watched the finale and I'm completely and absolutely devastated, and pissed like you wouldn't believe. And I thought it couldn't get worse than last season's fake marriage. If I were to meet Shonda today, I don't think we would both come out of it alive. Just as the episode ended I thought I was done with Grey's Anatomy, done. But then I realized than I can't abandon my fics because writing ****them and reading your comments never fail take me to a happy place, and damn, I need a happy place right now. And I don't want to disappoint you either, my amazing readers.**

**Now I feel better and I promise to stop bitching for a while. Thank you for your wonderful reaction to this fic, hope it won't disappoint you. **

**LA Calleigh, your personal story sounds so romantic! I know lots of couples who fell in love in high school who are now engaged or married.**

**Enjoy!**

For years now, Meredith adored and, whenever in Seattle, was an active participant of Shepherd Saturdays. Derek's mother, his sisters and she always convened before a major family event to discuss division of tasks, exchange ideas and come up with something extraordinary or simply to gossip. They reunited before Thanksgiving, Christmas and many other occasions throughout the year. However, the most fun came when they were preparing a wedding. Nancy's and Kath's ceremonies were planned to the tiniest detail during Shepherd Saturdays. Now, it was time for Meredith and initially she couldn't have been happier.

She and Derek were engaged a long time. He popped the question when they were still high school sweethearts and she accepted. They already postponed the date of their wedding several times. After graduation they were busy preparing themselves for studying in pre-med and living on their own across the continent. Having done with college, they went for a wild trip around Europe only to plunge themselves into even harder work in med school. Once four years were over, came the time for the internship and their return to Seattle. Last summer, they decided to end their engagement making their relationship official in the eyes of law. They would both have a job, a stable source of income that would finally let them look for something more spacious than a tiny student apartment. They felt like an old marriage anyway, in the good sense of that expression. For years, they were exclusive to each other, always faithful, always best friends, and most importantly always crazy in love.

The family was overjoyed at the news and helped eagerly any way they could with the preparations for the ceremony that was going to take place after their internship was done. And now, the whole busy year of dress fittings, choosing the menu and sending invitations while not falling dead of exhaustion after 48-hour shifts was coming to its grand finale. In less than two months they would take their vows and part for a two-week honeymoon taking advantage of the vacation before the second year of residency.

However, in the time span between the beginning of their internship and now, something changed between them. The shift was gradual, stealthy; Meredith could never pinpoint a specific moment when things started to go awry or why. Their conversations were either surgery-oriented or completely banal, they spent more time apart than together. They stopped to confide in each other. Somehow, Mark Sloan who was Derek's childhood buddy became Derek's wingman and Meredith felt herself fading into the background. She was sure her fiancé didn't see a problem whatsoever. Unfortunately, she did and it filled her heart with worry.

"I don't know…" she sighed scrutinizing her look in the tall mirror.

"What's wrong?" asked Nancy tweaking the gown Meredith was wearing. "Does the bodice feel uncomfortable?"

"No… it's… it's good."

"I think the dress lies beautifully," complimented Derek's eldest sister.

"The dress is perfect," agreed Meredith truthfully. She loved that gown at the first sight and it made her feel like a movie star or a princess every time she tried it on. She wasn't a dress kind of girl but she figured her wedding was that special occasion to look like taken out of a fairytale.

"And what is not perfect?" Kath asked shrewdly standing between her and the mirror.

"Kath, don't go psychologist on her!" berated Lanie slapping her on the leg with a fashion magazine.

"I'm not sure we should get married this summer," shot Meredith.

"What?" gasped Amelia disbelievingly and sprang up from the settee.

"It might be too soon," shrugged Meredith avoiding their eyes.

"Too soon? Have you drunk something on the way here, Mer?" chuckled Lanie.

"I don't think anyone would call nine years since the proposal too soon," quipped Amelia.

"Why the frown, dear?" Carolyn asked gently taking her hand and giving her a squeeze. "You look a bit under the weather today."

"Probably our idiot of a brother did something stupid, didn't he?" Nancy remarked knowingly. "He's developed a bit of a God complex since last fall. Next time I see him I'll be certain to tell him to get his hair down."

"Is it true?" Lanie asked with concern. "You and Derek are having problems?"

"We had this… row," admitted Meredith. What an understatement. When Derek returned last night, way after midnight, he was still half-drunk. However, it was not an obstacle for him to reproach her for humiliating him in a bar full of their colleagues and demand explanations for her irrational behavior. Meredith, in turn, hurled right back at him for allowing other women hang around his neck. That Derek called ridiculous and the effect of her overactive imagination. The argument resembling a ping-pong match with its speed and ardor lasted good twenty minutes after which Derek retired to the bathroom to take a shower. When he was back, he lied down beside her not even trying to seek contact with her while she pretended to be fast asleep. She stayed in the same rigid position into the wee hours of the morning, long after sleep claimed him. When she woke up, he had already gone to the hospital.

"Well, a row is nothing new," Kath said cheerfully.

"Yeah, you and Derek row all the time and then you have loud traumatizing sex," joked Amelia.

A shadow of smile passed over Meredith's features and the rest of the sisters laughed heartily. It wasn't exactly true anymore either. Even the sex felt a bit mechanical, like a habit.

"You're right, I'm being silly," she waved her hand dismissively, trying to convince herself more than the girls. "I just didn't sleep very well."

"Which is why I think we should call it a day," spoke Carolyn with a finality in her voice. "We still have time for some final corrections. We'll be in touch about the catering," she nodded at her daughters as they one by one took up their personal belongings, "and I'll help you with the dress, Mer."

"Thanks, Mom," she sighed as Carolyn moved behind her.

However, instead of unfastening the little buttons, Derek's mother gently placed her hands on her shoulders and their regards crossed in the mirror.

"It wasn't just a row, was it?" Carolyn looked up at her, her eyebrows raised expectantly.

"It was… a blazing row."

"Meri, you are as dear to me as any of my children, you know that."

"I do," sighed Meredith reluctantly. She could be sure Carolyn wouldn't pick any sides in a fight but be a voice of reason.

"And you can tell me anything. Sometimes letting it off your chest helps."

"I don't… I don't know what's going on with him," Meredith confessed quietly. "Sometimes I look at him and I don't recognize him anymore."

"People change," remarked Carolyn.

"I know people change. Otherwise I would be getting married in black… or I wouldn't be getting married at all!"

Carolyn laughed mildly. "People change, grow up, people mature… and every now and then they get lost on the way, they lose themselves."

Meredith shivered involuntarily and Carolyn rubbed her shoulders to warm her up.

"It's scary. I feel like my whole life is turning upside down and I can't control it."

"You can do more than you think," stated firmly Carolyn turning her gently, a sparkle reappearing in her eyes. "You know when you introduced yourself to me, I felt, I knew you were going to change his life. And you have. Thanks to you, he's not afraid of life, he's confident-"

"That he certainly is," cut in Meredith bitterly.

"He loves you," said firmly Carolyn. "You need to spend more time together, just the two of you."

"It's going to be hard with the intern exam coming," sighed Meredith dejectedly.

"Then wait for the honeymoon," proposed Carolyn. "So, please, don't make any rash decisions. Couples have their ups and downs. A crisis isn't worth calling off the wedding, you both looked forward to it so much."

"You're right," breathed out Meredith. "What was I thinking?"

"Everything will work out," smiled Carolyn and made to help Meredith unbutton the dress.

The certainty in Carolyn's voice worked wonders for Meredith's morale. She never was a person who gave up easily, she was born a fighter. If Derek got lost at some point, she would bring him home, or take him down a peg or two. Only on the back of her mind persisted the fear that maybe it was payback time for the little innocent lie she had told all those years ago.

**FLASHBACK**

"Shepherd! Stay right where you are!"

With a deep tortured sigh, Derek came to a halt just a few feet from the class where they just had the biology lesson. His partner sent from hell, Meredith Grey, blocked his way scowling at him.

"Have you done your part?" she barked at him.

"No-"

"What does it mean no?" she gasped. "It's due tomorrow!"

Derek felt as he was being scolded by one of his teachers. Scratch that, Meredith Grey was stricter than any teacher he had ever come across. Who would have thought judging from her curious attire? He had initially assumed that she didn't care much for school. The one month of their cooperation showed he was wrong, so wrong. She was intelligent and hardworking, while her ambitions sky-high. He actually had to struggle to keep up with her, she needed to have everything done "for yesterday".

"I didn't have time-" he started to explain.

"Right," she snorted. "You slacker! You should have told me it was beyond your abilities, I could have done it if I had known."

"I'm not slacking," he tried to argue. He authentically didn't have time. All weekend he was doing odd jobs to earn some pocket money. Not that his family lived in poverty, but in a house with five children and only one parent more cash always came in handy. "I… I started it, I just have to finish it-"

"You better," she hissed. "If you need a reminder, my reputation is in your hands. And if it gets damaged tomorrow by your incompetence, I'll make sure your boys do too!"

With that threat, she stomped off making him chuckle imperceptibly. He learnt long time ago not to take her warnings completely seriously. She was a walking contradiction. He saw her quite a lot during the past month and concluded she was more intimidating than really violent. Proof? She never called him any names nor was ashamed to talk to him in public.

He grabbed his books from his locker and dashed out; he had a bus to catch. Once outside, he ran down the stairs stuffing his materials into his backpack. In his hurry he didn't notice a group of people appearing in front of him. He clashed into somebody's hard body, stumbling back on the impact.

"What the fuck?" he heard someone's enraged voice. He looked up. Uh-oh, he just barreled into the jocks from the football team.

Meredith left the school building pondering if she should stay up all night and prepare Derek Shepherd's part of the assignment. She didn't want any dissatisfying grades on her record, no reason for her mother to complain. It was doable, she knew the material. On the other hand, the kid never fucked up before so maybe she should just roll with it. She could watch some of her mother's surgical tapes instead.

She had barely the time to walk out when she saw the very object of her thoughts surrounded by the guys who definitely weren't his buddies. One of the bullies shoved Derek back violently , another grabbed his back pack and started to rummage through his things.

Meredith halted in her tracks with a frown observing the scene with disgust. While she was rude to people on occasion, okay a lot, it was never in the aim of hurting anyone. It was a means of protecting herself against the world.

Evidently, Derek tried to reason with the team members and plead to let him go, unsuccessfully. They didn't play too rough with him though. Having pushed him around a couple of times, jeered at him pitilessly and carrying away his backpack, the left him alone massaging his arm with a grimace. Then he spotted the yellow bus arriving, so he hastily scooped into his arms what his aggressors shook off from his backpack and scooted across the lawn.

Meredith shook her head disapprovingly. Why did anyone, why did Shepherd, let other people treat them like that? Derek wasn't stupid, his intelligence was undoubtedly higher than that of all his bullies put together. And he almost invited them to walk over him. He didn't fight for what was his, that was beyond Meredith's comprehension. She sighed as she realized that the guys from the team took his books, how was he going to finish their work?

With an irritated sigh she took a turn and energetically marched into the direction of the field. She found the culprits hanging around the benches, still incredibly amused with their little stunt, Derek's possessions making a tour around. Imbeciles.

"Give me that back," she hissed glaring at them and they looked up, smirks on their faces.

"Give back what?" drawled the tallest and the biggest one with wide forehead and short blond hair, probably the ringleader.

"All the things you stole," she spat back reaching to tear the worn backpack out of one of his cronies' hands.

"What do you care, Grey, isn't it?" snorted the giant, leering at her, scanning her from head to toes.

Meredith didn't grace him with any answer but started to throw Derek's things into the bag, the boys watching her with amusement. She was like a little fly buzzing around elephants.

"Cat got your tongue?" continued the guy as he stood up. "What, are you interested in wimpy crybabies like Shepherd? Is he your boyfriend?" he jeered and the others shook with laughter. "Don't know why else you're here?"

Meredith stopped in front of him as he was still holding the last of Derek's possessions.

"Yes, he's my boyfriend," stated Meredith challengingly holding out her hand. "That's why I want that back."

"Oooh," chortled the giant lifting the book out of her reach. She was way more than a head shorter. "Come on, Grey! Even if you look like a freak, you could still do better. Like me, for example…"

She snorted derisively. "Even if you were the last guy on earth, I would still pass!" And then she did something no one expected. Her jaw set determinately, her bony knee crashed on full speed with his crotch. The obnoxious guy doubled in pain, involuntarily allowing Meredith to pull the book from his slack fingers. Before anyone could recover from the shock, she broke into a run across the school grounds into the street.

Meredith slowly walked along the street of brownstone row houses until she came to a stop before a gray one with flowerbeds placed decoratively on bay windows. Every one of Derek's notebooks and books carried his name and address neatly scribbled on the inside cover. She thought, what the heck, she had time. A little walk would do her good. Right now she was cursing herself she was going soft. Who was Derek Shepherd to her? No one. Just a weak self-deprecating kid.

But she was here already. She shrugged her shoulders and climbed the steps leading to the house. Seconds after she rang the bell, the door opened and she couldn't help feeling surprised seeing the face of the girl she was enemies with since the first day of school.

"You!" scowled Nancy, the cheerleader. "If you're collecting money for some freak cause of yours, we're not interested!"

Meredith stack her foot forward preventing Nancy from shutting the door into her face.

"I'm here for your brother," she smirked. Vengeance was sweet.

"My brother?" frowned the girl . "You know Derek?"

"Course I do," snickered Meredith and dropped her bomb, "I'm his girlfriend!"

Nancy's eyes bulged out in shock while some other girly voice shouted from inside the house, "She's what?"

"Where are your manners, Nancy?" a middle-aged woman appeared from a room and was looking curiously at Meredith. She had a full kind face and brown hair that was starting to gray at the temples. "Come on in, dear."

Meredith passed Nancy who was still eyeing her with disbelief mingled with suspiciousness and was led into the dining room where she was met with another four curious stares, including Derek's who was all red around the face.

"Are your really Derek's girlfriend?" shot one of the three girls that were sitting next to him. She was a couple of years younger and evidently half of a twin set.

"Yup," nodded Meredith and tried to keep her face straight as she expected his face to disappear in a cloud of steam that was undoubtedly to go off his incredibly embarrassed head.

"A _kissing_ girlfriend?" the other twin asked excitedly.

"Sit down, dear," Mrs. Shepherd reentered the room and showed her to a chair placing a plate before her. "I'm Carolyn, Derek's mom, and these are all Derek's sisters. Nancy opened the door, she's the eldest. That's Kath, Amelia and Lanie."

"I'm Meredith," she grinned and stared at the woman challengingly. The household looked very traditional and certainly, Meredith with her black clothes, pink hair and ears pierced three times each seemed oddly misplaced. "I'm Derek's girlfriend."

"It's nice to meet you, Meredith," grinned Mrs. Shepherd warmly. Mer could tell she saw right through her lie but she decided to play along. "Even the more so as Derek doesn't bring friends over very often."

"That's because Derek doesn't have friends," Nancy rolled her eyes. "Even Mark dumped him."

"Nancy!" Carolyn berated her quickly but softened looking between her son and Meredith. "So, how did you two meet?"

"We… uhm," Derek spoke up for the first time while his face still didn't cool off, "we have classes together."

"Right," smiled Meredith and decided to go all the way. She was having fun, she deserved to have a bit of fun for recuperating Derek's belongings. "I'm his work wife."

"Work wife?" asked Carolyn with interest.

"We're biology partners."

"Derek has mentioned something about a project. Why didn't you tell me you invited a friend to study over?" she reproached her son. "I would have made a pie. And you dear," she looked back at the guest, "eat up. You look like you don't eat enough."

"Appearances," Meredith shook her head. "I have a fast metabolism."

"So," Derek's sister, Amelia fixed her eyes on her. "Do you kiss Derbear or not?"

"Sure," shrugged Meredith.

"Ew," Lanie scrunched her face. "But he has zits!"

"You've gotta take the good with the bad," replied Meredith lightly.

"He has braces!" argued Amelia dramatically.

"Doesn't mean he's not a good kisser," snickered Meredith ignoring Derek's begging eyes and the fact that he hunched so much he was almost equal with his two younger sisters. "Actually," she looked at Derek meaningfully taking one of his book from her bag, "you forgot this, baby."

"Oh," he breathed out glancing nervously around his family. Obviously, no one knew about his misfortune. "We should… go study… in my room," he stood up and pleaded Meredith to follow him with his eyes.

"I'll bring you some dessert later," smiled Carolyn. "And Derek, don't close the door to your room."

"Ma!" he whined turning from red to purple.

"Well, Meredith is your girlfriend," answered Carolyn. "You know we have the same rules when Nancy and Kath bring their boyfriends over."

"Why did you tell them you're my girlfriend?" he whispered when they found themselves upstairs.

"Because I thought it was funny?" she chuckled placing herself comfortably in a chair. "Your face was priceless! And your sister, gosh, she was pissed!"

"They're never gonna let me forget it!" he moaned.

"Yeah, but at least they don't think you're such a loser if you're able to have girlfriend," she argued bringing her hands behind her head, looking around the small room curiously.

"Maybe…" he admitted cautiously gazing at her as though he just saw her for the first time. She was in his room, a girl was in his room, Meredith Grey was in his room…

"Don't even think about it," she hissed, her eyes narrowing.

"About what?" he asked innocently taking his eyes off where her arms just folded on her chest.

"The girlfriend boyfriend thing? Just a lie, don't get any ides," she stated firmly and proceeded to throw his things out of her bag.

"How… did you get this?" he asked quietly not meeting her eye.

"Had to kick some asses," she gloated at the recollection of the pain appearing on the bully's face.

"What?" he started with horror almost dropping his books back to the floor.

"What you don't know won't hurt you," fired Meredith and shook her head. "You seriously need to grow some backbone, Shepherd. Or you'll end up someone's bitch."

"Well, I already am yours," he bit back, irked that she was the witness of his humiliation.

"Funny!" she exclaimed approvingly. "Maybe you're not completely lost after all!"

"Why… why did you do it?" he asked after a minute. "I mean, thank you, but why?"

"I said don't get any ideas. He took your book, I thought you wouldn't be able to finish our homework," she explained.

"Oh," he nodded, a bit disappointed. "I thought…"

"You thought what?" she demanded, squinting at him.

"Well… I like you…" he stammered.

"You what?" she gasped.

"I mean, as a friend," he added nervously.

"As a friend," she snorted. "Well, I don't like," she hesitated seeing his face falling and changed her words mid-sentence, "anyone."

"You don't like anyone?" repeated Derek.

"Why are you so surprised? Like your empty-headed sister said, you don't have friends either," she shrugged.

"But it's not because I don't like anyone. It's because… well, no one likes me," he sighed.

"Then why do you care?" she asked impatiently. True, she had no friends. She used to hang out with her neighbor, Sadie, who was as much messed up as she was herself. However, if Meredith accompanied her to some parties, swallowed a couple of tequila shots and made out with some guys, she never followed her path of self-destruction, getting drunk every other night and sleeping around. She figured she shouldn't pay for her sorry parents' mistakes with her own life. She didn't need that. And she didn't need anyone. "I've gotta go," she muttered getting to her feet, she almost ran into Mrs. Shepherd who was carrying a tray for them.

"Meredith? You're leaving so soon? I have some cookies and cold drinks for you. Has something happened?"

"Just a lovers' quarrel," she quipped and moved down the stairs. "It was nice to meet you Mrs. S."

"Why has your girlfriend shoot out of here like a bullet?" smiled Carolyn, depositing the tray on Derek's desk.

"She's not really…" he stuttered, redness creeping back on his cheeks.

"I'm really happy you're making new friends," she ignored his last remark. "It's been a long time since I saw Mark."

Derek shrugged and looked up at her, "You like her? She looks… you now…"

"Of course, I like her," laughed Carolyn. "She's a sweet intelligent girl. And very pretty," she wiggled her eyebrows at him, "even if she has hair that would make Pink Panther envious."

"Mom…" groaned Derek, feeling his face heating up. "She is… but I'm just… me…"

"Sweetie," sighed Carolyn moving up to him to ruffle his hair and plant a small kiss on his forehead. "There's so much more to a person than physicality, I think Meredith knows that very well. You should get a page of her book. So, when do you think I can see my future daughter-in-law again?" she grinned as Derek his face under a pillow.

**A/N Really hope you liked that****. If you did, please let me know. **

**Em**


	3. Chapter 3: Of Fighting

**A/N I was supposed to post this update yesterday but I was completely obsessed with a new idea and wrote 3 chapters for my next story. I'm forcing myself no****t to post it yet, that would be crazy. :)**

**Thank you again for your review! Mrs. Stacy I loved reading your comment, it's really great that some of you can sort of relate to certain elements of the fic.**

**One more thing, this is NOT a story about cheating, I don't think I could ever write one. Just in case you were wondering :)**

**Enjoy!**

Meredith braced herself for the storm she knew was coming. She just made her way back from the meeting with Carolyn and was walking to the locker room to get ready for her shift when Derek caught up with her with a furious expression on his face.

"What did you tell them?" he hissed.

"Who?" she frowned back. Of course, a kiss or simple "Hi, Mer" would be too much for a greeting.

"I've just got a call after call," he explained with irritation. "My mother and each and every one of my sisters!"

"Well, maybe if you had called them first, they wouldn't have had to hunt you down," Meredith stood her ground. "Soon Mom will forget how you look like."

"You know we're busy," he shrugged as it was the most obvious fact in the world. "But that's not the point. They were after my blood, so what did you tell them? You don't side with them!"

"Are you twelve?" she rolled her eyes. "I don't side with anyone."

"But you said something to them!" he insisted. "My mother ordered me to come to dinner this weekend!"

Meredith raised her eyebrows, Carolyn acted fast.

"Then we'll come to dinner," she shrugged and moved past him.

"Mer," he sighed grabbing her wrist. "What is going on? Is this about yesterday? Look, I'm sorry if I stepped over the line but you did too."

She juggled it in her mind for a minute, looked up at him and admitted, "I might have mentioned… that maybe we shouldn't get married this summer."

"What? Why?" the utter shock on his face softened her up.

"Look, the hospital corridor is not the best place to talk about it-"

"Mer," he pleaded not loosening his hold on her hand.

"The internship… it's… it might be too much," she sighed. "We're working so hard we're close to forgetting our names… Maybe we should just focus on one thing at a time."

"Meredith," he cocked his head and lifted his hand to touch her cheek. "We've been busy, we've had less time for each other but our wedding is just the thing we need at the end of the year."

"Is it?" she looked at him hopefully.

"Yes," he smiled at her in the way it always made her melt. "We put so much effort in preparations. It wouldn't be very rational to call it off at the finish line. And the next few years will be busy too, let's not start the frenzy all over again."

"Right," said Meredith hollowly. So not the argument she was waiting for.

"Good," he grinned and kissed her quickly on the cheek. "We'll see each other home, I have to catch up with the revision."

"Sure," she nodded and stood watching his back as he marched away. She would follow Carolyn's plea, she wouldn't call off the wedding… now. She would give him the two months that were left until their wedding but… at the end of the day, she would not commit a marriage of convenience.

She shook her head and entered the locker room, welcome by Cristina Yang's, her fellow intern's enthusiastic outcry.

"My girl is here, you're officially my idol!"

Meredith looked at her suspiciously. "You want me to swap attendings? Trade a surgery? Cover for you on Friday night? The answer is no."

"Love your sense of humor," Cristina blew her a kiss. "I'm talking about last night, you, a glass of beer and McDreamy's soaked pants! Ah, what a show! That sight's gonna crack me up years from now!"

Meredith changed into her scrubs silently.

"Girl, don't be modest!" she laughed to which Meredith gave her a wry smile.

"Hey, why do you look as though your patient has miraculously got better without surgery?" she asked shrewdly. "A. Your patient has miraculously got better without surgery. B. Bad hair day. C. A toxic relationship. Let's think…" she pretended to be deep in thought. "I choose C!"

"For you any relationship is toxic," Meredith rolled her eyes, stung by the pinch of truth in Cristina's words.

"Not every," she shook her head firmly. "A strictly sexual relationship isn't toxic. No strings attached and all that. But when emotions come into the mix, the commitment… I'm heading for the exit."

"Seriously, Meredith," she took up when her statement was met with silence. "What are you doing with him? You're ambitious, you're driven, you're hardcore! Just like me. Why are you clinging to Shepherd? Sure, he's a good doctor. Easy on the eyes. But vowing your love until the grave?"

"Maybe… because I love him?" snorted Meredith.

"Right, there's that puppy love argument-"

"It's not puppy love," cut her Meredith. "The best moments of my life, I spent them with him and thanks to him. He fought for me and… I love him, even if he's…" she trailed off.

"Acting like a total douchebag?" finished for her Cristina in a sympathetic sigh. "Girl, you're screwed."

"Tell me about it," nodded Meredith sitting down on the bench.

**FLASHBACK**

Meredith had just bit into her burger when she heard someone clearing his throat nearby. She looked up to see Derek Shepherd standing in front of her table which she occupied alone, with an eager expression on his face.

"You mind?" he smiled.

Meredith stared at him blankly for a good minute before she shrugged her shoulders disinterestedly. He sat down and his grin went even wider. She didn't mind Derek Shepherd's presence per se but it was becoming dangerous. Two weeks ago, he had said that he liked her and that he came close to regarding her as his friend. She didn't have friends, she didn't need them, she didn't wanted them. What was the point of letting someone into your life, getting used to their presence and then watching them go, which they undoubtedly would?

"So, how's it going?" asked conversationally Derek.

"Same as half an hour ago when we had chemistry," she answered sourly.

"I think we still do," he grinned.

"What?" she stopped to chew on her food and stared at him quizzically. Did the world flip out of its axis? Did Derek Shepherd just try to flirt with her?

"I said… you know…" he flustered. "I joked…"

"I know what you meant, I'm not stupid," she scowled at him. "What I don't know is what you are trying to gain."

"I'm not trying to gain anything," he shook his head. "Well, maybe your friendship…"

"My friendship?" snorted Meredith. "No one can gain my friendship. And you see them?" she pointed in the direction of the table that was taken by a small group that was widely recognized as school dorks. Half of them had their noses buried into books, the other half was passionately discussing Freud's psychology. "If you keep hanging around me, they won't let you into their little circle."

Derek looked at them skeptically. It wasn't that he didn't like them or thought less of them. He felt like he just didn't belong with there. He wanted something else from life, something more.

He faced Meredith again, "I prefer to stay here."

Meredith narrowed her eyes but only shrugged her shoulders at his elated expression. "Suit yourself."

"So, I saw Dwight Parker back in school," he said casually from over his salad.

"Ugh, did I look like I wanted to maintain the conversation?" she asked sarcastically. "And if you wanted to chat up with a member of the gossip mill you chose the wrong table," she said nodding at another sector of the cafeteria. The pink of the clothes was almost hurting the eyes.

"Your hair matches," remarked Derek humorously.

"Excuse me?" she snapped at him and he cringed at his faux pas.

"Of course, you're nothing like them…" he assured hurriedly. "You're smarter… smarter and prettier…"

"What?"

"Nothing," he swallowed heavily and changed the subject. "And Dwight Parker is the thug you… you… you took my things from him."

"Ah," she nodded. "The one I kneaded in the balls."

"I heard they needed to make for stitches on his... you know," said Derek.

"On his you know?" Meredith raised her eyebrow. "Even a guy who uses that part of anatomy only for peeing should know it's called a penis."

"I know what it's called like," he muttered going red in the face.

"Sweet," she snickered and turned her head at the sudden commotion at the entrance. "Oh, look who's here."

The object of their conversation just appeared in the cafeteria in the company of his cronies and giggling girls.

"I would think his golden days were over after he was neutralized by a freshman, a girl freshman," said Derek.

"Where do you get your news? Even I heard he was telling everyone it was a sex injury," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Oh," Derek was only capable of uttering a single monosyllable. He was completely bewitched by the manner that simple short word fell off her full rosy lips. Suddenly, he felt like… He was sure he was once again scarlet on his face and his breathing became difficult. Should he be thinking this way about her? And she didn't even want to be his friend…

"Anyway," he saw her snicker. "I'd watch out if I were you."

"What? Why?" he asked thickly.

"I doubt he'll go after me in revenge. You, on the other hand, are an easy target."

Derek gulped meeting Parker's hard stare from the opposite corner of the room. One reason more to stick to Meredith.

"Shit, you're everywhere!" yelled Meredith from her solitary bench on the school grounds seeing Derek walking purposefully in her direction. The classes were over but she saw her mother returning in a foul mood from a night shift in the morning. With a bit of luck and dragging her feet, Ellis would be gone again before she made it home.

"Aren't you cold?" asked Derek joining her on the bench without asking for permission.

"Why do you care?" she sighed holding the book she was reading higher to make him understand she didn't want to be disturbed.

"Friends care about each other," he answered cheekily.

"You're infuriating," she groaned. "A little miss sunshine…"

"So…" he took up, suddenly nervous. "Are you busy this Sunday?"

Meredith smashed her book close and turned to look at him as though he'd just gone mad.

"I don't even want to know what's going on in that afro head of yours."

"No, it's just my mom…"

"Your mom?" she squinted at him. Mrs. Shepherd stood out in her memory as a very nice woman. If Meredith had any conjecture of how a prototype mother should be, it would be Derek's mom.

"She… really liked you," confessed Derek. "And she asked me to ask you to have dinner with us."

She was momentarily at a loss for words as she tried to find some excuse while looking at Derek's expectant face.

Before she had a chance to say anything, she heard catcalls and jeers.

"Well, isn't it cozy?" a girl Meredith remembered from her classes, Jessica Johnson, came to a halt beside their bench with a little group of her girlfriends.

"We've heard the rumors about you and the nerd, Grey, but I would never believe them if I hadn't seen them with my own eyes," she grinned, her eyes looking down on Meredith and Derek condescendingly. "I thought it was beneath even a weirdo like you."

"Didn't know you were personally interested, Johnson," she bit back coldly.

"Oh, puh-lease," Johnson rolled her eyes, half-amused, half-disgusted. "I'm just shocked, that's all. Tell me, are you doing this for charity," she seized Derek up unfavorably, "or you really can't find catch anyone better than the scarface?"

"I… we're not…" stammered Derek dejectedly, ready to leave. What was he thinking? Even if Meredith wasn't the most popular girl in school, not even close, they were still a universe apart. Nerds, and he finally should accept he was one, didn't socialize with punks.

"Where do you think you're going?" Meredith glared at him as she caught his wrist. She was thin and tiny but she had a surprising strength.

"Looks like the nerd knows he's not needed where he doesn't belong," giggled Johnson's friend showing teeth gums while she laughed.

"I think you should clear out and stop sticking your garbled nose in others people's business," hissed at them Meredith while throwing cautious glances at Derek. She was made at the stupid plastic girls but she was also mad at him. When was he going to grow some backbone?

"My nose is not garbled!" squeaked the girl feeling her breathing organ self-consciously.

"Don't be stupid," Jessica punched her in the arm and scowled back at Meredith, "What, are we interrupting? Would you two be doing something else instead?"

"Yes, in fact we would," smirked Meredith and not thinking much, pulled Derek closer. The last thing she saw before their lips met was his completely stunned face.

It wasn't so bad, she thought halfway though the kiss. His lips were soft and gentle and not as forceful as those of the guys with whom she made out at the parties. They were always older and groping around for her breasts. Sure, the contact was a bit awkward but she was certain the girls gang wouldn't notice. They were probably too shocked with the fact that someone could really kiss Derek.

To say that Derek was utterly unprepared for what was happening would be the understatement of the century. One moment he was scorned and made fun off, the other he was kissing a girl for the first time in his life! Or he was being kissed for the first time in his life. He barely regained control of his swirling brain and moved his head to press his mouth closer to her, she backed away and stood up.

"Now, if you'll excuse us," she smiled sweetly at their unpleasant company and dragged him behind her. "We'd prefer to find a more private corner."

She let of off his hand only when they were out of sight and he touched his lips with awe.

"Wow…" he whispered.

"Wow?" she rounded on them, her arms falling to her sides. "When are you going to speak up, Derek? When they attack you, you strike back! They're gonna eat you alive if you don't learn it! Are you even listening to me?"

"I…" he stuttered, her eyes fixed hypnotically on her lips which he was touching only minutes before.

"Whoa! You need to stop right there!" she warned him sternly. "It was a one time thing only and I did it to save your ass. This can't exist, you get that right?"

"So we're kissing but we're not dating?" he quipped, his eyes sparkling.

"We're not kissing!" she gasped and moved to stalk away leaving him alone on the sidewalk in front of the gateway to the school. Quite fruitlessly as Derek followed her like a lost puppy.

"So what do you say about that dinner on Sunday?"

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Meredith smiled warmly at the recollection of how her and Derek's over a decade long relationship had started. She was so wary of becoming close to another human being, she fought it kicking and screaming. However, despite Derek's teenage awkwardness and timidity, he chased her. He fought for her. And she was going to fight for him now. He didn't leave her in the dark. She was going to pull him out of it too. No surrender.

**A/N You know you want to hit that review button :)**

**Also, there's an update coming for BBAW soonish. **

**Em**


	4. Chapter 4: Of Winning

**A/N Glad you don't mind being spoiled with my frequent updates :D**

**Enjoy!**

Three steps, the heavy door, a flight of stairs, an elevator ride… not an easy task to complete while balancing a paper grocery bag on each arm. Meredith blew a stray strand of hair from her face and rubbed the wall with her shoulder in attempt press the doorbell to her and Derek's apartment. She waited, the muscles of her arms straining. Nothing. What the fuck? She could tell her lousy fiancé was in, the loud noises coming from the TV were a clear indicator.

With an irritated huff, she deposited the bags on the floor and searched her pocket for the keys. She was officially going to kill him! She unlocked the door, pushed it open and was almost blown away. She blinked spastically, temporarily rooted to the spot. Their living room seemed to be going through an invasion. The couch, two armchairs and a large portion of the floor were occupied by the guys she knew from the hospital, some were their fellow surgical interns; a guy from the lab, another one from oncology and even one from dermatology. They were all huddled around the TV like it was a god, or at least a naked stripper. No such thing, they were watching a baseball game. She grimaced as the acrid smell of alcohol and cigarettes filled her nostrils.

Derek just appeared in her line of vision carrying empty beer bottles to their open kitchen area.

"Mer, you've done shopping," he grinned spotting the bags. "Great, we're running out of food!"

He picked up her load with ease, completely unaware of the deadly stare she was sending him.

"What's all this, Derek?" she asked striding after him, no one even registering her presence.

"What?" he shouted over while putting the products into the fridge.

"I asked what's going on in our apartment, Derek?" she yelled into his ear, making sure she was heard over the TV. "The third world war?"

He chuckled planting a small kiss on her button nose. "I've invited the guys over to study together."

"To study?" she gasped sarcastically, her hands flying to her sides. "Can you tell me what are you studying? With people from other specialties? The miraculous invention of television? Or the effects of wasting time on your exam results?"

"Don't exaggerate, Mer," he rolled his eyes. "We're just taking a break. And that's an important game."

"Fine, you've taken a break, Derek," she shrugged off, trying to keep her temper in check. "But now I'm home, I've just got back from a hellish shift. I want some peace and quiet to gather my thoughts and concentrate on what I have to revise!"

"Geez, Mer, we'll get back to work in a sec, don't sweat," he tried to brush her off. "Besides, I didn't complain when you had Stevens and Yang over for the whole evening last week."

"Well, we didn't turn our flat into a bar!" she gritted out but he had already turned his back to her. With her hands on her hips and her head shaking in disbelief, she watched him get back to his buddies, making another food delivery.

She stomped on her foot and marched to their bedroom shutting the door with a deliberate loud thud that must have shook the whole building.

"Am proud of you, Shep," grinned Mark patting him on the shoulder. "You showed her who wears pants in this relationship. Maybe you're less pussy whipped than I thought."

Fuming, Meredith paced the length of their bedroom up and down, again and again. Surely, she could let it slide, it wasn't the biggest of crimes to have your guy friends over. Only… Derek was being a complete jerk again. He didn't even mention there were going to have people over. She was tired after a long shift at the hospital, she wanted to soak in a bath perhaps with a glass of wine and then maybe do some studying. Once more, her fiancé was completely inconsiderate towards her and her feelings. So she couldn't let that slide. Not in the big things, not in the small things.

She threw her coat angrily into the corner and took out her cell phone. She needed to talk to somebody. If she didn't, she would go out there and cut slit throats, one by one. A couple of years ago, she would undoubtedly do that. But with the passage of time, she learnt to be more moderate in her behavior.

She scanned her list of contacts, passing over all of Derek's sisters. She truly loved them, they were great but she needed someone completely unbiased. Her finger stopped on Cristina Yang. One bitch to another.

She grinned hearing her colleague's grumpy voice. "This better be important. You interrupted me halfway through my notes."

"So you're studying?" remarked innocently Meredith sinking onto her bed.

"My previous statement would imply that, yes," she grunted impatiently.

"So would like to come over and study together?" asked Meredith cringing at how lame it sounded.

"Oh, sweet, are you going to braid my hair too?" squeaked Cristina mockingly. "Who are you and what did you do with Meredith bitch Grey?"

"She's drowning in testosterone here," grumbled Meredith in reply. "Derek's got his buddies over and I'm outnumbered. They gape at the TV and are about to destroy my apartment and the remains of my private life. Come over and help me out, whore!"

"Are they naked?" asked Cristina curiously.

"No, they're soaked with beer and disgusting."

"Sorry then, it's your problem," bit back Cristina. "I have my own. Barbie butted in an hour ago. I have my own issues..."

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you," muttered sourly Meredith.

"Why don't you come over? You'd be some counter balance for the little miss sunshine Izzie. No offence, Iz."

"I can't leave!" gasped Meredith. "They would win!"

"True," nodded Cristina pensively. "You need to act, show your inner bitch."

"Can you send me over a gun?"

"Come on, Mer, you're more resourceful than that," encouraged Cristina.

"Oh, a good thousand things are coming to my mind right now," confirmed bitterly Meredith. "But I don't want to compromise Derek."

"You've gone soft!" criticized Cristina. "This is war, baby! No mercy! Hit him where it hurts most!"

"I do have a pretty good aim," snickered Meredith.

"Don't forget about that considerable advantage you hold over all of them," reminded smugly Cristina. "It's called vagina. Good luck on the front, I'll know how it went tomorrow."

Meredith flipped her phone shut. She did go soft, she lost her edge. She was a world to Derek when she knew what she wanted and went for it without second thought. If that was what she had to do in order to wake him up, she'd be the rebel. With a grim smile, she unbuttoned her blouse and reached behind her to unclasp her bra.

**FLASHBACK**

Meredith took her usual place in the cafeteria and started to dig in her lunch. Her eyes scanned the crowd from time to time. She would never admit it to herself openly but she was missing somebody's presence. She called Derek clingy and annoying; she got used to his presence though. She did come to his home for that dinner and spent wonderful time at the Shepherds'. Derek's sisters were quite sweet and funny and without a mean ounce in their body. Well, except Nancy. Derek's eldest sister hated her guts and didn't hide her attitude. Anyway, Meredith and Derek now spent quite a lot of time together, to the point in which Meredith started to suspect something was wrong when he didn't make it for lunch after twenty minutes.

She quickly finished her burger, stuck a bunch of fries into her mouth and went out looking for him. Not that she was worried, she persuaded herself, she just needed to check if someone didn't kick his skinny ass in the meantime. She crossed the corridor, went up one floor, turned into another deserted corridor. Zero.

As she passed the restrooms on her way she suddenly had a bad feeling. Without further deliberation, she went in, genuine worry overcoming her as she was met with the sight of Derek leaned over the sink, blood on his hands.

"Oh, my God!" she gasped and was with him in two strides. "Derek, what happened?"

She tried to take a look at his face but he kept pushing her away.

"Don't be ridiculous!" she hissed at him and tugged at his arm. "You're bleeding! You need help!"

" 'Am fine," he muttered, the sounds coming heavily though his nose.

"You don't sound like fine, don't look like fine, which means you're not fine!" she yelled. "Remember what I did to Parker? If you don't start to act reasonable this instant, you'll end up just like him!"

The last argument seemed to be irresistible as he finally turned to face her. She frowned as she looked at his face taking his chin into her hand. His left eye was purple and puffy while blood was trickling from his nose.

"You look like a nightmare," sighed Meredith watching his battered face from every side.

"Temks," he mumbled sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"But at least your nose doesn't seem to be broken," she concluded touching it gingerly. "Who did that to you?"

"No om."

"Right, no one. Let me guess, you tripped and hit the door?" she remarked ironically helping him to wipe the blood with a tissue. "Or was it you own fist? Sit down," she ordered pushing him to the floor and keeping his head back. She pulled a white t-shirt from her bag, dampened it in the cold water and lied it over his swollen eye.

"Are you hurt somewhere else?" she asked with concern and kept the compress steady when he shook his head.

"And judging by the way your hiding your ass here, it's moot point trying to convince you to go and report it?" she sighed.

"Want to keep my other eye," he muttered and his voice was so small and miserable, it tugged at her heart. She took one of his hands in hers and squeezed it.

"You okay?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, but what am I going to tell my mom?"

"You can tell her it was me," she chuckled at his expression. "Walked in on you with another girl and got a bit mad."

He cracked a smile at her. "I don't think she's gonna go for it."

"Was it that Dwight guy?" asked Meredith shrewdly.

"Mer-" he sighed.

"It was," her features hardened again and he felt a chill running down his spine.

"Meredith, please, just don't do anything this time!" he whined.

"How can you not do anything!" she hurled at him getting to her feet. "You're unbelievable, Derek! You need to stand up and fight!"

"I… I don't want to!" he mumbled embarrassedly.

"It's not true!" she argued firmly. "You're afraid to, that's a difference. You have to break your fears and I just know how to!" she grinned.

"Meredith," he groaned shaking his head in doubt. He didn't like whatever she came up with already.

"Meredith, I admit, I am a huge coward," Dewrek whined behind her, slightly out of breath as he heaved a plastic bag identical to the one she was carrying. "Let's leave it at that."

"No, we're not leaving it at that," she said firmly peeking around the corner. "You have to man up or you'll never find a chick to get laid."

"I don't want to find a chick to get laid," he said quickly.

She turned back to him, her eyebrow raised.

"I mean… I want… I would like to… uhm… get laid… I mean, eventually," he stammered, a blush spreading all over his cheeks.

"It's not a big deal if you're not into girls," she smirked, knowing it would embarrass him even more.

"I am!" he assured, his voice high-pitched. "I am into girls… uhm, girl…"

"Whatever," she shushed him and beckoned him to follow her. They had a free first period and Meredith thought it ideal to launch their operation revenge, the essentials of which still remained a mystery to Derek.

"What are we doing here?" he whispered dramatically even though they were alone in the hall.

"Guess whose locker it is," she grinned at him tapping her fingers against the metal door.

Derek went as white as chalk, shaking his head slowly. "Oh, no… What do you want to do?"

Meredith tweaked the knob this way and that way for a couple of minutes and levered the door. Finally, to Derek's great surprise, it gave in revealing the contents of Parker's locker.

"Oh, wow!" he gaped at her. "How did you do that?"

"It's called life skills," she stack her tongue at him.

"It's called breaking and entering… or at least, breaking," he breathed looking around for any sign of movement.

"Help me out," said quickly Meredith. "Open the bag and just pull out everything that's in."

He peeked inside with curiosity but his hand backed out instantaneously as though he had touched red hot metal.

"You're going to stand there openmouthed or you're actually going to help me?" she barked at him.

"I… I can't," he stammered. "Meredith, it's… girls' underwear!"

"So what?" she spat. "Get a move on!"

With a tortured sigh, he cautiously pulled out a huge bra holding it at an arm's length. "Is it… yours?" he gulped.

"Are you stupid or just pretending?" she rolled her eyes. "Does it look like a have two footballs instead of boobs?"

"No, it definitely doesn't," he breathed out, his eyes fixing at her chest.

"Excuse me?" she narrowed his eyes at him. "Is there something you don't like?"

"No! I mean… I don't… I like…" he stuttered. "Nothing, just… forget it…"

She rolled her eyes at him and urged him to put everything into the narrow locker.

"Now what?" he asked her wiping his sweaty brow.

"Now, we're making sure we didn't leave any traces and we're leaving the crime scene," she smiled and nudged him away. "Walk, don't run."

Meredith spent the next half an hour telling him to calm the hell down while he was pacing up and down nervously. Once the bell announced the break between lessons, they slowly walked back.

"Do you really think it's gonna work?" he asked under his breath.

"Why would I waste my time if I thought otherwise? And stop looking so guilty!" she instructed. "Now, watch!"

Derek's oppressor entered the scene accompanied by his usual cronies. With nervous anticipation, Derek and Meredith glanced inconspicuously as Dwight chortled at something he said himself. He pulled the door open and a cascade of clothing Meredith pressed inside spilled out. At least three pairs of stilettos, miniskirts and provocative lingerie, all pooled at his feet provoking a curious stirrup in the corridor. One of Dwight's buddies picked up a wig and a feather boa making the place erupt in laughter.

"It's… How did it get into my locker?" growled Dwight in panic. "It's not mine! Who's the idiot who did that?" he rounded at his friends.

"No need to be embarrassed, Parker!" jeered one of them whirling a fallen bra in the air. "You have needs!

"Oh, my God!" laughed Derek. "It worked!"

"Of course it did," she nodded, equally amused. "He's done!"

"He's toast!"

"He's screwed," said Meredith elbowing Derek to bring his attention to a teacher that tried to get to the source of the commotion.

"What is going on in-" she started strictly but hung off, clearly in shock seeing one of her students in a puddle of feminine very suggestive clothing.

"Ms. White, it's not mine! I swear!" he squeaked.

"Mr. Parker!" her hand disappeared into his locker only to retrieve a black whip. "What is the meaning of this!" she asked, her voice outraged.

"I don't know! I swear, it's not mine! Someone put it in!"

His pleas remained unheard as the teacher ordered sternly, "Pick up all these… your belongings and go the principal's office… Now!"

Derek and Meredith made a discreet high-five, they won. That was one of last days of Dwight Parker in their school. Not that he was suspended or thrown out, no. Changing the environment was what he decided himself. The constant giggles and smirks that followed him everywhere were too much to handle.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Standing in front of a tall mirror, Meredith brushed her hair for the last time, pushed up her breasts and smiled devilishly at her reflection. Perfect.

Hoping the idiots in the living room didn't break any glass on the floor, she opened the door and stepped out on her tiptoes, the soles of her feet as bare as the rest of her. All pairs of eyes were still glued to the screen. Not for long, she smirked.

"What's the score, boys?" she asked in the most sultry voice she could muster. Thankfully, the volume was turned down for the commercials.

"We're winning," drawled Karev glancing at her briefly. He whirled his head back momentarily with the speed that almost broke his neck, his eyes round. "Looking good, Grey!" he whistled.

Something in his voice made the rest of the guys take a look as she strolled to the kitchen. Derek gasped with horror, spluttering his beer all over. Hot blood rushed in his veins as his fiancée, naked as in the day she was born… his beautiful fiancée whose voluptuous body was on full display for his horny colleagues, opened the fridge and took out a bottle of mineral water, completely unfazed. Breathing hard, he tore his jacket from the floor when he had thrown it in a heap, and sprinted to her, splitting pain in his knee indicating he hit the coffee table on the way.

"What in the god's name are you doing?" he hissed, his face contorted and his hands quivering as he wrapped his jacket tightly around her. Thankfully, the counter hid her lower parts from the general view. He struggled to cover every inch of her naked skin, straightening up the collar making sure her glorious breasts that belonged solely to him, didn't peek out.

Well, well, well. She smirked with satisfaction at his efforts to block her from view, his skin getting redder by the second. She hadn't seen him this flushed and agitated for a long time. Her stunt was worth it after all if it got that kind of reaction from him.

"What's wrong, Derek?" she feigned a puzzled look.

"What's wrong?" he snorted. "Have you lost your mind, Mer? You're naked! In front of these horndogs!"

"I was hot," shrugged Meredith smugly. "Why should I be embarrassed in my own apartment?"

"Because I say so!" he breathed out feverishly and pushed her towards their bedroom, tugging at his jacket to make sure it covered her ass. "Stay there!"

"I… I didn't see anything," muttered George O'Malley covering in a blush as Derek turned towards them with a furious face.

"I did," shrugged Alex. "Knew Grey was a hottie but man, she's smokin'-"

He never finished as Derek's fist collided heavily with his cheek. Mark and George grabbed his arms trying to pull him away while others threw themselves at Karev to stop him from reiterating.

"Are you crazy?" huffed Mark struggling with Derek. "He was just joking. What's wrong with you?"

Derek was past all reasonable thought. He saw only red. Other men dared to look at Meredith… and want her… He wanted to kill them.

"Out! Out! Get out now!" he growled.

They cautiously let go off Derek and Alex and hurried in search of their clothes. The evening was over.

"That could go better," muttered George as they hastily filed out.

"Geez, such a commotion over a chick," Mark rolled his eyes but was wise enough not to voice any opinions in Derek's earshot.

Meredith slipped into their bed, already dressed in her pajamas, and tried to immerse herself into reading a medical textbook. She had problems concentrating as a satisfied smirk kept creeping back onto her face. Through the wall, she picked up distinct sounds of a brief argument, Derek's guests leaving their apartment and now her fiancé was seemingly cleaning up the mess.

After about fifteen minutes of clattering of furniture and clinking of beer bottles, the door opened impetuously and he was standing in front of her, his arms folded tightly over his chest, a scowl on his face.

"What the hell was that?" he breathed out.

"How's the studying going?" she asked keeping her face straight.

"They're gone," he hissed walking around the bed.

"Oh, so early?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Drop that, Meredith! What the hell were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking?" she laughed bitterly, her temper rising. "I was thinking I came back home but all the hospital seemed to be here instead! Don't you think you should have talked to me first before throwing a party? "

"It wasn't a party!" he argued throwing his hands to his side. "It was-"

"Don't tell me it was a study group, I'm not an idiot," she snorted.

"Well, it was supposed to be a study group…" he admitted. "But you could just tell me to tone down a bit-"

"Could I really?" she asked looking up at him. "Did you listen to me?"

"I'm… sorry," he sighed in defeat.

"At least that," she nodded trying to keep her eyes on the text before her. "You'll have more time to think about it spending the night on the couch. Hope you didn't crumble on the seat."

"Oh, come on!" he groaned. "You paraded naked in front of them! Naked, like with no clothes on!"

"What do you care," she muttered avoiding his eyes.

"What?" he gasped, an uneasy twinge running through his body. "Meredith? What do I care? Do you know who're you talking to?"

_I wish I did,_ she sighed inwardly. "Why are you so surprised," she said quietly. "Sometimes… sometimes I feel like you don't even notice me anymore."

"Mer, God," he breathed out taking her hand in his. "I love you, you're my life, you know that. Fine, I was a jerk but it's not a reason to doubt me."

Meredith stared at their joined hands, her heart beating faster. It hadn't been long since she heard him profess his love for her. He said it more or less every day. But it was a long time since she felt he actually meant it. Her fingers caressed his and she realized his knuckles were reddened.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked frowning and grabbing for his other arm.

"Well," he let out a deep breath. "Karev's face looks worse, I promise."

"You fought with Alex?" she gasped gently caressing his fingers. "Why?"

"He was… making some stupid comments… about you," he shrugged.

"And you needed to fight for my honor?" she gave him a tiny smile.

"Of course," nodded proudly Derek. "That's what fiancés, future husbands, do."

"Oh, Der," she whispered and threw her arms around his neck, closing her eyes tightly. He nuzzled his face into her hair breathing her deeply, his hands roaming soothingly all over her back. "Thank you," she giggled pressing little kisses around his face and neck.

Her hands slid down his chest and she gazed into his eyes, something in the air between them shifting. It was like the good old days. They argued, and now they were in bed together, the sexual tension rising.

They smiled at each other before their lips connected, brushing sensuously against each other. His tongue darted to lick her lower lip prying it open. She acquiesced and he invaded her mouth, reexploring the territory he knew by heart. She moaned into his kiss and he pushed her gently into the pillows. His fingers played with the hem of her sleeveless tee.

"You're wearing clothes," he remarked casually as his fingertips tickled the skin of her flat abdomen.

"Well, I've got cold," she sighed cocking her head to a side to give him better access to the column of her throat.

"Time to warm you up a little," he chuckled pulling her tee slowly over her head. The skin of her chest was already flushed when his mouth preyed on her perfect globes, licking them teasingly. Breathing erratically, her shaky fingers reached to unbutton his shirt and push it off his shoulders. They both laughed when the shirt stuck on his wrists, hampering his arms behind him.

They resumed their kiss as Meredith's fingertips travelled across the planes of his back, his delicious weight resting on her body, pushing her into the soft covers.

"Pants, Derek, take off your pants," she murmured as her eyes rolled into her skull when Derek's mouth worked miracles on her hardened nipples.

With a laugh, he finished undressing himself and a minute later, also her boxer shorts joined his jeans on the floor.

"Now," he breathed, his half-lidded eyes feasting on her bare body. "Just as you should always be. But only to me," he added seriously.

"Only to you," she nodded wrapping up her legs around him. She moaned with delight as he filled her to the hilt. Every time he entered her, she felt that she belonged to him. And she truly did, he was the only man that ever had her and she wanted him so very much to remain so.

He moved in her and their pace settled instantly, years of experience directing their movements. They kept meeting each other half way, sweetly, unhurriedly, the pleasure building up slowly in both of them.

Meredith moaned his name in ecstasy, she couldn't possibly feel better in this moment. Her little stunt worked, her Derek, caring and loving, seemed to be back. And he was currently making love to her, not as if it was a chore but because he loved her. His thrusts gained in intensity and she felt herself explode with a soft outcry, tightening around him and urging him to give in to the pleasure. His hot seed mingled with the juices of her orgasm and they sank on the bed together in a tight embrace. Meredith brought her right palm onto his cheek, smiling as her engagement ring reflected the light of the lamp. They seemed to come out of the darkness.

**A/N ****But since it's only the fourth chapter, we know it won't be that easy…**

**Please, comment…**

**Em**

**P.S. Update for BBAW coming before the weekend.**


	5. Chapter 5: Of Finding Home

**A/N Thank you for all the reviews! New readers, welcome!**

**And enjoy… (though you might need a couple of Kleenex and something to throw at Derek)**

**PS I'm sorry for no break****s between the scenes. I have no idea why but nothing I do works when the doc files get uploaded on the site… I always used a row of stars and it worked as far as I can remember but now it doesn't… Any tips?**

****

Meredith bit her lip and slowly got out of the car, balancing her bag and two carton boxes on her hands. The one on the top dangerously toppled over and the cake it contained would have crashed spectacularly into the paving of the driveway had it not been for Derek to catch it.

"Got it," he chuckled helping his fiancée to carry the packages.

"Thanks," she smiled up and planted a sweet kiss on his nose. He made a gallant gesture for her to go up to Carolyn's house first. Things were going great for the last few days, really great. The argument they had on the evening of the study group fiasco seemed to clear off the air. Meredith was able to let out a deep breath of relief. She was probably overdramatizing. Mom was absolutely right, every couple went thought rough patches now and then. Every relationship required work.

Meredith almost regretted betraying herself with her doubts in front of the girls during the last dress fitting. She and Derek were going to be the centre of attention all throughout the dinner and under strict observation of every Shepherd female. Yup, Derek might be a Shepherd in flesh and blood but Meredith was accepted into the family a long time ago and let's just say that female Shepherd solidarity was not a thing to overlook. One word of complaint on Meredith's part was enough to convene a crisis committee.

"We're here," announced Meredith coming inside the house. "Hope we're not late!"

They were greeted with the usual bustling of the Shepherd household, sounds of loud conversations, laughing, children running around. Meredith clearly remembered the day when she felt like she belonged to the family for the first time. Although it enlarged by two husbands and three children, the family house welcomed her with the same warmth and unconditional acceptance.

She loved it here.

**FLASHBACK**

She hated it. She must have been temporarily insane to say yes. Again. She didn't come to her friends' houses for dinner. She didn't even have friends. Derek insisted they were friends and Meredith couldn't fathom why. If he was so desperate for friendship, he could have chosen someone more likeable than her.

And a row with Ellis just before she left for the hospital didn't help her spirits either. It was in fact the core of the problem. She didn't want to stare at some happy family having a good time together. It was making her care too much; sometimes at the Shepherds she could feel an irksome twinge in her heart, a twinge of envy.

It proved it wasn't an unattainable task to have someone to love you or take care of you. Other people had such a someone, probably lots of people did. Not her. She didn't have that privilege. She was undeserving. None of the Shepherds knew that of course. Not even Derek, though the topic sometimes cropped up in conversation. She didn't want anyone's pity. Every time she managed to skillfully steer the conversation away from the delicate topic. She knew how to and wasn't afraid of lying.

But today she might just not have the strength to pretend. Ellis made her feel like that from time to time. Like crap. Like she was worthless, like still after fourteen years of life she didn't do anything remarkable to win her mother's love. And she was trying so hard since she could remember.

"You're okay?" Derek asked quietly, gently poking her elbow. Nancy was talking with Kath, pretending there was an empty space where Meredith was sitting at the table, next to her brother. Amelia and Lanie, as usual, were heard and seen everywhere; the most often behind Mer and Derek singing silly songs about them.

"I'm fine," she answered, her face expressionless.

"The weather's just getting worse and worse by the minute," remarked lightly Carolyn as she placed a bowl of deliciously smelling soup in the centre of the table. Normally, Meredith's insides would squirm in hunger and anticipation, she didn't eat comfort food all that often. Today, it was just another sad reminder of her miserable existence.

"Maybe you should call your parents, Meredith?" Derek's mother looked at her warmly from across the table. "They might be worried."

"I doubt it," she answered shortly filling her plate with the hot stew.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, Meredith," Carolyn took up again, her eyes knowing. "But, are you feeling all right? You're terribly pale and your usual appetite seems to be gone."

"I'm fine."

"Uh-huh." She heard Derek's skeptical hum but chose to ignore it.

"So, how's the school going?" she asked the twins to move the spotlight from her.

"Great!" the girls shouted both at once, looked at each other with a frown and burst in giggles.

"We're making a career!" said Lanie enthusiastically.

"We're choosing a career, duh!" Amelia corrected her with a roll of her eyes. "It's a project. We're making a plan of how to become what we want when we're grown up. And I'm gonna be a star! I'm going to have my own band and we're gonna travel around the world!"

"I'm not," Lanie shook her head decidedly. "I'm going to stay at home, just like Mom. She's better than any star," she stated resolutely as Amelia stuck her tongue at her.

"Who are you going to be, Mer?" asked Lanie curiously.

"A doctor." Why did the conversation always had to make a full circle?

"Boring. But that's just like your mom, right? That's what Derek said," explained Amelia.

"Is your mom a rock star too?" inquired Lanie.

Meredith's knuckles went almost white as her fingers held the spoon in a deathly grip. "That she certainly isn't," she gritted out.

"What about your dad?" Amelia went on and on.

"I…"

"Our dad is dead," sighed Lanie. "He had a store. What does your dad do?"

"I don't know but wish he was dead too," muttered Meredith before she could stop herself. The words just flew out of her mouth and made her immediately regret she hadn't been more careful.

"Why?" exclaimed Amelia, her eyes wide. The rest of table went oddly quiet.

"Mer, dear, d'you think you can help me in the kitchen?" Carolyn cleared her throat and beckoned her out of the living room.

"I… yeah, okay," she sighed and marched heavily after Derek's mom. She didn't even dare to look at Derek. "So… what do you want me to do? Help you wash the dishes? Dry-"

"I want you to sit down for a minute," she smiled at her pulling a chair at the kitchen table. "Just sit and breath it out. You need a breather… and well, at least to me the kitchen is the most soothing place in the whole house."

She complied and took the chair watching idly as Mrs. Shepherd put the plates into the bubbly sink. She started to hum some pleasant melody while she worked, and there was a kind smile on her face. Constantly. The big clock in a shape of a kettle was ticking loudly. A flowed of some kind growing in the pot at the windowsill was giving a faint aroma.

Meredith felt some invisible force squeeze her lungs, depraving her of air, causing unpleasant tingling somewhere along her jaw. Her eyelid felt thick and heavy with growing wetness. She tried hard to stop herself, to stop her organism till Mrs. Shepherd wad still her back to her. But a sob escaped her constricted throat and that seemed to open the dam. She breathed hard as the tears impaired her vision. The last thing she saw was Carolyn's silhouette moving closer to her. The next thing she felt was the woman taking her into a tight warm embrace.

"It's okay," she murmured into her hair as Meredith's body was shaken by the sobs she tried to fight. "Cry it all out. It will feel better."

"I'm sorry," her words slurred as she tried to stand up blindly. "I should go… I… am sorry and I'd better go…"

"Don't even think about it," Carolyn said categorically.

"I'm a freak, I'm a useless freak and a… and a…" she hiccoughed. "A disgrace-"

"I don't know where this words come from but they're as preposterous as they are untrue."

"It is… it is…"

"You're not a disgrace, quite the opposite in fact. I'm proud that Derek has you as his friend. I'm proud to have you under my roof."

Meredith tried to give a snort of disbelief through her stuffy nose.

"And you are beautiful, on the outside and on the inside. You don't even realize how beautiful your soul is," Carolyn said softly.

"You must be the only person in the world to think that."

"I'm pretty sure I'm not," smiled Carolyn, her eyes twinkling.

"My mother hates me," Meredith confessed quietly, her eyes staring at the floor.

"That cannot be true-"

"Yes, it can," argued Meredith. "Because she said all those things to me."

For a moment, Carolyn was at a loss for words. It was unthinkable of a woman to speak to her own child like that.

"Well, in that case…I can be your surrogate Mom," she offered not loosening hold of the trembling girl in her arms. "I'll be more than happy to have you as a daughter."

"Are you serious?" Meredith asked feebly

"Of course I am," Carolyn nodded at her reassuringly. "In this moment, I'm locking you in my heart and throwing out the key."

"God, this is so lame," Meredith gave out a watery chuckle.

"So… is everything okay?" Derek asked quietly at her side. The storm moved away and the sky was getting clear. Despite the chill, they were sitting on the fronts steps to his house.

"No, it's not," she sighed tiredly hugging her knees. The conversation with Carolyn was… it was indescribable. No one ever talked to her like that. Like… like she meant something, like she was precious. It wasn't like her problems and issues would just go away. But at least some part of the burden was off her shoulders. Maybe it a bit naïve on her part but she felt she finally had a person she could trust. "I'm not okay but… I am sorry for what I said. It didn't come out… well, it did come out as I intended but I didn't want to upset Lanie or Amelia, or anyone for that matter."

"I know," he nodded. "They… don't really remember dad. Just flashes."

"I'm sorry," she murmured turning her head to look at him, her cheek pressed to her knee.

"I… sometimes, I tell them stories about him. I'm starting to forget some things too," he confessed.

"I can't remember my dad either," Meredith admitted with a small voice.

"Is he dead?"

"He's…" she trailed off. How could she ever acknowledge that her father simply didn't want her?

"My dad… he was shot. Someone… they… the killed him for his watch in his own store…"

"Derek I…" suddenly she didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry. But he… he loved you, right?"

"He was great. He was a great person."

"You know you meant something to him. My… father left when I was five. Don't know if it was because of me or my mother… we are both… hard to be around…"

"I… thinkyourgreat…"

"What?" she asked as Derek's last sentence came out as a complete mumble. And his cheeks were slightly more colored than the coldness of the air would make them.

"I said… that you're great…"

"You're insane," she rolled her eyes but there was no taunting in her voice. "And you should talk to my mother."

"You two had a fight?" he asked gently.

"I don't have fights with her. I piss her off with something, she yells and she leaves. And it's all over again. I don't know why she keeps me. We would both be happier if she just dumped me."

Derek didn't say anything this time but instead she felt his fingers moving unsurely over hers. To his surprise, and to hers as well, she didn't pushed them away.

"You know, sometimes, or well, most of the time, I wish I could just walk out of my house and keep walking. No turning around, no looking back, just… away."

"I hope you won't," he whispered.

She smiled at him softly, letting his fingers fall between hers. But the door behind them clicked open and she flinched her hand away.

"What in the god's name are you doing so long sitting in the cold?" Carolyn scolded them in her usual good-natured way.

"I was just… going home," said Meredith standing up briskly.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go alone this late. It's getting dark already and… well, you didn't eat much," she said purposefully omitting their conversation in the kitchen. "I'll get something for to change from Nancy… no, maybe from Kath."

"No, really," Meredith shook her head vehemently. "I don't want to cause any more trouble."

"You're not," stated Carolyn categorically. "Come on in, I wouldn't let out alone. We just call your mom not to worry-"

"She won't" Meredith shrugged her shoulders. "Really, she's at the hospital, 48-hour shift. Won't turn up home until the day after tomorrow."

"Well, then-"

"Is Mer staying over?" Lane shouted with a big smile on her face, appearing in the crack of the door behind her mother.

"Oh," Amelia's eyes went wide. "Is she going to sleep with Derek?"

For the first time that day, Meredith felt like laughing. She chanced a look at Derek, predictably, he was dying from embarrassment but… there was something… there was the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips.

"Amelia Shepherd!" Carolyn turned towards her at with an outraged cry. "Where did you get those ideas?"

"That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do," shrugged the little girl.

"No, they don't!" argued her mother. "That's married people do. Now, shoo, in the house!"

"I'll get the guest room ready for you, Mer," informed her Carolyn putting a special emphasis on the word guest room.

"That blows, you'd have to sneak in later, Derek," quipped Meredith following her inside. She heard a quiet incomprehensible sound behind her and stifled her smile.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"So, how's it been going, Mer?" asked Kathleen from the opposite end of the table.

"Good. I could swear the time's speeding up those last few weeks of the internship but… it's great," she smiled. She narrowed her eyes subsequently at every sister. She knew what was going on, the question time. Kath's and Nancy's husbands congratulated themselves that this time none of them were in the spotlight and concentrated on their food. If the situation was to get out of hand, it could be their last meal in this world.

"Derek?" prompted Nancy completely ignoring Meredith's silent plea.

"Uh, as Meredith said it's insanely busy we're doing just fine," he said and kept on eating. He absolutely hated it when his sisters insisted on sticking their long noses where they didn't belong.

"But you'll make it with the wedding preparations?" asked Lanie.

Meredith instantly knew it wasn't just a question about the schedule. It was a question about to be or not be of the wedding.

"Sure, we'll manage to do everything just as we planned," smiled Meredith peering at Amelia. It was her turn.

"And when did you have sex last time?"

Nope, that she wasn't expecting.

"Amelia Shepherd!"

"Don't be a prude, Ma," she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a prude," Carolyn replied dryly. "Mind the children here!"

"Like they didn't hear them going at it last August at the summer house-"

"You know, maybe it will be just easier to answer," cut in Derek with a grin. "The last time? Hm, let me think, an hour and half ago!"

Several outcries shot through the room.

"Derek!" Meredith hissed hitting him on the arm.

"Eww!" shrieked Lanie as Amelia made gagging noise. "You did on the way here? I hugged you!"

"Well, at least we can assume that the wedding is really going to take place," chuckled Kathleen.

"I was delegated to get the lemonade," said Derek striding into the kitchen where Carolyn was cutting an apple pie, into even parts.

"Derek, dear, can you just... stay with me here for a minute?"

He sighed and put the bottle back on the table. He knew where it was going. "Sure, I'm listening."

"I don't think I like that tone, dear," she reprimanded him lightly.

"Mom, seriously. I'm not a five-year-old."

"I am not trying to control you, Derek. I'm not trying to interfere in your life."

"Okay," he nodded. "But somehow I don't think me and Mer are here just to enjoy a family meal. And, yes, I'm talking about that grilling just an hour ago."

"Meredith seemed off last Saturday," admitted Carolyn wiping her hands on her apron and finally turning to her son. "Not the sparkling energetic girl she usually is."

"We've had… a misunderstanding," he shrugged. "But we've made up, as always."

"As always," repeated his mother.

"What? What do you want me to say, Mom?" he frowned. "What more is there to talk about? We're getting married in two months, I love her. We all know that already."

"I have no doubt whatsoever that you do," she replied frankly. "But that's just me. You need to make sure Meredith knows that."

"Of course she knows that," he snorted and rolled his eyes. "Where have you been for the last twelve years, Mom?"

"I'm just saying, Derek," she looked him straight in the eye. "Meredith is my daughter, I love her like one and I care for her like one. You're me son, you're my only son. But despite that, and because of that, I won't forgive you if you screw up this relationship."

"Have you just used a curse word?" he chuckled.

"Derek-"

"Mom, seriously. I have no idea what you're talking about. Me and Meredith are happy, we're getting married. What else do you want?"

"Nothing else, Sweetie," she simply shook her head. "Nothing else."

"I'm going back. Need me to take something?"

Without further word, she passed him a stack of saucers and watched him leave the kitchen. True, Meredith and Derek looked happy. Her almost daughter-in-law seemed radiant and she couldn't fish out any traces of stress that plagued her on Saturday. Yet, Carolyn had an intuition, a gut feeling, that their problems weren't over. She had years of experience, she knew life, she knew her son. She also knew well enough that he loved Meredith more than life itself. She only hoped he wasn't going to take that love for granted.

"Bitch, you're busy?" Meredith picked up her cell to hear Cristina's excited voice. "Doesn't matter anyway because nothing you were doing would be more worthwhile than being here while they load up the building collapse victims! Well, I guess sex would be an exception but seeing you've been getting the same services for years now it's not much of a treat, is it?"

"A building collapse," said Meredith dreamily imagining the incoming trauma.

"Lots and lots of victims coming to the ER in… five minutes. Get your ass over here stat or all the best cases will be mine. Or, what's even worse, Sloan's."

"Thanks for the call, Cris," sighed Meredith. They just came back from Carolyn's half an hour ago and were looking up to spending a relaxing evening enjoying the first really warm evening on the balcony with a bottle of wine. Relationships required constant work and occasional sacrifices. If she'd miss out on some cracked skull to spend time with her fiancé, so be it.

"Why don't I like your tone?" groaned Cristina.

"Look, we just had a dinner with the family and we want to spent a quiet evening at home-"

"Seriously? You're chucking a massive inflow of trauma for a quiet evening at home? With a guy you have at home everyday anyway?"

"Works not everything for me. It's not even second on my list," explained Meredith with a smile. It wasn't and she felt proud of it. she was not a younger version of Ellis Grey. She was Meredith Grey with a soul and heart in the right places.

"I hate those moments when you turn into a sap," quipped Cristina. "But… more for me. You'll hear me brag tomorrow."

Meredith took the glasses and wine bottle and went out of the kitchen with the intention of joining Derek on the balcony. She didn't make it there as she spotted him at the door tying his shoes.

"Derek? You going somewhere?"

"Hospital. Mark's just called that a building collapsed, a lot of blood apparently."

Derek didn't just say that for sure… She just misheard right?

"Apparently, they don't need us seeing that we haven't been paged," reasoned Meredith, her voice just a bit strained.

"Well, we need all the practice we can get. You coming?" he shot at her grabbing the car keys.

"No, I'm not coming!" she snapped with irritation. "I-"

"Sorry, Mer, I need to get going," he looked at her apologetically halfway out of the door. "We'll talk later."

She stood speechless in the middle of the room after the door shut after him. Only a good couple of minutes later she retreated back to the kitchen. She sat down at the table staring at the unopened bottle of wine. She sat down and began to think, playing with one of the glasses.

She couldn't really choose what she was feeling. Anger? Disappointment? Dread?

Apparently she was living in la-la land for the last few days. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy as to make him jealous. Of course, she could make him jealous every day but that was not the kind of relationship she wanted to nourish. The glass slipped from her fingers. It would have toppled over but she caught it last minute.

She didn't really want to ask herself these questions. She pushed them to the back of her mind for quite some time, she realized that now. They were unavoidable though. She had to know the answers. Before the end of internship. Before the wedding. Her mind would never know peace of she left it at that. Did Derek even love her anymore… or was it just a habit, a lifestyle he was used to and comfortable with? Maybe it was impossible to meet your soul mate at the age of fourteen…? An involuntary shiver ran her body and her fingers let the wine glass fall to the floor. She was ready to clean up the smithereens but as she peeked under the table she discovered the delicate container survived by some miracle.

She straightened up and sighed. There, she asked the question. Did she feel better? Not at all. Actually, she felt as if her stomach was filled with lead.

Her mood didn't improve when some time later she received Cristina's MMS. It contained a photo of Derek tending to a man with a metallic rod sticking out of his chest. The accompanying text message was short and snarky. "You sucker!".

**A/N Comment?**

**Em **


	6. Chapter 6: Of Changing

**A/N**** It looks like Derek's got some antifans ;) Just trust me and remember that I will make him see his mistakes and repent, all in due time. **

**Thank you for leaving wonderful comments and adding the story to faves/ alert list.**

**Enjoy… (but still keep Kleenex at the ready)**

Meredith gazed inside her half empty cup and prayed the caffeine was going to kick soon. She was worse for wear. Even her most passionate marathons with Derek left her more rested and fresh than last night. Nothing tired out a person like worrying. And Derek didn't even make it home.

"What did that coffee do to you?" Cristina appeared by her side near the vending machine. "You're glaring at it as if you wanted to kill it. God, you look worse than me and you were the one who lazed your ass off at home!"

"Hmph." Meredith took another gulp of the lukewarm liquid. "I barely slept last night."

"You could've come," shrugged Cristina and added with amusement, "Your lover boy did. I saved a life when you were tossing in your sheets. Alone."

"I was rethinking my life," Meredith grumbled sourly and angrily tossed the rest of her coffee to the bin.

"Wait!" Cristina stopped abruptly in front of her and grabbed her shoulders while looking Meredith in the eye. "You decided to dump him."

"No, I didn't decide to dump him!" Meredith rolled her eyes and resumed her walk towards the nurses' station when they were to meet with their resident.

"You need to face the facts, Mer. You both made your choices. You chose love, he chose surgery. This isn't working."

"It worked for more than a decade!" argued Meredith hotly. "I'm not going to throw over a third of my life away, a better third of my life away, because we have problems!"

"Okay," sighed Cristina. "What are you going to do?"

Meredith bit on her lip. "Well, I assumed we're already past the sitting down and talking it over stage."

"I'd say that too."

"So… I think I'll be taking a more proactive position…"

"On top or…?"

"I am no talking about sex! I'm actually thinking about cutting down on sex altogether!" hissed Meredith. "I'm talking… What if… he stopped to see all those things in me that he fell in love with in the first place?"

"Are you trying to take the blame now?" Cristina stared at her in disbelief.

"No, I'm not," Meredith shook her head. "It's just that… I wasn't a good girl with warm feelings all my life. At all."

"And now you are?" her friend raised her eyebrows. "You're the second hardcore person here. Just after me of course."

"I don't mean competitiveness. I am all civilized and polite now, except when I'm angry... But back then I was angry all the time. And I wore black. And dyed my hair pink."

Cristina burst out with laughter. "You're my hero! We would have so got along in high school!"

"Now it looks like I've lost my edge. Maybe I have to do something to make him notice me again."

"Sounds interesting. Pretty desperate, but still interesting," quipped Cristina. "Tell me, how did you get the pretty boy interested in an emo queen?"

"Trust me," snorted Meredith. "He was not a pretty boy!"

"Well, he is now," shrugged Cristina as they took a turn and the nurses' station appeared in sight. "And seems to be enjoying it."

As they reached the little group, one of the nurses burst into wild giggles that droned their skulls. She was being entertained by Mark, Alex and Derek all at once.

"Oh, God, this is so funny!" the candy exclamation of the nurse made Meredith gag. "Dr. Shepherd, you should get an insurance for your hair!"

"What the fuck?" Meredith hissed to Cristina under her breath. "What the hell did she just say to him?"

"Oh, well, that was really funny actually," smirked Cristina. "We had a… problematic patient last night. Resisted treatment. Broke the nose to one of Heron's interns and almost pulled out half of your boy's hair. As I said it was entertaining."

"I bet," muttered Meredith and halted behind Derek clearing her throat loudly. "You think you can get back to work now, nurse? I doubt they pay you for posing around and trying to catch a husband."

The nurse looked at her with wide eyes and bolted embarrassedly, her cheeks red with shame.

"Mer," Derek grinned at her as he turned and planted a kiss on her lips. She could already tell he was still on surgery high. If he wanted sex, he had another thing coming. "Did you hear about what happened last night?" he passed a hand over his hair self-consciously and she knew he was going to be talking about the incident. "It was crazy-"

"Yeah, I heard. And I hope you didn't took that nurse's utterly idiotic comment seriously even for a second. Because if you did, I will personally make sure you're bald by the lunch time," she snapped folding her arms over her chest.

"What?"he asked sporting a nonplussed frown.

"You heard me," she spat back and turned away from him just in time to see Dr. Bailey and a group of interns trailing behind.

"Follow me! Get a move on!" she threw at them briskly.

"Hey!" Izzie Stevens greeted them perkily taking both Meredith and Cristina under arm.

"Barbie," muttered Cristina, her resigned face identical to Meredith's. "Why are we being blessed with your presence this morning?"

"Bailey requested more interns on the case. Some special patient," the blond grinned. "So I'm here!"

"As well as 007, that red-haired privileged bitch, the elf girl, the troll, the psycho girl," enumerated Cristina. "Oh, and another pretty boy. Hmm, that one can stay."

"We have a patient requiring a little extra sensitivity," informed them Bailey as they tried to keep up with her pace. "So remember to employ your observation, reflective listening and communication. Don't use jargon but the language the patient can understand, be creative in using metaphors, be clear and comprehensive, explain all risks and all probable outcomes leaving nothing out."

She stopped abruptly and faced them with a scowl. "You will apply everything I've just said or there will be consequences. You will act as mature compassionate people you can sometimes pretend to be and you will absolutely make no jokes!"

"Why?" asked Alex. "What's so special about this patient?"

"That's Mr. Corso," she pointed with her head and everyone peered inside the room.

"Holy shit!"

"Dude!"

"Poor man," sighed Izzie.

"Now I understand that sensitivity preaching," commented Cristina as her eyes critically assessed the extremely obese man lying in the hospital bed.

"Pick up your jaws from the floor," ordered Miranda, "and behave yourself. Remember to be sensitive. Also to his wife, she's pregnant."

"Say what?" snorted Mark sizing up the slender woman holing Mr. Corso's hand.

Little giggles mingled with expressions of puzzlement sounded through the group.

"How did they…? Must have been artificial insemination. "

"I don't think so. How was he supposed to go a fertility clinic and fill up a cup?" asked Mark.

"How does he find it to fill up a cup?" chuckled Derek.

"Or maybe it was regular way!" argued Izzie haughtily, glaring at them.

"Can you imagine this guy even move?"

"Maybe he doesn't have to. Maybe she does all the work," snickered Karev.

"But how…?" Derek made a disgusted face. Now it was enough for Meredith.

"Hey! Hey, keep your-" Bailey started to scold them down but she was rudely interrupted.

"Seriously? Seriously?" she glared at Derek, Mark and Alex putting her hands on her hips. "You're seriously joking about this woman making love to her husband? You!" she pointed at Derek who fidgeted and looked apprehensively around.

He knew that flash of anger in those emerald eyes. It never bode anything good. Well, sometimes it did, to be honest. Sometimes it led to some amazing angry sex. But somehow it was doubtful they were going to engage in that type of activity outside the patient's room.

"You think you were such a hot cookie when we met? Need a memory refresher? You think skinny limbs are that sexy? Or acne? Or braces? Ask me about the logistics, my ass! And you," she rounded on Mark who was chortling next to Derek. "You and your steamy reputation. I never met a woman who could confirm it. Maybe they all just run away in fear from little Mark? And you," her eyes finally rested on Karev. "You better don't say anything, you STD machine. Yeah, we do know who contributed to that little epidemics. Someone else wants to make a stupid ass comment?" she eyed the rest of her colleagues challengingly but they were too stunned to respond. Even Bailey seemed temporarily speechless.

She suddenly shook off and barked out, "Sloan, Shepherd, Karev, you're off the case. I said off! Go! Everyone else go inside. Grey, wait a second."

"I'm not going to apologize," Meredith stated categorically when they were left alone.

"Did I ask you to? You mauled them like a pro. Good job."

"Oh…"

"Now go in. And did you say Shepherd was skinny and had acne? Damn, people change…"

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith whirled on her heel to see her patient's wife dashing out of the room after her.

"Mrs. Corso? Is there something wrong?"

"No, actually," she sighed looking a bit uncomfortable. "I wanted to thank you…"

"I'm… not sure why?"

"I heard everything… everything they said before you came in," she explained. "The door was ajar."

"I am terribly sorry you had to witness that-"

"No, honestly, you're the one person that has nothing to apologize for," smiled the woman.

"It's just not our business really," nodded Meredith and was to walk away but Mrs. Corso's voice stopped her.

"Five years ago his company laid off three hundred employees. He tried to find work for three years… no one was hiring… and… then he stopped trying," she bit her lip, her eyes a bit glassy. "It was really hard on him and food… Well, food made him feel better so… And I know he… he changed but he's the man I fell in love with. The man I still love. Is this so hard to accept that I still want to be with him? That we're having a child?"

"No," Meredith assured her gently. "But… this is obviously not a change for the better… Why did you let him?"

"I wanted him to feel better, I wanted him to be happy," she replied simply.

"Standing by watching the man you love destroy yourself is not a means to achieve it," argued Meredith with conviction.

"No, it isn't…"the woman sighed looking worriedly at her husband through the glass.

"Mrs. Corso, go be with him. We'll do everything we can," she assured gently touching her arm and trotted away, her head full.

Did she stood by as Derek changed into an insensitive jerk? Or maybe she pushed him herself to become one?

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**FLASHBACK**

"Hey, do not move!" ordered Meredith fidgeting against him to get comfortable again.

"I'm getting a cramp in my leg!" whined Derek.

"Maybe you should work out more," she quipped and resumed her reading.

"Maybe you shouldn't use me as a human pillow," he grumbled as Meredith pressed her back to his legs again. To tell the truth, he didn't mind being used that way. Every time she touched her, butterflies started to swirl in his stomach. He still remembered that little kiss she gave him all those months ago. He hoped it would happen again one day even though he realized it was unlikely. He was happy to be with her practically all the time anyway. For now, it had to be enough.

It was a sunny spring afternoon and they decided to spread a blanket somewhere in the school grounds and do their homework outdoors. Since that fateful date at the Shepherds a lot changed between them. There was a comforting sense of familiarity, trust, acceptance. And no one, certainly not Meredith or Derek, questioned the fact they were friends. She was an often guest at his house, she probably spent more time there than in her won. She was there for Christmas, New Year, Easter and many other occasions in between.

She thought she was going to hate four years of high school but in fact life never seemed brighter.

He thought he was going to be lonely and miserable but in fact he found a person he knew would never let him down. Of course, if she wasn't going to think he was the lamest person on earth after she heard what he was about to announce.

"I… I wanna do something."

"It sounds scary when you say it like this," she commented not taking her eyes from the book. "What do you want to do? Steal a car? Go bungee jumping?"

"Uhm, no," he gave out a short laugh.

"Damn, I've done neither. Wouldn't say no to try it out," she chuckled.

"I… I've been thinking about something I could include in my references," he explained. "I'm not really good at sports…"

"Now I see why stealing a car is not an option!"

"Be serious!" he laughed gently prodding her back with his knee.

"Be still!" She reached behind her to slap his thigh. "So what did you come up with?"

"I… I know it's kinda lame…like really lame…" he sighed.

"Spit it out!"

"I think I'm gonna try for the school band…" he confessed nervously.

"Okay," she nodded.

"Uh, okay?"

"Yeah, you said your dad taught you to play the guitar, right?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be playing the guitar… the sax…"

"Ok, do you want me to help you practice? I don't have an idea how to play anything."

"So you're okay with this…?" he asked.

"Sure, I am. Why wouldn't I be?" she shrugged and then turned around to look at him. "Derek Christopher Shepherd!" she narrowed her eyes at him.

"What?" he flinched. Sometimes he felt as though she could see right through him.

"You don't want me to support you in this, you want me to talk you out if it!" she accused him. "So not going to happen!"

"Mer, I don't want to be a laughing stock all over again…"

"Derek, you need to…" she trailed off and looked at him for a minute.

"What?"

"Get up!" she jumped to her feet and started to gather their belongings. "I want you to see something."

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere you haven't been before."

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"Wow, so you live here?" asked Derek looking around the house. Meredith never took him home before. He didn't insist; he knew her relationship with her mother was rocky. And he liked having her at his house. And they did sneaked at night, not really for inappropriate reasons. They talked and laughed, played pranks on his sisters.

"I don't live here," she shrugged leading him into the living room. "I just sleep here, occasionally have something to eat."

"It's… big. It could swallow two houses like mine."

"Yeah, but yours is a home, this… is just a building," she shrugged. "It's like a mausoleum."

"My home is your home too," he smiled at her sitting down on the sofa.

"I know," she said softly and kneeled down in front of the TV.

"So… why are we here?" he asked. "Not that I'm not happy. It's great that you let me see your place. But I'm just curious."

"Shush for a minute, okay?" she chuckled looking for something under the TV table. "Here!"

She inserted a tape into the player and dashed to join Derek on the couch. "Look."

The screen flicked to life and they saw an inside of an OR and a background voice, "Leading surgeon: Ellis Grey. Patient: Alice Montague,27. Inflammation of the appendix."

"this… This is your mom?" he whispered, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Yup, it's her first solo surgery in fact," she said the younger version of her mother gave out orders and worked magic with her hands.

"Wow…" Derek was in awe. Obviously, he never saw anything like that before and it was fascinating.

"She was a celebrity ever since," sighed Meredith. "She went into that OR and took what was hers. You know what I'm getting on right?" she asked him and stopped the tape. "Derek, if you want something, you need to try to get it. Regardless of anything and anyone, their stares and judgments. Who are they to judge anyway?"

He gazed at her face breathlessly, so close.

"You know what's worse than losing, Derek?" she said softly biting on her lip. "Never trying."

He leaned closer his palm outstretched on the sofa close to her thigh. "If I want something, I need to…" he trailed off, his eyes flicking between her green orbs and her lips.

"Get it, Derek," she whispered, her own pulse quickening.

An invisible rope seemed to slowly pull them closer. His eyes half-lidded like hers, he vacillated forward. But before they lips could met, they pulled away just an inch in hesitation to finally connect.

If there was any doubt in her mind before, it was gone now. She realized some time ago that Derek sometimes didn't think of her just as a friend. She noticed how he looked at her, smiled at her, blushed. He was attracted to her.

And she… she was ready to embrace him with all his little flaws. They were nothing compared to whom he was on the inside. She kissed a few other guys, all better looking, more confident, probably much more experienced.

It wasn't deep or passionate. It was tentative, probing. His tongue moved almost shyly against her, while hers slowly felt around the braces.

But it never felt so right. Familiar. Reassuring.

"Wow… I… I'm sorry," Derek mumbled when they broke the kiss to get some air.

"You're sorry you kissed me?" she snickered, enjoying his blush intensifying.

"No! It's just… maybe you didn't want to…"

"Seriously? You think I stick my tongue down someone's throat when I don't want to?" she arched up one of her eyebrows.

"So… you wanted to?" he asked cautiously.

"Maybe," she grinned and stood up to switch off the TV. They needed to get out of the house. It would be a disaster if Ellis got back home to see a guest, Meredith's guest. Worse still, what if she saw Meredith happy? That had to be suspicious.

Derek plucked up his courage. "So… are we going to that… again?"

She looked at him over her shoulder mischievously. "Maybe."

**END OF FLASBACK**

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Bobby Corso's surgery was a long one. It was also a satisfying one. He made it through, right now he wasn't experiencing any complications. He also seemed to accept that he needed to change his life. He had no other option.

Meredith barely made it to the bed in the on-call room to catch a well-deserved breather when the door clicked open. Someone walked in locking the door and moved into the small room. She knew it was him. Since he made the first step. She felt him. The way he walked, his aura. She picked it up effortlessly whenever he was in the vicinity. Sure enough, seconds later the bed creaked under the weight of another person lying down. He enveloped her from behind, slipping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.

"How's the fat guy doing?" he asked quietly.

"He's got a name," she muttered, too tired to fight.

"Wasn't around long enough to learn it," he quipped nuzzling his nose closer to her face. "But fine, how's the patient doing?"

"He's okay."

"I missed you last night," he whispered and his right hand slipped under her scrub top tantalizingly. She felt the goose bumps rising on her skin but she willed herself to stay strong and not give in. Anyway, she didn't think she could make love to him now even if she was desperate for sex. Something was missing. That little big something she felt since she was naked in his arms for the first time some ten years ago. The sense of safety. However much she tried to comfort herself in his strong embrace, she couldn't find it anymore. And the fear of never recuperating it was stronger than desire.

"I missed you too last night," she said swallowing hard, her eyes wide open even though unseeing in the dim light. With a trembling but decided move she shoved his hand from her breast. "But I didn't tell you to run to the hospital."

He sighed with frustration. "Is this what the temper tantrum earlier was about? I would think you were the person to understand the hospital owns us."

"You ass!" she sat up and turned to punch him on the chest. "Maybe it owns you, it certainly doesn't own me!"

"Really? We're having an argument because one of us had to work? And what's with telling everyone I was a loser in high school? Thanks by the way, it felt good."

"God, why do you care?" she snapped.

"Because I don't want to feel like that ever again," he shrugged. "High school was the worst thing in my life."

"Oh, right," she snorted and scrambled out of bed shakily looking for her shoes. "Nice to know that, Derek!"

"What now? You know how it was for me!"

"Sure, you were so mistreated and tortured," she mocked him, hiding the hurt in her voice. "But I would think meeting me somehow would make the worst thing in your life better! Or I could be wrong of course!"

He got following her. "Meredith, you know I meant-"

"I don't know anything anymore!" she said harshly. "And I'm going to find myself another on-call room!" She walked out impetuously leaving him in the dark.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**A/N As usual waiting for your opinions!**

**Yours,**

**Em**


	7. Chapter 7: Of Sisterhood

**A/N That's called fast updating, isn't it? :)**

**Enjoy…**

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Meredith sat at a lonely table in the corner, making a storm in her cup, and watched disinterestedly as crowds of people flowed through the coffee shop. Her shift was over but she didn't want to go home just yet. She put it off until it was unavoidable. She didn't want to go back and row. She tried to talked to him and she couldn't get her message across. Did he suddenly become so clueless? Or did they speak different languages? Whatever the reason she became even more irritated with his lack of understanding and the screaming match started all over again. Vicious circle.

"Meredith?"

She tensed hearing her name called. It was none other than Nancy.

"Nance," she smiled weakly as Derek's sister plopped down opposite her with a cup of coffee of her own.

"Damn, Mer," she frowned. "You haven't given me such a forced smile since we were in high school."

"I'm sorry," Meredith waved her hand dismissively. "I've just finished my shift, I'm exhausted."

"Bullshit," commented Nancy. "You're not gonna fool me, Meredith Grey. I see the world a bit more soberly than the twins, and even Kath."

"I… I think I should go-"

"Do you remember… what you told me…?" Nancy gazed at her knowingly holding down her hand.

"Of course," Meredith smiled again and this time it was real. "How could I forget? That's when we became sisters."

"We did," confirmed the brunette. "And it's not gonna change one iota if I say them back to you."

"Nancy," breathed out Meredith, her face falling. "Please, don't…"

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**FLASHBACK**

Meredith rounded the school building and made her way down to the field. Derek was practicing with the band for some important school event and she figured she might wait for him at the stands. She might even try to get him flustered. She enjoyed doing that. Their relationship didn't change much since their kiss in Meredith's house about a month ago. They were still the same Meredith and Derek, except that now they also kissed on occasions. Not that his mom knew. For the time being they kept it a secret. They suspected if Carolyn learnt about their new activities, some new rules would have to be introduced. Derek was really shy and insecure but he was slowly learning the ropes of the kissing thing. And he was eager to learn, the hand that strayed up her side last time they were having a moment was a proof enough. But the slow pace was good. And fun.

Before Meredith made it to the stands area , she caught the sight of Nancy sitting on one of the benches. Even from a distance she could see her form shaking slightly and hear the sound of the blowing nose.

Not thinking twice, she crossed the lawn to stand in front of her. Up close, Nancy looked even worse. Her face was red and blotchy and her makeup smudged all over.

She groaned when she noticed her brother's best friend. "Go away!"

They never adored each other to put it lightly. But they came to a sort of ignorant tolerance. They kept clear of each other's ways and it was working for them both.

"What's wrong?" frowned Meredith.

"Okay, you saw bitch Nancy weeping like a little girl," she spat out sarcastically. "Go gloat somewhere else!"

"Do you see me gloating?" snorted Meredith. "What the hell happened?"

"I walked on my boyfriend with some blond bimbo having a good time at the back of his car if you know what I mean!" she yelled viciously. "Are you happy now? Pitiful Nancy got screwed over!"

"Seriously?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "You know what's pitiful? The fact that you're crying your eyes out over some moronic dude who has fat tissue instead of his brain. That's pitiful all right!"

Nancy stared at her with wide eyes, the tears stopping to flow down her cheeks.

"The guy is a total douche anyway, what's there to cry over?" growled Meredith.

"He wanted that blond slut-"

"Listen," Meredith took up on a gentler note. "A guy who had you and didn't see what was in front of him because he was too much of a self-involved ass isn't worth a second glance of yours. Seriously!"

Nancy looked at her in total puzzlement, her mouth hanging open.

"Get your ass in gear," said Meredith. "Or you aren't half the girl I thought you were." With that she whirled on her heel and strode off in search for Derek leaving a completely stunned Nancy behind her.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"When are you getting this damn braces off?" huffed Meredith, slightly out of breath, massaging her tongue against her own palate. It had slid too hard on of the metallic elements of the brace. Fortunately, she didn't cut herself or that would be a mood damper. "Feels like I'm playing hide and seek in your throat!"

"Sorry," he breathed out apologetically. "It's just a few months more. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she chuckled quietly, catching his hand and rubbing his wrist with her thumb.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, grins on their faces. Derek sneaked to the guest room again and they engaged in a little kissing session. It was cute and fun but Meredith thought they might try out something new.

"It's a bit hot," she sighed flicking the cover down to her waist. She smirked as Derek's eyes went automatically south to her breasts. The moonlight coming from the window was leaving her in plain sight in her white T-shirt. She knew her nipples were jutting out. Her chest heaved excitedly.

She noticed his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard.

"What do you want, Derek?" she asked in a low voice. "Care to tell me?"

"I…" he gulped, his mouth dry.

"Do you want to… touch?" she grinned mischievously.

"I… Can I?"

She almost burst out laughing when she heard the excitement he tried so hard to conceal.

"Help yourself…"

His fingers twitched but his hand remained immobile for the time being. Sure, she could just grab his palm and press it onto her boob but where was the fun in that? He had to work up the courage himself.

He seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he finally moved his arm to rest his hand on her waist. The touch was very light, timid, as though expecting she was going to flinch it off.

"It's… a bit higher you know," she encouraged, her breath quickening. It was as new for her as for him. She had reached the first base with one or two guys but they just seemed willing to maul her boobs. Maybe that was why she never decided to go all the way yet. There was nothing of the reverent discovery Derek was conducting.

He swallowed again and trailed his fingers up over her T-shirt.

"Mer?" he breathed out when he reached the side of her breast as though asking for permission again.

She nodded in anticipation and he slowly, painfully slowly, traced her mound with his fingertips, bypassing the hardened center for now.

Her heart was beating like mad now. "Derek… you won't her hurt me, you know?"

He nodded and finally covered her breast with his palm.

A soft sigh fell from her lips. "Oh, God…" But it clearly backfired as she felt him retreat. She clutched his hand impatiently and placed it back over her heart. "I was enjoying it!" she berated him.

"Oh…" he mumbled. "I… uhm, me too…"

"Then get back to it…" she grinned taking her hand away from his.

"Okay, okay," he inhaled deeply and his fingers flexed over the soft flesh of her breast. They slid down, his thumb grazing the pebbled peak curiously when… they stilled hearing the door handle click.

"Fuck," she whispered in panic. They didn't have time to hide him anywhere. If it was Mrs. Shepherd, they were screwed. "Don't move!" she ordered almost inaudibly pushing him down under the covers.

They waited in silence until someone crept in silently.

"Meredith?"

She turned her head around to see Nancy standing in the middle of the room.

"Nancy?" she gasped. "What are you doing here? It's... one a.m.," she said gazing at the clock on the nightstand.

"I'm sorry? Did I wake you?"

"Not… really. Uhm, what's up?"

"I wanted to thank you," confessed the older girl walking closer to the bed.

"Thank me?" Meredith sat up trying to block the big lump under her covers from sight.

"For what you said earlier," explained Nancy, sitting down on the edge. "You were totally right. He was a total douche bag. I don't know why I even dated that ape. Sure, he's on the team and all but God…" she chuckled, shrugging her shoulders.

"You can do better," stated Meredith confidently.

"Thanks," Nancy smiled in the darkness. "Sorry I was a bitch to you. You're okay."

"Ditto."

Suddenly a muffled sigh sounded across the room. Meredith kneaded Derek somewhere in his chest to make him behave, biting on her lip.

"What was that?" asked Nancy suspiciously.

"What was what?" Meredith shrugged innocently.

"That.. muffled sound…"

"Oh, that… was my stomach…" laughed Meredith. "You know I'm always hungry."

"I don't think so," grunted Nancy standing up and staring at the bed. "It sounded… awfully familiar…"

Unexpectedly, she tore the duvet off. "Oh, eww!" she grimaced taking a step backwards a the view of her brother squashed against Meredith's legs.

"He's… and you… what the… oh, my god!" she spluttered.

"Nancy, please keep quiet!" pleaded her Meredith as Derek took out a few deep breaths. Not that he didn't enjoy being so intimately pressed to Meredith's smooth legs but he was close to suffocating.

"Are you… really… dating?" gasped Nancy.

"Yeah, I guess we are," said Meredith nervously. The situation was getting slightly out of hand.

"Thank God you're not naked!" she sighed with relief.

"Nancy!" whined Derek. "We're not-"

"I'm not interested, dear brother of mine," scoffed Nancy. "No more details! I've been traumatized enough just now!"

"Meredith?" Carolyn's soft voiced carried from the corridor.

"Oh, fuck!"

"Shit!"

"Damn!"

"Are you all right?"

"Get under the bed!" Both Meredith and Nancy ordered Derek frenetically, pushing and dragging him down.

"Ouch!" he complained massaging his head.

"Don't cry, baby brother," huffed Nancy getting into bed with Meredith. "If you gave the guts to canoodle with a girl under Mom's nose, you can stand a little pain."

They pulled the duvet under their chins and waited in tension.

The door opened with a soft knock and they heard Carolyn whispering. "Meredith, dear? I heard you were awake? Are you all right?"

"I… I am, Mrs. S., now worries," she assured her. "We just… had a good laugh with Nancy… I'm sorry we woke you up."

"Nancy?" she asked, surprise obvious in her voice. "Is it Nancy with you?"

"Hey, Mom," Nancy forced a little laugh.

"Yeah," chuckled Meredith. "We… needed to talk."

"Girl time," added Nancy.

"Hmm. So everything is okay?"

"Absolutely!" said confidently Meredith.

"Go back to sleep, Ma. We're calling it a night soon too."

"Okay," agreed Carolyn. "Try to get some sleep girls. Remember we're having a busy day tomorrow? Well, today already. Mia and Lanie won't be forgiving if you're lifeless during their birthday party."

"Sure, Mom."

"Right at it."

"Goodnight then, girls," she said and retreated. "And just one thing..."

"Yeah?"

"Derek, please, get out from under that bed and kindly find your way back to your room. Alone."

A consternated silence fell over the room. The three of them didn't even dare to breath.

"I am not an naïve old lady, you know," she chuckled. "I have eyes and I have ears. And I think we're going to have a little talk tomorrow. Good night, dears. It's really good to see you're getting along so well at last, Mer, Nancy. I'm proud of you. Derek, you have three minutes." With that she was gone.

"How did she know?" gasped Meredith, slapping herself on the forehead.

"She's Ma, she knows everything," sighed Nancy.

"So, what is the talk going to be about?" Meredith asked nervously

"It's going to be embarrassing," mumbled Derek heaving himself up. "I eavesdropped on Nancy and Kath."

"Just perfect," she grumbled.

Nancy shook with laughter beside her and after a moment all three of them were laughing like there was no tomorrow.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"Mer," Nancy looked her in the eye, her regard soft but decided. "A guy who had you and didn't see what was in front of him because he was too much of a self-involved ass isn't worth a second glance of yours."

"No… no…" Meredith shook her head frantically.

"Meredith, you know I'm not saying this lightly," sighed Nancy. "It tears me up inside. You're my sister and Derek is my baby brother for God's sake. But you're drowning. And he's not doing anything to keep you afloat."

"I can't, Nancy," she whispered, her eyes wide. "I love him… I can't live without him…"

"Can you live_ with_ him?" Nancy asked gently squeezing her hand. "It's not working."

_It's not working…_ That was what Cristina said.

"Why is everyone assuming it's so easy to leave him? Like he was just a broken chair?" she snapped. "I've spent twelve years with him, very good twelve year. That's twice the time you've been married."

"I know," Nancy said quietly. "And it kills me because I thought you were a rock relationship. I saw you grew up and mature in this wonderful feeling you had for each other. But I can no longer see it. I just see how he hurts you."

"He loves me," argued Meredith though her stomach was sinking.

"When is he going to act like it? He's a thinking adult, Meredith. Look, I'm not saying… maybe you just need to get some space, take a break…"

"Nancy, I don't think I like talking about this any longer," she shook her head getting to her feet.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" the brunette gave her a small sad smile.

"I do… but… I need to do this my own way. I can't just let go," she stated. "Don't say anything to Ma."

But when she was out of the coffee shop, she didn't have the courage to go home yet. She didn't want everything Nancy just said to turn true. She sent a short message to Derek that she was going to study with Cristina and in fifteen minutes' time was at her colleagues door. Apparently, Cristina was in the middle of her episodes, her music episodes. The loud tones blared though the door hindering Meredith's movements as she reached for the doorbell. It was just a song. An old hit. But it hit her like a train.

**You and me  
We used to be together  
Everyday together always  
I really feel  
That I'm losing my best friend**

"Mer!" Cristina opened the door. She breathless from dancing. "Come on in!"

**I can't believe  
This could be the end  
It looks as though you're letting go  
And if it's real  
Well I don't want to know**

Her legs felt like they were made of lead. The words were shattering her heart from inside.

**Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts**

**Our memories  
Well, they can be inviting  
But some are altogether  
Mighty frightening  
As we die, both you and I  
With my head in my hands  
I sit and cry**

Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts

"Mer?" Cristina reappeared in the doorway to investigate why she didn't follow her inside. "What's going on?"

**It's all ending  
I gotta stop pretending who we are...  
You and me I can see us dying...are we?**

"Can you… turn that off?" pleaded Meredith, her face pale.

"I… yeah, sure." Cristina looked at her oddly.

"Thanks," she sighed sitting down on the bar stool tiredly.

"Boy problems?" Cristina stated knowingly but there was no usual teasing in her voice.

"You think I should just walk away?" Meredith asked quietly.

"I… I don't know."

"I don't want to…"

"Okay," Cristina braced herself into a supportive mode seeing as her friend was in a desperate need. "What's with not giving up on him?"

"What if it's out of my hands now?"

"Nothing is out of our hands, Mer," she eyed her confidently. "We're gods. Besides, you've been doing a good job lately standing up to him. The worst thing you could do is to quit in the middle."

"Okay… Thanks! I needed to hear that," she fidgeted nervously on her seat

"Okay," she nodded asking no more questions.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**A/N The lyrics of the No Doubt song "Don't Speak" clearly do not belong to me. It's one of my all time favorites but it just hit me a couple of days that it perfectl****y gives the essence of this story so I decided to incorporate it.**

**Comments?**

**Em**


	8. Chapter 8: Of Maturing

"Okay now, people," Bailey eyed them up all together and individually. "I know hormone levels ride high in this group but I'd appreciate no catfights for a day and by appreciate I mean I will make your life living hell if you screw up my schedule! Is that clear?"

They gave out little grunts and nods of agreement and followed her to see their first patient.

Meredith frowned in wonder when he came into view. She didn't think she knew him but he looked vaguely familiar. That square jaw, short blond hair…

"Karev, present," ordered Bailey.

Alex opened one of the charts and recited, "Timothy Stewart, 30, admitted this morning with severe abdominal pains-"

"That can't be him," something pushed Meredith to say. Something started to flicker in her memory.

"Of course, I'm not him!" the blond guy protested with a smile. "I'm not even a patient. And I'm not yet 30, just twenty-nine," he flashed them a full grin.

"I'm sorry, sir," said Bailey and glared at them. "Who the hell mixed up the charts?"

Meredith walked up to Alex and checked the name tags on the files. "Ha!" she smiled in satisfaction, she knew he looked familiar. "Dwight Parker, 29… liver donor," she read with surprise.

"Come again?" Derek gritted through his teeth. This was some sick joke, wasn't it?

"That's right," nodded Dwight. "Looks like the women do all the thinking in this place."

"I don't even know what's going on with this place," Bailey shook her head taking the chart from Meredith. "You and your father were supposed to be admitted tomorrow?"

"He's getting worse by the day," sighed Dwight. "We were told not to wait any longer."

"I'm terribly sorry for the miscommunication somewhere on the line," she apologized. "We'll rectify that right away. We'll need to run all the tests one time again. One of the doctors will take care of you-"

"I want her," he pointed at Meredith who stifled a smile. "She seems to know what she's doing."

"She usually does," nodded Bailey. "Dr. Grey, he's your responsibility from now on."

"Dr. Grey?" Dwight squinted to read her hospital ID card. "Meredith Grey? The Meredith Grey?" he stared at her face attentively.

"The very same," she grinned and chanced a look at Derek. His face expressed an odd mixture of anger, pure horror and disbelief.

"I can't believe that!" chuckled Dwight. "Wow! I mean, wow!"

"You know each other?" asked Bailey.

"From high school! She broke my penis and drove me out of school," laughed Dwight as though it all meant nothing to him.

"Bad romance?" asked Alex, unaware of the glare Derek was sending him.

"Nah, she wouldn't look at me that way," he shook his head regretfully and sized her up. "It was revenge. She had that little sidekick always running with her and I just pushed him a little too hard one time. Next thing I knew was the splitting pain between my legs. And then she made a total fool out of me in front of the whole school."

"Sorry," she chuckled lightly.

"Actually, I'm grateful," he smiled. "I changed schools and I was noticed by a talent hunter while playing for the new team. So it was for the better after all."

"That's good to hear," she smiled.

"Wait, you're the same Parker who was caught with the ladies' clothes in the locker?" Sloan finally cottoned on.

"Who are you?"

"Mark Sloan, I was on the reserve bench in my freshman year."

"Mark Sloan… Mark Sloan, I think I can remember!" smiled Dwight turning to Meredith. "Damn, the world is small. Tell me you have your sidekick around and I'm gonna die!"

"Actually, the sidekick is here, too!" Mark provided helpfully slapping Derek on his shoulder.

"No way, no freaking way!" exclaimed Dwight and even sat up scrutinizing Derek. "No way it's Shepherd kid!"

Cristina, Alex and Bailey watched the school reunion with unhidden interest and hilarity while Derek folded his arms over his chest challengingly, a scowl painting on his face.

"I'll be damned," gasped Dwight. "You've changed much, Grey, the hair, the black for white… but him… God, it's like Extreme Makeover!"

Meredith burst out laughing covering her mouth. Derek was pissed, she could see it clearly. Somehow she already saw herself as the person he was going to take it on but for a moment she didn't care. At all.

"We… heard something about acne and braces? Is that true?" Cristina joined the conversation.

"Uh, this is enough!" Bailey interrupted the stream of recollections. Shepherd looked as though he was going to break his Hippocratic oath. "Grey, you'll do the tests and prep him. The rest - the rounds continue."

"Dr. Bailey." She turned to see fuming Shepherd right behind her. "Does it have to be her?"

"Why wouldn't it be her?" she asked with a stoic expression on her face. "Do you think she's incapable of taking care of a patient?"

"No!"

"Then I don't see why you're wasting my time," she shrugged.

"This guy is a total douche-"

"She doesn't mind. I see no problem," Bailey cut him across pointing back inside the room with her head.

Derek's blood boiled as he saw his fiancée laugh at something Dwight Parker said. The world was off its axis… He was to stride back in but his resident's sharp voice stopped him in place.

"Shepherd, either you'll carry yourself to the next patient or I'll send you on scut. Is that clear?"

He whirled past her without another word and she shook her head. She was just waiting for the apocalypse with this two. She was wary when she first learnt that two of her interns were in a romantic relationship. But they seemed a steady serious couple and their work was flawless. Unfortunately, now they resembled a snippy-snappy couple on the eve of divorce.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"You're really okay with me?" Meredith asked curiously when she was back with the blood tests results.

"The past is in the past," he shrugged. "And it really turned out better than fine."

"You seem to be doing pretty good too," he added with a smile. "A doctor… and a ring! You're getting hitched with the sidekick?"

"It's Derek," she corrected him gently. "And… I guess I am."

"You guess?" he lifted one eyebrow. "That didn't sound too convincing… Trouble in paradise?"

"Okay, this is a little surreal," she grinned completing his chart. "Talking with… you about relationships…"

"Fine, I was a dick in high school," he shrugged. "People change."

"They do," sighed Meredith.

"You should have kept the hair," he grinned. "Pink was hot."

She gave him an amused berating look. "Are you hitting on me? I don't recommend that. The sidekick, as you call him, threw himself with his fists at the last guy that made some obnoxious comments."

"Really?" Dwight's face was all surprise. "Man, that kid really got some testosterone. A few years back you were the one to cover his ass."

"I was also the one to kick your ass," she quipped but her expression sobered up. "And you're here to save your father."

"It's my dad," he replied simply. "I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"That's… really big," she sighed, biting her lip. "I… am sorry for the cross-dressing thing."

He laughed wholeheartedly. "Sorry for crashing your sidekick's nose. "

"Mer?" Cristina peeked in from the corridor. "Lunch?"

"Yeah, in a sec. Next time I'm back I'm gonna prep you for surgery," she gave him a reassuring smile and followed her friend.

"So, experiencing the magic of revisiting school memories?" asked Cristina.

"You know, that guy was a bully, a total tool," she sighed in wonder.

"And?"

"And now he's giving a portion of his liver to save his father's life!"

"He's matured, grown up, whatever," shrugged Cristina. "People do that sometimes."

"Do you think it's wrong I'm comparing him to Derek?" Meredith asked quietly.

"What, you don't think Shepherd would refuse you his liver, do you?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "My mind is just reeling that Dwight Parker turned into a nice guy whereas…"

"Derek turned into an ass," provided helpfully Cristina.

"This is sick," said bitterly Meredith.

"He's a hot ass though," Cristina looked for the bright sides.

"Honestly? I preferred the nerd."

"Seriously?" Cristina looked at her with disgusted disbelief.

"He was cute," shrugged Meredith resumed their walk, "even if he didn't know what to do with his… hands, I meant his hands."

"Yeah, you sure did," snorted Cristina.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**FLASHBACK**

This was heaven. And it was hell.

Last week he was finally freed from his braces. That was such a relief. He had straight a set of teeth, that was good to be sure. But the real gain of the situation was that the risk of injuring Meredith while kissing ceased to exist. That, in turn, resulted in the overall increase in kissing time. He never complained before but now… wow, just wow. The kisses got more heated too, as they could enjoy them without any hindrance. Well, almost…

That was where the problems started for Derek. Meredith was still unaware of his little predicament. It would just happen at most inopportune moments, recently almost always when they were making out or even just touching. He was a guy after all… and he couldn't get a full control of his… nether regions, so to speak. The first time IT happened with Meredith, he jumped in panic away from her but fortunately, she didn't notice his… prominent problem. And even though, in his mind's eye, he was always so unremarkable, the bulge in his pants seemed ridiculously huge.

It was a miracle Meredith didn't catch on that yet. If she did, it would be damn embarrassing. He didn't want her to think he just tried to get off with her. He felt for her in the big way that was both wonderful and scary.

His body was a big traitor though. It was revealing, practically to the whole world, that he found her attractive also in the physical sense. She was beautiful and the way she acted around him... She treated him like a real girlfriend would treat his boyfriend and sometimes Derek still couldn't quite comprehend it. He was… just himself. He tried not to think about it very often but sometimes he couldn't help it.

Like now. They were in the middle of their summer holidays and they were on their first actual date. Sure, they spent almost every waking moment together but it was the first time they called it a date. They went out for a movie and they were later going to eat out. And it hit Derek how much inadequate he looked beside Meredith. He received quite a few curious stares. It was soothing to enter the dark theater where he could just sink into his seat next to his girlfriend and enjoy the movie.

However, he was surely proven wrong if he thought they came here just to see a film. Shortly after the lights went out completely and the screen sprang to life, Meredith started to act "like a real girlfriend", like a girlfriend of all these guys from the team would. He felt her leaning towards him and turn his head to her. Her lips descended onto his with a rush. Her tongue claimed his mouth imperiously. Her fingers intertwined in his hair steering his head for a better position for the kiss. He moaned into her mouth feeling her breasts crash against his chest.

Meredith was just about to slip from her seat into his lap when he felt his jeans tightening painfully over his crotch. There was no way Meredith would miss it if she sat over his legs. He broke away from her breathing hard.

"What's wrong?" He heard her rugged whisper.

"I… I…a…" he stammered inhaling deeply and willing is unruly loins to calm the hell down. "We… might get caught…"

"We might get caught…" she repeated dryly and the skeptical tone of her voice told him she realized something else was off. "Is that all? You're afraid of being caught and thrown out?"

"Yeah…" he muttered. "I don't want Ma to hear we were caught in public-"

"Liar!" she hissed. "Mom has walked on us herself more times than I can count. It's old news for her! Do you think I haven't noticed you scattering away every time we're making out? What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you enjoy it?"

"Of… of course I do!" he assured her quickly. More than he should.

"Really? I don't have a bad breath and I don't smell so what the hell is your problem?"

He felt her eyes trying to make out his face in the darkness.

"I…" he nervously searched for excuses. "Why are you with me?"

"What?" she asked, her voice clearly indicating her incomprehension.

"Why are you with me?" he repeated. "You could be with anyone, you really could. What are you doing with someone like me?"

For a brief moment she stayed listless, only to let out a short indignant gasp. "Ass!" she shrieked and stood up, her little shoulder bag whacking him over the head.

"Mer!" he called after her but she was already squeezing her way out between narrow rows of seats and stepping on peoples' feet in the process.

Great, just great, he sighed flopping back to his seat. His erection was gone, for certain. But Meredith running away from him in fury was not what he intended.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"Derek?" Carolyn turned around in surprise to see her son walking alone into the kitchen. "Where's Meri?" The two were always joined at the hip. To see one without the other was a miracle. Even at night, though she tried to put an end to the nightly trips. They were young, they had time for this kind of intimacy.

"I don't know. Her house probably," he shrugged looking into the fridge for something cold to drink.

"Okay," Carolyn acknowledged slowly. "Weren't you supposed to be on a date?"

"The date is over…" he muttered and made to walk out.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," Carolyn put her hand son her hips dangerously. "What happened? Sit down and tell me everything. This instant!"

He retreated and obeyed her request with a sigh. "We've had a fight."

"A fight? Don't you have fights at least once a day? Yet I've never seen you two split up."

Derek tried to stop the blush from appearing on his cheeks. The whole thing got just blow out of proportions… And now his mother was personally interested, too close for his comfort.

"She… called me an asshole. And a liar. And left."

"Get used to it, every man gets to be called that at least once in his life. Knowing from my personal experience, usually a whole lot more often," she remarked briskly.

"Just great," he rolled his eyes.

"Did you lie to her?" she asked shrewdly omitting the object of the actual lie in her question.

"Not… quite…"

"But you didn't tell her the whole truth either?" stated Carolyn knowingly.

He bit his lip confirming her assumption.

"Didn't I teach you not to tell lies?" she asked gently sitting down next to him. "While lying is condemnable in general, lying to a person you love is despicable and lying to the woman you love is just plain stupid."

"Lo- Love?" he stammered frowning.

"Because the woman you love will call you on that lie nine times out of ten."

"I… I couldn't just tell her…" stuttered avoiding her eyes.

"Why? Because you felt embarrassed for some reason? Because you didn't want to lose your face in front of her? I assure you, Sweetie, if Meredith had stayed five more minutes, she would have called you a male chauvinist too."

"Gee, thanks Mom," he said humorlessly.

"I'm not saying you are," she chuckled. "I believe I've raised you better than that. I'm just warning you not to act like one. You know what you're supposed to do now, don't you?"

"Apologize…?" he sighed. "What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she wants to kill me? She is capable of it you know?" he said remembering her diabolical plan that made Dwight Parker change schools last year.

"Well, then, that's where telling the truth comes in handy," she admonished.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Meredith opened the door to see Derek with a repentant expression on his face and three red roses in his hand. She glared at him, scoffed at the flowers and made to shut the door.

"Mer, please! I'm sorry!" he called after her.

"Shut up!" she ordered looking nervously back into the house. "You want all neighborhood to hear? What do you want?"

"I want to talk to-"

"You've got five seconds to give me a valid reason. Thrill me."

"I-"

"Your time is up. Goodbye!"

"Mer, I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I… acted like an asshole…"

"Yes, you did," she folded her arms on her chest. "Why are you with me? You could be with anyone? Seriously? Seriously? I'm not a whore!"

"Meredith?" a cold voice sounded from the house. "Is someone at the door?"

"And that's just perfect," muttered Meredith and grabbed the three flowers from Derek's hand to throw it in the bushes.

"Is that your mom…?" frowned Derek.

"Meredith!" A woman with a strict face appeared behind her, her eyes moving quickly between her daughter and her guest. "Who is that?"

"Derek Shepherd, my boyfriend," stated Meredith immediately regretting her words. She wanted to see Derek sweat and there was no one more fear-inducing than her mother. But it was a cardinal mistake she just made, one that would be very costly to pay.

"Your boyfriend?" Ellis snorted disbelievingly sizing Derek up from head to toes, making him squirm in the process. "That's a good one. Derek Shepherd… you're her lab partner, aren't you? Well, it looks like finally you've decided to do something worthwhile, Meredith. It's vacation but that's not the reason to stop working. I'm just going to the hospital in the next ten minutes so you'll have a silent house to study."

They pretended to be engrossed in books until Ellis was gone. As soon as the door shut behind her, Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry for her. I guess… I can understand what you meant. But hell, those are other people. This is me!" she looked at him sincerely. "I thought you knew I like you just the way you are."

"You do?" he said quietly, his heart beating faster.

"Of course, I do, you dork," she sighed and stood up to lead him from the table to the sofa. "So," she smiled hooking her arms around his neck and leaning up for a kiss, "don't you ever feel inferior. You're not."

Their lips met, slowly at first, teasing. Soon enough, it turned heated and breathless. Hands started to wander everywhere. Derek's mind began to get blissfully clouded at the feel of her curves pressed tightly to him. Her lean waist, her wider hips, her soft breasts… And IT happened again of course.

He yanked away from her and quickly sat down on the sofa, fidgeting with a cushion over his lap.

"What now?" Meredith asked impatiently, her hands falling to her sides with resignation.

He looked at her. She was so beautiful… Her pink hair disheveled from their recent activities, her lips pinkish and swollen, her chest heaving to catch air… His penis would never go down with her being close, looking like that… Truth, it was moment for the truth.

"Mer, I'm… I'm sorry, okay?" he breathed out, incredibly flushed.

"For what?" she frowned.

"I… like you, okay?"

"I kinda figured that out already," she said slowly as though he had suddenly lost his mind.

"It's just that I like you a lot…" he went on. "And it's not really my fault…" he took the cushion off his groin dramatically.

She was dumbfounded for a minute, thinking that he had gone insane altogether until her eyes slid down…

"Oh!" her eyes went wide open and her teeth bit in her lower lip. "Wow!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry-"

"Wait, wait!" she stopped him raising a hand and trying to look at his face though her eyes still wandered off south. "Did you… did you seriously apologized for a hard-on?"

"Well, yeah," he muttered. "I don't want you to think I'm an insensitive jerk".

"Only you, Der," she chuckled breathlessly, her eyes fixed on the fly of his pants again. "Has it ever… occurred to you that I might take it as a compliment?"

"A compliment?" he arched his eyebrow skeptically.

"Yeah. You know, it feels good to know that you like me… this much," she quipped slowly sitting beside him. "That you find me... attractive."

"You are…" he gasped and squirmed uncomfortably. "Sorry… this is… not very comfortable…"

"I'm sure it isn't," she uttered, mesmerized. It looked… big… Who would have thought Derek would be so… well, to be honest, hung off… He was always too jumpy to let her touch him this way even though she wanted to. But it was clearly worth the wait… The mother nature probably was of the opinion that she had to compensate Derek for his other shortcomings.

She put her hand on his thigh innocently. It jerked up at the touch.

"What… what are you doing?" he swallowed hard, his pulse quickening.

"You said you were uncomfortable," she shrugged with a smile.

"I am," he gulped. "And this… is not helping…"

"Derek, why are you embarrassed of your own physicality?" she inquired gently, keeping her hand immobile on his thigh. He was so cute and innocent. Like a deer in headlights.

"Because… it's not very good in general," he rolled his eyes.

"This…" she pointed at his lap. "This… is very good. Trust me."

"Huh?"

"Der, you realize we're going to have sex one day, right?" she asked coyly, a smirk on her lips.

"I… yeah, I do," he said.

Something in his voice make her squint at him shrewdly.

"Perhaps… you've dreamt about it…"

"No," he answered quickly looking down.

"Liar," she said with singsong voice. "Do you trust me?"

He nodded.

"Then relax," she said soothingly. "I want to make you feel good. Just relax, okay?"

He sank back against the couch as her hand moved slowly up his thigh. She scooted closer to him and pressed a kiss to his lips and then to his neck. Her light fingers wandered onto his abdomen on the level of his navel and started to descend. His breathing became more rugged. She could see his muscles tensing up and she felt proud she was able to work him up to such a state.

Her palm moved down past the belt buckle.

"Meredith…" he moaned in a warning.

She planted another kiss onto his throat and whispered, "Relax…"

She finally found her destination. Her palm gently passed over his jean clad erection. She pressed it a little harder…

"Mer, no!" he muttered in panic.

"Derek, really-"

She didn't' finish as his body suddenly seemed to go rigid, his head went back.

"Oops," she bit her lip as a strangled moan escaped his throat and he sank lifelessly onto the couch. For a couple of minutes when he struggled to catch a breath his face was relaxed in utter bliss. Until he opened his eyes and realized she was watching him intently.

"Derek, don't be embarrassed," she pleaded as she recognized the horror in his eyes. She kissed his lips gently. "You're beautiful."

He blinked at her madly but he finally understood that she had only acceptance for him.

"It's so unfair you know," she huffed and thrown herself against the couch next to him. "Why men can have a screaming orgasm just like that and women don't?"

"But women don't have a penis that can stand up in most unexpected moments…" he grumbled.

"Hmm."

"So… I… uhm… thank you?"

"You're welcome," she grinned.

"I… Can you point me to the bathroom…?"

"Sure. It's upstairs," she smirked as he limped across the room uncomfortably.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"So you finally left the asshole's bedside?" Meredith heard Derek's angry voice behind her as the vending machine projected her packet of crisps .

"I know you don't like him but I was his surgeon," stated Meredith calmly.

"Really? That was why you smiled at him? Laughed at his jokes?" he asked sarcastically. "Because he's your patient?"

"No," she turned to him with challenge. "Because I thought he was being funny."

"Unbelievable," he shook his head. "You're socializing with one of the people that made my life hell?"

"He changed, he's not the same idiot he was back then. If you came to see him, he would even apologize."

Derek let out a snort, "People don't change that much."

"You'd be surprised," she remarked quietly. "So you think people don't change. What about Mark? He used to ignore you big time and now you're what, best buddies ever? He cares only about his own ass, his own comfort. Don't kid yourself! "

"What about Yang? She'd throw you to the sharks for a surgery!" he reiterated.

"This is an argument of a five year old!" she scoffed. "But I'll let you know that Mark won't be even as half as loyal to you as she is to me."

"I don't give a damn about Cristina Yang. What I want is you to stay away from that Dwight guy," he gritted through his teeth.

"Are you even listening to yourself?" she snorted. "You _want_ me to stay away? Excuse me? A. He's my patient. B. I'm not your possession. And you know what?" she turned to him one last time. "You, you are the one who changed the most of all people I know. I look at you and I don't see Derek Shepherd, neither does Mom or girls."

"I haven't changed all that much," he shrugged. "Well, maybe if you expected me to stay the awkward kid all my life?"

"You know what, Derek?" she let her rams fall to her sides in resignation. "Maybe you haven't changed that much. That's why you're trying so hard to be someone you're not .Maybe that awkward kid is still inside you."

"Right," he snorted.

"I hope he is," she said seriously and walked away.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"Say what?" Cristina choked on her water while Izzie looked at her with consternation

Meredith stood before them with a determined expression. "You heard me."

"But… Mer…" sighed Izzie with a pleading expression.

"No buts," Meredith shook her head decidedly. "If you can't help me, I'll do it myself. I used to do it with good results."

"Isn't it… like selling your soul to the devil or something?" asked Cristina.

"If that would bring my Derek back, I would trek the hell to sell it," declared Meredith with fire in her eyes. "He thinks people can't change. Maybe that will show him how much they do."

Izzie looked at Cristina helplessly, but she only shrugged and nodded.

"Derek is the luckiest guy on earth. I've never seen a woman so determined and so in love," she said with admiration.

"Or a lapdog…" sighed Cristina.

"Just do it," ordered Meredith pushing the scissors and a hair dye into Izzie's hands.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**A/N As always, thank you for your lovely comments and please, keep them coming. That's really what keeps my motivation and makes me update faster!**

**Yours,**

**Em**


	9. Chapter 9: Of Honesty

"Where's your wife to be?" asked Bailey checking her watch again. It was five minutes till six. She could already start the rounds but two of her interns where missing. And she wouldn't move an inch without them. She would go insane if she was to spend a day surrounded by raging testosterone in the form of Shepherd, Sloan and Karev.

"She should be here soon," sighed Derek. "She studied with Yang last night." She was out with Yang a lot lately. He was out with the guys. And they had shifts that didn't always cover. Sometimes it felt as though they just missed each other in passing. When they were actually together they seemed to be unable to stop arguing. Not to mention the fact that their sex life became pretty much nonexistent. He really couldn't wait for the end of the internship. The two-week honeymoon would be a much welcomed breather.

"Here they come, finally," nodded Karev with a deep frown. "At least… I think…"

They all followed his gaze, their eyes going round at the sight of the newcomers, while Derek momentarily forgot how to breathe. He was sucked back in time… he had to be. Meredith, closely followed by Cristina Yang, looked almost exactly as the day he first lay his eyes on her. She was taller for sure, her face features more sublime. And she didn't sport anything black, which was almost a disharmony… But despite these details she was much like her fourteen-year-old self. The fact that she was overall petite contributed to the general effect. What had she done with her shoulder long blond tresses? Well, obviously, she cut and dyed them. Her hairs was so short, only few unruly bangs falling over her forehead.

"We're not late, are we?" she asked disinterestedly as all eyes were on her. Both Mark Sloan and Alex Karev were checking her out while Derek looked nonplussed.

"Wait for us in the patient's room," ordered Bailey to the rest of the group, narrowing her eyes at her. "Yes, you too Shepherd. Grey, have you lost your mind?"

"What makes you say that?" she quipped defiantly.

"Oh, come on, girl, pink hair?"

"There are no rules against it," she shrugged. "Are you discriminating against people with different hair color?"

"Formal rules, there are no formal rules!" barked Bailey. "There exists something like a dressing code around here, one that makes patients at ease!"

"My bedside manner is flawless, pink hair or not."

"I swear if one of these people as much as flinches at you, you're on scut!"

"I understand," nodded Meredith calmly.

"Look," sighed Bailey and glanced around taking a step forward. "I'm sure you've got people to talk to but… if you need an ear, I can land mine. I know a thing or two about being a surgeon in a relationship."

"Thank you… but I know what I'm doing," stated Meredith, trying to convince herself more than Bailey.

"If you say so," shrugged Bailey and beckoned her to follow her.

"What did you do, Meredith?" Derek asked under her breath as she joined her colleagues. He clearly kept at the back waiting for her.

"I think it's rather obvious, don't you think?" she quipped turned her head this way and that way as though admiring her own haircut.

"So this what studying with Cristina means?" he asked. "Is there something else you lied to me about?"

"Don't be melodramatic," she rolled her eyes. Cristina was presenting the case but she couldn't care less right now. "Don't you like the surprise?"

"Quit the game, Meredith," he hissed. "Why did you do that?"

"To show you that people change," she answered him honestly. "To show you how much you have changed."

"What? I-" he became silent as Bailey sent them both a glare.

"You have, don't you see?" she whispered heatedly. "The best proof is that you don't approve of it whereas it didn't make the slightest difference when we met."

"That was high school, Meredith, high school. We were teenagers fooling around, not doctors trying to save lives."

"Nor pompous asses," she gritted though her teeth.

He was about to reiterate but they all jumped when their patient, an eight-year-old girl, sat up on her bed with a cry."I don't want her to by my doctor!" she pointed at Cristina. "She's mean!"

"I didn't even do anything," grumbled Cristina narrowing her eyes at her.

"I want her!" the girl brought the attention on Meredith. "She looks cool!"

Bailey narrowed her eyes at her but Meredith only shrugged. Very reluctantly, Miranda handed her the chart. "You better not screw up because you spent the last ten minutes sniffing your lover boy!" she hissed under her breath making both of them snort away from each other. "God give me patience! Clean your damn laundry at home!"

**T**** H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

**FLASHBACK**

"I'm… I'm really not convinced," Carolyn sighed, apprehension clear in her voice as she observed Derek polish off her late husband's motorbike. It had stood forgotten, protected with a dust cover, at the back of the garage. Thanks to Derek's care it now looked like new. It looked like Michael Shepherd had just gone back from the store on its back. She used to hate that machine, it was way too dangerous. She also used to love riding on it, keeping flush to her husband's strong back.

Derek used to badger her for permission to make the driving license months even before he was legal to drive. At first, she steadily kept refusing. She even discussed it broadly with Meredith and they both agreed on not giving in to his plea, which made Derek pout at both of them for days.

But then his obsession seemed to pass, he even apologized for his childish behavior, and it got them thinking. Derek was a responsible boy, he would certainly be a responsible driver. And there was no way they could afford a car at the month. Another serious conversation between Meredith and Carolyn resulted in the signed permission form and the birthday present from Meredith in the shape of a leather jacket.

"It's a little too late for doubts, Ma," he grinned passing the cloth over the headlight one last time. The black fuel tank of his father's Yamaha XS 650 Special 2 was already shining.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!" she scolded him. "You wouldn't dare to mount that bike without my permission!"

"Mrs. S.," Meredith put an arm around her waist. "Don't worry. Nothing's wrong gonna happen. I'm going to keep him in line."

"You do that," nodded Carolyn, more at peace. If she could be sure of anything, that would be Meredith's levelheadedness.

"You did a good job on it, Der," sighed Nancy walking around the bike with clouded eyes. There could be no one missing during the rebirth of Michael Shepherd's Yamaha.

"Do you remember Dad taking us up and pretending we were riding it, Nance?" asked Kath with a throaty voice.

"Like it was yesterday," she answered squeezing her sister's hand.

"Did he put us on too?" asked Mia with a small voice.

"You two were much too little," sighed Carolyn with a smile of recollection.

"You're not anymore," smiled Derek. "I'll take you for a ride."

"You'd try not to!" chuckled Lanie. "But, after Meredith of course."

"Oh, no," she shook her head quickly. "I… You should have your turn first. Really, I'll wait-"

"No way," declared Carolyn categorically. "My husband was a hopeless romantic, you know. He'd like his only son, who is a spitting image of him I'd like to add, to have the honor of taking the love of his life for the first ride."

Carolyn's words affected her in a way that few things on earth could. They made her lower her eyes embarrassedly and blush.

Derek's cheeks covered in a matching flush. Not only because she had called Meredith the love of his life. She complimented him in the best way possible, telling him he was his father's son. "Mom, thank you."

When he disappeared into the garage Carolyn leaned her head to Meredith's and whispered, "You are ready to name your feelings, aren't you? No, don't tell me. Tell him, he feels just the same."

"Thank you, Ma- Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith blushed even more at her slip of the tongue. She was used to calling Carolyn Mom but never to her face.

"Mom is just fine," smiled Carolyn. "I was hoping you'd be ready to say that one day. I'm happy you are."

"Mer," Derek reappeared on the driveway. "That's for you."

"Smartass," she grinned taking a pink helmet he held in his hands.

He wore his black one, got on the bike and straightened his jacket self-consciously.

"So how do I look?" he asked with a grin.

"Perfect," she smiled and her eyes lit up.

Though certainly Derek's looks improved since she first met him - the braces were off, his complexion was much better and he grew even taller than he was already - an average person would still probably not describe him as attractive. But he was to her, oh he was. She wouldn't change a thing about him. She wouldn't agree to replace him for a fashion model even if she was paid a fortune. She… she loved him just the way he was and that way was perfect. And something about him sitting on that bike made him… sexy.

She planted a kiss on his lips through the opening of his helmet.

"Ew," grimaced Lanie. "Save it for later…"

"Save it when Derek sneaks into your room at night," added Mia.

"Amelia Shepherd!"

"I'm just stating the facts, Mom," she shrugged with a grin.

Meredith quickly donned her own helmet and climbed the bike, tightly encircling his waist. She felt excitement bubbling inside her.

"Just drive safely," Carolyn pleaded them once again. "I want you to come back for dinner in one piece!"

"Two pieces, Ma, two," snickered Mia. "You wouldn't like to see them in one piece. Besides, it would be pretty acrobatic on a bike-"

"AMELIA ABIGAIL SHEPPHERD, FOR THE LAST TIME!" hollered Carolyn. "Have you no shame? You can forget about leaving your room this weekend, young lady-"

"You know, let's go before we get mixed into this even further," she whispered to him.

"Yeah, I do want to sneak into that room of yours tonight, you know," he breathed.

They lowered the shields, Meredith grabbed Derek even harder while he turned the key. Seconds later a wild roar came from the engine putting an end to the row between Shepherd woman as they halted to clap. Carolyn had tears in her eyes. This moment could last forever.

They slowly rolled out of the driveway onto the street. Meredith managed to give the girls the last wave before Derek sped up, leaving them behind.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"Wow! It was freaking fantastic!" Meredith breathed out enthusiastically as she took off her helmet. The adrenaline was still coursing in her blood.

Without Carolyn's watchful eye, Derek really felt the speed after they rode out of the city. Everything they passed mingled together in a colorful blur while the pressure of air against them made butterflies stir in their stomachs.

"It was," laughed Derek following Meredith onto the little clearing.

They made it to the elevated area out of Seattle, a practical wilderness but an excellent viewpoint over the whole city.

Breathless, sporting identical grins they hiked as far as to the edge of the cliff.

"God, it's beautiful here," she managed to breathe out gazing far over the serene panorama. The city line on the background of the most majestic sky she'd ever seen. She glanced at Derek. There were moments in life, moments of exuberance, of beauty, which made you feel so happy it was painful.

"It is beautiful," he muttered not taking his eyes off her.

Her smile widened, her blush intensified. "I could move out here and live here," she whispered in amazement.

"You could?" he grinned.

"I could."

"Then I'll build you a house here one day," he promised.

"You will?" she smiled.

"I will."

"You plan on keeping me around that long?" she looked at him challengingly.

"As long as I can," he confessed breathlessly stopping just in front her. He cupped her cheek with one hand and intertwined their free fingers while looking deeply into her eyes. "I love you."

The three simple words took her breath away. There was no holding back, no hesitation in his voice, no embarrassment.

"I love you too," she smiled gently up at him.

Their lips sought each other sealing the first mutual declaration of love in a sweet lingering kiss.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Why did they agree to come here? Neither of them was particularly enjoying round after round of drinks with their colleagues at Joe's this evening. But maybe it was better than tearing their throats at each other at home. Here they could limit their communication to a few necessary words and keep on talking with anybody else. Derek was still obviously disgruntled with her for subjecting her appearance to such a drastic change without notice while she couldn't muster anything else than passive aggressiveness.

Cristina who was sitting on Meredith's right in their booth sent her a sympathetic look when she sighed. Derek had his arm around her seat out of a habit yet somehow they managed to avoid the contact. What was wrong with them?

"Loosen up, girl." She heard Cristina's snarky voice in her ear. "That's the man you're going to spend the rest of your life with."

Meredith sent her a glare.

"No, seriously. You're lucky you're here," remarked Cristina. "You see the uptight bitch?" she inconspicuously pointed at the woman who just sat down across their table.

"Montgomery?"

"Yeah, she'd be all over your idiot if you hadn't come. Not that you sitting here will be an obstacle to make some suggestive comments…"

"What do you know?" Meredith asked narrowing her eyes at the red head.

"There is not much to know apart from the fact that presumably she's a major cocksucker and it's your cock she wants to take into her deep slimy throat."

"You're disgusting," grimaced Meredith.

"That's called honesty," shrugged Cristina.

Sure enough, Addison Montgomery's chortle rumbled across the booth, "You wouldn't believe what patient I had today. The woman was having spontaneous orgasms!"

"No freaking way!"

"Hey, I'm jealous!"

"I was too," grinned Addison and fluttered her eyes at Derek. "But then I thought… there is nothing that can replace the feel of a man between your legs…"

"Sure there is," Cristina snickered loudly. "A good quality vibrator."

Meredith burst out laughing while Addison chose to ignore both of them and started to continue on her thought, "I'd-"

"Actually, vibrators might be even better the real thing," Cristina interrupted her obnoxiously. "They never fail!"

Mark snorted loudly, "Mark Sloan never fails. I can go on for hours!"

"What about you, Derek?" Addison asked coyly, making Meredith wish she had sneaked a scalpel from the OR.

Derek frowned as he felt the eyes of the group on him. "I… don't really share these details. Sorry."

"Now, Derek, you've just picked my curiosity!" Addison quipped licking her lips.

In any other circumstances Meredith would be proud of him, grateful for his tact, but right now she couldn't muster any warm feelings towards him. Why did Addison even bother to hit on him? Didn't everyone know he was engaged to be married as soon as the internships was over? Maybe he wasn't clear enough that he was off-limits? Maybe… maybe he even encouraged these advances? She no longer knew what to think. Anyway, her thought processing was somewhat hindered by the alcohol she consumed.

"You know Addison, I would hate to leave you in the big unknown," laughed Meredith clearly surprising the red head. "All you need to do is ask me. 'Cause me," she pointed at herself, "hands on experience."

"Meredith," said Derek placing his hand on her shoulder in a warning.

"He was my first you know, popped my cherry," she went on recklessly as though she didn't hear him. She wanted to hit him when it hurt the most. "Lasted thirty seconds, I was counting. No! Actually, he was the one counting-" the rest of the sentence drowned in what could be only described by bystanders as a bomb explosion. Everyone, even Addison, was howling with laughter, tears in their eyes.

"We're calling it a night." Meredith heard Derek's strained voice in her ear and an abrupt pull on her arm.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

The ride home was quiet. It was silent actually. Not even one word was exchanged. She expected him to rage and storm at her but there was nothing. Zero.

"Going to have a shower," she grumbled as she took off her shoes throwing them somewhere near the door and walked into the bedroom.

"Not so fast," he spoke in a low perfectly calm voice, catching her wrist. When she turned towards him, she could see angry flashes of hurt male pride in his eyes.

**A/N**** Just to calm you down, Addison is not going to be an issue in this fic.**

**The moment I think the most of you is anticipating is coming very soon, but please, trust me to make it better in due time. It's a fic about healing and growing up to be in a mature relationship.**

**Hope you continue to enjoy this. If you do, please leave a comment.**

**Em**


	10. Chapter 10: Of Bitter Sweetness Part I

**A/N Thank you for your support! Another chapter for you to enjoy…**

**Mind that it's rather explicit in content…**

**FLASHBACK**

"Ugh, why are you doing this to me exactly?" Meredith let out a long tortured sigh as three pairs of hands tweaked her attire.

"A little gratefulness would be in place," quipped Nancy standing up and taking few steps back to admire the overall effect. "I think it's perfect."

"It's as far from perfect as it could be," grumbled Meredith looking down at herself. She was wearing a dress, a strapless pink knee length dress that made her feel like some ridiculous prom queen. The dress was not that bad in itself. She just wasn't the dress type of girl.

"You're a total spoilsport, Mer," ranted Kath, folding her arms over her chest.

"You know I'm grateful for everything you've done for me-"

"It's not about gratitude," Carolyn stopped her categorically, pride in her eyes as she looked at Meredith. "It's my daughter's Sweet Sixteen. Wouldn't even think of not celebrating it properly."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled warmly. "But, and it's not your fault, I feel silly in this dress…"

"The dress is beautiful," stated Nancy with a tone that could as well say "shut the hell up".

"Yeah, but it's… a dress…"

"Derek will be shocked when he sees you," said Kath knowingly. "He won't know what hit him."

"Which might come in handy… later, you know," Nancy winked at Meredith who made round eyes at her in warning. One thing, she asked for Nancy's advice in one thing and she couldn't shut her mouth about it! Especially in front of their mother!

"Derek will be completely dumbfounded, I'm sure," smiled Carolyn. "You are beautiful, Meredith."

"Thank you, Mom," she sighed gratefully.

"I think we've done in here," nodded Carolynn at the girls. "Just a quick word with you, Sweetie. Nancy, Kath, we'll join you downstairs.

"Meri," she put an arm over her shoulders in a motherly gesture. "I… look forward to having grandchildren but I'd prefer them not to come so soon. And I know we've had a talk about it… but I must ask if you thought about protection?"

"Wha…?" Meredith looked up at her in horror, her blush easily comparable to the greatest of Derek's.

"I know you're not comfortable with the subject, I'm just asking about one thing."

"We, uhm, we did," she stammered. "How… how did you know?"

"A mother just knows things," shrugged Carolyn. "You'll see when you're one yourself but… as I said I'd prefer it not to be so soon."

"Oh," she breathed out. "Uh, why haven't you said anything to Derek?"

"Honey, I know my son," she let out a chuckle. "He would be completely flustered and inarticulate and… well, I don't want to ruin your evening."

"Oh, Mom…"

"Just… this changes nothing about no sneaking policy," warned her Carolyn.

"Okay," she grinned. Well, that policy was ineffective anyway. Carolyn herself probably was well aware of that but it was not like she could approve two teenagers sleeping together under her roof.

"Now, let's go and make Derek speechless."

"You don't think everyone will die of sugar shock?" Meredith arched her eyebrows skeptically. "Pink hair, pink dress, pink shoes…"

"Perfect harmony," she smiled at her reassuringly.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Meredith slowly made her way down the stairs. It was so cliché… To make an entrance and leave everyone swooning… But it felt so right. It felt so right to celebrate her special birthday with her family. It felt so right when Derek's eyes scrutinized every inch of her from the tips of her first high-heeled shoes to the tip of her head which sported a silver hair band, giving a semblance of a tiara. She even got rid of her earrings for the occasion, replacing them with a pair of long delicate chains.

"Wow, Meri!" Lanie exclaimed enthusiastically.

"You're a princess, sis," backed her Amelia.

She smiled widely but waited for the reaction she anticipated the most… and it was not coming.

"Derek!" Nancy shoved him sharply on the back.

"Say something!"

"I…" he stammered, his eyes shining as he took her in. He offered her his hand as she descended to the foot of the stairs and kissed her fingers. "You… are… breathtaking…"

"Thanks," she smiled and leaned on to press a kiss to his lips. She didn't even have to stand on her tiptoes thanks to the shoes. Everything felt a little different today. Maybe it was because of the dressing up thing or maybe what they planned on doing after dinner.

"Let's move on to the living room shall we?" Carolyn ushered them in. "Time for the food and the presents."

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

It was the most beautiful day of her life. Even the fact that her own mother forgot about her sixteenth birthday couldn't change it. Her new mother didn't forget it, she never would, just as her new family.

And Derek was… he was indescribable. She suspected he had to be everything a woman could want from her man. She had no doubts whatsoever about the decision they made to progress their relationship further physically. She wanted to do it with him. She wanted to belong with him in every sense. Forever.

At one point during the evening, she got so lost in thought about their later activities that Nancy had to elbow her discreetly to come back to earth. But she couldn't help being in total and utter amazement of Derek. He sang a song for her playing his guitar and he got her the most tasteful and discreet necklace with a small heart. She wasn't a jewelry type of girl. She thought she could never take that necklace off her neck though. He probably saved up for it from his share of income they received for the jobs they did together. Meredith didn't have to work, Ellis would provide her for anything. But she figured she could start on being financially independent from her as soon as possible. Meredith suspected her mother wouldn't be so obliging if she learnt the true nature of her relationship with Derek and that was the most important thing in her life, much more important that the prospective career in medicine.

The dessert was nearly over and although Meredith enjoyed every second of the time she spent with the Shepherds her eyes darted to Derek more often than not. Just as his were running to her. She gave him the tiniest of nods and he stood up from the table, "So… I'm going to take Mer for a ride. We'll be going to the city to celebrate on our own."

"Right, little bro," Nancy smirked knowingly.

"Just be careful," stressed Carolyn as she always did when they used the bike but today Meredith knew there was also a different meaning to her words.

"Don't worry, Ma," she smiled at her. "You know I always keep him in line."

She chuckled at them and watched them hurry to the bike, giddy smiles on their faces. Ah, young love. She would prefer them to wait of course but youth was impatient and hot-headed by nature. Meredith and Derek were already more cautious and considerate than an average couple. And she trusted them, she trusted her children.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

They smiled at each other nervously holding hands, both equally flushed. They were in their secret spot on the cliff outside Seattle. The cliff had already seen a number of indecencies on their part but what it was about to witness clearly surpassed them all. A simple blanket was spread in the tall grass inches from where they were standing with troubled breathing and wide eyes.

"You're sure?" Derek asked her gently.

She smiled. Always the gentleman. "I am. Are you?"

He nodded and took a step forward, closing on the distance between their bodies but not yet touching.

"I'm… nervous," he confessed honestly.

"Me too," she whispered.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't ever hurt me," she assured him with fire in her eyes and lifted her head expectantly.

His eyes became hooded as he lowered his lips onto hers. They brushed softly, a bit shyly. Meredith let go of his hands and passed her fingers through his hair while his palms gently traced her back to grip her hips a little tighter. Her tongue plundered his mouth and dueled with his.

"You really are breathtaking," he muttered when they paused the kiss to catch a breath.

"You're not so bad yourself," she uttered tilting her head back and allowing Derek to trail little kisses on to her neck as his hand moved past the wide belt of her dress onto her thigh, diving into rich folds of the skirt. Her breath hitched and a shiver ran down her spine as she held onto Derek's arms. They never went all the way in the exploration of their bodies. There was an unspoken agreement not to hurry. If they pleased each other, there was usually some layer of clothing between them. Not today, there wouldn't be.

One of her arms went around his back, while her other hand stopped on his chest, over his heart, clawing into his shirt. With trembling fingers she started to fumble with the buttons. She loved his chest. Derek actually worked up some muscle, not too much, not at all like the guys from the team, but he was no longer skinny. And there was a modest trail of dark hair leading from his sternum and disappearing under his belt.

She gasped feeling Derek's light evening stubble rub against her clavicle as he feathered her very exposed cleavage with kisses. With another gasp, she managed to get rid of his shirt pushing it back over his arms and letting it fell to the grass. Her outstretched palms flattened against his chest and when they pressed into each other again, she could feel his swollen length against her hip.

The feel of her hands and the soft material of her dress on his bare chest made the blood course faster through his veins. His fingers blundered behind her in search for the zipper. He wanted her and he wasn't afraid to admit it. She was beautiful and she was there for him. He craved to see her body, to touch her, to… With a breathless smile she reached behind her to unfasten a little hook hidden at the top of her dress and steered his fingers onto the zipper allowing him to undress her.

Keeping their eyes locked, he inhaled deeply as he slowly pulled the fastener down.

"Derek…" she breathed out feeling his fingertips grazing the skin along her spine, down, down… She hooked her arms around his waist to lead him backwards onto the blanket. Biting on her lower lip, she let the dress fall down pooling at her feet leaving her in a delicate black strapless bra and matching panties. She stepped out of the dress and kneeled on the blanket looking up at him. She reached to take off her heels, her inexpert feet were experiencing a bit of discomfort.

"May I?" he breathed out following her down and taking her feet in his hands. He tried hard to get his breathing under control, it was minimally helping to get his erection under control. He wanted to please her, give her everything she deserved. In order to do that, he needed to take things slowly. Even if it was literally painful for him. Meredith was more important.

His touch as gentle as a caress, he slid her shoes of her feet, slowly moving upwards, over her ankles, calves and thighs. When he got to her hips, she lay down on her back pulling him with her. With a tiniest of hesitations he unbuckled and gingerly took off his slacks, letting out a sigh of relief. He rested beside her resuming their kiss and their embrace.

She wasn't just breathtaking. She was taken out of a dream, dazzling, bewitching. His length never throbbed that insistently for release as in the moment she shed her dress. He saw her in swimsuit a couple of times, and sure it always ended up with him trying desperately to cover the bulge in his trunks from innocent people that happened to be at the pool in the same time, but… the black lingerie she had on now was making him go crazy.

His fingers stopped on the thin, partially transparent material of her bra.

"Yes," she gasped as though anticipating his question. "It's… on the front…"

His fingers shaking, he reached to unclasp it, the back of his hands brushing against her breasts.

"You can do it," she teased him with a grin as he fumbled with the hook.

"Oh, I can," he declared with satisfaction as the hook let go and her glorious mounds spilled before his very eyes.

"Mer…" he fought to keep his breathing steady. It was sensory overload. Her two perfect breasts heaved up and down so close to his face, almost hypnotizing him.

"Der…" his name came out as a plea. He wasn't the only one aroused. Her body screamed to be touched, she could feel the wetness soaking though her underwear in preparation for her lover's sweet invasion. Her core clenched impatiently.

He finally brought his hand to her soft breast, grazing it, caressing it. He covered it whole, pushing it slightly.

"Yes…" a rugged exclamation fell from her lips and it coaxed him to squeeze the delicious weight encased with his hand. His fingers rubbed her nipple while he watched with fascination as it swell and darkened. It was the most stimulating sight he'd ever seen. Taken by a sudden boldness, he took the neglected twin into his mouth.

"Oh, God!" She arched her torso into him involuntarily. Her body was showing him she wanted more. Her core was in flames, her panties becoming more and more uncomfortable on her. She took her hands that were wandering blindly over his back and sides and started to wriggle out of her underwear. He momentarily tore away from her breasts as he realized what she was doing and helped her to remove the offending garment from her legs.

He completely froze in his movements admiring the view before him. She was utterly naked and so so beautiful, it was hurting him not to touch her. Her closed legs were fidgeting slightly as though unsure if they should try to hide her intimate place covered by a trimmed patch of hair away from his scorching gaze. Finally, she relaxed them down but kept them pressed together. She wanted it with Derek, she desired him, but she also couldn't help being a bit afraid of it all.

"I want to see you too," she whispered looking him in the eye.

"Okay," he nodded and shed his boxers in a confident move. She trusted him with her body and soul. He trusted her equally.

A tremor of desire shook her body at the sight of his erected length and two swollen testicles. Drops of precum already glistened on the tip. He lay down back and their regards locked. It was the moment. She nodded her head, swallowing. So did he.

She gingerly spread her legs to accommodate him between them.

"Oh… wow…" he murmured as her smooth inner thighs embraced him and the engorged head bumped against her. He lowered himself to rest his weight on his forearms so as not to crush her. Beads of sweat built up over his brow. He was close to achieving mastery at self-control this afternoon. He hoped he'd be ready to sustain it longer…

"I love you," he whispered and locked their fingers together.

"I love you," she said back her hand plunging into his thick hair.

The saw nothing but each other's eyes as their bodes met again and Derek started to slide inside her. They decided not to use condoms. It cost Meredith a visit to the doctor to get the prescription for the pill. Actually, she had to make a special trip to Mercy West to avoid meeting her mother. If Ellis got the wind that her only daughter was using birth control, Armageddon would be nothing in comparison.

Meredith's mouth popped open at the completely new experience of being filled this way. Almost immediately, she felt a slight pressure on what she figured must have been her hymen. He obviously felt it too as he halted, concern on his face beside the incredible tension.

"You're okay?" he managed to grit out.

"I am," she nodded, her heart beating like mad. "Just do it, love. Rip off the band aid."

He almost looked grateful. He didn't think he could just stay immobile doing nothing in the current position. The pressure in his body was only increasing by the second and his legs began to tremble.

He thrust into her, her barrier breaking underneath him. She arched up with a sharp gasp but it was as far from pleasure as it could be. Her eyes squeezed shut as she almost saw stars from the overpowering pain. Her legs tightened around him to hold him in place. She kept breathing deeply but the pain was gone almost as soon as it appeared, leaving a lingering soreness.

"Meri," he swallowed and whispered tenderly, brushing a single tear the escaped down her temple. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay," she smiled at him reassuringly opening her eyes to calm him down. "It's just how it's supposed to be. I love you." And somehow she loved him even more now as he lay on her, in her. He completed her.

"Are you sure? I can just-"

"Start, start moving okay?"

"Are-"

"Please, Der? It's my birthday, you know?"

"Okay," he muttered breathlessly. "Okay…"

He slowly pulled out of her and slipped back. The splitting pain didn't return but she was still a bit sore. Another thrust, and another. She finally stated to feel something else past the slight discomfort. The pleasure was starting to rise very timidly in her belly.

"Oh, God, Mer," he gasped and she knew he was in the point of no return. His length started to twitch inside her. His release was hot on her walls. She caressed his scalp with a smile as he experienced the pleasure of his first orgasm inside her. She wasn't disappointed. She didn't even expect Derek to hold out long enough to make her come. She was just happy to experience it with him. She couldn't even think about being like this with someone else. He was it for her. The love of her life, even though she just turned sixteen. He was so beautiful to watch too. His orgasm was much more intense than ever before.

When he was done, he slid down onto the blanket trying not to squash her, still staying intimately joined with her. He felt utterly spent and would be utterly satisfied if he wasn't aware he left her hanging.

"Mer, I'm sorry," he breathed out, opening his cloudy eyes.

"Really," she chuckled. "If I hear you saying sorry once again today I swear I'm going to hit you!"

"But you didn't…" he sighed slipping out of her.

"It's okay," she assured him and couldn't help feeling suddenly empty. "I enjoyed it. We'll just have to… work on it."

"I want to make you feel good," he whispered and his hand moved gently from her hip between her legs and sank between her folds.

She flinched a little. "I… it's sore," she sighed. "This is going to have to wait for the next time."

"I'm sorr- " he didn't even finished when her fist collided with his chest.

"Ouch!" he whined rubbing the spot. Meredith could have a really heavy hand sometimes.

"I told you I'd hit you," she shrugged.

"I just… I want you to feel what I did," he said fiercely.

"I know and I'm not gonna take it easy on you until you do," she smirked at him finally bringing a smile onto his lips. He leaned to kiss her. Not much changed in the way they kissed, it was as tender and loving as ever. But there was a new sense of peaceful intimacy between them.

She pulled away from him after a while and whispered apologetically, "I… can we… It's starting to feel a bit weird you know," she pointed at her lap.

"Oh," he nodded understandingly. "Sor- I mean, I'll help you out."

She sat up wincing just a bit and feeling his semen drip out of her.

"Here," he handed her tissues and helped her to clean up, pulling a protective arm around her bare back. Somehow he felt a whole new level of responsibility. He wanted to be the one protecting her, caring for her, providing everything she might need.

She relaxed into his chest gratefully. "The blanket is ruined," she remarked at the blatant traces of his cum and her own blood. "We might throw it out somewhere on the way back… I would die if Mom caught the sight of that..." Carolyn was incredibly tolerant but showing off with the fact that they were sexually active would be unwise.

"We're not going to throw it out," Derek shook his head. "Too many fond memories."

"Cheesy," she teased him nuzzling her nose against his playfully.

They way she turned her midriff to face him, her breasts bouncing, made the air hitch in his lungs while his cock stirred to life against her butt.

"Impressive," she grinned at him. "But not for today. Sorry."

"Now you're saying sorry?" he chuckled. "Well, I'm not gonna hit you but I can bite!" he growled and attacked her graceful neck with his teeth. She giggled madly squirming against him and they both fell on their back, resting half on the blanket, half on the grass.

Derek encircled her strongly in his arms and they lay in peaceful silence staring at the sky that was beginning to darken. A single star was twinkling at their blissful faces.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**A/N Comment?**

**Have a lovely weekend,**

**Em**


	11. Chapter 11: Of Bitter Sweetness Part II

**A/N Thank you for reading commenting!**

**I need to warn you that this update might be difficult read, it might seem harsh. And I'm really nervous to post it. But it's a turning point in MerDer relationship…**

**Enjoy…**

"Not so fast," he spoke in a low perfectly calm voice, catching her wrist. When she turned towards him, she could see angry flashes of hurt male pride in his eyes. "Care to explain me why you said that?" his hiss resembled that of an angered snake.

"I was just maintaining a polite conversation," she shrugged. "That's just exactly what you do at bars, Derek."

"I never talk about our sex life," he spat back.

"Maybe you should," she snorted. "At least all the sluts would realize you're in a relationship. Apparently, you don't seem to manifest it too openly."

"I don't think there's a person at Grace that doesn't know we're engaged!"

"I'm going to tell you something Derek!" she shouted losing her patience. "Being engaged does not equal being IN a relationship. You seem to have quit ages ago!"

"What does that suppose to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean that you're an asshole, Derek!" she screamed into his face seeing his eyes narrowing into thin slits and she smirked. "And another thing, I just told them the truth. Or maybe you don't remember?"

She watched with satisfaction as his cheeks covered in a blush. Ah, the infamous Derek blush. That was why she felt nauseous at the sole prospect of leaving him. She still could catch those little things about him that constituted the essence of him. It made her thrive on the hope that her Derek was still somewhere in there, lost and trying to find her.

"I was a sixteen-year-old virgin," he gritted out. "Somehow you omitted the whole nights of you screaming my name in pleasure that followed. Is your memory that selective?"

"No, it's you who behaves like a person suffering from amnesia!"

"I think you do need a reminder," it was his turn to smirk as caught her wrist again before she could stalk off.

He spun her round and before she could react in any way, his hot demanding lips were on her, plundering her mouth insistently, his tongue aggressively taking what was his.

With a stifled groan she tried to resist pushing against his chest and trying to pull her face away. A steady hand on her neck prevented her from turning away. His tongue worked meticulously on her mouth while his free hand dived under her blouse to grab her breast possessively, pushing her bra away to squeeze and rub the bare flesh. His already aroused cock ground against her hip.

Against her own will, she felt herself faltering, her resolves waning. She loved him, she loved his touch on her body. She missed the physical side of their relationship and as Derek pressed her to his hard body she could almost grasp their former closeness, almost.

She gave in to his ministrations, her fists clenched at his shirt relaxing to rub his chest and then plunging into his rich hair. Sensing her participate he took his hands to her waist and grabbed the hem to pull her blouse over her head, all the time steering her backwards towards the bed. Immediately, his quick hands sneaked behind her to unclasp her bra but didn't bother being patient, as he tore off the hook. And they were again on her soft mounds, pressing on them ,squeezing them, pinching, making her go wild.

The back of her knees bumped against the bed making her topple over and fall onto the mattress with a small jump. She remembered how much fun they had choosing the right mattress for the new apartment last summer. It now almost seemed as though it had happened in another lifetime.

Before he joined her down he roughly unbuttoned her jeans and drag them away from her legs along with her panties. He smirked triumphantly as his starving eyes feasted greedily over her exposed body, clearly visible in the lights of the city coming from the window.

He could see her arousal glistening between her legs, her chest rising and falling ruggedly, her hard nipples calling him as usual, her fists clenching the sheets near her head. Her pretty resolute pink-haired head... There was something strangely arousing for him after all in that hair. It reminded him of all these times in their teenage years when they mastered the art of lovemaking. They had a lot of practice, in their secret spot, sneaking together at Derek's at night, at Meredith's house when her mother was working…

His penis ached for her but there wasn't an ounce of nervousness in him. He had this under control. For once he was sure of his sexual prowess. And he was going to show her just that. He was going to blow her mind.

With swift confident movements, he shed his shirt, trousers and boxers and rushed to join her, spreading her legs further to accommodate himself. His fingers trailed tantalizingly over her thighs while his mouth lunged for her breasts, licking and biting ruby aureoles.

She squirmed beneath him, the carnal need for him raging in her blood. Her core was shamelessly begging him for release, the dampness seeping along her opening.

He dipped his engorged head just an inch inside her and pulled back teasingly, over and over again until she was moaning in a needy frenzy.

"What do you want me to do?" he breathed out to her ear, licking her lobe. Her short gasp was his only answer.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" the arrogant question made her made her tremble for him further. "I know you like it hard and fast… Is that what you want?"

When she remained speechless, he moved his hand between their bodies to press his thumb against her swollen clit. She shrieked trashing on the mattress with unbridled yearning.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" he repeated his query, his fingers making circles around her puckered nub sometimes brushing against it to make his point.

"Derek…" she moaned, her lungs desperately catching for air. She wanted him to be with her, not beside her, with her. "Yes… yes…"

He grinned and removed his hand to thrust in her tight channel without notice, deep and rough. Her back tensed in a perfect arch, crushing her breasts against the hard planes of his chest. Her fingers clawed onto his muscular biceps as she clenched around his thick shaft.

He grabbed a small pillow to place under her hips for a better angle and kept driving into her with a force of thousand men, giving her no reprieve to breathe between her frenzied moans and whimpers. At the same time, his fingers tweaked her sensitive breasts for further stimulation.

Her legs moved to hook around his waist but he grabbed them and placed her feet on his shoulders opening her up for his relentless penetration even further.

It wasn't long before she exploded, her inner muscles clamped around his hardness like there was no tomorrow coating it in the juices of her orgasm. The intensity of the pleasure he brought on her was indescribable, everything ceased to exist. She inhaled spastically, her core still experiencing the aftershocks.

But he was far from being done, and apparently so was she. He flipped her limp body onto her stomach unceremoniously. Her mind clouded from the sheer pleasure of her first orgasm didn't quite register that he spread her legs again to reposition himself between them nor that he lifted her hips up for better access.

Her eyes popped open when his cock speared her from behind. He was still hard, he never finished off after the first round. The sheets cooled the heated skin of her cheek as she braced herself for the next thrust. One of his hands strongly gripped her hips while the other was stretched possessively on the small of her back to keep her in the position.

Thrust after thrust he reignited the fire inside her that didn't even have the time to burn out. He was taking her whole, making sure she felt him in every cell of her body as he drew in and out fast, the tip of his penis hitting her cervix.

The pain mingled with overpowering pleasure as she came violently for the second time, her throat getting hoarse from the constant crying out. This time, he followed her right in with his orgasm with an uncontrollable growl. His release seemed to be never-ending as his seed showered her walls.

Meredith sank onto the bed when he finally let go of her middle. She felt him slid out of her slippery channel and heavily lie down beside breathing hard. She smiled lazily, her hot and sweaty body still trembling from wild pleasure. She expected him to roll over to take her in an embrace, to spoon her, to drape his arm over her waist in the sign that even they were no longer physically joined, their connection was everlasting.

He didn't.

She waited with her heart beating madly in the darkness, her damp skin beginning to get cold. In vain. Her heart woke up with another flutter of hope when the mattress jumped under him as he moved. But not to seek contact with her.

"Now I'm going to have a shower," he said, his voice impassive in the obscurity. "You going?"

"No," she managed to utter in a cool collected voice. Nothing more. If she had to say anything else it would come out as a strangled cry.

He didn't press for more though and proceeded to the bathroom while Meredith lay in the exact same position he got off her. Naked, on her stomach, the mixed juices of their desire a mess between her spread thighs.

That was a new feeling she was experiencing. One that she had a problem naming. What did she feel like? Like a prostitute? A cheap whore whose master had his fun and didn't even thank her for her services?

One thing was certain, the feeling was painful, it was cracking her heart into halves. Her eyes stared at the wall unseeingly as her mind analyzed his every move with no pity for herself. Surely, he was skilful and confident, overconfident even. He brought her to the peak of physical pleasure. Yet… he was never so detached from her. As if… as if his heart wasn't there. Only his aroused body. It wasn't love making. It was just sex for him. Or maybe the medical term coitus would be more appropriate in these circumstances, as unemotional and inexpressive as he was to her.

If he wanted to get back on her for her snarky comment, he fully succeeded, in a way that he probably didn't realize himself. Humiliation wasn't the worst emotion he evoked in her, treating her as if she was his sex toy. The worst was the felt as though she had just had a sexual intercourse with a total stranger. Like she was used. Like the man she loved with every fiber of her being was irreplaceably gone.

She heard the water stop. Before he came out from the bathroom, she managed to hide herself under the duvet with a trembling hand. He didn't say anything when he slipped under the covers, he probably thought she was asleep. It never was a problem for him to hug her when he joined her in bed. Today, no words, no touch. Just like strangers.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

If she was to name the worst day of her life, the one she was having would be the natural choice. She barely slept a wink, her body both uncomfortable and too worn out to change her position. It was four a.m. when she opened her eyes knowing there would be no more sleep. Her mind was reeling as she turned her head to look at Derek who was slumbering peacefully. Her heart squeezed painfully when she took in his unconscious face. It was as innocent as she ever remembered it being.

But as his actions from the previous evening stood out vividly in her memory her stomach dropped again. She slowly sat up feeling the rest of his semen slip out of her. She felt dirty. She had sex with the only man that ever touched her and she felt dirty. Careful not to wake him, she didn't know if she could bear talking to him in her current state of mind, she trotted to the bathroom to take a quick shower, got dressed and left for the hospital. Everything she did this morning was automatic and mechanical. She didn't dare to admit it yet but a decision was growing in her heart.

**A/N So, yeah… Comments?**

**Yours,**

**Em**


	12. Chapter 12: Of Rising Above

**A/N Thank you for your wonderful comments! You're amazing! **

**This one is a bit fillerish but it's like a necessary breath of air before making a decision.**

**Please, enjoy…**

"You look like crap. But you're also probably used to me greeting you like that," quipped Cristina as Meredith joined her in the crowded conference room. "Who stepped on your puppy?" she asked as she scrutinized Meredith's hardened face and the ginger way she sat down. "Don't answer that. I already know who. And that was not your puppy he stepped on."

Meredith rolled her eyes grimly and asked, sweeping over the crowd around, "Do you know why we're here?"

"Shepherd took all night to show you how much of a macho he is, didn't he?" Cristina smirked knowingly, disregarding her question. "So did he prove he's a man through and through?"

"No, he didn't," she answered bleakly.

"Mer?" Cristina's eyes turned suddenly softer and apprehensive. "He didn't do… anything stupid, right?"

"He wouldn't ever hurt anyone physically, certainly not me, if that's what you're asking," she sighed.

"So that is…?" she pointed at her lap suggestively.

"Normal after two mind-blowing screaming orgasms," shrugged Meredith.

"What's the problem then?"

"Cristina…" she hesitated. "I'm not just a fuck me kind of girl. And I really appreciate if we could just drop this. Why are we here?"

Cristina nodded with understanding and started to explain enthusiastically. "Tom Evans is here for a case!"

"No way, Tom Evans?" Meredith tried to muster the excitement she would feel on any other day. "The Tom Evans, the neurogod?"

"The one and the same," nodded her person. "But apparently even he can't figure out what's wrong with the kid that was transported here a couple of hours earlier. That's why we're here. He's going to talk to us!"

Meredith arched her eyebrow at her skeptically. "Did I just hear you giggle? Did suddenly something that's not cardio peaked your interest? Or maybe just the neurogod?"

"What can I say? I'm a surgery whore," she quipped.

Meredith saw Derek coming in to the room but she quickly looked elsewhere not to catch his eyes. She could feel them on her though for some reason. Luckily, a distracter in the form of no other than Tom Evans appeared in the middle of their gathering.

"He's younger than I thought," Cristina muttered to her, the quality of her voice playful.

"I guess," shrugged Meredith, looking with mild curiosity at the black-haired man in the navy scrubs.

He cleared his throat and started to speak, "I'm gonna do something rare for a surgeon. I'm gonna ask interns for help. I've got this kid, Katie Bryce. Right now, she's a mystery. She doesn't respond to our meds. Labs are clean, scans are pure, but she's having grand mal seizures with no visible cause. She's a ticking clock. She's gonna die if I don't make a diagnosis, which is where you come in."

He eyed them sharply. "I can't do it alone. I need your extra minds, extra eyes. I need you to play detective. I need you to find out why Katie's having seizures. You're tired. You got more work than you could possibly handle. I understand. So I'm gonna give you an incentive. Whoever finds the answer rides with me. Dr. Bailey's gonna hand you Katie's chart."

"You wanna work together?" elbowed her Cristina.

"Sure, why not," she answered seeing Derek talking fast with Mark.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Do we need to do that?" Cristina groaned trying to keep up with Meredith.

"Well, what do you think?" she rolled her eyes. "You want to discover what's wrong with the patient without talking to the patient?"

"I'm curious where did this sudden zeal come from?" Cristina narrowed her eyes at her.

"I want to nail this case," Meredith rounded on her. "I want to win the place in that OR! I want to be the kick-ass surgeon! I want to… I want to be the bitch I am, not a submissive weepy girl!"

"You want to beat Derek in this race," commented expertly Cristina.

"That too!" Meredith huffed. "Come on! And work on your bedside manner!"

Since the moment they entered Katie Bryce's room, Meredith knew it would not be a piece of cake. The teenage blonde looked like… well, a little self-important twit.

"So, how are you feeling?" asked Cristina with a fake smile.

"How do you think I'm feeling?" Katie asked sarcastically. "I'm missing my pageant!"

"You're missing your pageant?" Meredith figured they could start with that.

"The Spokane Teen Miss, duh!" the teenager rolled her eyes at their ignorance. "I was in the top ten after the first two rounds. This is my year. I could have won!"

Meredith and Cristina shared a pained look of commiseration. She felt her high-school dislike for cheerleaders returning.

"What are you, like, new?" snorted Katie. "I twisted my ankle in talent rehearsal and I didn't get stuck with someone this clueless."

"You twisted your ankle?" frowned Meredith looking into the files. "It's not in here."

"It was nothing," the teenager shrugged dismissively. "I do rhythmic gymnastics, which is, like, really cool. Nobody else does it. And I tripped over my ribbon."

Meredith's head shot up.

"What?" Cristina crinkled her eyes.

"I think we might get it," she grinned.

"We might?"

"Yeah, come on!" she exclaimed pulling her arm.

"Damn, for a lady with sex injuries you move pretty fast!"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

They noticed him shaking his head at one of their fellow interns and walking into the full elevator.

"Oh, Dr. Evans, just one moment!"

He stopped the door of the lift from sliding shut, giving Cristina a short look. His eyes then rested on Meredith and specifically on the top of her head. His eyebrows raised in obvious surprise. Meredith groaned inwardly. If the pink hair were going to bite her in the ass depriving her of the chance to assist on the procedure, she would kill Derek. She was on the verge of doing that already for the last night.

"Katie competes in beauty pageants," she started confidently.

"I know that, but we have to save her life anyway," he quipped with a smile, clearly enjoying the brief exchange.

"She has no headaches, no neck pain, her CT is clean," recited Cristina. "There's no medical proof of an aneurysm, but what if she has an aneurysm anyway?"

"There are no indicators," he shook his head.

"She twisted her ankle practicing," added Meredith.

"I appreciate you trying to help..."

"When she twisted her ankle, she fell. It was no big deal, not even a bump on the head. She got up, iced her ankle, and everything was fine," Meredith went on relentlessly. "It was a fall so minor, her doctor didn't think to mention it when giving her history, but she did fall."

"You know what the chance is that a fall could burst an aneurysm? One in a million, literally," he argued allowing the elevator to close to the relief of other passengers.

Meredith only managed to give him a hard look when he disappeared out of sight.

They started to work on plan B but the lift reopened with a ding and Tom Evans strode out energetically.

"Let's go," he threw at them, his eyes on Meredith.

"Where?"

"To find out if Katie's one in a million."

"I'll be damned, there it is." Evans pointed at the screen shaking his head. "It's minute, but it's there. It's a subarachnoid hemorrhage. She's bleeding into her brain. She could have gone through her entire life without it ever being a problem. One tap in the right spot..."

"It exploded," supplied Cristina.

"Now I can fix it. You two did great work."

"Dr. Shepherd, you'd said that you'd pick someone to scrub in if we helped?" she led him on.

"Oh, yes, right. Um... I'm sorry I can't take you both. It's gonna be a full house."

Meredith frowned as she felt Cristina stepping to stand slightly behind her.

"Dr… Grey," Evans deciphered her ID. "I'll see you in the OR."

"Why did you do that?" Meredith rounded on her when he was out.

"You need that more than I," shrugged Cristina avoiding her eyes.

"I'm not a charity case!" she hissed.

"You've just proved that! Look, you solved it, you figured out what's wrong with that airhead. You're going to walk in that OR and be the kick-ass surgeon."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith slowly made her way through the labyrinth of corridors to reach the interns' secret place in the basement. She needed to ultimately gather her thoughts before the surgery, she couldn't be distracted during a procedure this important, a procedure led by a world-class neurosurgeon. She just needed a little peace and quiet to wrap her mind around everything, to actually feel the excitement and pride of what she accomplished today. The more she allowed herself the success to sink in, the more optimistic she felt. Maybe she went too far last night. She had hurt him. Used their treasured moment so lowly. God, she never held it against him that he didn't make her orgasm during their first time. It was actually one of her sweetest memories.

She stopped in her tracks when she heard male voices.

"Damn, I'd kill to be in that OR!" sighed Alex opening a can of some carbonated drink. "I've heard Evans likes to pick favorites."

"He picked your chick all right, Shep," drawled Mark. "You might watch out or there'll be two horns on your head..."

"She flashed a smile at him and the guy swooned," grumbled Alex. "Seriously, that was just a lucky guess. An aneurysm? A med student could get that right."

With bated breath Meredith waited for Derek's reply. I didn't come. He said nothing. No contradiction. Like he didn't care… or was of the same opinion…

She quickly backed out careful not to be seen nor heard.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"You'd never guess who came over when I was just leaving to meet you," said Derek as they took a turn between the stalls in the store, hand in hand. "Mark Sloan."

"Seriously?" she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Since when has he been talking to you?"

"Since he decided he wants to go to premed apparently," he snorted.

"You're kidding me! Mark Sloan? Premed? God help us all if he ever becomes a doctor! What did he want from you?"

"Didn't care, didn't ask," shrugged Derek. "I didn't want to be late," he leaned in for her lips.

She grinned at him and stepped in front of him walking backwards as she gave him a quick peck. They didn't notice a young pair standing on the way and Meredith bumped into them accidentally.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized quickly.

"Watch where you're going, freaks!" the guy hissed contemptibly as he took them in.

"Hey, she said she was sorry, no need to be an ass," frowned Derek.

"Who did you call an ass?" the man straightened to his full height.

"Someone who deserved that," answered calmly Derek, not backing out.

They eyed each other for a lingering moment until the guy's girlfriend pulled at his arm nervously and dragged him back.

"Wow!" Meredith gasped in awe.

"Look, I'm sorry if you feel I'm hovering-" he didn't have a chance to finish as her lips crashed against his forcefully and her hands dived into his hair.

"Not mad?" he breathed out when they pulled away to catch air.

"You, fighting for my honor? Sexy," she mouthed with a smirk. "I think… I need to thank you properly," she whispered pressing herself suggestively against him.

"Ma's already back from work," he muttered looking around to check if they weren't attracting too much attention.

"And I don't want to risk meeting mine. I guess I'll have to hold out that forty-minute ride to our place."

"Let's go," he murmured feeling himself tightening already. That bike ride would be an uncomfortable one.

"I just need to grab one thing," she said and led him to the section of the store with cosmetics and scanned the shelf quickly. "Here, we can get going."

"Mer," he frowned at the little box in her hand. "What is that?"

"Eh, a hair dye," she shrugged.

"I know it's a hair dye. But it's a blond hair dye…"

"I…" she bit her lip. "I figured it's time. I'll dye my hair until it returns to my natural color. We're graduating next year. I'm happy," she smiled at him widely. "I don't need to be a rebel anymore."

"You'll always be a rebel," he said taking her face in his hands lovingly. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

They were to look for the checkout when Meredith's eyes slid over the shelf for the last time.

"Der, you care letting me trying something out with your hair?"

"Trying something out? With my hair?" he repeated in panic. "I love you but I prefer my hair color to stay the same."

"I'm not talking about dyeing," she rolled her eyes. "Just… styling it up a bit?"

"No offence but… it's a girl thing," he eyed her nervously.

"Well, you have girly hair," she quipped and laughed at his disgruntled face. "Aw, come on. You know I love your hair, I love… to pull on it when you make me come…" she licked her lips suggestively.

"Okay, do whatever you like," he gulped staring at her lips.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"I promised I'd make her look cool," Evans smiled glancing at Meredith. He was shaving Katie Bryce's head before the surgery. In her deeply confused state of mind, she let herself be slightly surprised by the gesture. He didn't have to do that. The leading neurosurgeon didn't have to prep his patient himself. "Apparently, being a bald beauty queen is the worst thing that happened in the history of the world."

"Did you choose me for surgery because you want to sleep with me?" she asked bluntly.

His eyes hardened as he looked up at her. "I didn't believe it was an aneurysm. But I decided to check it out because I saw something in your eyes that I couldn't ignore. Deep conviction, almost certainty. That's what the best surgeons have. But if that confidence is weaker than what I presume to be other people's jealousy, don't bother coming to my OR."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek pushed his way into the crowded OR gallery. It seemed as though entire Seattle Grace came over to admire the famous neurogod operate. Rumor had it that Chief Webber intended to lure him to stay in the Rain City's best hospital.

At this moment, Derek didn't care much though for the hyped surgery. He managed to catch a glimpse of Meredith standing at the table holding the sucker in her steady hands. She was actually allowed to personally assist, he smiled with pride. He was aware of some talking among his colleagues, he had to listen to Sloan and Karev's rant for hours. He didn't' react, he didn't want to incite another fight as it would only add fuel to the gossip fire.

And Meredith wasn't even speaking to him. She was avoiding him. She couldn't even look at him. Was he too rough last night? He didn't think so. It was just like during their wilder nights. Things between them were weird in general in the recent times. He was usually too tired to ponder on it longer or he pretended he didn't notice it sometimes. He blamed it on the nervousness of the final stage of their internship. Two months, in less than two months, they would be able to forget about the hospital and enjoy the honeymoon. His pager beeped on his hip and he elbowed himself out of the gallery.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

She did bother to come. She believed she deserved to be in that OR, no matter what anyone else said. Tom Evans worked magic in that OR. For the couple of hours she stood watching him save the teenage beauty queen she managed to leave all her personal qualms behind her, to feel the rush and high of the surgery. Evans let her assist, not only be a passive observer. She got to hold the doomsday sucker and her hands were like made of stainless steel, didn't hesitate, didn't flinch.

She let that surgery high carry her to the scrub room and then a solitary on-call room. It gave her a fleeting sense of strength to face what she had avoided so far. She wasn't even mad at Derek anymore. The adrenaline numbed her. She finally came to acceptance that the fairy tale was gone, the fairy tale that lasted over a decade. It was gone. Time passed. Derek changed. He grew out of that teenage crush he had for her. Maybe that was what her role in his life was supposed to be limited to, a phase on his way to something better.

Sure, she could continue to live in this illusion. But she wasn't sure what would be more excruciating, walking away or staying with him knowing he couldn't fully reciprocate her feelings, her undivided devotion. And she couldn't force him to care. She left the on-call room on to find Derek, knowing that she was about to change her life. Forever. Irrevocably. There was only a trace of regret that people who were dearest to her turned out unable to love her.

Her hands shook. They never shook. She had the steadiest hands of all the interns. But they shook now. And her throat was burning. She entered the locker room but the only occupants were Izzie and Cristina suturing a banana.

"Have you seen Derek?" she asked quietly.

"Nope."

"I think he should be around the nurses' station. His patient's in a very vulnerable state."

"Okay, thanks," nodded Meredith gravely. She almost regretted Izzie gave her that piece of information. It pushed her closer to what she didn't want to do.

"Meredith?" Izzie's apprehensive voice stopped her before she retread from the room. "Is… everything okay? You look deadly pale."

"I'm fine," she said keeping her head down. "Do you…" she hesitated but decided to rip off the band aid. She faced them and asked with a clear voice. "Are you busy tonight? I need help with something."

"I have a shift," replied Cristina observing Meredith carefully. The sutured banana was momentarily forgotten.

"I was about to stalk for surgeries," said Izzie. "What do you need help with?"

"Moving out," she answered, her face impassive.

"Oh, my God…" gasped Izzie, immediately realizing what her words implied. She quickly got to her feet but Meredith raised her hand in a gesture to stop her. She didn't want the compassion, she didn't want the girl time. Not now.

"I'll… I'll get someone to cover my shift," Cristina assured her softly. Meredith was stunned to see sincere emotions painting on her face. She didn't let them show often.

"I'll be there too," Izzie offered quickly, sitting back down.

"Thank you," she acknowledged simply and set out to fulfill her fate.

**A/N Comments?**

**Em**


	13. Chapter 13: Of Letting Go

**A/N Thank you for your feedback after the last chapter!**

**Here comes the moment you probably anticipated… I know some of my not like that direction but that's what happens in life sometimes. The premise for this story is based on real life. Besides, you know I always make it better in the end ;)**

**I hope you continue to enjoy…**

She saw him sitting at the nurses' station, engrossed in some reading. Probably his patient's chart, as his forehead was creased in a small frown, the same he wore every time he was thinking hard. The same frown he sported while doing his homework in high school. She just stood there, her back getting cold against the hard wall, for an indefinite period of time. Watching him. Trying to pretend for a little longer that everything was okay. That they would go back home together after their shift, drink some wine before going to bed and make sweet love till the wee hours of the morning.

But it was never going to happen again. She had to live on memories from now on. She had a lot of them to hold on to. That was her blessing and her curse. She braced herself forward though every cell in her body, every fiber of her soul, was screaming in protest.

"Hey," he muttered in greeting. He didn't even lift his eyes from the file. He had trained the same sense of awareness of her presence as she had in regards to him.

"Derek," she said softly touching his forearm. She was greedy for the touch. She had to touch him as long as she still could. It wouldn't be long now. She could touch him for the last twelve years but suddenly it felt painfully little. So not enough. The whole lifetime wouldn't be enough. Two lifetimes wouldn't be enough. "Derek, can we talk for a second?"

"Mer, I'm waiting for the page," he sighed tiredly.

"It won't take long…" she pleaded. Just a few words and they would be… There would be no "we". "Maybe we can go to a conference room… or an on-call room?" she looked around tucking her hair behind her ears nervously. It wasn't ideal for this type of conversation. But… was there an ideal setting for a break-up with the love of your life?

She couldn't postpone it any longer. She made up her mind. Further putting it off would only prolong the torture of awaiting the inevitable. Or she could get cold feet and change her mind again which would be even worse. There was no way they could exist like that. It was… over… so over. Her heart was beating out of her chest. As if trying to run away before the final blow.

She led him along the corridor keeping a strong grip on his wrist. Every step felt like dying just a little inside. All your life running through your head in your last minutes? She understood now. All the happy memories swirled in her mind, depriving her lungs of air.

_Beep-beep-beep _

The damn pager. It had taken her mother away from her. Now it claimed Derek.

"I don't have time for you now. Do you want to talk about your surgery? We can talk about it home," he said, his eyes already darting to the stairs at the end of the hall.

"I… I won't be home tonight, Derek," she said quietly looking him in the eye. Time seemed to cease its course. People around were just blurs in slow motion.

"Okay then, tomorrow," he shrugged. "Are you going to Cristina's?"

"Derek," she blinked trying to fight the tears that she felt were too close for comfort. Her palm encased his cheek, her fingertips grazing the raven locks on his temple. "I tried so hard, Der. I really did. And I'm so sorry that I failed. But you can't really force someone to love you."

"What are you talking about?" he frowned at her in complete puzzlement.

"I…" her voice wavered for the tiniest of seconds. She cleared her throat and resumed. "I want you to know that I'm letting go. Now. From this moment on. You're free."

"What?" His face expressed only incomprehension.

"I know you'll feel guilty soon enough. Because you're a good person. I know that, I always knew. But I don't want you to try to make up because of any obligations. I'm freeing you from all of them. And I truly hope you'll be happy," she managed to arch her lips in a smile and not a grimace of pain. She leaned towards him one last time and pressed a small fleeting kiss to his lips, exactly the same as their first one. The full circle was done.

"Goodbye Derek," she smiled and moved away letting go of his hand. "Your patient's waiting."

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Carolyn hurried to open the door to see Meredith standing listlessly in front of the house.

"Meri?" she asked, her eyes wide as she couldn't quite cover the surprise of seeing her in her high school haircut. "Why did-"

"Ma, please, don't ask," she breathed. "I'm sorry I'm so late… and without notice."

"Don't be silly, dear," Carolyn frowned apprehensively. "My children don't need notice to visit. Come on in. Are these your friends?" she pointed at Izzie and Cristina who were waiting in the car, both staring shamelessly in their direction.

"Yes, they're my friends and colleagues," Meredith explained breathlessly, her fingers running absent-mindedly over her engagement ring.

"Aren't they coming?"

"No, I… I'm just here for a minute, maybe two… Are Lanie and Mia in?" she asked nervously looking around.

"Nah, they're enjoying their vacation doing god knows what in god knows where. I wouldn't expect them before early morning. Let's come to the kitchen, sweetie. Sit down, I'll get you something to drink-"

"Mom, no," she refused gently. Carolyn turned to face her, full of misgivings. She knew what was going on from the moment her eyes rested on her daughter, on her pink-haired daughter. But she wanted to pretend it was just another family visit for a little while longer. Because in that exact moment, the world of two of her children was crashing down. "I… I wanted you to know first… from me. You deserve to know first," she let out a deep breath and rubbed her cheek distractedly.

"You're letting go," stated Carolyn calmly.

"I… I am…" She confirmed, slightly amazed Carolyn used the same words she said to Derek.

"I'm sorry, Mom," she swallowed as her eyes felt heavy. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be what your son needed. And… I… couldn't help him…"

"Meredith," Carolyn's voice was strangled as she rushed to take her into her arms, just as she did for the first time many years ago. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Sweetie, absolutely nothing."

"I couldn't…" she gasped.

"You fought for him harder than any other person would," whispered Carolyn, her fingers caressing Meredith's short tufts of hair. "But a relationship requires work of two people. And you were trying for both for far too long."

Meredith leaned back and with a heavy heart pulled the ring from her finger. It felt empty. The silver band was there for the last eight years.

"I was honored to wear it, Mom," she confessed and handed it to Carolyn carefully. She didn't take it though. She closed Meredith's palm encasing it with her own, the ring inside.

"It belongs to you now," Carolyn whispered warmly.

"It belongs to Derek's future wife…" she argued with a trembling voice, the concept making her dizzy.

"This ring is to be worn by the love of my son's life. And you are his first, last and only love."

"He doesn't love me, Mom," she stated simply. "It's just… a habit. An obligation. Responsibility. There's no more love. I wouldn't… I wouldn't have left him if I thought otherwise. Maybe it was… puppy love," she chuckled remembering Cristina's words. "It's not true love. I'm making it easier for us both. I don't want him to stay with me because it's comfortable. None of us deserves that. Please, don't hate me for that-"

"Child," Carolyn stopped her categorically. "What are you talking about? You are my daughter. Regardless of what is going on between you and Derek. I love you no less than him. It's the same for the girls, your sisters. We are your family no matter what. You can come hereany time to talk and I fully expect you to. I expect you to be here for Thanksgiving, Christmas-"

"Mom," she interrupted weakly. She already had to face Derek at work. She didn't need another reminder of what she had lost. On the other hand, if she was to lose also the rest of the Shepherds, she wasn't sure she could survive it.

"No discussion, and you're keeping it," ordered Carolyn pointing at the ring. "It belonged to me after all, not to Derek. It is my decision what I want to do with it. It would be a disgrace if anyone else ever wore it. Because I know no one would ever love my some so generously and selflessly as you."

Meredith hung her eyes down and whispered, "It wasn't enough…"

Carolyn lifted her chin gently. "That's not your fault. It's not going to be easy for you but I want you to hold your head up high. Because you're an incredible woman and my son is a blind fool."

"You can't force anybody to love," shrugged Meredith.

"Oh, Sweetie," sighed Carolyn and once again hugged. She had feared all things to come to such an end. She warned Derek that Meredith needed to be reassured of his feelings. And now the young woman believed she meant nothing for him than an old life companion. Which was so not true. Derek loved her. Carolyn absolutely did not intend to persuade Meredith to believe that though. That girl needed a breather, both mental and physical. The wounds were open and raw. And she would never believe that in her current state of mind.

"I… I need to go," Meredith said suddenly. "Izzie and Cristina are waiting for me… They'll help me out with… they'll help me to move my things."

"Where are you going to stay?" Carolyn asked with concern. "You know you have your old room here-"

"He… might come and look for me here," admitted Meredith. "And I don't want to see him for the next forty-eight hours. I'm going to crash at Cristina's."

"Just be careful," pleaded Carolyn as she walked her to the front door. "Take care of yourself. And if you don't have the strength to call me, please, don't avoid my calls."

"Okay," she smiled but sobered immediately as she remembered about something. "Mom, I… the wedding… I… I can't even think about it… cancelling…"

"I'll take care of everything," assured her Carolyn. "Don't you worry."

Meredith nodded sadly and let Carolyn place a kiss on her cheek. "You still look good in pink, Meri."

She gave her a tiniest of smiles and hurried to the car.

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

"So," Cristina looked around standing in the middle of the living room, cracking her knuckles. "You have a lot of crap in here. That's quite a lot of work to carry everything out. What do you want to leave him with? Bare walls? Oh, and that hideous flower vase! Did he buy it for you? The guy has awful taste. No offence, by the way," she smirked.

"That's an engagement gift from one the Maloney Aunties. We would have caused a family feud had we chucked it away," she muttered distractedly, keeping a little to the side, her back to Cristina and Izzie. Inconspicuously, she took her heart necklace, Derek's present for her Sweet Sixteen, from underneath her shirt and shakily put her ex-engagement ring on the delicate chain. She couldn't leave it somewhere in the drawer or a jewelry box. It was too much of a heirloom. A sacred object. A sign of her love, even if it was ultimately unrequited. The ring will be close to the place where it belonged, her heart. She sighed as the cool metal band landed on her breast. "I'll only take what I need."

"Only take what I need? What about punishing him?" Cristina threw her arms to her sides. "You're supposed to be at war! At least, that's what happens in all chick-flicks…"

"I don't want to take things that are going to remind me of him," argued Meredith pleadingly. She just wanted to take her clothes and some of the books.

"What about the TV set?" proposed Cristina. "Unless it's going to remind you of all the cuddling on the coach…"

"I don't watch much television anyway," she shrugged. "Besides, it's like his baby or whatever."

"Well, a baby takes two people to make. I'm guessing you co-financed that baby."

"Cristina!" Izzie hissed across the room, wiggling her eyebrows in warning.

"What about that cliché plastic Eiffel Tower?" Cristina pointed at the little statuette standing on the TV.

"What do you expect to bring from Paris?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "We went there before med school. Trek around Europe…"

"Okay, probably too much porny and corny memories," nodded Cristina. "What about… that poster? It looks kinda cool…"

"It's from the sex museum in Amsterdam… same year."

Izzie shook her head at Cristina and her failed attempts.

"What about the table cloth?" she laughed simply.

"Traditional Belgium lace," gritted Meredith folding her arms.

"Okay, I get it," gave in Cristina. "You're like two halves of the apple or something. Let's just pack your clothes and leave before he gets here."

"I'll appreciate that," grumbled Meredith and strode to the bedroom. She pulled the closet open and started to take out her things haphazardly, which wasn't easy as her clothing was mixed with his… Her eyes fell on a blanket in the far corner. She slowly and delicately pulled it out, passing a tender hand over it. The blanket on which they first made love… They didn't throw it away. They cleaned it instead but it was never used again, as the blood never really came off.

"Meredith?"

She pressed the blanket to her chest, startled by Izzie's voice coming from the doorway.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"No, I'm not okay," Meredith muttered quickly hiding the blanket into the bag. What would Derek do with it anyway? It would probably land in the trash over time. That she didn't want, it did hold to many fond memories…

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Derek rubbed his face vigorously trying to stay awake. He just needed to complete the post-op and he was done for the day. Well, for the night. It was nearly one a.m. As soon as his thoughts were no longer occupied by the patient, an image of Meredith reappeared in his mind. She was acting really strangely just before he was paged away. Maybe they could finally talk it through when he was home, hopefully, without screaming or angry sex. He was just tired of it all.

He arrived at the nurses' station with the patient's chart. The lights were dimmed as usual at night and there was only one person occupying the space behind the counter, Addison Montgomery.

"Derek," she grinned at him widely, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Addison," he nodded distractedly and moved behind the counter to leave the chart in the due place. Addison's long legs blocked his way.

He quickly moved his eyes away with a sigh. One could think she was already an attending, she had a black pencil skirt that barely peeked from underneath her lab coat and a pair of black stilettos on her feet. Did she intend to survive a night shift in that?

"Sorry, can you…?" he sighed. He really wanted to go home as fast as he could. The stress, tension and physical weariness were catching up on him.

"Can I… do what exactly, Derek?" she smirked at him pushing her chest forward, sliding to sit at the edge of the chair.

"Move, I'd like to leave my patient's chart- Whatever," he sighed and walked around the station to reach the place from the other side.

"You don't have to be so nervous," Addison wound a strand of hair around her finger. "It's just you and me here… you and me…"

She stood up suddenly and brushed against his arm as he was finishing scribbling post-op info in the chart.

"What are you doing?" he frowned flinching away as though he was burned. This was not normal colleague behavior, even for a person as forward as Addison Montgomery.

"I know there is an empty on-call room on this floor," she whispered licking her lips.

"I don't need an on-call room," he answered thickly. "I'm going home."

"You can go home later," she chuckled. "After we…. had little fun… fooling around… you know, relaxing. You seem tense," she remarked grabbing his bicep.

"I hope you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting," he wrenched his arm away. "I tolerated the flirting but this is too much. I'm engaged! We're coworkers. My fiancée is your coworker. Your standards are pretty low." Maybe he was too harsh. He didn't want to cause any bad blood in the workplace but God, he was just too tired. And frankly, Addison scared the crap out of him. She wasn't used to women coming onto him this hard. Sure, he grew comfortable with some flirting directed at him over the last few years but the open come and get me? Meredith was the only woman he could ever feel comfortable with. And he was more than fine with that. Mark tried to pull him to the dark side a few times but really, Derek would just laugh at his silly attempts. He only had eyes for Meredith, he always would.

"You're not engaged!" Addison chuckled.

"I don't think that conversation is going anywhere," he shrugged. "Please, desist whatever that you're doing. Let's forget about the last ten minutes and keep it a at a professional level. Stay away from me and Meredith."

"But she broke up with you!" Addison gasped impatiently. "What's the problem?"

"I'm really done talking with you," he answered categorically and strode away to the locker room to change.

Addison shrugged to herself and muttered, "Some men are jut suckers for punishment."

She was disgruntled though. She wanted to have some fun tonight. If not with Shepherd, his loss then. She looked around, the only man around would be the arrogant male nurse. He wasn't that bad…

**T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L**

Meredith slid to the floor with exhaustion, both physical and mental, after they deposited the last box in the middle of Cristina's apartment. Box after box… all her life enclosed in a couple of ugly carton boxes…

"You're off tomorrow, right?" asked Cristina standing behind her.

"Cristina, put that away!" Izzie berated her hotly. "It's not the solution!"

"Shut up, Barbie. Are you off?"

Meredith nodded hanging her head down, her spine seemed too weak to hold her up any longer.

"Then take this," said Cristina placing a bottle of tequila and a shot glass on the box in front of her face.

"Meredith, don't! Alcohol doesn't solve any problems!"

"Okay, it's not like I'm trying to turn her into an alcoholic! She needs something strong!"

"Can you just stop playing little angel and devil on my shoulders?" spat Meredith from her place on the floor and desperately grabbed for the drink, downing the shot in one gulp.

"That's my champ!" exclaimed Cristina as Meredith swallowed another portion of the burning liquid. It was like volcanic lava flowing through a ghost town.

After the third shot Meredith pushed the glass away and bitter tears streamed down her cheeks, violent sobs shaking her slender body.

"She needs something strong, was it?" snorted Izzie and moved to kneel down beside Meredith rubbing her back softly.

"Uh, you're better off without him…" Cristina tried to cheer her up.

"Not helping," Izzie mouthed to her over Meredith's shoulder.

"Er, you'll forget about him soon enough. We can even find you a new idiot-"

"I don' know if I wanna forget about him. I don' know if I could forget about him even if I wanted. And I don' wan' new idiot!" yelled Meredith, her words slurring from the alcohol she absorbed on empty stomach and her grief. "I wanna… my idiottt!" with that she passed out against Izzie's careful arms.

"And I wanna stick his penis in a blender," gritted out Cristina bringing a wet cloth from the kitchen to dampen Meredith's burning temples. "I'll take care of her tonight," she sighed to Izzie as she was back. "Go back to your place and get some sleep. You'll need to get your ass here and check up on her tomorrow when I'm at work."

"She looks peaceful now," sighed Izzie passing a hand over Meredith's forehead. She was sighing and mumbling something in her alcohol induced slumber. A shadow of smile wandered on her lips.

"Yeah, but she's going to have to wake up soon enough."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

That day blissful smiles and copious tears mingled together in the Shepherd household, the most often on Carolyn's face. Two of her children graduated from school today, Meredith and Derek. It was one of the best days of her life. She couldn't help tears of pride and happiness stream down her face when first Meri, then Derek were called on to receive the diploma. And with the top results too. The world was open for them. They decided to pursue a career in medicine. Meredith was adamant about it since forever. Derek seemed to catch that passion. They way the two of them talked about medicine… discussed Meredith's mother's surgery tapes... It was a relief to see them so set on fulfilling their ambitions.

Their love for each other was in full bloom. They were maturing in that feeling. And well, she finally allowed them to sleep together without sneaking after they both turned eighteen. They were responsible adults and there were no more reasons why she should pretend to be a prude.

They looked so good together too. Meredith grew into a real beauty with her petite frame, delicate but resolute face surrounded by blond tresses. Derek was also past his awkward puberty stage. His face features hardened in way that the slightly crooked nose added to its rugged appeal. With Meredith's guidance he tamed his wild hair to his advantage. He also worked up a clearly masculine built that made females seize him up appreciatively. But he only had eyes for Meredith. That was a constant. Nothing was more important than Meredith.

That was why she finally decided to part with her engagement ring. It was her treasure. Michael bought it for her with his hard earned money and proposed during a night time stroll when she sneaked out of her parents' house to meet him secretly. Well, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Her connection with Michael was invincible and everlasting, just like Meredith and Derek's. And as they reached their adulthood, she bestowed the ring into Derek's care until the day he would be able to slip it onto Meredith's finger. Jolly, it had to be hard for her son to keep a secret from his beloved.

It wouldn't be long now, though, her instincts were telling her that there would be another occasion to rejoice about soon. Well, her instincts and the way Derek glanced up at Meredith and felt his pants pocket every ten minutes as they went through the celebratory dinner. She grinned softly when she saw her son ask Meredith discreetly if she could walk outside with him for a second. She tried to wait patiently sitting at that table with her daughters but… her curiosity got better of her and she trotted to the kitchen to peer over into the backyard.

"Ma?" Mia soon joined her. "Watcha looking at?"

"Shh!" berated her Carolyn.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"So what's so important that you had to drag me out here in the middle of the dinner?" she smiled up him standing on her tiptoes and weaving her arms around his neck. Her lips naturally pressed a kiss to his jaw while she inhaled the scent of his cologne.

"It is… it is quite important," he murmured, his heart beating like mad. He shouted at himself internally to calm down. This was Meredith for god's sake. The woman who loved him.

"I bet it is…" she purred and her hand slid from his neck down over his chest and stomach to his pants. "It has been a busy couple of days. I'm missing you…"

"Me too," he gulped but to her hand from his penis before it could make itself known. He loved sex with Meredith but he didn't want to propose with a gigantic hard-on. "Wait, just a sec, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded looking at him questioningly.

"Meredith, I love you," he said letting out a deep calming breath.

"I love you too," she smiled sweetly.

"You're the love of my life," he went on. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Her smile grew even wider. "And you will. I can't wait when we'll be on our own in the fall."

"Meredith," he uttered her name solemnly and felt himself sliding down to his knees. He didn't plan on it, it just came naturally. Just like the impulse to ask her to become his wife in his mother's minute back garden.

"Derek?" she breathed out, her eyes wide as Derek took her hand into both of his.

"Will you do me the honor and agree to marry me?" he asked looking her sincerely in the eye.

"Oh, God, Der, I… You!" she rambled chaotically. Another look at his face told her how nervous he was so she just hurried to exclaim, "Yes! Of course, Love! I love you! Yes, I'll marry you!"

He laughed with obvious happiness and relief and get to his feet to swing her round in his arms. "You've just made me the happiest man on the planet!"

"You've just made me the happiest woman on the planet," she laughed feeling her eyes dampen somewhat despite her best efforts not to. "Now what, engagement sex?" she breathed into his neck.

"Not just yet," he chuckled and pulled his mother's ring from his pocket. "Allow me," he pleaded taking her hand and slowly slid the delicate piece of jewelry onto her finger.

"Isn't it…" she frowned at the familiar contours of the ring.

"It's the ring my father gave to Ma when he proposed, yes," he answered proudly.

"How…?" she looked up at him wildly.

"Mom gave it to me… gave it to us…"

"It's beautiful but I… It's your parents-"

He interrupted her kissing her tempting lips. "It's the sign of my parents' love. Now it's also the sign of our love."

They were to kiss again but a shrill "Oh my God" coming from the house made them look in the direction of the kitchen. Carolyn and the rest of the Shepherd women stood pressed to each other peeping at them.

Derek rolled his eyes at them while Meredith blushed all over.

Clapping and cheers came from the house but Derek did no longer care. He kissed his fiancée, he finally could call her something more than a girlfriend, he kissed her long and hard.

"We'll be together forever, promise me," she choked out, her eyes wet but an impossible smile on her lips.

"I promise you," he whispered with unhidden emotion, taking her face into his hands. "We'll be together forever. Always."

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**A/N Would love to hear from you,**

**Em**


	14. Chapter 14: Of Closed Doors

**A/N Thank**** you for your constant interest!**

**Enjoy…**

Derek let out a sigh of relief as he fished his keys out of the shoulder bag and unlocked the door. Talking to Meredith had to wait though. He was supposed to be back at the hospital before noon and he needed his sleep drastically.

But as he crossed the threshold all thoughts of work evaporated from his mind immediately. He stepped into the dark silent apartment, viscerally knowing that something was off. He couldn't put his finger on it. He could feel it. An uncanny sense of coldness. Not a physical one, it was a warm night. It was because… he couldn't feel her presence. Meredith said something about going somewhere, right? Her face before answering his page swam back into his memory.

He threw the keys onto a shelf opposite the inbuilt closet near the door and stared at the floor with a frown. There were no Meredith's shoes. Not a single pair. They usually cluttered the space until they had a bit of free time to clean the flat once a week. He took a peek inside the closet . Not only didn't he notice her shoes anywhere, he realized it was half empty...

"_I __won't be home tonight, Derek."_

He hurried to turn on the light. He wasn't wrong, Meredith's things were gone. Full of misgivings, he moved to their bedroom, not even bothering to take off his shoes. Almost frantically, he pushed the main closet wide open… A chill ran down his spine. None of Meredith's jackets, blouses, jeans… None. He pulled open a drawer after drawer. His clothes lay solitary in neat piles.

He moved on to the living room. It looked basically the same as always. Except that a number of medical books disappeared from the shelves. Some of the crockery was gone from the kitchen.

Meredith was gone.

He cursed under his breath. Things between them were a bit sour lately but it was no reason to pack up and go. He needed to find her and straighten things up before the entire family was involved.

He searched for his phone and chose her number. He wasn't surprised when she didn't pick up. With a sigh, he grabbed the keys and stormed out.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Carolyn sat up in her bed having been woken by the insistent ringing of the doorbell. She glanced at the clock. Two a.m. It couldn't be the twins. It was too early for them. And they had two spare sets of keys anyway.

She knew who it must be. She knew her son would arrive at her doorstep tonight just as she had seen Meredith off. With a deep sigh and a strict expression, she put on her bathrobe and descended the stairs to open the door.

"Derek. What in the God's name do you think you're doing making all this noise in the middle of the night!" she berated him sternly.

"I'm looking for Meredith," he explained hurriedly striding inside, his eyes sweeping the interior of his childhood home searchingly. "Is she here?"

"No, she's not here," answered Carolyn folding her arms over her chest. "You could have called to get that answer." She was harsh with him, she knew that. But he didn't look like he realized the full impact of what had happened. He needed to face the music at long last.

"Maybe, but I'm aware of women solidarity in this family so I had to check myself."

"Now you have," she said dryly. "I'd like to go back to sleep."

"Wait a minute," he frowned. "You're not going to fuss over it? Ask thousands of questions about what happened? Why I'm looking for Meredith in the dead of the night?"

"It's your life. You don't like me interfering in it."

"Right," he snorted. "You know she took her things and left. You talked to her."

"She's my daughter, I talked to her."

"So, do you know where is she? Nancy? Kath?"

"She's not staying with either," sighed Carolyn. "Don't harass your sisters. Go home and get some sleep. You look like hell."

He frowned at her, surprised by the disapproving tone of her voice. She never used that tone with him.

"What are you talking about? I can't just got to bed and get a good night's sleep," he said slowly. "I don't know where Mer is."

"You should get used to that," she answered, though her voice softened a little. Even though he brought it on himself, and on Meredith, he was going to suffer an excruciating pain. Soon. Her heart was already breaking for him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he gritted out.

"That you need to give this girl a break and stop hurting her."

"I would never hurt Meredith," he argued with annoyance. "Look, I need to talk to her, tonight. I need to explain what's going on and take her back home. And honestly, you could be more helpful!"

"I already had been. Meredith is safe where she is, that's all you need to know right now," she ushered him towards the door. "Go back… home. Go back home. You can come when your eyes are not blinkered anymore. Not sooner."

"Mom!" he called after her as she closed the door and leaned back against it. She had to be strong. For both of her children.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek slowly stumbled back into the apartment, not knowing what to think and what to do. Calling Meredith a hundred times since he left his mother's house didn't bring any results. He was smart enough not to call his two elder sisters. He believed she wasn't with them. If she didn't want to be found, and everything indicated that she didn't, she would opt for some place else to stay. Clearly that would be his first natural choice to look for after Carolyn's house. He was ninety per cent sure she was at Cristina's. But he had no idea where the Asian doctor might live.

The whole situation was strangely surreal. He still couldn't believe Meredith just left without notice. If she intended to make her point and show him she was angry with him for some reason, she succeeded. She tended to resort to drastic solutions.

"_I __won't be home tonight, Derek."_

Her words struck him all over again. She knew already what she was going to do it. He just assumed she was planning a study night.

His heart skipped a beat as he remembered what she told him next.

"_I tried so hard, Der. I really did. And I'm so sorry that I failed. But you can't really force someone to love you."_

She failed him? You can't really force someone to love you? Who was she talking about?

"_I want you to know that I'm letting go. Now. From this moment on. You're free."_

Cold sweat appeared on his body. If he heard anyone else saying these words, he would automatically assume the person uttering them was breaking up with someone… He let out a nervous chuckle. It was impossible.

However, he couldn't get rid of the sudden apprehension he felt. And his mind couldn't evoke Meredith's next words so clearly as before. Some jumbled up phrases about feeling guilty, obligations and being happy swirled around in his brain.

"_Good__bye Derek." _That stood out vividly in his memory.

He got to his feet from the sofa and started to pace around in the dark living room, trying to match up the pieces of the puzzle. No way, Meredith loved him. She would never leave him. It was just an argument that blew out of proportion. They would sit down and talk and resolve this mess. They would be happy as they always were and resume the preparations for the wedding that seemed to get stuck in a dead point recently.

He threw himself back onto the couch trying to rationally cool down. It was him and Meredith for crying out loud. They were meant, they were destined, to be together since the creation of the universe.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Mer! Mer!" Cristina lightly slapped her cheeks to bring her to consciousness.

Meredith's eyes fluttered open and she grinned. " 'Stinaa…"

"She's still buzzed," remarked Izzie standing in the doorway. She came over to check up on Meredith as Cristina was about to hurry to the hospital for her shift.

"She… she might have gotten too comfortable with Jose last night," she admitted guiltily.

"Jose," Meredith mumbled and felt around for the bottle. "Giff me my Josee… Wher's't…"

"No more Jose for you," stated categorically Izzie grabbing the bottle which still held around a quarter of its quantity and took it away to throw it out.

"Mer?" Cristina asked in a gentler tone but Meredith was already drifting away… a smile on her lips as images of past times fast forwarded before her eyes.

**FLASHBACK **

Derek stood snuggly behind her as she leaned against the balustrade, protecting her from the swarming crowd that elbowed their way around the balcony.

"It was worth it to spend that two hours in the queue after all," she sighed dreamily as her eyes took in the splendid panorama of Paris.

"Yeah, and I think we have to see all the landmarks as a proof that that we actually left our room," he murmured into her neck while his hands rubbed her hips.

She giggled. "Derek… Try to keep that hands from wandering around too much. I'd love to proceed but I think that the crowded top of the Eiffel Tower is too much, even for us."

He laughed and put an arm around her shoulders when they resumed their slow walk, their eyes admiring the French capital basked in the setting sun.

"You know, if we weren't engaged already, I would propose here and now."

"That would be cheesy," she teased him.

"You want to tell me that doing it in my mother's backyard with said mother and all the sisters watching wasn't cheesy?"

"It was perfect," she whispered and reached to plant a kiss to his lips.

**FLASH**

"Ugh, I think we've already been here, Mer," Derek frowned looking around. "That bridge looks familiar…"

"They all look the same," she grumbled, her nose buried into the map of Amsterdam. "Really! How hard is it to find the Red District?"

"Was that question literal or figurative?" he quipped. "Watch out!" he pulled her closer into his arms as a hurried biker zoomed past them.

"Guh! I hate bikes!" she snapped. "It's like Dead Baby Race Day, every day! Let's go," she pulled at his forearm and led him to a small passage between buildings.

"Mer… I think we're here…" he gasped as his eyes almost popped open at the sight of a woman in skimpy lingerie that was more revealing that covering. She was standing behind a transparent door in sultry poses.

"For the love of God!" shrieked Meredith furiously and pulled him back.

"What's wrong?" he questioned her.

"Nothing," she fussed around her backpack red on the face, not looking at him.

"Mer? Would you please tell me what is going on?" he sighed.

She muttered something under her breath.

"What? I didn't catch that."

"Is your dick hard?" she cleared her throat.

"What?" he frowned. "Did you just asked me about my penis?"

"Yeah, is that so hard to answer?" she said dryly. "Is it… hard?"

"Oh, I get it," he smirked folding his arms over his chest. "You're jealous."

"I don't get jealous," she shrugged.

"Right," he laughed. "So the sudden concern about the state of my penis isn't about that stripper. To answer your question, no, my dick is not hard."

She snorted. "She was some stripper, she had boobs like air balloons."

"Mer, I didn't get a hard-on looking at the stripper," he explained patiently. "If you graciously bothered to look at me, you'd know. You can even touch."

"I know I can touch!" she turned to him abruptly catching his groin in the middle of the crowded street. "Because it's my dick, understand?" she smirked, satisfied that indeed, he didn't get a hard-on at the sight of the naked stranger.

"Yes, it's yours. Totally," he breathed put feeling himself getting hard underneath her possessive fingers.

She released him and beckoned him resume their walk.

"Now that's just plain cruel!" he huffed, limping slightly, relieved that people around weren't paying much attention to their antics.

"Take it as a warning," she smiled linking her hand with his.

"You know you're the only woman I'm interested in, or," he cleared his throat, "my dick gets hard for."

"Good," she grinned and took a deep breath halting in the middle of a bridge that crossed the city's many canals. "It is beautiful here. But maybe, let's just skip the Red Light District… Mom wouldn't approve anyway…"

Derek laughed at her excuse. "What's next on the list?"

"Coffee shop…?" she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Interesting," he chuckled and they fell in step.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek massaged his neck trying to relieve the stiffness in his muscles. He finally dozed off on the couch sometime around 4 a.m. He didn't bother moving to the bedroom. It would feel to out of place to lie down on their bed without Meredith. They were forced to sleep separately on many occasions this year due to their working hours but it was different now. Meredith took all her things, like she'd moved out. He didn't want to sleep there until she was back.

He saw Cristina Yang stride purposefully into the hospital. He tore himself off the plastic chair in the lobby and hurried to meet her. He knew she was usually the first of them to be at work, trolling for good cases.

"Where is Meredith?" he shot at her as soon as he caught up with her.

She stared at him with wide eyes. "Good morning to you too."

"Where is Meredith?" he repeated loudly and clearly, following her towards the elevator.

"How the hell would I know?" she shrugged. "I'm not a god. Yet."

"Who else would know better than you," he snorted.

"Uhm, you? Aren't you the fiancé?" she quipped.

"She's at your place, I know that," he stated gouging her reaction.

"Why do you ask then if you know?"

"You're infuriating," he gritted through his teeth. "I don't know why Meredith's friends with you."

"Well, apparently, she's got a thing for infuriating people," she shot sending him a long look.

"Yang! I need to talk to her!"

She looked at him with a serious expression on her face. "You've had plenty of time to do that. Look, I don't know what's going on. But if I knew… I'd tell you that Meredith probably doesn't want to see you. So you should just… back off, you know." She raised her hand in a gesture to keep him away and pressed the button to close the lift doors.

Women solidarity. He had enough first-hand experience he could write a book about it. He had suspected Meredith might go for help to her newest friend. The smug condescending look on Cristina's face only confirmed his assumption. And she seemed to be taking some sick kind of pleasure in withholding his fiancée's whereabouts from him. Sure, he could just wait for the next day. Meredith had to appear at work eventually. But he needed to smooth the things over fast. It felt irksome not to have her at her side, the apartment - empty. His family was going to rip him to pieces, while everyone at Grace assumed he and Meredith were broken up. He was sick of attempts at flirting and saucy smiles every female in the vicinity seemed to be sending him. Sloan was only encouraging them with the jovial pats on his shoulder and congratulations on him finally being free.

As the day progressed, he reached that level of desperation as to get George O'Malley to cover the rest of his shift and sneak after Cristina Yang following her to her place. Luckily, it was just across the street.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Mer, you should eat something," Izzie said with concern in her voice as she sat beside her on the bathroom floor. "It's evening already…"

"I've just thrown up all the contents of my stomach… which shouldn't be too much given the fact that I never had dinner last night but still…" she sighed resting the back of her head against the shower door. "I don't feel much like eating, you see."

"No more drinking!" the blonde ordered categorically.

"I'm done drinking," confirmed quietly Meredith.

"Maybe you should talk to Derek-"

"Izzie," she cut her off sharply. "I don't need an agony aunt. Everyone has been telling me for weeks to do it. I had done everything I could not to. I fought kicking and screaming. I didn't just walk out of home because I was annoyed."

"Okay… so what now?"

"I have… no idea," she shrugged. "Mom… Derek's Mom is taking care of calling everything off… I don't know what to do about the apartment…"

"The apartment?"

"We're not renting it, Iz," she sighed. "It's ours. We took a loan to get it. Together. It was supposed to be… forever…"

"Oh, Mer-"

"I don't want to hear that right now!" Meredith stood up abruptly. "I'm going to have a shower. I'm starting to stink."

The water felt refreshing on her skin, rinsing away the clammy feverish feel. It didn't make it any easier on her heart though. That sinking sickening feeling was holding her still in its tight grasp. She braced herself against the shower wall as she trembled involuntarily.

She was going to walk though her life alone.

Worse, she was going to live her life without Derek. He hurt her, he was inconsiderate towards her. He obviously didn't care much for her. But it didn't make her love him any less. She knew since she was sixteen that there never could be another man for her. Did it mean she had to be miserable for the rest of her life? Given that she was in her mid-twenties, that meant a lot of time…

She laughed madly at her own scattered thoughts. She would worry about the rest of her life later. Now she just had to concentrate on making it through the day. Day after day.

When she was done, her stomach finally growled in hunger. She went to the kitchen where not only she found Izzie engaged in cooking but also Cristina, sitting at the counter and nibbling at some leftovers.

"You look less like crap than this morning," she greeted her impassively.

"And you more," Meredith bit back.

"You know, you're worth of each other," Izzie rolled her eyes staying busy around the stove.

"It is a pity we're not into vaginas," quipped Cristina. "All our problems would be immediately solved."

"You sure you wanna risk staying with her, Mer?" chuckled Izzie.

"No need to worry," assured Cristina. "I don't pray on innocent virgins."

"I'm not a virgin," grumbled Meredith.

"One guy who can't hold his stick up longer than forty seconds? You're totally a virgin."

"I'm not even going to argue with this," she shrugged.

"He… he was asking around about you," Cristina decided to be sincere.

"As I thought he would."

"He knows you're staying with me. Not a complete idiot after all."

"I hope you didn't-"

"Course not. Who do you take me for?"

Before Meredith had a chance to answer the doorbell rang insistently.

"Are you expecting someone?" Izzie threw Cristina a look over her shoulder.

"I don't thinks so-"

The doorbell sounded again, followed by loud knocking.

"Meredith!"

She froze on the bar stool, her heart clenching madly.

"Meredith, I know you're there!" he raised voice carried perfectly through the door. "Let's just talk like two adults. Can you explain me what is going on?"

"I'll take care of this," muttered Cristina and slid to the floor.

"No!" Meredith beat her to the door. "This is my mess, my life. I'm not going to hide behind any backs. I have to end it once and for all."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Derek-"

She barely opened the door when he took her into his arms. She went rigid as everything Derek invaded her senses. His touch, his scent, his feel… Her hands itched to weave around him. But with the remnants of her self-control she willed them down.

"Meredith, what possessed you to run away like that?" he sighed into her hair.

"Derek," she pushed herself away from his persistent embrace, a look of puzzlement reappearing on his face. "I explained everything yesterday," she said keeping him at a distance.

"Explained what?" he shook his head.

"Derek, we're… we're broken up," she said, her voice steady.

"What?" he chuckled.

"Don't make me say it over and over again," she sighed deeply rubbing her forehead tiredly. She felt all her strength draining from her organism. "We're over. There is no more we."

"What… How…" he stammered, looking at her in disbelief. "Don't even joke like that."

"Do you see me laughing?" her eyebrows arched pleadingly. "We are not together anymore, Derek. We're not engaged any longer. We're through."

As soon as she mentioned engagement, his eyes automatically went to her hands. He felt as though someone whacked him over the head. Hard. Her fingers, all of them, were bare. His mother's engagement ring was always on her finger except when in surgery. Before scrubbing in she always hooked the ring on the necklace that was his gift for her. Meredith would never took off her ring just like that…

"No…" he breathed out looking at her cautiously. "You can't… you can't do that… We're us…"

"We haven't been us for a long time," she sighed.

"How can you say that? We're Meredith and Derek," he argued trying to take her hand in his but she flinched away.

"No, we're not. That is the problem Derek."

"_You can't force someone to love you."_

"Is there… is there someone else?" he breathed out, ice running though his veins.

"What?" she gasped. "Who do you think I did that to my hair for?"

"Oh," he sighed with relief and almost laughed out, "Well, I love you. So what's the problem?"

"You don't love me, Derek. I stopped to feel like you do a while ago and I've just realized why."

"Mer, you know I love you," he chuckled. "How can you even say that?"

"Derek, it's time for you to reevaluate your own feelings," she went on calmly. "To look past that sense of comfort we were living in. Then you'll be ready to move on. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to forget. So please, do what I'm asking you to do and let me breathe. I think you should go now," she finished quietly and stepped back to close the door.

"Meredith," he pleaded. "This is crazy. Let's just sit down and-"

"Goodbye, Der," she smiled sadly and disappeared behind the door.

"Meredith!" he raised his voice, knocking in the door.

It opened the door again but it was Cristina he was faced with this time.

"I don't think she could be any clearer. She dumped your sorry ass. Go and deal with it. Somewhere else. I know the number to the cops and won't hesitate to use it," she barked, shutting the door into his face.

**A/N Derek's been so comfortable in their relationship, he can't even imagine that he and Meredith could part. But it will come…**

**Have a great week!**

**Em**


	15. Chapter 15: Of Broken Union

**A/N I wanted to thank you all for ongoing interest! **

**I know there's a lot of heartbreak to deal with right now but it's not going to drag on forever. They're just hitting their low at the moment. I'll try to alleviate the drama with flashbacks.**

**Hope you enjoy…**

**Yours,**

**Em**

The Shepherd kitchen was shrouded in deadly silence. Only the clock on the wall ticked meticulously counting the passing time. The warm evening sun bathing the room didn't dissipate the gloom. One could think there had been a death in the family as five women sat around the table over their teacups, their faces troubled.

"I… I can't believe that," Lanie's small voice broke the stillness.

"I wished we'd stayed home last night," sighed Mia. "She needed us and we weren't here."

"She needed peace and quiet yesterday," said Carolyn.

"But… are you really sure?" asked Kathleen. "It's just… it's an argument. They'll cool off and Mer will be back in no time. You don't just pack your bags and walk away like that. It's not like Meredith at all!"

"It's not," agreed Nancy. "But I'm glad she finally listened to my advice."

"Nancy!" gasped Lanie. "How can you say that!"

"Have you seen the state she's in?" Nancy went on harshly. "Derek left her emotionally a long time ago. You know it's true. She's been struggling for months alone. I hope she's going to be able to get some reprieve now. Maybe it will make our idiot brother wise up."

"That's not how it sounds like," Mia muttered grimly. "I called Mer as soon as Mom told us what's going on. One of her friends picked up. Some Cristina, she's a bitch by the way. She yelled at me not even to try to bother Mer because she's not ever going to back to my asshole brother."

"Well… at least she has people that care for her around…" sighed Lanie. "Even if it should be us."

"It might be difficult for her to turn to us," remarked Kath. "We're his sisters…"

"We're also her sisters," said Mia fiercely. "She's broken up with him, it doesn't mean she can break up with us."

"So… is it really the end of Meredith and Derek?" Lanie asked quietly.

A new wave of silence fell over the kitchen. They got lost in thoughts how to try to remedy the situation when they were interrupted by the sound of the opening door.

A short while later Derek appeared in the doorway, a little out of breath.

"Ma-" he trailed off nervously, taking half step back. He should have known a Shepherd emergency conference was just a matter of time. Perhaps, calling would have been a better option given the way all of his sisters glared at him, their eyes so narrowed they could probably barely see.

Mia was the first to break the awkward moment. With the speed of lightning, she grabbed a saucer from the table and flung it across the room in the direction of his head. He managed to duck with a gasp and the little plate crashed into smithereens against the wall.

"Amelia! This is uncalled for!" Carolyn raised her voice.

"What the hell," Derek muttered straightening up. "You wanted to kill me?"

"Obviously not," snapped at him Mia as she stood up to gather up the splinters. "I would need something heavier to get through that thick skull of yours!"

"What were you thinking, Derek, to let things go this far?" Lanie reproached him. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing happened to me," he rolled his eyes.

"Then you've been making Meredith, supposedly the love of your life, miserable for weeks on end just for fun?" she snorted.

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did!" Mia rounded on him, shoving him aside while she was picking up the broken pieces of the saucer. "You neglected her, you traded her for surgeries-"

"Mia, that is enough," Carolyn stopped her looking at her son. "What are you doing here, Derek?"

"I… I talked with Mer," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

He noted with slight relief that there was finally something else than hostility in the eyes of his siblings.

"You did?"

"And?"

"Just spit it out?"

"Did you make up?"

"No," he sighed. "She got this ridiculous idea that I don't love or something."

"And do you love her?" asked Nancy, her eyes piercing him.

"How can you even ask?" he snapped.

"So we know what she told you. What did you tell her?" asked Carolyn.

"I tried to reason with her. She didn't listen. You know she's-"

"Did you apologize?"

"For what? I've-"

"Derek," his mother cut him off. "I asked you to come when you thought through things. You clearly haven't. Please, go."

"Mom," he sighed tiredly. "If you could talk-"

"No, I couldn't," she shook her head. "Only one person can convince Meredith to reconcile with you and that is not me. I think that's all, dear. Come to see me when you've reflected on what you did wrong."

He tried to argue but he was met with five hard stares and slowly walked out with a defeated expression on his face.

"I still think you're too easy on him, Ma," said Mia sitting back at her place. "He doesn't even see what's the problem!"

"And he won't see it unless he realizes it on his own," answered gently Carolyn. "And… we're all humans. We make mistakes. Your brother is going to pay for them dearly even if he doesn't expect it yet. He's going to need us then. He's going to need you."

"Well, I won't be there for him if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass," she shrugged. "I'm on Mer's side through and through."

"What about the wedding?" asked suddenly Kath,

"I don't see it happening in these circumstances," grumbled Nancy. "If ever."

"We have to start cancelling everything I guess,' sighed Kath dejectedly. "And fast too if we want to save at least some of the money."

"Don't you worry about this. I'll take care of it," assured them Carolyn.

"I'm gonna help you, it's a lot of-"

"I said I'd take care of it. Alone," she emphasized.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

He had no choice but to go back to their apartment. That was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. Without the sparkly presence of Meredith and its tangible proof in the form of her belongings if felt eerie. Her belongings… That sounded odd too. They were together for so long, time seemed to obliterate any kind of boundaries between them. They shopped for each other, they had a joint account for years, they bought the apartment together. They were fused into one, as if recreated into one organism. And now there was a crack in this well-oiled machine, which left him disconcerted and at loss.

He crossed the dark flat and stopped dead in the middle of the bedroom. Just as the previous night, the concept of sleeping in their bed alone deterred him. He took a spare pillow and a blanket from the closet and trudged to extend the coach. He lay down with a heavy sigh, staring at the ceiling.

It was unbelievable that Meredith could assume he didn't love her. It was as clear as the sun. Hm, apparently not to her. Not to his sisters and mother either.

He tried to analyze recent weeks in his head looking for any clues that Meredith considered taking such drastic measures as temporarily moving out. Surely they rowed a lot. They were always teasing each other, sometimes they were snarky, they tended to snap and then passionately make up. But the past weeks were just filled more with anger and frustration than anything else, he got that. He remembered the glass of beer poured into his lap, Meredith parading naked in front of their colleagues… The one thing he couldn't remember was the last time they talked to each other. Simply. Just the two of them. In peace. About nothing in particular, just their random thoughts.

They didn't have time. That was the constant excuse. It never should have been. Work was not a justification for neglecting their relationship. It was their failure. Apparently, more of his failure than hers. He got so caught up with the world of surgery. He felt like he truly belonged in the OR. But even that pride of accomplishment and high of learning how to save lives were nothing without Meredith at his side. Completely nothing.

He sighed and flipped to his side uncomfortably. He remembered too painfully the last time he had equally grim thoughts and no Meredith with him to dissipate them. But then he appeared to hold his hand just like an angel, soothing every kind of pain he experienced. He needed to have her back with him again. He would get her back. He would apologize, make up for everything and he would get her back.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

It felt surprisingly good to be back in Seattle, in his childhood home. The month they spent trekking around Europe was unforgettable, seeing with their own eyes all the wonders they recognized from TV and books but also following more off-beaten tracks. They discovered everything together, hand in hand, lips on lips. They had the time of their lives. But really, they would be equally blissful anywhere. They just had to be together, that was the absolute condition.

"I was just going to woke you up, dear. It's almost noon," Carolyn greeted him in the kitchen, an amused reproach in her voice. In reality, she was going to let him sleep as much as he wanted to. She had few occasions to spoil her boy these days, with him and Meredith studying on the other side of the continent. She hadn't seen them since Easter as they went for their hard earned holiday across the pond. Their plane just arrived home yesterday evening.

"It's the jet lag, Ma," he chuckled and kissed her cheek moving to sit at the kitchen table where a saved portion of breakfast was waiting for him.

"Really?" she laughed teasingly. "Meri was on her feet hours ago. Or haven't you noticed?"

"Oh, I did," he grumbled. How could he not notice with that bulge in his boxers he woke up with and no one to take care of it? "Where is she?"

"Kath dragged her to the mall under the pretext of shopping," smiled Carolyn. "But I just think they want to discuss some boy stuff. I believe there might be another wedding in the family soon."

"Seriously?" he raised his eyebrows in surprise barely slowing down on chewing his food. "Kath? Getting married? When? Why? To whom exactly?"

"You've actually met him, Derek," she remarked amusedly. "More than once." Derek's possessiveness was hilarious. But it was also what Michael would do if he was alive. Derek would be a wonderful father to his own children some day. It probably wouldn't be soon though. There were still four years of med school before him and Meredith, and then the busy internship. "You could take the example of your sisters actually and tie the knot," she remarked lightly. "It's four years already that Meredith has been wearing the ring."

"We're pretty much broke right now, Ma," he sighed. "We'll save up this year and see. I want to give Meredith a wedding she deserves, something that she'll never forget."

"She won't anyway," she smiled at him, halting her domestic obligations to sit across him and just look at her precious son. She was so proud of him. "A woman simply can't forget the day she marries the love of her life."

"I know but I want to give her everything," he grinned. "The moon and the stars and everything between."

"That's good, Sweetie," she smiled as he finished his plate. "I just have one request."

"Sure?"

"When you're giving Meredith the moon and the stars uhm, at night, try to be considerate of other occupants of the house."

He blushed furiously. "Uhm, if you're talking about last night I swear it wasn't us. I was like wood…" he bit on his tongue and flushed even harder. "I mean, as dead as wood, not… I was dead tired."

"I'm not talking about last night, just as a precaution," she quipped. "I don't like sleeping with earplugs."

"I… will keep that in mind," he cleared his throat and got to his feet. "I'm going to dust off the bike. You need me to run some errands?"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"This one's fabulous!" Kathleen's eyes were shining as they took in a long sparkling gown in the window.

"Yeah…" Meredith cocked her head. "It's… puffy… and it looks like it can stand on its own…"

"Mer!" Kath burst in giggles. "You can count on being equally helpful when Derbear will finally make an honest woman out of you!"

"Hey, you're not even half as honest as me!" laughed Meredith. "You're the one who's dress hunting without the ring on her finger… Oh, wait, that's my phone. Maybe Derek's finally dragged his lazy ass from bed."

It wasn't Derek though. She glanced at the screen but she didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Is it Meredith Grey?"

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"I'm calling from Seattle Grace Hospital."

Meredith felt misgivings. Why would anyone from Grace be calling her…? Her mother didn't work there for a couple of years. She frowned deeply bringing Kath's attention. "What's wrong?"

She held her hand higher to give her a sign she was listening to the person on the other end of the line.

"We have information that you're on one Derek Shepherd's emergency contact list."

Her heart froze. Her heart literally froze in fear, thousands of more and more gruesomely tragic scenarios zooming through her mind. She opened her mouth but no sound came out.

"Ma'am? Do you know anyone called Derek Shepherd?"

"Yes," she breathed out catching Kath's hand desperately as if she was falling. "I'm… It's my fiancé…"

"I'm sorry to inform you that he was met with an accident and transported to our hospital."

"What…?" she gasped, her legs blundering around, Kath putting a steadying arm around her waist. "What… what happened?"

"We'll explain everything here. Can you please arrive as soon as you can? We might need you to make some medical decisions-"

The rest of the formal talk completely escaped her attention. Her legs felt momentarily too weak to support her weight.

"Mer? Meredith? What happened?" Kath kept asking frantically, her own face white. "Is… is it Derek?"

Meredith gave her one silent look and jumped to her feet breaking into a run, Kathleen trying to keep up with her. It was no time to be weak. Derek needed her, she kept repeating feverishly inside her head, keeping the tears at bay. She had to be strong for Derek. And he had to be okay. Because light would go off from this world for her if she was to lose him.

Having broken every speed limit on the way, fifteen minutes later she was springing down the familiar lobby to the nurses' station.

"Derek Shepherd!" she shouted at the male nurse who just glanced at her and kept talking on the internal phone. Without thinking she yanked the receiver from his hand and grabbed the front of his scrubs. "Derek Shepherd! They brought him from accident! Where is he?"

"And you are?" he questioned her.

"His fiancée," she spat out. "Meredith Grey. From these Greys. If you had ever met my mother, Ellis Grey, you should know better than to trifle with me!"

His eyebrows rode high but apparently he met Grey senior too many times as he swiftly pointed her to one of the rooms.

She froze in the doorway, her heart clenching all over again. Derek was lying on a gurney, battered and bruised, his jeans torn. Her fingers rubbed her neck in panic when she noticed his eyes were closed, his neck in a stiffener. A series of serious and life-threatening medical issues she knew from her textbook flashed in her head.

Another chill went through her body as she realized there was only one doctor beside him scribbling something in the chart. The whole attention of the medical team seemed to be centered on another man in the other corner of the room. Either Derek was safe and sound or no longer an interesting case for another reason…

"Ma'am?" the young doctor in light blue scrubs appeared at her side. "Who are you?"

"I'm for Derek Shepherd, his fiancée," she recited hurriedly. "What's… what's happened… is it serious?"

"Mer?" his beloved though weakened voice sounded from the gurney.

She whizzed past the doctor to his side, delicately taking his hand in hers, her other palm grazing his cheek.

It might have been cliché but she couldn't stop her voice going an octave higher while it produced a term of endearment they rarely used. He looked so helpless and in pain. His forehead was covered in blood. "Baby! Oh, God! How do you feel? What happened?"

"Mer," he couched lightly and his eyes fluttered to look at her. "Bike… car…"

"He was on the bike when he was hit by a man who lost control of his car," explained the doctor. "He's lucky to come out of this relatively unscathed. Fortunately the bike threw him off before it got smashed by a truck coming from the opposite direction-"

"Lucky?" Meredith rounded on the doctor. "He has been unlucky to be placed into care of such an incompetent ignorant! Have you done any tests? The fact that he's conscious and he's groaning in pain doesn't mean he's okay! He could have internal bleeding-"

"I was told that Ellis Grey's daughter was in the hospital," a chuckle interrupted her rant. "And I knew where she was exactly just as I entered the ER."

"Dr. Webber," she glared at him. He knew the doctor in front of her. He was a friend of her mother's, which was a surprise in itself as her mother didn't have friends. "Your interns are idiots!"

"Feels just like I was talking to Ellis," he gave her a small smile and nodded at the intern to hand him the chart. "For now, it looks like Mr. Shepherd is suffering from a minor concussion, which is a miracle. His motorbike was wrecked to pieces. And the helmet provably saved his life."

"What's all this blood about?" she asked stifling the urge to clean it off.

"The shield split very unfortunately," explained her Webber. "We had to stitch up the cut. But it's going to be okay. Apart from that, there's bruising which is going to hurt for a while for sure. Now we're waiting to take him for a CT but we don't expect to find much."

"Thank you," she nodded not even looking at him as all her attention was on Derek.

"I heard you were just done with premed," Webber kept standing near the gurney. "Your mother told me when we talked last time."

"I don't know how she should know that," snorted Meredith dryly. "Me, personally, I haven't talked to her for the last four years. But you probably know that too."

"Meredith-"

"I don't really think it's the right time to talk about it," she cut the conversation short. "My fiancé is in pain! Could you possibly do something with that?"

"After he's back from the tests," assured her Webber and moved to walk out. "Meredith, I'll be happy to consider your application in a few years' time."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

The wait for Derek to be wheeled into his recovery room seemed to be the longest in her life. She twisted her fingers nervously hoping, praying, that there would be no complications. He was battered enough already, she could feel every cut and bruise on his body as if it was her own.

Finally, an intern and a nurse brought him to her with the news that was like a balm on her soul.

"The CT was clean. It looks like everything is in order. We'll keep him tonight for observation though. That's just standard procedure.

"Baby?" she took his hand in hers again. "Everything's all right… How are you feeling?"

Even though his eyes were half-closed his lips cracked in a smile.

"Did you just call me baby?" he quipped, his voice steadier and stronger than before. "Again?"

"I can also call you an idiot who nearly got himself killed…"

"I prefer baby," he sighed. "But it… was not my fault…" he grimaced and swallowed hard. "He just… the car… it just veered into me… I didn't have time to react. I didn't think I was that scared in my life… ever…"

"It's okay…" she whispered sitting down at the edge of the bed and gently caressing his cheek. The confession about the last seconds before the crash was tearing her inside. But Derek needed to let it out. Her heart panged when she looked at the bandages around his head. He came so close to…

"I… it was weird… I don't remember much beyond seeing that car going at me… just… but I remember your face…"

"My face?"

"You're like… my guardian angel or something…" he muttered wincing slightly.

"Cheesy," she sighed and addressed the nurse that bustled near the door. "Nurse, can you give him something for the pain?"

"I'm fine, Mer," he assured her.

"Don't play macho," she pleaded. "You're in pain. And I hate to see you in pain. It's my pain too."

He gave in, nodding.

"Ma, Kath and Nancy are here," she told him quietly. "They wanted to give us a moment first. I'm going to get them okay? I don't want to keep them worried any longer."

"Sure, sure…" he answered, his face relaxing in the morphine bliss.

His suddenly invigorated voice stopped her again when she was almost out. "Mer… you're an angel with a sexy butt…"

Did she really have to go and bring the rest of the respectable family in? She bit her lip, this is going to be a long afternoon…

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith sat up on her bed with a gasp. She just woke up drenched in cold sweat. She breathed in and out irregularly as she brought her face to her hands. She had that nightmare again. She rarely had nightmares but in the times of great stress the grisly images reappeared in her subconscious. She used to dream about it every single night for some two weeks after Derek's accident.

Her brain fabricated images of him lying in the street in the pool of his own blood. It was her greatest fear, to lose him. And now she had, though on a completely different level. She shouldn't compare the two situations. Derek was safe now, he would stay safe. She just wasn't his guardian angel anymore. She failed in that role anyway…

She got to her feet with a sigh. Maybe a glass of water would sooth her senses. Despite the late hour, the light in the living room was on.

"Cristina?" Meredith frowned as she saw her friend looking into one of the boxes curiously. "Not that I should mind that you're going through my stuff or something… But what are you doing?"

"I'm letting you live here," shrugged the Asian. "Show some gratitude."

"I'll be paying my share of the rent," reminded her Meredith walking barefoot to the kitchen. "And I would think it was Izzie who would be into the whole nesting thing…"

"It's not nesting," scoffed Cristina. "I didn't have a cardio case for a week, I'm restless. And I'm dealing with it through a rude weird invasion of privacy. Sorry for that by the way. I shared the flat with a chick from ortho a few months back. Some habits are contagious."

"God, I hope not," Meredith rolled her eyes returning with a glass of water and a smirk on her face. "You… would rather leave that blanket alone…"

"Why?"

"It witnessed that memorable forty seconds of Derek…"

"You kidding me?" chuckled Cristina and stared at Meredith. "You're not kidding me!" she shrieked and flinched away from the material, holding her hands limply in disgust. "Where the hell did you come from? Middle Ages? Oh, crap, where is the bleach?"

Meredith giggled softly and folded the blanket tenderly. For a moment she felt envious of Cristina to be able to distance herself so much from every human being as far as not to feel anything. But it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. She was grateful that life, God, karma, whatever it was, gave her that love. It gave the meaning to her existence. Despite that it inflicted agony on her heart, it let her live.


	16. Chapter 16: Of Lost Rights

**A/N Hey, thank you for still reading and commenting!**

**I could have posted this update a while ago but I was waiting for more feedback. There's been a sudden dramatic drop in the number of reviews and I was wondering if it's just a slow season, the overall discontent with where the story's going or giving me your feedback elsewhere than on …**

**Anyway, if you enjoy the fic, please, let me know. Your comments are my motivation!**

**Hope you enjoy…**

**Em**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

This was screwing up her day. Worse, it was going to screw up her days for weeks, months even. It had to be her interns, of course it did. Always one of hers, spreading STD, pissing off the nurses, screwing like bunnies in the on-call room. Now this. A break up. Not some hissy fit. A fully fledged calling-off-the-wedding kind of break up. The intern drama was going to bite her in the ass.

Shepherd looked as though he had ants in his pants, pacing up and down, sighing, wringing his hands. Where was the cool McDreamy exterior now? He'd be of little use today unless he was to kill somebody instead of healing them.

His eyes lit up which was the unmistakable sign that Grey was in the vicinity. Bailey sighed with annoyance.

"Morning." Meredith arrived at the nurses' station with the recently indispensable company of Cristina Yang.

Shepherd tried to stand beside her but Cristina squeezed between them blocking his way.

Time for action.

"Your tasks for the day," Bailey growled at the five of them. "Karev, you're with Dr. Altman, go. No, Yang, I'm not interested in what you've got to say however fascinating it may be. If you don't want to end up on scut, I'd advise to find Dr. Robbins, stat. Sloan, you're with me today. Shepherd…" she hesitated. "Pit."

"What? What did I do?" he protested with a frown of irritation.

"Nothing, and I'd prefer it to stay that way."

"Grey," she looked at her pink-haired intern. She was Shepherd's complete opposite this morning. Cool and collected, her face as impassive as a stone. But a more pronounced make-up suggested she was hiding rings under her eyes while the resignation reflecting in her green orbs screamed that she couldn't have had a good night's sleep. "Grey, you're with Dr. Evans."

"Dr. Evans?" she asked with curiosity. "He's still here?"

"Apparently, he agreed to take a few more cases," shrugged Bailey. Somehow Dr. Evans wasn't in a hurry to return to the East Coast… She wasn't going to tell her that though. Nor that he personally requested her for the case… "Look, if you're not on the top of your game-"

"I am," Meredith interrupted curtly. "I don't screw up cases for personal reasons. And I am not going to screw up your day," she said as though she was reading Bailey's mind.

"Very well, then," sighed Bailey and watched her go. Predictably, Shepherd was waiting for her around the corner.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Meredith," he breathed out trying to keep up with her.

"Derek," she nodded and continued her walk down the corridor without a look in his direction. Looking at him was painful, more painful than she anticipated. He was right there next to her but he was no longer hers. She couldn't touch, kiss him, smile at him. She felt as if she had been transported into a parallel dimension where she and Derek were nothing instead of everything as the right order of the universe established.

"Mer, it is going too far," he said hurriedly. "We need to talk."

"I don't think we do. Certainly not now," she answered calmly. "I'm kinda in a hurry. I don't think world-class neurosurgeons like to wait for anybody."

"Could you at least look at me?" he pleaded. "I know we've been rocky recently. I didn't make much effort to make it better and I'm sorry for that."

She sighed inwardly. She knew it was going to be like that. He thought they were having an argument. That one I'm sorry and a round of make-up sex would solve all the problems and they'd go back to their routine.

God, why didn't he listen to her? Why couldn't he stop and think? He used to use his brain so well in the past. But she couldn't really hold it against him. Adapting to such a radical change was difficult. Didn't she know about it…

She hoped the transition would be smooth for him, that he'd accept they couldn't build their future life together on routines. She almost wanted him to realize he didn't love her anymore as that would mean he wasn't going to suffer. She didn't want to see him in pain. She couldn't stand that.

"I'd got to the pit if I were you Derek," she said quietly an disappeared behind the door to the patient's room where she was already awaited by her attending.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

The day sucked, like really sucked. All the world seemed to be against him. Meredith, his family, Bailey… The latter had to sent him to the pit for some reason.

He finally thought he found himself a surgical case among looking into sore throats, stitching up minor cuts and inspecting penises disfigured with STD.

It really looked like a possible case of appendicitis.

It wasn't. Having completed the tests, it turned out that the kid who was complaining about severe abdominal pain had swallowed a bunch of monopoly pieces… Did that require surgical intervention?

"Certainly not," snorted Bailey, deadpanned. "You're observing his stool to make sure they're all out."

Yep. He was dabbing in crap all day, including lunch time. He skipped that on purpose. He didn't think he could take any food for days after this experience. He couldn't shake off the snarky feeling that his current occupation was a painful metaphor of what his life looked like at the moment.

Meredith couldn't give him more than five seconds of her time. She was avoiding him. He couldn't force her into listening to him. Which meant he didn't have a clue how to make things right with her. Apologizing always worked before. One things was certain, the situation was making him a nervous wreck. And he could expect an assassin sent by one of his sisters any minute.

He leaned against the wall sitting on the floor of the patient's bathroom. A silvery top hat. Another milestone in his attempts of heaving himself up from this crap. Pun intended.

He tore the rubber gloves from his hands, scrubbed them clean with extra care and hurried out of the room taking the mask off with relief. At last some semi-fresh air.

He looked up, his head pulled like a magnet, to see Meredith leaving another patient's room, the neurogod, Evans, at her heels. Derek's jaws set as he noticed his smile.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

Med school was hard. But it was kind of great to be back right in the whirlwind of studying. After their month in Europe and especially, after the few weeks after Derek's motorbike accident, it felt good to enjoy student life once again. Mind you, Derek was afraid of getting smothered to death by his mother. He had to promise he wouldn't ride bikes anymore too; otherwise, he'd certainly be disinherited. But med school was much busier than premed, more serious and more exciting. They were closer to becoming doctors than ever. That required more work. Just one week into the semester , they already felt the load of obligations.

Therefore going to the bar on Friday night to unwind, maybe make some new friends, seemed like an excellent idea.

Derek was just getting back from the restroom when he stopped dead at the sight before him. Meredith was sitting at the bar, just where he left her, now rolling her eyes at a guy who butted himself at the place next to her, Derek's place. The self-assured smirk, studied moves slightly affected by consumed alcohol, all about him screamed he was a player intent on getting the tiny blond seated at the bar.

Derek got closer, murder on his mind.

"Come on, baby," the stranger grinned at her, an alcoholic haze in his eyes. "Let me buy you a drink."

"You call me baby once again," Meredith hissed at him, "your ability to produce them will be severely impaired."

"Aren't you feisty," he licked his lips, scanning her body from head to toes. "I like that in my women."

"You know what I hate in my men? Lousy pick-up lines."

"I take no for an answer, doll face-"

"Then maybe a fist making contact with your eye will be enough of an answer," snapped Derek prying himself in front of Meredith, as though shielding her with his body.

"Derek-"

"No one asked you for opinion," the guy got to his full height with challenge written on his face.

"No one has to," hissed Derek. "She's with me, I'm her fiancé."

"Like I care," the guy snorted.

"Back off before I lose my patience, she's mine."

"Oh, for the love of God!"

Meredith's irritated huff reached his ears. He turned around to see her grabbing her bag and sliding of her barstool to saunter towards the exit. Not paying any more attention to the dickhead, Derek hurried after her, the blond tresses jumping up and down before him as she walked driven by angry energy.

"Mer?" he breathed out taking longer strides to keep up with her short quick ones. "You wanna go home?"

"Yeah, I'm going home," she snapped taking the short cut through the park to their flat. "You can do whatever you want. You can stay back and get into a bar fight for all I care."

"Why are you mad?" he frowned as they turned into a dark park alley, completely deserted at this time of night.

"Oh, no reason!"

"Is it about this guy? Christ, Mer! He was a total ass! He was drooling on you like a dog in heat!"

"Really? I would have never guessed!" she snorted. "Actually, I felt like there were two angry dogs in heat fighting for a bitch!"

"You just didn't compare me to that asshole!"

"Why, you even look similar," she smirked. "And you have more gel in your hair! Remember to wash it out before going to bed."

"Seriously? I only tried to save you trouble talking to an obnoxious drunk. And I don't care you're angry or what, I would do the same this instant! Because you're my fiancée and I love you. Deal with it!"

She halted abruptly to face him, fuming, her eyes narrowed into slits. Suddenly, she let her bag fall to the ground and attacked his lips, hooking her arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards on impact, his own hands going to her hips. She pushed him back onto a bench and straddled him, all the time her tongue plundering his mouth viciously.

They were both in heat now, biting, sucking, kissing, groping… Derek pushed her t-shirt up over her breasts and pulled them out of her lacy bra, taking one rosy peak greedily into his mouth while toying the other with his fingers.

"Fuck!" she gasped, pushing her chest forward, offering her mound to his mercy. "God, I can't wait!"

She felt her panties soak with want over his blatant erection. She feverishly unbuckled his belt and his jeans pulling his rock hard penis out of the confines of his boxers. She pushed her own pants down her legs and finally impaled herself on his length with a soft outcry, her back tautening.

Unexpectedly, their urgency filled joining made them still. The moans, groans and whimpers died on their lips as they relished their connection. His male hardness enveloped by her molten slick heat. They gazed into each other's eyes longingly, their shaky breaths mingling. Their fingers intertwined together.

With a gentle smile she leaned forward for a kiss rising her hips over his hardness to lower them back, meeting his thrust up. They moved and rubbed against each other in a sensual rhythm quite opposite to the feral frenzy of their almost nonexistent foreplay. The silence of the night was only broken by the occasional rustle of leaves and their haggard breathing.

The pleasure slowly uncoiled in her belly but when it reached its peak, it exploded in strength and intensity that left her clinging breathlessly to her lover while he trembled releasing his seed inside her.

"Wow," he breathed out cradling her in his arms, their foreheads together, hidden by the curtain of her lavender scented hair.

"You're… kinda hot when you're get so worked up… self-righteous and jealous…" she cracked a smile.

He chuckled, his palms caressing her flanks and pulling her shirt down protectively. "Thanks."

She looked him in the eye, caressing his temple. "Don't you ever stop being jealous about me…" she beamed and reached for another kiss.

**END OF FLSHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"You've done excellent work in here," Evans praised her with a smile. "Sometimes they just need a little push to believe that a relatively uncomplicated procedure can greatly improve their quality of life."

"So, I'll book the OR, prep Mr. Lavangie and meet you down there," she nodded.

"Dr. Grey," Evans gave her a piercing look. "I know it's still early but… have you given it a thought what specialty you'd like to pursue?"

"I… I've considered the options, of course," she replied curious where this conversation might lead.

"You've got a natural knack for neuro," he remarked.

"Really?" she couldn't help chuckling. Evans was a good guy. Even though the difference in authority between them was clearly cut, he made her feel like an equal on the personal level. "You think I have a knack for being a cocky workaholic with a god complex?"

He laughed at her snarky response. "Precision, quick thinking and infallible hands was what I had in mind but that works too, I guess."

"Dr. Grey?" she blanched hearing Derek's voice behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know he was angry.

"Is there a problem… Dr. Shepherd?" Evans frowned reading his name tag.

"No, absolutely not, Dr. Evans. I'd just like to speak with my fiancée as she seems to be done here for the time being," Derek stated dryly.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Evans," Meredith assured hurriedly, her face apologetic, as she pushed Derek away with her. "I'll get everything ready for the procedure."

"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed at Derek when they were out of the man's earshot. "Are you crazy talking to him like that? He can make your life hell without lifting his little finger!"

"What do you think you're doing!" he threw back at her. "You-"

"Derek, this has to stop right now," she cut him short. "You don't get to interfere in my life like that anymore. You don't get to be… I don't know, jealous."

"What? Of course-"

"We are not engaged anymore," she explained to him slowly and clearly. "I know it's hard. But you need to accept it and move on."

"Let's just talk-"

"There's nothing to talk anymore, Derek," she went on relentlessly. "The only thing I can think about we should discuss is settling our financial affairs."

"Financial affairs?" he breathed out.

"Joint account, the loan, the apartment…" she enumerated. "We need to find a way to separate it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he whispered, feeling stunned. If Mia's saucer had reached his head, it would have probably felt like that.

"I thought so," she acknowledged. "I don't want to think about it either for the time being. But we will have to take care of it eventually."

"No…" he shook his head slowly, as though his movements and mental processes were severely impaired.

"I'm sorry, I really am," she sighed. "I'm doing this for both of us. The sooner, the better. You need to face what you really feel and move on. I am. Bye, Derek."

She left him standing listlessly on the same spot. She was moving on? Yeah, right. Like that would happen. She needed some semblance of dignity though while Derek needed a wake-up call.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Carolyn straightened her back with a sigh, sitting up on her knees. She looked around over her small back garden. She was busy today. She pulled out every weed, planted new flowers… She had to keep her hands busy or she would just go crazy. Meredith and Derek were constantly on her mind.

How did it come to this point where that two people that were so utterly consumed by their love for each other could part? Carolyn rarely complained about life's injustice, life was simply what people made it, life. But she did question the order of this world, first, when her husband was taken away from her and now, as her children were no longer together. It was life's unfairness at its fullest.

She chastised herself immediately, she shouldn't lose hope. Meredith lost all hope and expectations, Derek didn't even have a clue yet what he lost. So she had to keep it together. They loved each other with a love that was everlasting and imperishable. They would be back together, married, giving her grandchildren one day. Or she would never forgive herself.

"Evening, Carolyn!" her neighbor and friend greeted her from the other side of the fence.

"Marge!" she nodded.

"It looks lovely!" Margaret swept the fruits of her work appreciatively. "You've worked like a devil!"

"Now we know who's the lucky owner of the best kept garden in the neighborhood!" smirked Carolyn.

"You're going to take that back!" laughed Marge. "By the way, I've just seen Derek walking to the house. He seemed off. He's not getting cold feet I hope? I want to dance at that wedding before I'm completely old!"

"I'll see what he needs," breathed out Carolyn standing up with a heavy heart. "I'll see you later, Marge!"

Her son was here. And according to Marge he seemed off. She had told him specifically not to come back before he came to some conclusions. She knew he'd be in pain but it was necessary to face it now if he didn't want to hold that pain for the rest of his life.

She quietly crossed the house looking for him and finally halted in the doorway to the kitchen. Her heart clenched as she took him in, sitting at the table, his back hunched, his head buried in his hands.

"Derek?" she asked cautiously. "Son?"

"Meredith… left me," he breathed out, his voice hollow and still a bit disbelieving but slowly embracing the truth. "Mer left me…"

Carolyn was fighting her own tears now as she walked to stand behind his chair and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She did, Sweetie."

"How… how didn't I see it coming?"

"You didn't and that's why she left," she said softly.

"But I can't live without her!" it came out strangled and pained.

"She left you physically but didn't stop loving you…"

He turned to her slowly and confessed quietly, "She wants to though."

"No one likes hurting," she admitted. "But it's one thing to tell yourself to stop feeling and actually make it happen."

"What am I to do?" he asked helplessly.

"That's for you to find out. You need to realize what you did wrong, what you didn't do right, and rectify it. It won't be easy, it will be harsh, sometimes agonizing. But… it's the only way back to Meredith."

"It's worth it," he stated decidedly. "I'll do whatever it takes to get her back."

"Good. Because if you ever lose faith and stop fighting for her, God have you in his mercy!"

He plunged back into silence under her scrutiny.

"Perhaps you're hungry? I'll get you something-"

"No, thanks, Mom," he grimaced grabbing his side. "I'm… not really hungry…" Both the current situation in his private life and his case of the day left him far from craving for food.

"You need your strength, Dear," she admonished.

"I'll wait for breakfast. Can't really stomach anything right now."

"Maybe you'd like to stay here for the night?"

"Oh, God, yes. Thanks Ma," he breathed out with gratitude. He was more willing to sleep under the bridge than alone in what was supposed to be their apartment.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

He was fooling himself if he thought sleeping in his childhood home would actually make it better. It was even more torturous in a way. He stared at the ceiling for hours rubbing the small scar on his forehead, the only physical trace of his accident. Meredith would kiss it every night before falling asleep. It was a ritual.

He gruffly turned on his side, beating the pillow with his head. Whatever he looked at reminded him of her. Doing homework together, talking, laughing, having fun, making out, exploring their bodies… They spent so many nights squeezed together in the single bed. It felt too large for him now even if it was almost too short for a full grown man.

He threw the covers off himself and sat up. He was restless. He got up thinking that made a glass of cold water would cool the fuzziness in his brain. He didn't even reach the stairs. He halted before the door to the guest room which in time turned into Meredith's room, as if it had called his name. with a beating heart, he pushed it open and walked inside. He knew it would probably be even more painful but he couldn't prevent his legs from carrying him in, his mind from replaying the past.

The room was emptier than his. After his mother allowed them to sleep together, they didn't have to sneak anymore and just moved all the things she kept here to his room. But the guest room still had the charm of them falling in love, of giving up their innocence to one another.

His hand smoothed the single quilt covering the bed. He slowly lowered himself down. A new jolt of pain shot through his body, more acute than ever before, making him gasp from lack of breath. He was lightheaded. He felt himself sweating profusely. Something was constricting his chest, his lungs, his throat…

A longing such as he never knew surged through his soul. An unquenchable yearning for her. For her mischievous smile, naughty glint in her big emerald eyes, the softness of her skin, its flowery scent that enveloped him every night for years on end. The balmy whisper carried through the night, her warmth, her love… It was the light of his life making everything else pale in comparison.

He disappointed her. He disappointed her so much she couldn't even see his love for her anymore. How much of an idiot must he have been? He couldn't believe… He couldn't believe… He pressed his eyelids tight as he felt burning spreading in his throat. He blinked furiously. He was not going to cry. He had to be strong. To make it right with Meredith and his own conscience.


	17. Chapter 17: Of Teamwork

**A/N Thank you for your response yesterday! I do understand some of you are extremely busy so thank you taking your time to write a few words. A writer really needs encouragement so please keep ****it coming.**

**In answer to some of your question and doubts, it's a MerDer story through and through, it's about the two of them overcoming a crisis in their relationship. I tried to portray Mer as a mature person, very aware of her feelings towards Derek. He was his fiancé for almost nine years, so what I'm trying to say is that she's not going to suddenly hook up with another man. Same goes for Derek, he's kind of lost his way for a while but there's never been a doubt in his mind that he loves Meredith. **

**Enjoy…**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith slowed her pace and finally came to a halt looking through a half shaded window to an emergency room. The familiar mane of black hair fleeted in the corner of her eyes.

She inspected his appearance with an apprehensive sigh. He looked terrible. Apart from being handsome that is. For a moment, she stared at him as though she had never seen him before. She knew the present Derek was a far cry from his fourteen-year old self, that he grew good-looking. But as her eyes followed him impartially, she realized it was more than that. He was more than good-looking. He was damn hot. Her Derek was a freaking hottie. The face features, the hair, all the muscles… And if the nurses had any idea what he hid in boxers, they would be fainting at his feet instead of just sending him enamored glances. It would be easy for him to move on… with someone…

But despite the general appeal of his physicality, he looked worse for wear today. He obviously spent less time than usual taming his hair; it was just a tad wild, making Meredith crave to come up to him and put the unkempt locks in order. He didn't shave this morning. And he had bags under his eyes indicating a sleepless night. Did he… finally accept the state of things? Did he realize what he really felt for her…? She wished so but at the same time wanted the opposite.

"Would never guess you're into pain."

Cristina stepped behind her clearly aware of what was Meredith engaged in.

"Girl, it's over," she went on going to lean against the wall in front of Meredith. "Don't beat yourself up over the head. It's not going to make it any more better."

"I know," Meredith sighed softly. "Nothing's going to make it better. But it's not over."

"You don't think of going back to him, do you?" Cristina frowned at her with disbelief.

"No. That's not what I meant," shrugged Meredith and with a last look at Derek marched off for the stairs. "Have you ever been in a relationship? Of any kind?"

"I had a fuck buddy for half a year," said Cristina thoughtfully.

"Well, then you can't really know how it is I guess," admitted Meredith. "But a relationship isn't over because you say it's over."

"It isn't?"

"You can't just say goodbye, turn your head and pretend he doesn't exist. You're going to keep wondering at different times of day what he is doing right now… if he's already asleep when you go to bed. If he grabbed something to eat before running to work in the morning… if he didn't soak up in the downpour…"

"Okay…" Cristina bit her lip. "I should better shut up now before I say something grossly insensitive."

"Oh, please don't stop on my account," Meredith chuckled rolling her eyes.

"I can't even pretend to know what you're going through right now," admitted Cristina. "I just don't understand. And he… he hurt you."

"Unintentionally," argued Meredith. "And even if it was intentional, it probably wouldn't change the way I feel."

"Wow. I'm not sure if I should be envious of sympathetic…"

"Both," Meredith smiled softly.

"Are you going to be able to work with him?" Cristina asked seriously. "Bailey won't always care to keep you apart. And I know you're looking forward to these two weeks of vacation… but what after? Residency is long…"

"I don't know what will happen tomorrow, Cristina," Meredith shrugged lightly. "Lest in a couple of months…"

"Meredith!"

"Mer!"

"Who are these?" Cristina grimaced at the sight of two identical but for clothes women who were hurrying towards them.

"My sisters," smiled Meredith.

"You don't have sisters," frowned the Asian. "I read a biographical note on your mother."

"They are Derek's sisters."

"Mer," Lanie gave her a gentle hug in greeting. "We would have been here yesterday but Mom yelled at us not to pester you."

"Shouldn't you listen to your mommy today too?" Cristina raised her eyebrow skeptically.

"Let me guess," snapped Mia folding her arms over her chest. "You're Cristina, right? I think we spoke on the phone."

"You don't seem to have-"

"Look, if you think you're the biggest bitch in town, you're sadly mistaken," snorted Mia making Cristina temporarily speechless.

"Wow," she chuckled. "I don't like anybody but if I had to, it might be you."

"I don't swing that way," shrugged Amelia with a smirk. "And we're not here to advocate for Derek. He's being an ass."

"That's another reason why we were told not to come here," giggled Lanie. "Derek had a saucer flying at his thick skull already."

"Damn, I could like you both," joked Cristina.

"Not into threesomes," smirked Lanie.

"So, Mer," Mia took her under the arm. "I'm not trying to hover but… we're here for you. Each and every one of us," she assured referring to Kathleen and Nancy.

"Please, don't be hard on him," sighed Meredith.

"I almost wish you didn't love him that much," Mia shook his head. "Is… is this for real, Mer? For… ever?"

"I… I think so, Mia," she answered lowering her eyes.

"He's just a clueless idiot, I know," said Mia. "But what if the geeky Derek returns? Would you take him back?"

Meredith shook her head with a tiny smile. "My geeky Derek grew up and forgot about me. I have him in my heart, that must be enough."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"You have to break up with her," drawled Mark over his lunch, his lunch that he placed on one of the tables in the dissecting room.

Derek hoped to gain some peace and quiet from the gossip and the giggling nurses, also from two of his dangerous sisters that were staying for the lunch with Meredith. So he opted for a much more peaceful and harmless company of cadavers. Not for long, Mark Sloan's boisterous persona had to drag his ass after him.

"That's just such a brilliant piece of advice," Derek snorted with annoyance. "I want to make up with her and you're telling me to break up. You're also forgetting one tiny detail, she has already broken up with me."

"That's the problem," shrugged Mark. "She's in control. She has all the power. You need to break that leash around your neck. You need to break free from her clutches, man."

"You know, I won't even try to explain it to you," Derek snapped at him. "Because you're not capable of comprehending human emotions."

"Oh, puh-lease. Wait a few days, have a look around at other females, and you'll stop that bullshit love talk. There are other fish in the sea."

"Other fish in the sea, my ass," Derek muttered under his breath, trying to control his hands from shaking. Sure, he wasn't going to kill whomever he was dissecting for the second time but he didn't want to massacre the corpse either.

"Sure, plenty of fish in the sea," Mark relaxed in his chair bringing his hands behind his head. "I mean, sure Grey is like top-shelf goods. And well, no one dipped in that pond except you-"

The surgical instruments fell from Derek's hands hitting the floor with loud clanks that echoed in the still morgue. Faster that one could blink, he was with Mark, decking him against the dissecting table.

"What… hell… doing?" gasped Mark struggling under Derek's strong grip. He wasn't sure if he was more startled by Derek's reaction or disgusted that he was pressing at his neck with his gloved hands… taken out straight from the dead guys intestines.

"You… don't respect anyone," Derek huffed into his face, forcing him to stay put. "You don't give a shit about anything… and anyone. But Meredith… Meredith you will respect…" he growled, pure anger in his eyes. "She's Dr. Grey to you. Don't you dare talking about her, talking to her or just looking at her the wrong way. You don't do as I say… I'll force you to," he threatened pushing Mark for the last time and releasing him. Sloan stumbled onto the floor, his face blotchy red both from shame and being nearly strangled by Derek, the cadaver's bodily fluids on his neck and the top of his scrubs.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"Mer, you're okay with closing up?" asked Kris, the owner of the pub in which she was waitressing, putting on his thick coat. "My pregnant wife will be after my head if I don't deliver ice creams in the next fifteen minutes."

"Sure," she nodded from behind the counter where she was wiping glasses. "Derek's here," she pointed at a booth in the corner where he was sitting engrossed in homework. "He'll help me out."

"That's good. I See you tomorrow," Kris gave her thumbs up and left hastily.

Meredith grabbed a cloth and went from table to table, wiping the occasional stains and sweeping crumbles.

"You're done?" she asked gently, coming to Derek's booth.

"Almost," he took a deep breath speeding up his handwriting and smiled at her. "You?"

"Almost," she smiled back putting chairs upside down on table tops.

They had an excellent working system, brought to perfection by years of experience. They complemented each other. This week Derek did most of the homework for both of them as Meredith took longer shifts at the bar. Another time it was him who worked overtime so Meredith covered for him study-wise. They were in perfect harmony.

"Damn, it's starting to snow again," sighed Derek as more and more white flakes fell from the skies outside. "Maybe we should get a car after all…"

After much deliberation they decided to keep saving up and even though a car would be incredibly useful, they should refrain from buying it at the moment. They decided to wait with such serious purchases until they were done with Harvard and back in Seattle for good, still a couple of years to pass.

"Don't be a Grinch," Meredith grinned at him from across the bar. "It's nothing like Seattle at this time of year."

"It's not ," he sighed peering out of the window at Boston's streets.

"Hey," she looked at him tenderly returning to his table. "Don't be sad. We'll be away from them but they're still right here," she pressed her palm to his chest over his heart.

"They are," he took her palm and kissed it gently. It was their first Christmas away from the Rain City. The workload and financial constraints made them reluctantly agree on staying on the East Coast for the winter break and they already missed the rest of the Shepherds terribly. "It still will be a happy Christmas. We will be together and it's all that counts."

She planted a kiss on the top of its head and went to finish her work.

"Are you tired? It was a busy week," he said folding their materials and packing the books.

"I'm not sure if I can still feel my feet," she chucked, stretching her body. She shook off the ballet pumps of her feet stepping onto the cold floor. "Now that's better," she sighed and tiptoed to the jukebox, throwing in the coins and choosing the song. Soon, soft sensual sounds filled their ears, soothing their senses.

Meredith returned slowly to the middle of the room, swaying gently with every light step. He sat on the edge of the table, his eyes not blinking once as he devoured the dreamlike image before him.

_**When you're rocked on the ocean, rocked up and down, don't worry  
When you're spinning and turning round and around, don't worry  
You're just feeling sea-sick, you're just feeling weak  
Your mind is confused and you can't seem to speak  
It's just the motion, it's just the motion**_

Meredith started swinging softly around on her tiptoes, knocking his mind out. He couldn't stop staring at her, adoring her simple beauty. She was a vision. She was a goddess dancing in shadows. She was dressed in her working clothes, short simple skirt and a white t-shirt. Her blond hair were tied back messily, unruly strands escaping from the ponytail after hours at work. Her eyes were half-closed almost in a kind of mystical trance, an inscrutable smile playing on her lips.

_**You're just feeling sea-sick, you're just feeling weak  
Your mind is confused and you can't seem to speak  
Oh, it's just the motion, it's just the motion**_

She threw her head back into the rhythm of the song. Her ponytail finally gave in and the blond tresses spilled over her back, translucent in the light of the streetlamp. Her fingers slowly worked on the knot of her short apron. When she threw it on the nearby table it was a gesture as arousing as if she was shedding the last item of lingerie off her body.

He loved her. So damn much.

He got to his feet and joined her noiselessly. She must have felt he was coming as she didn't even flinch when his arms spooned her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.

They sighed in a relaxed harmony, matching bliss on their faces. Their fingers intertwined as they swayed gently together.

_**Oh the motion won't leave you, won't let you remain, don't worry  
It's a restless wind and a sleepless rain, don't worry  
'Cause under the ocean at the bottom of the sea  
You can't hear the storm, it's as peaceful as can be  
It's just the motion, it's just the motion  
It's just the motion, it's just the motion**_

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek took a quick peek around the corner and immediately backed out, leaning with his back against the wall. He pressed his eyes closed for a second, taking a deep calming breath.

Another fleeting glance into the confines of the basement… Meredith was lying on one of the gurneys reading a textbook, propping herself with one elbow.

He felt like he was fourteen all over again. Like he was that awkward socially challenged teen craving to make the pink-haired rebel spare him some of her time. And in a way, over a decade later, they were still just that. He actually wished to be fourteen again. Because that would mean they had amazing twelve years ahead of them. At present, the future seemed vague to say the least.

Okay. He braced his courage, pushed himself and casually made his way to Meredith.

She felt his presence even before he showed himself. She felt being observed, she felt his eyes on her. and now he was walking towards her. She had time to bolt, to avoid the confrontation. Only that wouldn't be very mature, she couldn't hide her head in the sand. She had to listen out to what he had to say. Even if it was going to rip her heart all over again.

"Hey, Mer," he breathed out standing in front of her.

"Derek," she nodded. She just wanted to glance at him nonchalantly. But her eyes only rose to the level of his hips. Great. Another reminder of what she lost.

"You want something to drink?" he handed her one of two bottles of mineral water.

"Derek," she sighed. "I already-"

"I know," he interrupted quickly, his voice falling and losing the forced casualness. "You… you broke up with me. I get that. Finally," he almost choked out, his eyes unable to focus on one thing.

She sat up folding her legs before her. "So you understand this… can't go on."

"What do you expect me to do, Mer?" he asked her, his voice pained. "To stop caring for you? Pretend we're strangers? Like we haven't spent over twelve years together?"

She sighed guiltily. Derek just voiced the same argument she threw into Cristina's face. She accepted the water from his hands.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Meredith, I…" he hesitated. "I'm… I'm going through the motions right now… I'm working on things…"

She looked up at him, half-curious, half-scared.

"I was... stupid, I was blind," he hesitated. "I realize now we haven't been us for a long time."

She nodded, her mouth going dry. She opened that bottle of water and gulped heavily.

"I made… mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes and I…" he sighed brining his hand up to his forehead. "I can't believe I fucked up so badly… It's like… It's not like me at all. I know it's a little late to say that. But I'm sorry. I am."

She tucked her hair nervously behind her ear. "It's okay. You just can't change how you feel," she shrugged and slowly straightened her legs to slide from the gurney. Derek blocked her way.

"Meredith, please don't cross me out…" he begged.

"Derek…" she bit her lip and tried to maneuver herself around him.

"I love you," he repeated strongly. "I love you and that is true."

"You said you were working through things…" she reproached him.

"I am. That doesn't change the fact that I love-"

"Don't say that," she grimaced and got to her feet.

"Mer…" he trapped her with his body. "I love you… and I swear to you, I'll do anything to get you back. I'll make up for my mistakes."

She trembled under the fire in his eyes, the sheer intensity of his regard. For how long would she have the strength to deal with this with her head held up high?

She dropped her gaze to her feet and extricated herself from the deathtrap between him and the gurney.

"I love you, Meredith!" was the last thing that rang in her ears as she left him alone.


	18. Chapter 18: Of Fearing The Worst

**A/N Hello, everyone! I could have posted this yesterday but I was insanely busy so here it is today.**

**Thank you for your generous comments and please keep them coming if you can :)**

**Enjoy…**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Looks like he's picturing your face," sighed Izzie sipping on her beer. They all looked in Derek's direction. He was playing darts with Alex Karev and George O'Malley at the other side of Joe's bar. His jaw was all set, an apparently permanent scowl on his face as he pretended not to look nor care what Meredith was doing.

"It's not her face that he's picturing," remarked lightly Cristina. "But every guy's that gets closer to Mer."

Meredith sighed audibly, "It was a bad idea to come here at all tonight. I should get my things and go. We can have a drink another time."

"I don't think it matters when that another time is," chuckled Cristina. "He would still be here like your silent protector or something. I haven't seen him here for ages. He's here because you are."

Meredith bit her lip. It was a whole week after the big break-up. It still felt as it was yesterday though. As it was five minutes ago. It was as raw and painful as though she was breaking up with him this very minute.

It was the worst week of her life. Incontestably. Most demanding exam sessions at med school left her feeling a lot better. After all, she he had been able to slid into Derek's comforting arms every night and smile just because he was there with her. Not so much anymore...

Those couple of days were awkward, to say the least. He tried to act almost causal towards her, like there wasn't that giant elephant of failed relationship between them. He was helpful, attentive… and she was avoiding. She was aware that perhaps he needed a more gradual change but she couldn't help trying to work with anyone else but him, working her schedules so that they didn't cover with his. She was dealing the best she could but sometimes it hurt too much to look at him. She was also in constant fear that he might approach personal topics. That he would finally say he only loved her as a good friend and that they should just split financially as soon as possible. She knew it had to happen but…

Her feelings were so conflicted between her wishing for him to be finally happy and for herself to stop hurting.

Their eyes met across the bar. His bluish orbs turned stormy again. She loved that violent passionate shade, that side of him she uncovered over the years.

"Evening, ladies," one of their fellow interns, Jackson Avery, halted at their table with a dazzling smile.

"Avery!" smirked Cristina. "You too trolling for females?"

"Certainly not," he grinned, his expressive eyes moving over them to stop on Meredith.

"Oh, just for one," Izzie wiggled her eyebrows.

Meredith felt hot around her face. Was she just falling victim to her friends' poor attempts at matchmaking? She was not comfortable in this situation. She wasn't ready to be in this situation. She didn't want to. She wanted to run for the hills. Izzie and Cristina should know better than that. And well, they didn't know enough about Derek's possessiveness. He loved her or not, he was possessive of her. This evening might not go very well for somebody, especially if Derek really was at Joe's because of her.

"Meredith? How are you doing?" Jackson asked with a gentle smile.

She looked at him insecurely. He was a nice good looking guy, a pretty boy as Cristina liked to call him. He was completely different than Sloan and Karev though. And Derek, well, Derek was in some limbo between them but he still was the man after her heart anyway.

"I… good, I'm good," she breathed out giving him the tiniest of smiles. Maybe he'd go continue this evening if she was nice to him.

"I just wanted to say," he cocked his head. "You rocked in that OR today. You were a rock star."

"Oh, I… know that but… thank you anyway…" she rambled out.

"Okay… so, I…" he paused as though waiting for an initiation to join them, "I'll see you around," he finished a bit defeated.

"See you," she breathed out with relief when he mingled back into the crowd.

She stared at her companions who were biting their lips trying not to laugh out.

"What?" she frowned.

"Oh, Mer," Izzie shook her head, a grin spreading on her face. "That was awful."

"It… it was," chortled Cristina.

"Poor guy," sighed Izzie. "You crushed him."

"What the hell I was supposed to?" gasped Meredith. "And you are the one who suck! Why did you encourage him?"

"You need some fun. I know you're still pining for Shepherd but you'll never stop unless you try!"

"I don't need-" she trailed off seeing a peculiar scene unfolding. Mark Sloan entered the pub making his way towards his colleagues. But he stopped in his tracks when his eyes met Derek's and rerouted.

"What's with the manwhore?" asked Meredith pensively.

"Sloan?" Cristina followed her eyes. "Ah, Shepherd's broken up with him too. No idea why."

Derek pretended he didn't even notice Mark and returned to playing darts with O'Malley.

"That's weird…"

"I think it's good," Izzie remarked cautiously. "He was a bad influence on Derek. You see? He's really trying to make things-"

"Izzie, please!"

"Fine," the blond shrugged her shoulders.

"You need-" started Cristina.

"I need a bit of silence on your part," she bit back and stood up. "I'm going to get another drink. You wanna something from the bar?"

"The bar, just the place for you," said enthusiastically Cristina getting to her feet as well, Izzie at their heels. "Full of men that are just dying to give you a bit of relief."

"Cristina, how can you say something like this," argued Izzie haughtily as they stopped in the queue. "She should try to date someone first, not hop to bed with a first guy that smiles at her!"

"Maybe, but sex is good for everything," shrugged Cristina. "And it doesn't leave you heartbroken."

"You two are just annoying," Meredith uttered under her breath.

"Seriously, you need to get laid," insisted Cristina.

"I don't need to get laid. I don't want to get laid!" Frankly? She missed sex. Like hell. But only because it was with Derek. All the bar could strip for her and she wouldn't care.

"How can you not want to get laid?" frowned Cristina. "Was Shepherd really that bad?"

"Would you just shut up about it if I tell you once, just this once?" huffed Meredith impatiently, both Cristina and Izzie giving her now their undivided attention. "Derek was not bad. We didn't have bad sex. We had amazing sex. Derek is amazing in bed. And with all due respect to your, er, experience, I bet you didn't have anything as long and thick as I did," she finished proudly looking at them with superiority. She didn't get the reaction she expected. Izzie was staring fixedly at the ceiling, her cheeks tinged with red, while Cristina was trying hard to contain her amusement.

Meredith's stomach made a humiliating somersault.

"He's… right behind me, isn't he?" she muttered weakly.

"Hi, Mer."

Yes, he was…

"Hey… Derek," she cleared her throat, not daring to turn around to look at him.

"I guess I should say… thank you?" he quipped.

Nope, she couldn't count on him to pretend he didn't hear her enthusiastic praise of their sex life and his manhood.

"Uh, you're… welcome," she muttered.

"Mer? For you?" Izzie asked her as she reached the counter.

"Just a beer! I'll wait in our booth!" she yelled quickly bolting away from him without a glance.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"Just relax," he murmured into her ear. He was spooning her from behind, their legs intertwined together, his hand wandering lazily up and down her curves.

It was about two hours after their last exam of the summer session and the occasion required a bit of private celebrating. The heat outside was staggering, the window open wide introducing more heat inside than cooling their bedroom. The air was still and heavy as they lay completely naked in the rumpled sheets, their breathing shallow, their skin hot and slick with sweat.

"Relax, Meri," he whispered again kissing the line of her jaw. "Didn't I do my job right?"

"You did…" she sighed contentedly. "I just need… time to unwind. You know how stressful it is. We need both to be at our best to get into the same internship program..."

"We will be," he assured her quietly. "You certainly don't have to worry about your grades. You kick everyone's ass, including mine."

She giggled nuzzling her face into the pillow but a twinge of unease shot through her.

"What if we… what if we don't make it together to Seattle Grace?" she voiced her concerns aloud. "We need to consider the possibilities…"

"We still have two years to worry about it," he sighed. "But… there's Mercy West, I guess…"

"It's a second rate hospital…" she remarked dejectedly.

"Doesn't matter if you're close," he shrugged.

She relaxed more into his embrace. "You're right. If it comes to worst, we can stay a few more years in the east… even though I will miss home…"

"Home is everywhere we are together," he assured her heatedly.

"You're so right today," she laughed freely and stretched languidly against his hard body. "Help me relax, Der…"

He smiled wickedly as he gently turned her onto her stomach, settling between her legs.

"As you wish," he whispered nibbling on her earlobe and delicately pushing the wild strands of her hair from her back.

She cradled the pillow into her arms happily as he hovered over her as if catching her in a trap between his outstretched arms. He planted a soft kiss onto the nape of her neck and repeated the reverent gesture on every vertebra down her spine. On his way back up he followed the trail with his tongue leaving a wet path that made her shiver despite the overwhelming heat. His fingertips played along her ribcage mischievously, teasing the sides of her breasts.

He lowered himself down on one elbow, his body covering hers. His lips worked wonders on her neck while his fingers tickled the nipple that peeked from underneath her. A new wave of dampness pooled at her opening, as his palm sensually followed the curve of her ass.

Her legs spread involuntarily as his fingers teased her folds coated both in the wetness of her current desire and the juices of the earlier lovemaking. He slowly dipped his finger inside her eliciting a delighted purr.

"God, you're amazing," he breathed out, brushing his finger against the swollen nub of her clit. He was always so proud he could lead her into a state of total abandon like this, that he could give her so much pleasure. And it was so damn arousing to see her writhe under his touch, giving herself to him with no holding back.

"I love you," he murmured into her neck as he added another finger to stimulate her hot core. She bucked her hips against his hand in approval, a load throaty moan escaping from deep within her. He hoped their neighbors had opted for an afternoon out. The indecent sounds of their lovemaking would surely carry though the open window, if not through the walls.

"Oh, Derek," she groaned, her head going back in bliss as her spine became taut against him. "Love you…"

He intended to add another finger and bring her to her well deserved orgasm but he just couldn't stop himself from taking her right now. She was so putty and responsive in his hands.

She groaned with protest when he took his hand out but was soon gratified as they were replaced with the hard length of his cock. Nothing mattered any more, no worries or qualms, as they were joined into one once again.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Cristina grabbed her glass and the one for Meredith but Izzie stopped her, placing her hand on her arm.

"Wait, wait a minute."

"What? Oh, no," Cristina groaned seeing Shepherd slide into their booth, across from Meredith. "Let's go before we witness some new drama."

"No, give them a few minutes," pleaded her Izzie. "I know what you think about him and I know that Meredith thinks he doesn't love her but I don't agree. I think they're both in love with each other. And I don't want to see that love go to waste. I'm giving ten bucks that Derek will get her back eventually."

Cristina raised one eyebrow at Izzie's challenging expression. "I'm giving… twenty that he'll get her wrapped around his finger before we're off on vacation."

"Cristina!" Izzie lunged at her with a wide smile.

"No, no hugs," she flinched back.

"Okay," Izzie shrugged happily. "But it's still nice to know you're warm and gooey inside."

"Shut up."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Mer," he quietly said her name sitting down in her booth.

"Derek." She wringed her fingers with obvious awkwardness, the humiliation of the last minutes hitting her double as she looked straight into his face. This week of sleeping alone was messing with her head. She wasn't used to sleeping alone.

"So, about-"

"I'm sorry about that comment," she fired interrupting whatever he intended to say. "Not that it wasn't true but I'm sorry. I should have never let Cristina provoke me… but she was annoying me with this you-need-to-get-laid talk and I…" she trailed off, suddenly realizing she said too much. She had never had to mark her words with Derek, they had no secrets from each to her. But that was in the past. That was a different reality. They were broken up now and they had to be careful what they said around each other so as not to make things more even more awkward or plainly not to hurt each other.

"Yeah, I stood there long enough to get that," he said lowly. His breath was strangled as he tried to brace himself for what he was about to say. And the words were burning his throat alive. There was one reason he came to Joe's tonight, Meredith. He wanted to watch her, feast his eyes on her. He didn't have so many occasions to do that recently. He only saw her at work and that was more and more busy as the end of their internship approached. He simply missed her. Simply? It was a gut wrenching feeling as though half of his being was ripped away. Everything he was and he did was incomplete without her.

So as he heard through the hospital grapevine that she would be at Joe's tonight, he didn't waste any second to arrive here. It was as pleasurable as it was a torture. All kinds of men came up to her table from time to time trying to chat her up, every time striking a knife into his heart. She turned them down one after another but… as his mind proposed fearfully, what if there came a time she'd accept? He had no right over her anymore. She was free to make her choices. But that realization only added to the overall pain.

"Meredith, I…" he began with a heavy heart. Wait… did he still have one? It should have been dead, shattered to pieces a while ago. "I know I don't have a right to ask you about anything… but I… I am. Just this one thing, please, favor me. I… it would kill me if I heard from some third party that you… that you…"

"That I what?" she frowned.

"That you're seeing someone," he choked out.

"I…" her voice faltered. "I'm just… I'm just out of a relationship. I don't have any intention to start dating. I'm concentrating on work anyway."

"Still," he almost begged her. "Please, promise me you're going to tell me first."

"Okay," she breathed out. "But… you shouldn't care…"

"But I do," he nodded.

A silence fell over them. Derek wasn't sure if he should stay or leave her alone.

"Der," her voice trembled. "You… tell me too, okay?"

"I'm not going to," he stated decidedly. "I'm not going to see anyone but you."

"You will-"

"No, I won't," he shook his head categorically. "You're the first and the last woman I will ever date. Whatever that means."

His eyes were scorching and she let herself by momentarily hypnotized. Until Cristina appeared back at the table.

"Shepherd, your ass on my seat."

He lowered his head and with a deep sigh heaved himself out.

"Goodnight, Mer." He went back to his table to take his earlier observation point.

"So," Cristina began, staring at her hands. "Just, I want to have something cleared up before I say this. I am not warm and gooey inside. I am a hardcore bitch."

"Okay?" frowned Meredith. Her head was already spinning with confessions of the day.

"I am sorry if I sounded harsh to you," she said unexpectedly. "I am sorry if I was insensitive."

"Cristina…"

"It's the way I deal," she shrugged. "If I let myself feel some stuff, I might explode… or I might just break down. I don't think I'm as strong as you. I would have been off the rails a long time ago if I were you. You're bigger than that. I'm not."

"Cris-"

"Just, that's all of a girl moment you'll get from me okay?"

"Okay," Meredith nodded softly. "But for your information, that was big. What you've just said. It was big."

"Whatever. Move your ass, Izzie's coming with the drinks."


	19. Chapter 19: Of Lost And Found

**A/N Thank you for all your comments and keep them coming ;)**

**Hope you continue to enjoy…**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

His pen danced across the rubrics of the chart.

_Simmons Jennifer__…_

He sighed feeling his stiff neck. Two weeks on the couch. He didn't even bother to extend it for a couple of nights. His own comfort was something that was the last on the list of his concerns. Besides, he deserved that. Every wince. Just another form of self punishment.

_Post-op complications__… developed fever…_

The melodious giggle. It was like a breath of fresh in the stuffy lobby. His head shot up unmistakably. He could only see her from her shoulders up but it was enough. It was more than nothing. Her face was all lit up as Izzie Stevens chatted away walking beside her. Then, the smile relaxed and was gone. Without a trace. The sparkle in her eyes expired before he could contend himself with its warm glow.

He knew what this meant. She was unhappy. She was in pain. She pretended to be okay and got people around believing she was perfectly fine. That mask wouldn't work on him. He knew each and every one of her faces. They had no secrets from him. Only… how had he stopped noticing them for so long?

He leaned back heavily in his chair, Meredith disappearing from his line of vision. He was disgusted with himself. At some point, he must have stopped looking at her. He stopped seeing her. She was just beside him fulfilling the role of his fiancée, of some future trophy wife. He deserved everything being thrown at him, literally and figuratively. He would be almost fine with this if Meredith didn't have to pay for his mistakes. On the other hand, he remarked guiltily, her pain was an intangible proof she still loved him in spite of his blunders.

"Shepherd!"

He was abruptly pulled out of his depressing thoughts by Karev who almost fainted on the counter breathlessly.

"Man, you look like you're bored. Help me!"

"With what?" Derek asked suspiciously.

"The vagina bitch is on warpath," he grumbled. "Okay, I said something that might have sounded… insensitive, I guess, but it's my fifth day looking down ho-" he glanced around nervously. "I can't take it anymore!"

Derek snorted. Some men should just know where the line was. The laughter died on his lips instantly. Like he was the one to talk…

"I'll do anything!" Alex begged desperately, opening his patient's chart in front of Derek's nose. "Please, just swap whatever you're doing with me!"

"No wa-" Derek paused mid-sentence as his eyes accidently fell on the patient's family information. "Okay."

"Yeah?" Alex gasped with both disbelief and incredible relief.

"Yeah, I've got enough of filling charts," lied Derek getting to his feet. "But I'll hold you to that anything you'd do."

"Thanks, man," sighed Karev and took Derek's place behind the counter. Meanwhile, Derek took the chart left to him by Alex and walked away a few feet. He took a deep breath and opened the file.

Once again he read the familiar name. It didn't necessarily have to be him… but it was more than probable. And the man had a family… Derek cursed under his breath. Meredith didn't need this right now. He couldn't hide it from her though. No secrets. And he would hate if she learned from some other source. He needed to make sure it was really the man before he alerted Mer.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"It's going to be okay," he whispered reassuringly as they slowly walked towards Meredith's house. House, it stopped to be her home a long time ago.

"It won't," she said with a brief resigned smile, her fingers rubbed his, their hands intertwined.

Four hours earlier they sat down to dinner celebrating their graduation. Two hours earlier Derek knelt down to ask her hand in marriage and was accepted. One hour earlier they unhurriedly set out with Carolyn's blessing to Meredith's house in order to inform Ellis Grey of the happy event.

It wasn't a sudden decision. They discussed breaking the news about their relationship to Meredith's mother on many occasions throughout the year. Meredith was always keener to wait. Ellis wouldn't even probably take a school sweethearts' relationship seriously. Now, it was a completely different matter. They were engaged to be married.

"You're an adult already, Mer. What else she can do than to accept your decision? Even if she's not okay with it initially," he argued trying to keep her spirits up.

"She can do a lot," she sighed. "You know that. She can bring a hell on earth…"

"Even if she does," he took a mischievous approach in hope of cheering her up, "I'll take you to heaven tonight…" he whispered hotly against her cheek. We've got that engagement sex in plans, remember?"

"I'll take your word on it," she grinned and climbed to her tiptoes to press a kiss, small but full of promise, to his lips. "Let's go and have it done with it. The sooner, the better."

"I love you, no matter what."

"I love you to. And… She's in," she took a deep breath noticing the lights in the living room. She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry for whatever you might hear, Derek. I'll make it up to you."

If he was to be honest, he was full of misgivings as well. He met her mother only on a couple of occasions throughout the four years of their relationship and she always made on him the impression of a coldhearted woman, quite the opposite of Meredith. She didn't even bother to come to see Meredith during one of the most important days of her life. Hospital was more important than her only daughter's graduation.

Meredith took out the key from her bag, quietly opened the door and led Derek through the foyer, their hands never parting.

"Mom," she called her halting in the doorway.

"Meredith. I expected to see you home sooner. Your graduation-" Ellis trailed off as she realized her daughter was in the company of a young man. She readjusted her reading glasses and narrowed her eyes dangerously at their joined hands.

"Sorry, Mom," she said in the most calm and good-natured voice she could muster. "We've had a little celebration with Derek's family."

"Derek's?" Ellis asked sharply.

"Derek Shepherd, Ma'am," he sent her a little smile.

"Derek Shepherd, the lab partner?" she arched her eyebrow skeptically.

"Yes, Ma'am," he breathed out. For now, everything seemed to run relatively smoothly.

"Derek has been a lot more to me than just a lab partner, Mom," confessed Meredith and couldn't help a soft smile bloom on her lips. "He's been my best friend and… also my boyfriend for the last few years."

"And why are you telling me this?"

Meredith's heart skipped a beat and grasped Derek's hand with two of hers.

"Mom, Derek proposed tonight. And I said yes."

"Excuse me?" Ellis gasped getting to her feet, tearing her glasses from her face with irritation. "I hope this was just a joke in a very bad taste!"

"It was not a joke. We are engaged, Mom-"

"I won't allow it!" snapped Ellis. "Have you lost your mind? You're eighteen years' old Meredith! Eighteen years' old!"

"It doesn't matter, I love Derek-"

Ellis interrupted her laughing sarcastically. "You're being silly. You don't have the slightest notion of love."

"Dr. Grey," Derek decided he should speak up. "I truly love your daughter. And I believe I can take care of her as her husband."

Ellis snorted loudly starting to pace up and down around the room, walking closer to them.

"I knew what was going on between you two but I thought it was harmless," she gritted out.

"You knew…?" frowned Meredith. How? They were always so careful…

"I'm not blind, Meredith," she shook her head coming to a halt before them. "I can tell when someone is sexually satisfied."

Meredith's mouth gasped open, just like Derek's.

"Oh, please, I knew he was fucking you."

Meredith cringed at her choice of words. She knew her mother wasn't wary of vulgar language but it sounded like sacrilege when she described her union to Derek that way. Even if they used the word themselves when they were in bed.

"Dr. Grey, I assure you-"

"I don't care. You have no say in this. I'm talking to my daughter," she glared at him and moved her eyes on Meredith. "Now listen, young lady. You will stop with this nonsense right now. You will end this relationship, it has come too far already, and you will use the brains god gave you by going to premed."

"I am, mother," she explained, her voice harsher. "We are both going to Harvard in the fall."

"Harvard is not high school," snorted Ellis. "He will only distract you from studies. Relationships are not only sun shines and rainbows in the real life."

"I am able to take whatever life throws at me," said Meredith fiercely. "As long as Derek is with me!"

"You have a chance for a brilliant career in medicine, Meredith! Don't you understand how lucky you are? How grateful you should be? Have you any idea how hard it was for me to get where I am?"

"I am lucky, mom, I appreciate it," she nodded. "But you know why I'm lucky the most? Because I have Derek. I have his love, this is what I am most grateful for!"

"You little ingrate!" hissed Ellis making a step forward which made Derek react quickly. He stepped between them taking her in his arms, really afraid Ellis might raise her hand at her.

"Dr. Grey," he reasoned, his hand rubbing soothing circles on his fiancée's back. "Let's just sit down and discuss-"

"We don't need to discuss anything," announced the older woman curtly. "Meredith, you have a choice. And you have to make it now. Either you tell this boy to leave this house and never return or you walk out with him and try to figure out how to pay for your education with your husband."

"Think once again if you really want to give me this ultimatum because I already have the answer. I had it before you even thought about it."

"I will not repeat myself, Meredith."

"Then it's a goodbye, mom," she whispered, her voice quiet but steady. "I'm choosing Derek. I'm choosing the love of my life. I'm choosing life."

"Very well," spat at her Ellis. "Take your things and get out of my sight. We'll see each other when you run back in tears."

"Never gonna happen," told her Meredith and pulled Derek upstairs.

No more than half an hour later, they heaved down two suitcases and a large handbag.

Ellis stopped at the door as they carried the luggage to the door.

"You'll remember my warning in due time," she addressed her daughter for the last time. "When you're jobless and stuck at home snowed under with diapers with another brat on the way."

"You don't really need to tell me I was such a burden to you again, mother," Meredith faced her without a stammer. "You made sure I was aware of that every day of my life. Don't worry, you won't see me again. You can live your life without any constraints from now on. Financial or otherwise. Goodbye, Mom." She gave her the last sad look, deposited the key on the table and walked out closing the door behind her.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith sank, boneless, on the soft bedding, post-orgasmic bliss still reigning in her body while Derek rode on his pleasure releasing inside her. He finally stilled with a satisfied sigh and was to roll on his side with her snuggly in his arms but she grasped on his biceps to stop him.

She could spend forever like this, relishing the moment after. She adored the sweet weight of him on her lithe frame, his invasion into her body. It was making her feel like she belonged to him. Which was as wonderful as surprising. She understood her mother's independent streak. She wanted to have the control of her life in her hand as well. But at the same time, she craved to be his, sometimes it reaching an almost animalistic level.

"Can you stay like this? Inside me?" she asked softly. "You complete me. You make me whole."

"Not a problem," he chuckled and lowered himself onto his forearms, resting his head between her breasts. "Not a problem at all…"

She giggled and combed his black mane with her fingers.

"Mhm, I love engagement sex," he huffed out, his breath fanning the side of her soft mound.

Meredith laughed even harder but he shushed her. "You don't want Ma to intervene, right?"

Meredith clasped her mouth with her hands but the tremors of laughter shook her body, making him jump on her chest.

"Sorry," she breathed out. "I just remembered what my mother said." She cleared her throat and ranted in a low angry voice, "I can tell when someone is sexually satisfied."

It was his turn to laugh and she pressed her palm to his lips to gag him. He bit on her flesh lightly, making her squeal.

"You know," remarked Meredith. "She doesn't look sexually satisfied. She should try it out."

"Mer," he frowned, "not really want to go there…"

"Me neither…" she trailed off.

They lay for a moment in silence, his flaccid length still buried inside her.

"I don't hate her," her bewildered voice broke the stillness of the night. "I thought I did but… I don't. All I feel is pity. She's alone. By her own choice."

"I don't think you're capable of hating anybody," he said gently, his hand finding hers.

"Oh, I don't know," she sighed. "I think I still hate my father. Or actually, I hate the man by the name of Thatcher Grey."

"I pity him," replied Derek and shifted up to her lips, his tongue slipping through her parted lips for a moment. "He doesn't know what he's lost."

"Derek? Thank you," she whispered and squeezed her vaginal muscles around his penis subsequently while one of her hands traveled across his back to his firm backside.

"Mer…" he breathed out, hardening due to her ministrations.

"I want to thank you, Love," she murmured locking her eyes with his. "You gave me everything."

"So did you," he said back and flexed his hips, sliding in and out of her ever so gently.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek walked down the corridor with purpose, his eyes concentrated on Meredith who was a few feet ahead of him.

He was sure now. With a quick unsuspecting interview with the family and a few calls he gained certainty. There was nothing left to do but tell Meredith.

"Meri," he caught up with her, taking her gently under her arm. Her eyes widened like those of a deer in headlights, both from his unexpected touch and her shortened name.

"Derek…" her voice was wary. He felt her backing her arm from his fingers.

"Meredith, I need to talk to you," he said seriously.

"About what? Derek, we went through this-"

"Not about us, I promise," he pleaded. "You need to listen to me, it's not about us. You still trust me, don't you?"

She bit her lower lip, revising her options. "Okay," she sighed finally. "I'm listening."

"Not… not here," he shook his head and steered her to a nearby on-call room.

She kept close to the door as if ready to bolt, a frown on her forehead.

"Mer, I promised I wasn't here to talk you into taking me back," he sighed, slightly dejected that her confidence in him seemed to be ruined.

"Okay," she breathed out nervously and fired, "Are you seeing someone?"

"What?" he spluttered. "No! Of course, not! Why would you even think so?"

"Well, you wanted to tell me something important. You didn't want to make up with me so… that conclusion seemed natural," she blinked.

"I didn't say I didn't want to make up with you," he corrected her. "I said I wasn't going to try to persuade you so."

"Okay, okay… so…?"

"I… have a patient," he began.

"Right."

"I swapped with Alex. He… he showed me the chart today and I… the name… it was… I put two and two together."

"Derek," she cocked her head suspiciously. "You're not making much sense."

"I know," he turned on his heel and back to face her. "But it's… not easy. Okay, I… I saw your father's name in the chart."

Her mouth opened in surprise. That was one of the things she would never guess it was all about.

"What? This… is impossible. My father, he's…" she trailed off. "He's not…"

"Mer," he said gently. "You didn't know anything about his whereabouts, and… he's at Seattle Grace."

He moved closer to her. Not touching her, leaving a safe distance. But letting her know, letting her feel he was there.

"Are you… are you sure?" she choked out.

"I am, I checked and double checked," he nodded. "I wouldn't alarm you for nothing."

She rubbed her forehead absent-mindedly.

"You said he was your patient? He's sick?"

"He's not the patient," he explained heavily. "His… he is married."

"He is married," she repeated hollowly.

"And… he has two other daughters…"

For a brief moment, her face didn't express anything but astonishment. And then, slowly her forehead creased as she followed the train of thought he exactly predicted her to. She turned her back to him, lowering her head only to look up at his face again. He knew she was thinking that her father replaced her with two new daughters, that he judged her unworthy of attention. Because, honestly, that was what it looked like.

"Oh… God… Derek," she sighed, her eyes frantic.

He couldn't stand her solitary torment any longer, he couldn't watch her beat herself up with it. He closed the short distance between them in one stride and swiftly took her into his arms, enveloping her in his warm reassuring embrace. He let out a sigh feeling her close to him again. He had never gone so long without touching her before, never. He was on withdrawal. Maybe he was using the moment of her weakness to satisfy his need for her proximity but he couldn't be happier when she gave up her silent battle with herself and clung to him for dear life, burying her face into his chest.


	20. Chapter 20: Of Anyway Friends Part I

**A/N Thank you all for reading and leaving my your thoughts, you're amazing!**

**Yes, they're already on the slow road back.**

**P.S. About the permanence of the pink hair… well, she's keeping them for now. There's a reason for it. ;)**

**Enjoy…**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith let herself melt into him. He was her rock again, that steadying force that held her upright. The only person that had been able to look into her soul so deeply. Who could understand her current state of mind better than him? Her confusion, disappointment, the sudden feeling of rejection.

But he was… him. Derek. The man she loved with all her being but who was no longer hers. She inhaled his familiar scent for the last time and slowly pried herself away, her palms against his biceps. He tried to prolong their embrace, his hands slipped from her back to her waist.

"No, Derek… no," she shook her head.

"Okay, okay," he nodded softly, not letting the sense of defeat overcome him as his fingertips separated from the material of her scrubs.

"It's just… thank you… but I can't deal with everything… I can't deal with you right now…"

"I'm not… I'm not forcing myself on you, Mer," he told her, his voice pleading. "I'm just… I'm here for you."

"But you can't! You can't be here for me!"

"This is where I disagree-"

"We're over, Derek!"

"Would you just stop saying that?" he said abruptly, his voice slightly raised. He couldn't stand her beating him over the head with that phrase, over and over again. "God, I get that already. Trust me, I'm feeling that in every cell in my body!"

She was speechless, momentarily struck by the rawness of his voice.

"We're broken up but… I am still your friend," he declared more quietly.

She opened her mouth to protest but he held his arms up begging her to listen him out.

"I'm your best friend, Mer," he argued with passion. "That's how we started this thing. I was a school geek, you were a rebel, and we were best of friends. We are best of friends. We always rely on each other."

"Things changed," she shrugged sadly. "We have a whole history now. We can't be best friends!"

"I don't want you to be alone, certainly not during this," he pleaded.

"I'm not alone. I have other friends too, Derek. You have other friends," she pointed out. "Mark Sloan, for example."

Derek let out a short wry laugh. "Mark Sloan is as far from being my friend as it can be."

"What happened between you two?" she asked with a frown.

"We just don't see eye to eye," he answered evasively and brought the attention back on her. "Mer, I will take a step back if you want me to."

"Good."

"But I need to be sure you have someone to lean onto. That there is someone you'll let in on what you're going through. The wicked sisters? Cristina Yang? Have you even told her anything about your biological family?"

"No," she sighed lowering her eyes to her feet.

"I am the only person to know you inside out," he went on. "I understand you better that anyone ever could. I… I failed your trust, I'm aware of that and you can't imagine how deeply I regret it. But, I am still that awkward kid you let follow you around…"

Meredith didn't even deny. He was all that to her, at least he had been up until the last few months. Only, could she lean on him again? Was it the right thing to do when they were so messed up?

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

It was making her teeth hurt. Seriously. She just mentioned it in passing that she had a fiancé whom she lived with and they firmly decided they have to see it with their own eyes. Her colleagues from pharmacology classes, her two overly giggly gossipy colleagues.

She had thought, why not? She didn't had that many female friends in Boston and she really missed the sisters. So when Tina and Betsy heavily hinted they would love to come over for a girl night she had no objection to openly invite them.

Now she knew it probably wasn't one of the wisest decisions in her life. The girls kept sighing and giggling at every little thing; even the horrible flower vase that was an engagement gift from the family evoked their admiration.

"I can't wait when Tim pops the question!" chirped Betsy, her eye glassy, as they sat at the counter in the kitchen.

"Oh, crap, and I don' even have a boyfriend!" Tina's face crumpled pathetically. Meredith didn't know what to say. She backed slightly away when Tina suddenly leaned forward. "Was it romantic for you?"

"I… guess…" she stammered under two expectant stares. "He… knelt down."

She thought they would faint swooning how utterly cute the fact that Derek proposed on his knees was.

"And you've got that beautiful ring," said Betsy dreamily. "From your future mother-in-law!"

"You're so lucky! I'm so afraid I'll get a monster-in-law!"

"So you… haven't met… ugh, Tim's parents yet?" asked Meredith conversationally.

"We've just been dating for two months," Betsy rolled her eyes.

"And he's proposing?" Meredith plodded on.

"Duh, not now," giggled Tina. "Later, much later!"

"Ah…"

They heard the front door open and soon Derek came into the kitchen with a bag of groceries. "Evening, ladies." He smiled at them and walked up to Meredith to press a kiss to her cheek.

"So, that's Derek," introduced him Meredith. "Der, that's Tina and Betsy… I've told you about."

"Nice to meet you," he nodded and swiftly got to unpack the shopping.

For some reasons unknown to Meredith, her two new acquaintances became strangely silent but for occasional giggles.

"I'll just get the dinner started and be out of here," he smiled and got busy. After fifteen unusually quiet minutes he set the oven and disappeared into the apartment, his departure provoking a giggling fit and Meredith's loss for words.

"He's so cute!"

"And he's so well trained! He does domestic chores!

Meredith's eyebrow rose high. She just imagined Derek in the role of a poodle trotting around the apartment.

In that exact moment he was back in the kitchen, taking a carton of juice from the fridge.

"What is he still doing here?" frowned Tina after he was out.

"Uh?" Meredith stared at her in incomprehension.

"When is going out?" prompted Betsy.

"Why would he go out?"

"It's a girls' night only!"

"Well, he's not here," shrugged Meredith. "He's in the bedroom, probably studying."

"That's so not the point!"

"He lives here," argued Meredith dropping all the pretences of being acquiescent. "It's not like I'm going to kick him on the street because I have someone over."

"You know, maybe we should reschedule," offered Betsy sourly.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Your friends gone so soon?" he asked from over his book as Meredith sauntered into the bedroom.

"They're not my friends," she frowned. She pulled off her jeans and tiptoed to the bed to nuzzle against his side, his arm going immediately around her. "I don't even think we speak the same English…"

He laughed at her grumbling tones, his fingers playing with her hair.

"What did you tell them?" he inquired, his eyes still skimming the page.

"Why do you think I told them something?" she frowned, her palm wandering lazily over his t-shirt clad chest.

"No reason," he chuckled. "Just your impatient honesty. And well," he sighed closing the book and letting it slide to the floor, "they didn't seem quite on your intellectual level…"

"I know, right," she laughed as he shifted them so they lay facing each other. "Surprisingly enough, they seem almost normal in classes. Don't have bad grades either… Maybe there's something wrong with me?" she chuckled.

"Absolutely not," he grinned and his palm lazily travelled along the curve of her waist, up and down, diving under her shirt and back, hooking his fingers under her panties.

"I don't feel that comfortable with anyone as much as with you," she murmured looking at him. "I can't imagine telling anyone the things I tell you. And I feel like I can tell you anything, no matter how… stupid… or... how intimate it could be. "

"I feel the same," he smiled simply scooting even closer to her. "That's because we're anyway friends."

"Anyway friends?" she eyed him curiously.

"Mhm. An anyway friend is the one person in your life who, no matter what they say or do, no matter what they've been through with you, they love you anyway."

Her smile lit her face and her fingertips glided across his cheek when she leaned for a kiss.

"I love you, my anyway friend."

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith stepped around Derek and sank into one of the beds.

"Tell me why he's here."

"He's…the whole family is here for your sister," he replied opting to sit on the same bed. He registered with relief that she didn't mind.

"The woman who is his daughter," she corrected him. "I have four sisters already, don't need more."

"Okay, then, his daughter, Molly, is six-months' pregnant. There are some complications apparently. They sent her straight to us from ER. Robbins is working on her case."

"She's pregnant?" frowned Meredith. "How old is she?"

"Just out of high school."

"Knocked-up teen that went off the rails?" she asked almost hopefully.

"No," he chuckled lightly. "She's married actually."

"Wow," she sighed. "I guess some people don't wait…"

There was a moment of consternated silence in which both of them contemplated how their story would unfold if they did get married soon after the engagement.

"Uh, what else? What should I know?"

"They have another daughter. Alexandra, she's a year older.

"Hm, so he waited like… three, four years to find himself a new happy family?" she snorted bitterly. "I've wondered over the years what happened to him. If he was dead… travelling… abducted by UFO. Now I know he was just a couple of blocks away busy with two newer models. And I wouldn't even recognize him on the street… How does he look like?"

"Not too tall. Gray hair, full face. Average."

"Derek… you think I should see him?" she asked for his opinion suddenly.

"I think… you need this," he answered after a moment. "You need this to make peace with yourself. To finally accept that it wasn't your fault that he left."

She nodded slowly. It was a lot to take. She was astonished, curious, hopeful, angry and a lot more… But she just needed to rip off the band aid.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Baby, I'm so relieved! You gave us such a scare!" Thatcher's current wife gripped her daughter's hand. "Are you sure, I mean, absolutely sure that she's okay now?" she turned to Derek.

"Yes, for now she and the baby are safe. That intern in the ER just panicked," he nodded. "But it's not exactly an easy pregnancy. She really needs to take extra care of herself. Absolutely no strenuous activity, no stress, nothing that could elevate your blood pressure. There's no need to put her on bed rest now but we can't exclude that when she's more far along."

"Molly's husband is overseas, military you know, but we'll take care of her," assured Susan Grey.

"We will," smiled warmly Thatcher placing his arm around his wife.

Molly's sister, well, also Meredith's sister, sat on the other edge of the bed.

Derek watched unobtrusively the family interaction all day long. He couldn't shake off his surprise. They seemed so… normal. Not that much different than his own family. Thatcher Grey gave an impression of a nice guy. Derek couldn't comprehend how that man could leave his five-year-old daughter and never come back. He seemed such a loving father.

"Thank God I was still in Seattle…" The two sisters grasped their hands and shared a smile. There was a trace of physical similarity between them and Meredith.

"Lexie is starting premed," explained Thatcher proudly. "Harvard. Maybe she'll be working here as well in a couple of years."

At this point something broke inside Derek. It might have been his heart breaking for Meredith. And a flicker of anger at the man whose actions resulted in her unhappy childhood. He had a daughter already to be equally or even more proud of.

"You know, that's pretty much my story," he started casually.

"Really?" asked curiously Susan.

"I'm from Seattle but I went to Boston to premed and med school," went on Derek. "Now my first year of residency is coming to a close."

"Wow," the older sister fidgeted in her seat. "Seriously?"

"That's fantastic," took up Susan. "Was it very hard? All the family stays back here, Lexie will be all alone on the East Coast…"

"It's pretty hard, yes. A lot of work certainly. But I wasn't alone. I went to Harvard with my fiancée," he hesitated for a moment and gave Thatcher a hard meaningful look, "and now Meredith is here with me for the internship."

He carefully scrutinized the older man's face when he said her name aloud. And there was a reaction. Recognition. A kind of glint in his eyes.

"I'll be back later to check up on you before we discharge you ," he nodded at Molly and hurried out.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Thatcher's voice caught him back in the corridor.

"Mr. Grey?"

"You know," the man began cautiously. "I have another daughter. About your age. Her name's Meredith."

"I know," Derek said bluntly.

"You… Meredith… Meredith works here?" he breathed out.

"Yes, she does."

"Is she here today?"

"She has a shift, yes," came another of Derek's short replies. He wasn't going to make it any easier for that man.

"Do you… can I see her?" Thatcher's voice quivered slightly.

"Why?" Derek asked straightforwardly. "What for? Why so suddenly? Let's be frank, you've had years to do that."

"I know… but it's... It is complicated," sighed Thatcher. "Please, I'd just like to see her."

"Fine," nodded Derek. "But I'm only taking you to her because that's what Meredith wants. And you better not hurt her. She is a beautiful amazing person. She doesn't deserve any more hurt that you had inflicted on her in the past," he finished sourly and beckoned the older man to follow him.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith concentrated on the stack of charts before her. She got a text from Derek that he would meet her in one of the conference rooms. She would finally see the man whose image swam in and out of her thoughts since she was five. Perhaps, it was crazy. Rushed. But she was curious above all. And she had the right. She hadn't seen him for over twenty years…

A soft knock on the door announced Derek's arrival. He approached her, put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, leaning in.

"Are you ready?" he gazed into her eyes.

She nodded.

"You'll be okay." He squeezed her arm lightly. "And I'll be just outside if you need me."

He slipped outside, out of her sight but his presence lingered on. She knew he wouldn't leave until that uncanny meeting was over. That knowledge put her strangely at ease.

"Meredith?"

She lifted her head to see an older man standing insecurely at the doorway. He was a complete stranger to her. She barely had any recollections from the period of her life before her parents' divorce.

She continued to sit in her chair, an open chart before her. She didn't see the need to stand up and greet him any way. He was a complete stranger to her. She noticed his eyes slide over the top of her pink hair quizzically.

"Yes," she looked at him, almost challengingly to comment on her hairdo.

"I… don't know what to say," he breathed out looking into her eyes. "How… how are you?"

"Fine," she answered.

"And… your mother? Ellis?"

"I wouldn't know," she shrugged. "I haven't talked to her for eight… almost nine years."

"Oh," he gasped. "Why?"

"Probably because I was born to be parentless," she joked grimly.

"Oh…" he started to step from foot to foot. "She doesn't work here anymore?"

"No. She told me to choose between her financing med school and my engagement to Derek," explained Meredith. "On my graduation day. I chose Derek and haven't seen her since."

For a moment, he seemed almost tormented.

"Why?" Meredith's question was short and simple yet contained all the essence of the painful story from before the years.

He eyed her carefully for a good minute, almost warily.

"Your mother…" he paused mid-sentence. "Your mother and me realized it wasn't love between us."

"That much is kinda clear," she couldn't help snorting. "But it doesn't explain why I see you for the first time for over two decades."

"Ellis… she told me never to get near you again… I left Seattle shortly after the divorce. Came back a few years later but… she was still adamant."

"And you just listened to her. Convenient," she shrugged.

"I… She had the legal rights and I just… I didn't want to ruin your childhood watching your parents fight. I would have never won with Ellis."

"You never know until you try. And my childhood was ruined anyway. At least, it would have been ruined if I haven't met Derek's family."

"He seems like a good man," remarked Thatcher. "I'm really glad you have someone who loves you so much."

Meredith's hands gripped her chart tightly. Was it some kind of a sick joke? Or was her estranged father really telling her that Derek loved her unconditionally?

"I… I'm aware I don't deserve that but… When are you getting married? I… would love to come… just for the ceremony, I know you probably wouldn't want me for the party… Will you let me come?"

"I… don't know…" she whispered hollowly. She was so not going to explain the intricacies of her personal life to him.

"Okay… I…a…" he stammered. "Would you like to meet my-"

"No, I don't think so," she interrupted him. "I think this conversation is already enough after twenty years."

"I understand," he nodded though his shoulders hunched down. "It was… it was wonderful to see you, Meredith."

She nodded and watched him leave. She felt suddenly lighter. They didn't said much. The conversation was hardly heartfelt. However, a huge burden seemed to be lifted from her shoulders, a burden she didn't fully realize she had been carrying. She hastily ordered her charts and hurried out. Predictably, Derek was standing propped against the wall several feet away. He pushed himself up as soon as he noticed her and met her halfway expectantly.

"And…?"

"Thank you," she smiled at him gratefully and squeezed his hand as she passed. _Thank you, my anyway friend,_ she added in her thoughts.

**A/N |Anyone who doesn't watch Private Practice, I borrowed the concept from the show, it's not my creation. I thought it would fit just right in the chapter.**

**Comments?**

**Em**


	21. Chapter 21: Of Anyway Friends Part II

**Thank you for your lovely comments and please, keep them coming!**

**Have a nice week,**

**Em**

"Mom!" Meredith opened the door to find Carolyn standing on the doorstep of the apartment she shared with Cristina.

"You look so surprised, Sweetie," she chuckled and proceeded to take into a hug. "You promised me you'd pop in when we spoke on the phone last Friday and you never came. So here I am."

"I'm sorry, Ma," she sighed reciprocating the embrace. "I heard… Derek stays at the house some nights… I didn't want to run into him. Works is enough… We get along… but it's hard."

"I realize that. That's why I came here myself."

"Mom? Mom?" Cristina ran out of the kitchen, a bowl of cheerios in her hands. "Is this… is this Ellis Grey?"

"God forbid," snorted Meredith, ushering Carolyn to come in.

"I'm Carolyn Shepherd," she reached to shake hands with Cristina.

"Oh, the prett- I mean, Derek's mom," Cristina didn't even try to mask her disappointment. "Cristina Yang. I guess I'll leave you to it. If you need me, I'm just behind the wall." She gave Meredith a meaningful look and departed.

"You have some interesting friends," chuckled Carolyn sitting down on the sofa.

"She's a surgery junkie," explained Meredith with a smile of her own. "But she's got a heart… somewhere."

"I won't beat around the bush," sighed Carolyn. "Derek told me about the meeting with your father."

"Oh."

"Are you holding on?" Carolyn asked softly taking her hand.

"I… I am," she answered decidedly. "I actually… feel better. I think I needed that confrontation. Since I was a teenager I had this… I had this feeling there was something wrong with me. That I lacked something."

Carolyn only squeezed her hand reassuringly letting her talk.

"Now I know and fully accept none of this was my fault," stated Meredith clearly. "It was my parents' inability to communicate like two adults. My mother is… well, my mother. She doesn't let anyone dictate her anything and my father… He's the complete opposite."

"The child is never at fault in these situation. But it's common they think they are," sighed Carolyn. "Does he want to reconnect? Your father?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I'm not sure I want to go there."

"And apart from that, how's it going?"

Meredith didn't have to look at her to know what she was asking about. She also knew Carolyn was the one person she didn't have to put a brave face for at the moment.

"It's been three weeks, Ma," she said suddenly, every outer sign of sunny disposition fading from her face, replaced by weariness. "Three weeks. And I still wake up every morning surprised where I am and why Derek isn't with me…"

"I know the feeling. I wake up some days staring at Michael's side of the bed. And it's been eighteen years."

"Some days…" repeated Meredith thoughtfully. "Does it go away?"

"Not really. But you get used to it."

"I don't think I really want this to go away…"

"How are your relations with Derek? He hasn't been very talkative lately."

"It's as good as it can be. He's actually," Meredith allowed herself a small smile. "He's been sweet. Like his old self…"

"And it gets you thinking…" Carolyn began carefully.

"It did," she admitted cradling her chin in her hands. "It got me wondering what would happen if I just gave in… But that's just an illusion," she said abruptly. "I'm not going to fool myself. There's no going back for us. We can't rebuild our relationship on good intentions and… old habits. And it's all there is. He needs to understand that."

"It hasn't been easy on him either," remarked Carolyn. "He's beating himself up."

"I know," Meredith muttered dejectedly. "But frankly, he still doesn't know what was wrong with us. He just misses our former life…"

"Meri, I'm not here to persuade you to reconcile with Derek," stipulated Carolyn, a trace of hesitation in her voice. "But I'd like to ask you a favor nevertheless."

Meredith looked at her warily. "A favor?" It's about Derek, isn't it?"

"My son has made many mistakes. Probably more than I know of," Carolyn said knowingly as Meredith lowered her eyes. "He is paying for those mistakes, I assure you. And I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve it or he didn't bring it on his own head. But you know him. He's is different than you in that respect. Even if your heart breaks into two, you continue to go on. He doesn't. He stops living. He stops taking care of himself. Your exam is within weeks. If he doesn't pull himself together fast… I don't even want to think what is going to happen when he fails it as well."

"Is it really that bad?" whispered Meredith anxiously.

"He's trying to keep it together around you. After hours he doesn't feel the need to. I went to your apartment last night," explained Carolyn. "It looks like a warzone. And trust me, I've been a mother long enough to see some pretty bad mess. My words have no impact. He just shrugs and tells me not to worry. "

"You want me to talk to him."

"He'll listen to you."

"Will he really?" Meredith asked dubiously. "I've been trying to make him listen to me for weeks. Not with good results, obviously."

"I'm relieved to say that period is behind him," assured Carolyn. "But… it's your decision Meredith. I'm not going to pressure you into this if you're not ready… This is an ordeal for both of you.

Meredith nodded pensively. "I'm sorry… I didn't offer you anything to drink. Tea, coffee?"

"Tea will be excellent, my dear."

Meredith barely disappeared into the kitchen when Carolyn heard a quiet voice behind her, "You're sneaky, aren't you?"

"Sneaky?" chuckled Carolyn as Meredith's roommate went around the couch to face her. "I could say the same about you."

"I'm not going to pressure you, the pretty boy deserves this, he brought this on himself," enumerated Cristina. "But why don't you go and comfort him… blah blah. And you might even think about taking him back, huh?"

"Far it be from me to ever try to convince Meredith to make up with my son," Carolyn answered sincerely. "This… has to be her own decision. A conscious independent decision. But I will not sit listlessly when my children simply need each other. They share something special. And I believe none of them is ready to let go of it."

"I know, right," huffed Cristina, sinking onto the armchair previously vacated by Meredith. "She still keeps that pink fuzz on her head, doesn't she? Didn't even think about dyeing it back blond."

"Thank you for taking care of Meredith when she needed that," Carolyn gave her a piercing look. "It's good to have a person to take care of, isn't it?"

Cristina stared at her curiously. "It is actually… So, uhm, you want in on the bet on Mer and that empty headed son of yours?"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

A deafening thud startled Derek up from his homework. It was Meredith who returned home slamming the front door with every ounce of strength her ineffectual arms possessed.

He left his books open on the bed and peeked out into the living room area just in time to see his fiancée pull her boots violently off her feet and throw them on the floor haphazardly. Her shoulder bag landed on the couch and slid to the floor, to Meredith's complete disinterest.

"Mer?" he asked cautiously.

"Hey," she muttered. She didn't walk up to kiss him but the scowl on her face softened somewhat. She wasn't mad at him then. Well, she didn't have a reason anyway.

She stalked off to the kitchen from where he heard the ear-splitting noise of clinking glasses and probably the coffee pitcher. He had no choice but to follow her and find out the source of her foul mood. And this was the foulest of Meredith's moods. On the other hand, he could still get some angry sex out of it…

"Meri?" he paused in the doorway to the kitchen. "What happened?"

"I hate, I hate, I hate that ass!" she shrieked pacing the small area up and down, almost spilling the lukewarm coffee with her mechanical moves.

"And who's the ass? And what did that ass do?" he was really worried now. His mind took him immediately to a scene where some idiot hit on her. But that wouldn't get her so worked up.

"Smithson! He's the ass! He's a self-important pompous old goat!" she spewed out viciously.

"Ah, that ass," sighed Derek. "He had your last lecture today, didn't he?"

"Yeah, and thank God for that," she huffed, coming to a halt to lean against the wall with her back, her arms folded over her chest tightly. Her face was all flushed, certainly not only from the biting cold outside, her breathing rugged. "I wouldn't be able to sit there like a good girl after that… so-called lecture!"

Derek sighed, almost anticipating a catastrophe. He already became familiar with Smithson's teaching style. Moreover, he warned Meredith about it. The arrogant professor enjoyed picking favorites and scapegoats among his students. Derek hoped Meredith wasn't included in the latter group.

"Can you imagine what he said to me? Do you have any idea?" she snorted. "Ass!"

"What did he say?" he asked, full of misgivings.

"He read out the attendance list and it was like a freaking Harry Potter moment," she breathed out.

"Harry Potter moment?" frowned Derek.

"He got to my name and went all weird. You know what he said? 'Well, well. A Grey, we have a wannabe celebrity here.' Can you imagine?" she shook her head raising her eyes to the ceiling.

"Why did he say such a thing?" he walked up to stand beside her.

"He said… he said," Meredith swallowed, "that royal blood is nothing in medicine and that Harper Averys are not inherited with genes."

"Oh, it's about…" he trailed off.

"My saint mother," she finished for him. "I can't believe it. I haven't seen her with my own eyes for years and yet she still finds a way to make my life miserable."

With a small sigh, he pulled her into his arms, one of his hands weaving through her hair.

"He said it's not going to be an easy ride for me and the fact that I'm the Ellis Grey's daughter doesn't entitle me to any preferential treatment. Like I would want any!"

"Of course you don't," he murmured soothingly. "And you don't need it! You'll show him who's the boss soon enough."

"Damn right, I will," she stated firmly. "And you know what? I'm taking your name when we're married."

"Really?" he breathed out excitedly.

"Yeah, Shepherd doesn't mean anything in medicine."

"Gee, thanks Mer," he grumbled, though the corners of his lips lifted humorously.

"I should study tonight but I'm still so… ugh! angry, I guess."

"Do you want to eat something?"

"Not really," she bit her lip coyly. "Food won't help me unwind..."

"Really," he smirked looking down at her.

"Mhm," she hummed playing with the button of her jeans.

"You… want sex," he grinned emphasizing every word.

"What are you planning to do about it?"

"Whatever you wish," he promised, sparks in his eyes.

"Whatever I wish…" she bit her lip and started to shed her clothes hastily, piling them up on the floor. Taking her cue, he undressed himself, his pants were getting uncomfortable anyway.

She turned her back to him, her blond hair flying around as she sent him a seductive smile over her shoulder. She bent over the counter, swaying her hips invitingly.

"I wish… hard and fast…" she purred.

He chuckled and was with her in one stride, his palms massaging her hips, pressing his heated groin against the tempting curves of her butt.

"What are you waiting for, Der…" she gasped in anticipation, as she shuddered from the temperature contrast between the cool counter top and his warm chest, her nipples hardening.

"Are you ready?" he asked tenderly, his fingertips reaching between her legs to slide over along her slick opening. "You are…"

"Have you ever doubted me?" she hummed and spread her legs for him, grounding hurriedly against his hardness, anxious to take it inside her. The day left her with an emotion overload. She needed to spend that energy and there wasn't a better way to achieve it.

As her mind was wandering somewhere else waiting for him, he unexpectedly pushed inside her making her gasp, her walls immediately contracting around his length.

"You're so… amazingly tight…" he breathed out as he made her bend further covering her back with his chest.

"And you so… hard… and big," she moaned releasing him to continue.

He rammed back into her repeatedly and she met his every thrust with guttural groan coming somewhere from the raw core of her being. All her qualms, bad feelings and anger gradually evaporated banished by everything Derek. There were none of them left when he pushed her over the edge and her world exploded along with his.

They half lay against the counter from a while waiting for the aftershocks of the intense pleasure to pass. Derek pulled her back into his arms and they stood naked, snuggly pressed into each other in the middle of their kitchen. She hoped this feeling of safety would never go away, this feeling only he could induce as he hooked his arms around her shoulders. They laughed softly as her palms grazed the hair on his forearms.

"Hope you intended to clean tonight," she chuckled feeling the juices of their coming trickle down her leg. "Your precious counter, right?" she jabbed.

"I'll live. We've defiled it a long time ago," he laughed planting a kiss onto her temple.

"We've defiled every surface in this apartment," she sighed. "It'll be hard to leave this place after all…"

"We'll have our own place back in Seattle," he consoled her, feeling his own nostalgia growing inside him. "Think about all the new places to christen…"

"True, true…" she grinned and turned to catch his lips in a brief kiss. She knelt to pick up their abandoned clothing. "Now I feel like having something to eat."

"That sounds vaguely dirty when you're in that position," he wiggled his eyebrows as her head was at the level of his hips.

"If you fix me something for dinner I'll take care of dessert…" she winked at him. "I'll be waiting in bed…" Looked like study plans would have to wait.

When he joined her some twenty minutes later in their bedroom he was met with a curious sight. But for a sweater thrown around her shoulders, Meredith was naked in front of their laptop.

"Okay now, I'm hoping it is homework that you're typing there and that the camera is turned off," he chuckled.

He frowned when only silence answered his joke.

"Meredith?" He stopped behind her rubbing her shoulders.

"I… I realized I had no idea what was going on with my own mother… whoever she might be, she is my mother still…" she said quietly. "I googled her."

"And? Found anything?" He kept his arm around her as he took the chair beside her.

"Apparently, she's long gone from California."

"She's not back to Grace, is she?" he asked, slightly unnerved. If they were to be completely honest, they had been relieved when they heard the news that Ellis Grey left Seattle's best hospital a few years back. It meant they would be able to apply for internship there without the risk of having to face her. It would be devastating for both of their careers. Meredith might be her estranged daughter but Derek was the one who caused it according to Ellis. It came as a shock, of course. Seattle Grace was Ellis Grey's place, she made her career there. They heard she moved to New York and then to Los Angeles. After that, no news.

"She's not," Meredith shook her head. "She's been travelling a lot… Doctors without Borders apparently…" she bit her lip. "What would my mother do with Doctors without Borders? She's been to Africa…" she scrolled down the page to look at the picture of Ellis and her fellow doctors in a tropical village.

"Wow," he breathed out staring at the screen in amazement. There was even something in the form of a smile, something he'd never seen on Ellis's face.

"And then she went with consults to Brazil… Australia… New Zealand… Eastern Europe…" enumerated Meredith, her expression puzzled.

"She's certainly been busy…"

"Well, she never thought about going as close home as Boston," shrugged Meredith and quickly shut down the page. "What about that dinner?"

He grabbed her hand tenderly letting her know he completely understood her, no words needed, and he had her back.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEE****K AND THE REBEL**

She stood facing the door to their… his... apartment for good five minutes. Is was the first time she was here since she had walked out with Izzie and Cristina and two suitcases.

She pressed the buzzer. Nothing. Not even a sound as she pressed her ear to the door.

With a sigh, she rummaged her bag for the key and opened the lock. She walked in noiselessly, cautiously, as if afraid she would be sucked right into their former life or the world of memories.

Her mouth hung open as she surveyed the apartment. Mom did not exaggerate. Warzone was a good word to describe the overwhelming chaos. She couldn't believe Derek came to this mess every day. He was such a compulsory cleaner. She slowly walked further in. All kinds of things were located haphazardly all around, as though Derek left them and didn't bother to carry them to where they belonged. His rumpled clothes lay in heaps, some on the armchair, some simply on the floor. Containers of take away food were thrown here and there.

She almost gasped when she realized Derek was lying on the couch, fast asleep. She tiptoed around and knelt close to him, concern taking over her mind. Even in slumber, his face wasn't peaceful or relaxed. His hair were completely tousled, a thick stubble on his face. He probably didn't shave for the last three days, the last time she saw him. Shadows of exhaustion marked his eyes.

She gazed around with a sigh, deciding not to wake him up, and rolled up her sleeves.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

His mind slowly returned to consciousness. Or maybe… he was still dreaming. His nose tweaked when he picked up a delicious aroma wafting from the kitchen. Yep, he was definitely still dreaming. There was no one that could possibly be cooking. Meredith left him, and she couldn't cook anyway. A soft thud and a muffled curse reached his ears. His eyes opened wide momentarily. It was his Meredith's voice… With a madly beating heart, he slowly lifted himself up on his elbows. The apartment was oddly clean… And she… Meredith was bustling around the kitchen, the usual frown of concentration on her forehead that appeared there always when she touched kitchenware.

"Meredith…" he choked, bringing her eyes onto him.

"Welcome back among the living." Her voice was seemingly expressionless but he detected a hint of reproach.

"What… are you doing here?" he breathed out as he heaved himself up to a sitting position. His joints were stiff from the coach. One could think he would have got used to the discomfort of sleeping in the living room by now.

"Being your friend or something," she grumbled back, carefully observing the content of the pot she was stirring on the stove.

"Friend…" he sighed resignedly, his stomach dropping with disappointment. She was not back…

"Yes, friend, Derek. Ma is worried sick about you. What are you doing to yourself?" she inquired impatiently. "And to the people who love you?"

"I… I… I… was too tired," he stammered. "Just… a month left till the test…"

"Yeah," she nodded. "That too. Derek, go get a shower. And then we have a talk."

He nodded and proceeded to do just what he was told to, a misplaced sense of bewilderment fleeting through his head as he spotted the shaking washing machine. Meredith managed to turn it on all herself…

When he was back, showered and wearing fresh clothes, she was waiting for him with food steaming on the counter top.

"Sit down. And eat," she ordered him.

He obediently took a stool beside her and grabbed the spoon. "Eh, you cooked?"

"Do you have memory problems too?" she uttered a little harsher than she intended. "It's a take away. Just a little domesticated."

"Derek," she broke the silence that fell while he was eating. "You can't go on like that."

"I… I can't live without you…" he confessed quietly.

"You need to learn how to," her voice was equally quiet but determined.

"I don't want to. We love each other-"

"No," she interrupted him categorically, her fist clenching painfully under the counter top. "I'm not here to discuss it with you, Derek. I'm here to ask you to stop destroying yourself. And you have people to lean onto. Beside me. Your mother. And your sisters. They were… unhappy with you but they love you. Please, Derek, do me this favor. I think I have the right to ask that of you."

His fingers stilled, as he stopped eating, his hunger suddenly gone.

"Der," she touched his wrist ephemerally. "I will always care for you."

He slowly tore his eyes from the plate in front of him to look at her face, seeing nothing but her honesty

"I will always be your anyway friend," she added with a small smile, making his heart melt. "I'm here because I genuinely care about you. Can you promise me you will take care of yourself?"

"Okay," he nodded slowly. He would do what she wished him to do. He could not disobey her request. He would preserve a semblance of normal life… but nothing could force him to sleep in their bed without her next to him.

"Thank you, Derek," she gave him another smile and got up. He felt her stand behind him, one hand on his shoulder, and press a lingering kiss onto the top of his head. "See you at work."

Derek didn't know if he should feel more cheerful or dejected after her visit. She still loved him, that was obvious. But Meredith was not a person that changed her mind easily. And right now she was adamant about her decision to stay apart. On the other hand, what else would he rather spend his life doing than tirelessly assure her of his love?


	22. Chapter 22: Of Awakenings

**A/N Thank you for all the reviews and welcome, all new readers!**

**Enjoy!**

"Meredith?" she heard his concerned voice in her ear as they continued their morning rounds. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she sighed. She just winced once and he picked it up without mistake. Now, when they were broken up he seemed to be at her every beck and call, ready to fulfill all her wishes, attentive to the slightest change of her mood.

"Are you sure?" he asked keeping close to her side. "You're really pale. And you look like you're in pain."

"It's nothing," she waved her hand dismissively. "Just… indigestion or something."

To tell the truth, her abdomen was killing her. She felt nauseous since early morning and the feeling like she might throw up any minute didn't go away ever since. But she was stronger than that. A minor stomach bug wouldn't stop her from doing her job, mere weeks towards the end of the internship.

They stopped in half a circle around Bailey who was dividing tasks for the day. However, her words seemed to enter one of Meredith's ears and fly through the other senselessly. She imperceptibly rubbed her stomach, taking deep breaths, little beads of sweat growing on her brow. Finally, it was too much. She felt the bile rising in her throat and she lunged for the trash can in the last moment.

"Meredith?" Derek was right behind her, his hand protectively on her back. Her mind briefly went to the couple of occasions he held her hair up when she emptied the contents of her stomach. After Nancy's wedding, after a party in med school, after failed oyster dinner in Europe. It was never as humiliating as now.

"Oh, crap! Are you pregnant?" Cristina's loud voice rang in Meredith's ears, and everyone else's.

Meredith cringed over the trashcan. Cristina couldn't really chose to ask that personal question in a more private setting... Everyone seemed to go mute. Bailey stopped talking. And she could clearly feel Derek's hand on her back coming to a significant halt.

Another wave of nausea hit her hard and she lunged forward.

"Mer…" Derek's muffled whisper sounded beside her.

"Okay, people, I've told you what to do, get a move on," Bailey's professionalism took control of the situation. She shooed Sloan and Karev away and helped Meredith to stand up precariously. "Yang, you're coming too."

"I want to-" Derek kept his arm around her still.

"Nuh-uh," Bailey shook her head, prying her away from him. "You've done enough already. Go find your attending before I send you to the pit."

He stayed there listlessly watching them go away, his mind reeling.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"So," Cristina began cheerfully while doing an exam on Meredith's abdomen. "That complicates the situation, doesn't it?"

Meredith winced in pain and grumbled, "What complicates the situation?"

"A McBaby," she cooed, her face stretched in a wide grin for some reason.

"I'm not pregnant," sighed Meredith, writhing on the gurney trying to get into a comfortable position.

"Right," snorted Cristina

"We used… protection…" mumbled Meredith feeling her hot forehead.

"Hm, was that protection in the form of abstinence?" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Pill…"

"Great, you were practically loaded with McDreamy's swimmers every night and you claim you can't be pregnant…" snorted Cristina.

"Ugh, do you want me to puke over your shoes?" Meredith narrowed her eyes, rolling onto her side.

Cristina swiftly moved away as a precaution. "Hey, I'm just being helpfully honest!"

"Honest? Maybe," breathed out Meredith. "Helpful? Not so much…"

"You're a doctor, Mer. You know it's not impossible-"

"It's just a stomach bug," swallowed Meredith. "Or an ulcer…"

"Or a chatty kid with ridiculous hair. What are you gonna do if it's the third option?"

Meredith closed her eyes, her palm going to her abdomen almost timidly. The pill never failed her yet. Why would it suddenly? But what if it did? What if she was growing a life inside her? A life that she created with Derek?

Her eyes shot open when Bailey entered the exam room with a file in her hands.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"Hey, Luke," Meredith greeted her neighbor with a smile.

Jenny and Luke were their neighbors and for the last couple of years they grew quite close. The married couple living next door were in their late twenties and felt much more like a good company that many of their fellow students. Maybe because they had already a stable relationship just like them. They even had a little girl of one.

"Hi, Mer," he breathed out hurriedly. "I have a huge favor to ask you."

"Sure, what is it?"

"You know Jen's working late tonight, and I've just got a call," he explained quickly. "I need to make a trip out of town. And I know it's a Friday night and you probably have plans with Derek already but I don't have anyone to leave Anna with."

"Oh," she mumbled. Luke better not be asking her what she thought he was… It wasn't like she didn't want to help him. Of course she did. But this… she wasn't really cut out for that. And Derek wouldn't be home for hours.

"So shall I bring her here? Jen's off at nine. She'll be back as soon as she can."

"Er, what about Tanya? Annie's babysitter?" Meredith twisted her fingers.

"Can't do," Luke shook his head. "Please?"

"I… it's not like I don't want to…" she began to explain embarrassedly. "But I'm kind of… I don't think Annie will survive a few hours alone with me…"

"You'll be great," Luke breathed out with relief. "Will be back in a sec."

Fifteen minutes later, her head was spinning with the instructions Luke was shooting at her. He only laughed at her confused expression and the questions concerning the simplest of things.

"Daddy has to go," he planted a gruff kiss to the little girl's cheek and carefully placed her into Meredith's deadly scared arms. "You'll be playing with Auntie Mer now."

Meredith carefully readjusted Annie on her hands. She carried her hundreds of times but never unadvised. She was to stay alone with a one-year-old…

"Bye bye!" Luke waved her his hand at his daughter and was already on his way out. "Thanks, Mer. You're saving my life."

"Bye bye!" babbled Anna, a smile on her lovely full face.

"I'm questioning your daddy's sanity right now," grumbled Meredith. "Who in their right mind would entrust me with their kid, huh?"

Annie giggled to herself stuffing her thumb into her mouth.

"Aren't you adorable?" sighed Meredith retreating to the coach to quickly scan the list Luke left her with. "We are going to survive this together, okay?" she asked the little blond head who was gazing at her with her big hazel eyes.

"Kay," mimicked her Annie.

"So, you're… fed, you have a clean diaper…" Meredith said pensively. "We can play."

"Play!"

"Yup, play," smiled Meredith and got up. However, she bumped into the table with her knee sending several objects flying to the floor. She eyed the powder that spilled on to the carpet with resignation. "Knew it wouldn't run that smooth. Crap," the curse escaped her mouth.

With horror, she noticed Annie's rosy lips open…

"Please, baby, pretty please, don't say it!"

"Clap!"

"Oh, thank God," she rested her forehead against Annie's. "Thank God!"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek trudged to the door of their apartment with relief. It was absolutely freezing outside. He dreamed of nothing else than getting something hot to eat and snuggling under the covers with Meredith's equally hot body.

Not being able to find the keys with his numb hand, he pressed the buzzer. He waited on the doorstep but Meredith didn't come. He shuffled his feet impatiently and rang the doorbell again.

This time the door opened and he was met with a surprising sight. Meredith was cradling Jen and Luke's little girl to her chest, a wide grin on her lips. His fiancée's cheeks bore odd white smudges of unknown origin and she was cooing to Annie, "Look, Annie, look who's come! It's Uncle Derek! Say hi to Uncle Derek!" she gently took her little chubby hand and they waved together. "Doesn't Derek look funny?" Meredith eyed his wild her with an amused smile. He sent her a sour look. He ran out this morning and he didn't have time to use his hair products. As a result, several hours earlier his head resembled a bird's nest. A very messy birds' nest.

"Funny!" giggled Annie.

"Not funny," he shook his head and went in. "Are Jenny and Luke over?"

"Nope," she answered and all her attention turned back to the little child in her care, talking to her and laughing, as she left him standing in the door.

"My day was fine, by the way," he announced with an exaggeratedly boisterous voice. "Nice of you to ask, honey!"

He heard her carefree giggle in response. He quickly took off his coat, untangled the thick scarf from his neck and trotted to kitchen, where Meredith was making him a mug of hot tea.

"You're cold to the bone, aren't you?" she asked giving him a quick look, careful not to drop the baby who was currently clawed to her blouse.

"Well, I was hoping for some hot lovin' to warm me up," he chuckled, sitting down.

"That'll have to wait," she smiled as she bustled around for lemon and sugar, Annie glued to her hip. "Luke away on business, Jen's still at work."

He observed his fiancée's every move with a new light in his eyes. There was something… warm, something warm and domestic about her today.

"You look good with a baby," he fired not really thinking of what meaning that phrase could carry.

"Yeah?" she grinned as she sat across him with the little girl on her lap. "Good?"

"It suits you," he stated in wonderment.

"Hm…" she smirked. "Makes you want to knock me up?"

He hesitated for a little and answered, "I guess it does."

"We've never really discussed it," she said pensively.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "You know… it's usually the next step… the marriage, the house… and the baby…"

"The next step?" she smiled placing the sugar bowl out of the reach of little hands. "I'm okay with that. One step at a time…"

"Yeah…one step at a time," he repeated mesmerized, an image of a blond tiny girl or a boy with wild black hair appearing before his eyes.

Meredith's suddenly shy smile told him she was sharing his vision.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Are you comfortable?" Cristina asked her as Meredith settled into the hospital bed in her room.

"Not really," she breathed out, grimacing in pain.

"You won't have to wait long," said Bailey. "I have a free slot after lunch. Yang is gonna prep you. Until then you can have some happy time with morphine." She turned to administer the drug.

"Wait!" Meredith stopped her. "Can you… can you tell Derek to come in?"

Both Cristina and Miranda stared at her questioningly.

"I know he's outside," she rolled her eyes. "Please, let him come in."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek was on neuro today but he was far from concentration and application it required. Whenever he could he strolled around to catch a glimpse of Meredith or Yang. Bailey didn't want to tell him anything. And he had the right to know! The resident knew what was between them. Besides, if Meredith was… Well, in that case he was certainly an interested party.

He almost had a heart attack when he learnt Meredith had been admitted as a patient. She wouldn't have been if she was simply pregnant, right? Simply…? If Meredith was expecting their baby, nothing would be simple. Of course, she would keep it. There wasn't a shadow of doubt about it in Derek's mind. But they were broken up… What would a baby mean for their relationship? Meredith was so decided he only wanted to be here for his own comfort. Now, she would probably come to conclusion that he wanted so for the baby. And that would be one of the reasons, apart from his love for her. He wanted his children to have such a wonderful family as he grew up in himself. He always assumed their children would have the most loving and caring home in the world…

He spotted both Bailey and Yang coming out of her room. Maybe that was his chance…

"Shepherd!" Bailey's sharp voice called him across the corridor.

He frowned. He just thought about sneaking in to see her seconds ago. Was he that transparent? Yep, he probably was.

"She's asking for you," Bailey informed him surprisingly. "Go on. Just don't harangue her, the girl's in pain."

"In pain?" he gasped. "Why? What's wrong? Is she… is something…?"

"I said go on!"

He hurried in to see her crumpled in a bed that looked too big for her, her hand on her stomach.

"Mer?" he breathed out, being at her side in a flash. "God, Mer, what's wrong? Are you… are you…"

"I'm not… pregnant if that's what you're trying to ask me," she sighed.

"Oh." He couldn't help a sense of disappointment wash over him.

"I never really thought I was. I was conscientious about the pill."

"Then?" he sat on the edge of the bed, a new wave of concern overwhelming him all over again.

"Appendicitis," she shrugged. "Bailey's cutting me at 2."

"That's… one of the happier scenarios," he sighed with relief.

"Yeah," she chuckled. "Probably."

"Does it hurt much?" he asked gently.

"Like you wouldn't believe… I was about to get some morphine. But wanted to tell you I wasn't… you know. When I'm still not high. So… thanks for stopping by. Bye, Derek." She nodded at him and with a sigh of relief, pressed the button that would allow the bliss of morphine course through her organism.

"Actually," he said putting his hands together and looking around for a chair. "I have a bit of free time. I'll stay with you."

"What? No, really. There's no need at all! I'm not dying, it's just an inflamed appendix…"

"Doesn't matter," he shrugged, getting comfortable in his seat. "You've spent a night in my hospital room after the accident and I was just bruised and had a concussion. The least I can do is to keep you company for a couple of hours."

"No, no!" she shook her head violently. "Derek, I've just had morphine!"

"So?"

"Well, you don't remember what you were like under morphine…" she snorted. "If you had, you would have probably bought a one way ticket to Alaska for what you said to Ma about our sex life…"

"As you said I can't remember," he grinned at her. "But everyone, including you, is always so eager to remind me."

"This is not funny! Get out!"

"It kinda is."

"Idiot!"

She sank into her bedcovers, her arms folded over her chest while a smile appeared over his face. It felt like good old times, them bantering lightly…

"You're so annoying!" she huffed, the quality of her voice slightly changed. "But… I won't be saying the stupidest things you told everyone, including, Mom, your two sisters, every doctor and nurse that came to your room. I won't say a word!"

"Sure, you won't, Mer," he grinned.

"I won't tell a soul about how we defiled Ma's kitchen. You've dished out all the vivid details anyway…"

"Oh, God…. I told my mother about that?" his voice faltered.

"Why do you think she never leaves us alone in there anymore, huh?"

"Oh…"

"I won't say anything about that quickie at Nancy's wedding… you know the one under the table, not the one in the closet."

"Good times," he sighed as he relaxed in the chair.

"And I won't say about our last night either. 'Cause I hated you for it."

He felt like he was punched in the gut. Even though her voice was cheerful from the drug, this was not a happy talk anymore. She clearly said she hated him for their last time together. His mind went to that night not so long ago. It was hot, it was fast and hard. She was a willing participant. He gave her two orgasms which she thoroughly enjoyed. She did, he could tell. After that, they had a shower… No, he had a shower. Meredith stayed in bed. He assumed she was just tired after a day at work and two rounds of hot sex. His breath hitched in his chest as he realized that it was the day after that she broke up with him. Was it the last straw for her? Why…?.

The sex. The break-up. Her conviction he didn't love her.

His heart sank. The physical side of their relationship was always closely tied with the emotional one. They were inseparable. Meredith must have felt different this time.

He had been angry, actually livid, and humiliated for her overly honest comment at the bar. Another thing, Meredith would never make fun about his short-lived performance during their first time. Was she so desperate to show him something was not right with them?

They got back home, they had sex, he went to shower… Alone. No moment after.

No moment after. He finally saw it how it must have looked in her eyes. He just… dismounted her and went to do his own thing, like he switched off the TV after watching a movie to occupy himself with something more time-worthy.

How could he be so so stupid to disrespect her so lowly? It was beyond stupidity. He hurt her in one of the most awful ways. And she still cared for him. He felt the recently familiar burning in his throat. He quietly walked up to the bed where Meredith was curled up with her back to him.

"Mer," he choked placing his hand, as gently as he could, on her shoulder blade. Did he intend to apologize? It was almost unspeakable, what he did. Anyway, he had to do something. He had to let her know he fully understood what he did to her and that his whole life would be too little to make up for it.

But he didn't. A soft snore reached his ears. She fell asleep.

The conversation had to wait. Only how could he ever be forgiven for the way he violated the sanctity of their love? Suddenly, his eyes caught a glint on her neck. He delicately pulled the simple chain. She still wore it… The pendant he got her for her Sweet Sixteen. She never took it down. His heart beat faster as he noticed something else. There was… there was their engagement ring hooked beside the little heart…It was no longer manifesting their love to the world but it was always with her… He could only hope it would some day return to its rightful place on her finger…

**A/N And don't forget to review… ;)**

**Em**

**P.S. Just out of curiosity, are there any Polish readers? I know there is at least one.**


	23. Chapter 23: Of Shame

**A/N Thank you once more for your kind comments! **

**Answering some questions, yes of course there's going to be a happy ending for MerDer, I don't finish my fics with anything else. And there are less than 10 chapters left so it's not even that far…**

**We're going to jump a little along the timeline in the next few updates.**

**Enjoy!**

"Mom, I don't think it's the best of ideas," with a shake of his head, Derek followed her mother to the car.

"Nonsense," snorted Carolyn taking the place of the passenger at the front.

"She's had a surgery. Relatively simple but still a surgery. She needs her rest," he argued.

"And what do you think I'm going to do? Make her clean the house? Work in the garden? I was a nurse, Sweetie. I used to work in the hospital. And I still have got my wits about me. I know Meredith needs her rest, I just want to make sure she gets it."

"She probably won't even agree," he shrugged.

"I'm very persuasive," she assured him, eyeing him suspiciously as he sat behind the wheel, strapping the seatbelt. "Why the sudden reluctance to see Meredith?"

"It's not reluctance," he muttered inserting the key into the ignition.

She put her hand on his before he could start the car.

"Derek don't lie to me, please," she said quietly. "Have you… given up? Perhaps you think Meredith is right about your feelings?"

"No," he denied vehemently. "No. I love her. It's not my need for order and comfort in life."

"Great, do you plan on proving it to Mer?"

"I do," he nodded.

"By avoiding her?"

"No, not by avoiding her," he sighed. "But I can't run amok around her. I'm thinking through some things… the last few months… what I did. I have to fully understand the scope of what I did. Then I can go to Meredith, apologize and make up for it."

"What brought about this?" she asked shrewdly.

"Meredith… she said something when she was on morphine…"

"Morphine makes people say all kinds of things-"

"Surprising how it makes people tell the truth," he snorted. "She would have never told me that if she hadn't been on drugs."

"What did she tell you?" frowned Carolyn.

"Please, don't ask me that," he stated. "I… this needs to stay between me and Mer. It's enough that I tell you it's not how you raised me to treat a woman."

"I will ask no more," she assured him gently. "So you hurt her and now you're ashamed to face her. You're thinking about what you did wrong, that's okay. But you can't suddenly disappear. Meredith might get an impression you certainly don't want to create."

"But I can't-"

"No one said it would be easy," she interrupted. "Gaining one's forgiveness is hard but there's also forgiving yourself, and that's even harder."

"I think I can see what you mean."

"But no matter how hard it is, there's one thing you cannot do," she looked at him seriously.

"I know," he nodded and started the engine. "I will never give up."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith zipped her handbag and looked around her hospital room. Finally, she was done with playing the role of a patient.

She prayed that her streak of bad luck was finally over. Because really, a break-up with the love of your life, meeting your estranged father after over two decades and having a surgery, all during the period of a few weeks, a very inopportune few weeks, was the worst bad karma in the world. The intern test was in two weeks' time!

She knew Bailey would try to keep her away, enjoying her convalescence… but she was doing good! Not every patient needed weeks of recovery. Sure, her abdomen was a bit achy, there was a nasty bruise around the scars but she was fine! She'd stay put for the weekend in order to completely recover but after that, wild horses wouldn't stop her from sneaking into Grace and trolling for surgeries.

"Going home already?"

She turned around with surprise to see Chief Webber standing in the doorway.

"Chief, yeah, going home," she nodded. No, she was not. She was going to the apartment she shared with Cristina. It was not her home. Come to think of it, she didn't know what was home for her now or if she had any at all. "Is… there anything I can do for you, Chief?"

"Actually…" he hesitated. "As you're probably aware of, we do not condone second and third year residents specializing."

"I am-"

"However, if the given resident exhibits a special talent that could be groomed in a certain department, we should not discourage them."

Meredith looked at him questioningly.

"Have you a preference already, Meredith?"

They certainly discussed it with Derek. They wanted to keep working together in the same hospital. But that depended on three factors, their personal choice, the possibility of being granted fellowship in the given specialty and possible competition between the two of them. She probably shouldn't worry about any of these any more.

"I've had a long conversation with Dr. Evans."

"I've heard he's back on the East Coast," answered Meredith conversationally wishing that Webber would just stop beating around the bush.

"Only temporarily, I hope," announced Richard, a proud note in his voice.

"He's going to work at Grace permanently?" she asked interestedly.

"I'm 90 per cent positive that I secured one of the greatest surgical talents for the hospital, yes."

"And… no offence," she frowned, "why are you telling this to a lowly intern, Chief?"

"But you're not a lowly resident, Meredith," he chuckled. "Certainly not in Dr. Evans's opinion…"

"He's mentioned me, Sir?"

"More than that actually," went on Webber. "He praised very highly your skills, knowledge and application. He even expressed his readiness to oversee your further development as a surgeon."

"Dr. Evans said that?" she asked, feeling excitement. He wasn't just joking around then…

"He did. And as I said we don't normally allow second year residents to specialize but as long as you do all your hours required in other departments, I'm completely fine with you doing extra work in neuro."

"I… thank you," she breathed out.

"But that's not only a privilege," he warned her sharply. "It's an obligation. You're going to have a unique opportunity to learn from the best but you need to repay for that with your gratitude and full dedication to Dr. Evans."

"Wait a minute," she let out a soft gasp of realization. It was too good to be true. "I'm a bargaining chip…"

"Meredith-"

"I am!" she shook her head with disbelief, her fists clenching in anger. "You wouldn't bend the rules for nothing! That was one of his conditions, wasn't it? And you'd do anything to keep him here."

"He's used to having an assistant around him," Richard explained slowly. "And he asked if this arrangement was possible. I made no objections."

"Well, I am," she huffed. "I refuse to be treated like an object. This place doesn't own me, regardless of some of you try to talk us into!"

"Think of what this can do to your chances," Webber tried to keep his nerves in check. But if there was a thing Grey women excelled at, it was a sharp tongue. "Your future chances of becoming a chief resident, a fellow here-"

"In return for what? Becoming Evan's bitch? His arm candy for formal occasions? Or maybe his impressionable intern fling?"

"I thought you'd know by now that Tom Evans it too much of an honorable man to play games like this!" he gritted out.

"An honorable man? That's an oxymoron per se," she snorted giving him a hard look.

"That's enough," he growled. "I tolerated your impertinence for far too long. You will do as I say!"

"I'm sorry, did we come in a bad time?"

Both of them glanced t the door where Carolyn was standing with her hand ready to knock on the door, Derek right behind her.

"No, I was just leaving," said Webber apologetically. "Excuse me."

"That was your chief, right? He seemed angry…" said Carolyn and walked in to take her into a careful but loving hug.

"He…" Meredith passed a hand though her hair absent-mindedly, "he wants me to rot at home getting better after the surgery."

"Well, he's right," chuckled Carolyn. "And it's better to follow your boss's orders."

"So… what are you doing here?" asked Meredith glancing at her and Derek who kept close to the door.

"You're being discharged, Sweetie," she smiled. "We're here to take you home."

"Take me… home?" she repeated. "Home where?"

"I got your room all ready for you-"

"Oh, Ma, really," Meredith started to shake her head. "I'm absolutely fine, I'll stay with Cristina-"

"I'm sure Cristina is a great friend but she can barely keep herself alive from what I've seen," remarked Carolyn cheerfully taking Meredith's handbag. "And you need to be pampered now."

"I-" Meredith started to protest.

"You want to be back on your feet as soon as you can, right?"

"Sure-"

"Then you need to rest, eat and sleep. I'll make sure you do all these things at home," Carolyn stated categorically. "Nurse, can we have the wheelchair, please?"

"The wheelchair?" cringed Meredith. "Why the wheelchair?"

"It's the hospital policy, Meri."

"No wheelchair! I'm a doctor!" she pouted getting to her feet from the bed. "I can't been seen around as a patient!"

"You also cannot be seen walking out on your own feet," argued Carolyn. "So, it's either the wheel chair or Derek carrying you out."

Meredith was seated in the chair in a flash, mute and red on the face.

"Yes, I thought it'd work," quipped Carolyn. "Derek, help her out, Dear."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"Really?"

"Yeah, the dinner's next Saturday. So glad that you're free then."

"Oh," Meredith's face visibly fell.

Derek was just invited to a formal dinner at his boss's house. A posh dinner with the cream of academic medical environment. They were both fortunate enough to find a job actually close to their career path. Derek was working as a secretary for one of their former professors, while she was assisting one of Boston's oncologists on a research project.

"You… want me to come too?" she asked drying her hair with a towel.

"Well, yeah, I wouldn't think of going without you," he answered as he started to undress to have his shower.

"I'm not really cut out for these things," she sighed, her eyes following him as he threw his shirt into the hamper.

He turned to frown at her, his hands stilled on the zipper of his jeans for a second. She was shying away from his eyes.

"Mer?"

" I know how these dinners look," she sighed. "My mother used to have them from time to time. I always sneaked in the stairs to look. It's a gathering of self-important buffoons, a circle of self-adoration."

"I realize that, hopefully it's just a couple of hours," he chuckled and knelt before her on the bathroom tiles. "Now tell me what really is the problem?"

"There's always a question time, or a confession time," she explained. "Your time to divulge personal details. We'll be fresh meat on Saturday. New faces, top students, Ellis Grey's daughter. And I know, I know I don't have to tell them anything," she cut him short. "But then I don't have much to tell them at all. I come from a broken home. I haven't seen my father for some twenty years. My mother disinherited me and I haven't heard from her since… That's just fabulous."

"Mer," he breathed out taking her face into his hand. "Are you ashamed of yourself? Because of these people? You don't get to be ashamed, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. You've got the most beautiful heart and mind," he whispered softly. "Body too," he winked at her getting to his feet to finish undressing.

"All right, I'll come with you," she smiled at him. "But you will owe me a lot of hot dirty sex."

"You're so demanding," he smirked standing naked before her. "How about I start right now? Care to join me in the shower?"

"But I've already had one," she bit her lip, her hands dropping the towel anyway.

"Oh, I can still find lots of dirty, I'm sure," he grinned as he reached his hand towards her.

Without another word, she stood up to shed her bathrobe and follow him under the warm stream of water.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

It felt strangely surreal. She was sitting at the Shepherd family table again in the company of Carolyn, the twins and Derek. For the last few years, he took the place at the head of the table, symbolizing him being the man of the family, while Meredith was always at his right hand. Not today. Somehow Derek opted to sit down in the middle. He was acting a bit strangely anyway, he was very subdued and couldn't even meet her eyes.

"It's a pity we're more than a year younger," sighed Mia looking at Meredith. "We could be your interns next year!"

"Or we could be Derek's," Lanie rolled her eyes. "That would blow."

"Lanie," Carolyn berated her gently.

"I don't think they would assign a family member as your resident," smiled Meredith.

"We could still get you," argued Mia. "We don't share the last name. And we probably never will," she added sourly.

Meredith observed Derek with concern. No one else noticed as his knuckles went white when he gripped his fork just a little too strongly.

"Or we could get that cute guy," smiled Lanie. "You know which one. Killer smile, short hair, big eyes, chocolate skin…"

"The one that Mer and Cristina call the pretty boy?" Mia wondered aloud.

"Cristina, Cristina calls him the pretty boy," corrected Meredith hastily. Derek's jaw was tightly set.

"But you can't deny he is a pretty boy," snickered Mia. "Who makes pretty eyes at you."

"You know, Mom, I think I'll be going… home," breathed out Derek, pushing his chair back, his face ashen.

"You haven't finished-"

"I'm not really hungry."

"Sweetie, maybe you should stay for the night," offered Carolyn.

"No, Mom, I really shouldn't," he shook his head, taking a quick glance at Meredith.

"Derek, sit," it was Meredith who spoke up this time. "I feel like we're a divorcing couple fighting about Ma's custody. Let's be adult about this. We can spend a night under the same roof."

"Oh, okay," he sighed and plopped back on the chair.

Carolyn smiled imperceptibly while Mia rolled her eyes.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

It was well after midnight when Derek took his ritual trip to the kitchen for a glass of water. The routine was making it easier to fall asleep. His insomnia attacked him with a double strength tonight with Meredith so close to him. She was staying in her old room, just like years ago. Unfortunately, he couldn't sneak in with her just like years ago.

Just as he was walking out of the kitchen, he bumped into another person making a nightly trip around the house.

"Derek!" she gasped.

"Mia," he sighed resignedly. Great, the sister who hated him the most at the moment. "Sorry," he mumbled and moved to step around her in the darkness.

She blocked his way, again and again.

"What?" he sighed tiredly. "What do you want, Mia? Let me know that you hate me? Punish me? Pick a fight?"

"I want you to care!" she hissed. "I want you to go through the same hell Meredith is!"

"Well, I am," he answered, but there was no anger in his voice. "I've failed… and lost the love of my life. I have to live with it. And with the knowledge that it's my own fault-"

He suddenly staggered backwards as Mia threw her arms around him pulling him into a hug.

"Oh, God, Derek! You're back," she whispered, her voice shaky. "I thought you'd never be back!"

He sighed hugging her back. It wasn't only Meredith he disappointed, it was his whole family.

"I am back. And I intend to stay."

"Good," she muttered into his shoulder. "Because we need you. This family is incomplete without you."

"I learned my lesson. The hard way."

"What are you going to do now?" she asked him. "You need to fight for her! Show her you really care! You can't believe how resigned Mer is."

"I would graffiti a gigantic I love you on Seattle Grace front if I knew it would change her mind. It wouldn't. But I'm working on it…"

"Okay," she sighed. "You can count on us. And… I'm sorry for the flying saucer…"

"I deserved that."

"You did," she chuckled.

They said their goodnights and Derek climbed the stairs to go back to his room. But he instinctively stopped at the top, just before Meredith's door. Didn't he want to just go in…but he was happy with what she was giving him anyway. That was more than he deserved. And he could still barely face her…

He turned away with a sigh, steering himself to his solitary room when he heard a distinctive click of the door. It opened a little and he could make out her slender silhouette against the light coming from the window in her room. She didn't say a word, she went back in but she left the door open.

His heart beating wild, he accepted the silent invitation. When he crossed the doorstep, his eyes fell at the bed, as usual. He couldn't believe it. The duvet was pulled open at one side, telling him to snuck in.

He didn't need to be told twice. With bated breath, he slid under the covers which still carried the warmth of her body. He lay on his back keeping his distance despite his urges. He needed to take it slow.

"Hi," he breathed out.

"Hi," she answered quietly. "So, what's going on, Derek?"

"What's… going on?"

"Don't stall for time. I know you're going through something."

"I'm figuring things out…" he sighed.

"What things? Because that look you've had for the last few days? It's exactly the same you wore when you thought having a hard-on around me was the end of the world."

Derek was speechless for a second, his face heating up with a blush. He finally chuckled. "Well, there's something in it…"

"And you didn't sit at your Dad's place," she went on more seriously, half-surprised half-amazed he took her jab so lightly. Weeks ago he went for a round of rough sex. He wasn't even irritated now. "Did Mom tell you something…?"

"I would really be a goner if Mom had to tell me not to take the place I don't deserve…" he sighed.

Her heart clenched, she felt his pain.

"I'm trying to be that man you fell in love with," he confessed.

"Everybody changes," she stated gently.

"I know people change," he admitted. "But I… I refuse to believe I am that asshole who doesn't respect his loved ones. I am… I am not him…"

"Der…" she breathed out.

"Meredith," he rolled onto his side. "I'm figuring things out. And when I'm done, I… I'm going to apologize for every little thing I've done to you. But… what I can tell you now is that I never meant it to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I love you," he whispered heatedly.

"Derek…" she swallowed.

"Mer… are you… are you completely ruling out giving me another chance?" he asked painfully.

"I don't know," she confessed, pressing her eyes closed. "My… my head is a mess. I don't know what to think anymore…"

"Okay…" He felt somewhat relieved. That wasn't a positive answer but it wasn't a definite no either, like it was not so long ago. "I'll give you as much time as you want."

"But… I don't mind you being around…" she whispered.

"So… can I stay…?"

"Derek... I'm not ready for this…"

"Okay, sorry," he said quickly. "I told you I'm giving you time… I am. Take all the time you need. I will always be here. Goodnight, Mer."

"Goodnight," she said sweetly.

He reluctantly left her warm bed and slipped out into the corridor, bumping into his sister for the second time.

"Wow, bro. You've sure upped your game!"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Carolyn readjusted her pillow and smiled in the darkness. Maybe she would be able to fall asleep now. As a single mother of five, and then six, she had to train her ear to distinguish most suspicious kinds of noises. It cost her a lot of getting up at night over the years. And even though all her children were already adult, her sleeping pattern was still very light, ready to be broken at the slightest of sounds.

She heard every one of the doors that opened after midnight. Every person that left and entered their room, or somebody else's room… She left a sigh of contentment. They were like magnets, these two. They couldn't stay apart for too long, they never could. So far her plan was working.

Their problems wouldn't disappear overnight. They still wouldn't be reconciled in the morning. But it was a step, a little step forward.

She closed her eyes peacefully. Maybe she wouldn't go bankrupt after all.

**A/N Comment, pretty please?**

**Em ;)**


	24. Chapter 24: Of Testing

**A/N Thank you for still being here, my readers! **

**Meredith and Derek are already on the road back to each other…**

**Please read, enjoy, comment!**

**Em**

He was back. In Seattle. In Seattle Grace. He looked like much at home too. He got a new shiny office. The door now proudly bore the name of Tom Evans. And from what she could see from her place on the catwalk, he was just signing the contract with Webber. What did it mean for her?

"Oh, I see one of your Romeos back in Seattle," quipped Cristina leaning against the railings beside her, her eyes narrowing to see more of what was happening behind the glass wall of the Chief's office. "You go, man-eater," she slapped her lightly on the shoulder. "I swear the whole hospital's in heat for you. Must be the hair… You think I should dye my hair pink? Nah, I should take a step ahead, go for blue.'

Meredith sent her a silent glare.

"Okay, this one doesn't want to munch your cookies," Cristina stated in a mock apology. "He's here for your intellect, quick thinking, incomparable surgical skills-"

"That's enough. You know, maybe he is. He looks like a decent guy," shrugged Meredith.

"Sure, a world renowned neurogod with several million dollars' worth of surgeon hands is enraptured with the skills of an intern who hasn't even passed her test yet. I wonder how are they both going to justify that interest in you if you screw up today."

Meredith turned to face her slowly, scowl on her face. "There's no such expression in my dictionary. Unless it pertains to my competition."

Cristina folded her arms defensively and let out a snort, "Baby, you better watch out for your fat ass!"

"Oh, puh-lease, your ass wouldn't fit in my jeans even if they were two sizes bigger!"

"Wow, there's my favorite bitch!" Cristina smiled approvingly. "You're getting better! Does this mean an imminent make-up sex with a certain brainless intern?" She was almost hopeful, both for her friend and her wallet. The stakes in the bet were high. And there was only a little more than a week left until the beginning of their vacation.

"No," frowned Meredith. "Why would you think so?"

"Because of all the secret smiles, silent sighs, eye-fucking…" she enumerated.

"There's been no…" she trailed off, biting her lip.

"I'm not judgy," assured quickly Cristina. "I'd say go for it. The real deal is even better."

Meredith sighed and stared at the snow covered mountain peaks.

"Have you forgiven him?" her friend asked delicately.

"Why-"

"Denial won't work, Mer," went on Cristina. "Regardless of what you have shared over the years, you were hurt. By him. He hurt you. You must stop looking at him and just seeing the teenage dork who, how did you put it, popped your cherry. You need to see the man he grew into. Have you forgiven that man?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I don't know if I trust him… Or rather, I do but I don't know if I can trust his judgment."

"He seems reformed," admitted Cristina.

"Supposedly," sighed Meredith dejectedly. "What if we get together, enjoy the bliss of reunion and got sucked into that hell again? I don't think I could survive that."

"So you're still afraid that it's his own comfort he's after and not your love… What else does he have to do? He's at your beck and call already."

"I don't know," Meredith sighed tiredly. "I don't want anything more than find him and kiss the living daylights out of him but I… I can't. I can't live with this doubt."

"Okay, ugh, maybe let's worry about it some other day…"

Meredith laughed softly, "Don't worry, I'm still gonna score the highest result."

"You wish, bitch! And… you'd better run for it. Evans and Webber are walking out."

"Damn," cursed Meredith broke into a skip, Cristina at her heels.

Thankfully, she already had an assignment for the day.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"You okay?" Derek asked her with a small smile on his lips.

She nodded calmly.

That was the day. The first day of their finals. Their last exam session in med school. Hand in hand, they slowly walked towards the auditorium where they were going to sit their first test. Their fellow students were swirling nervously around them, nervously skimming through the notes and doing some very last minute revising.

Strangely enough, Derek and Meredith left their nervousness somewhere behind them; they only felt butterflies in their stomachs, not an overpowering stress. Maybe because they now felt a certain period in their lives was coming to a close. They spend eight years in Boston, busy, crazy, wonderful eight years. Incredible how fast the time flew by.

Next month they would receive their diplomas and send their applications to several internship programmes. Their main target was of course Seattle Grace but they had plan B in case they didn't get in together. Together, that was the primary condition.

They missed Seattle, they missed their family. Still, it would be difficult to part with their little spot in Boston. They spent a significant chunk of their lives on the East Coast. They made friends, Jen and Luke being the closest of them.

They halted several feet away from the entrance to the auditorium.

"So, I'll be waiting on the steps outside after it's over," she told him smoothing down his shirt on his shoulders.

"Who says you're going to finish first?" he quipped.

"Hm, only years' experience," she smirked and leaned for a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured into her lips.

The buzzing in the crowd grew louder as the great door finally opened letting everyone in to their assigned places.

"Good luck," she whispered giving him he last sweet peck on his cheek.

"I don't need luck when you're around," he smiled and squeezed her hand for the last time before they walked in. They soon had to part to find their seats in two distant parts of the room. G was certainly too fat in the alphabet from S. Their eyes kept finding each other as they walked. They glanced at smiled at each other reassuringly for the last time before receiving question sheets.

Meredith took a deep breath as her fingers toyed her heart-shaped pendant absent-mindedly. She could do this. They could do this. After all, it was just another step on their path together.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

A loud resigned sigh made Derek look up from his revision notes. He was babysitting a teenage girl, Beth, who collapsed and seized during a march band parade.

"Is everything okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah, sorry," she shrugged. "Don't mind me."

"What's wrong?" he insisted putting his materials away on the table.

"I wrecked my band's chances for the trophy," she complained. "It's like crapping my pants."

He probably should deny but well, she was right.

"Where are your friends?" he asked instead. "I know I saw them before in the ER..."

"They're not my friends," she cast her eyes down. "They're my seizure patrol. Whenever I have a seizure, they have to drop their instruments and roll me on my side so I don't choke on my tongue… Besides, I'm like a band nerd. Band nerds don't have friends but what would you know about it."

"Surprisingly much," he chuckled. "I used to be in the school band too."

Her eyes swept over him from head to toes. "Yeah, right. What would a guy like you do in the band?"

"Play the sax," he grinned.

"Well, you didn't have epileptic seizures during performance, right?"

"No," he admitted. "But I was skinnier than you, had acne and I didn't discover hair products yet so I had an afro on my head. Still… I had friends in the band. And a girlfriend."

"Did she weigh over 400 pounds, wore thick glasses and had a squint?"

"No," he laughed. "She was cool, gorgeous and pink-haired."

"Like that one?" Beth pointed with her head.

Derek turned over following her gaze to see Meredith standing in the doorway, a tiny smile on her lips.

"Yeah, exactly like that one," Derek breathed out and got to his feet. "I'll be right back, Beth."

"Hey," he smiled as he led her by the elbow a bit away from the room.

"Hey," she said and her voice carried a tone of wonder and surprise.

"I… what?" he asked, feeling a little self-conscious under her stare.

"Er, nothing," she shook her head, chuckling at herself. "I'm going into the OR with Bailey… It might take hours. I'm not sure whether I'll have a moment before the test… so… this is the day."

"It is," he sighed.

"You're okay?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yep," she nodded, hesitated and climbed to her tiptoes to place a little kiss onto his cheek. "Good luck, Derek."

Half of his face was burning, the epicenter being the few inches of skin Meredith's lips made contact with. "I don't need luck when you're near me," he managed to murmur completing their little ritual. He tried to inch towards her mouth but she retreated.

"I'll see you later," she smiled and walked off in the direction of the stairs.

Derek let out a sigh and get back to take his place beside Beth.

"Why the long face, dude?" she asked with surprise. "You could think you'd be happier after a feel-up with your girlfriend."

"She had broken up with me," he confessed.

"She's clearly still into you."

"I know," sighed Derek.

"Then what's the problem?" frowned Beth.

"She doesn't believe I'm into her."

"Well, that might be a problem," she admitted pensively.

"Tell me about it."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

The few hours she spent in the OR were so satisfying. She didn't feel weariness at all. That was just what she needed to gather her scattered thoughts together. Bailey initially tried to throw her out after just two hours, telling her to get some rest before the testing time but Meredith convinced her to let her stay. Until it was half an hour left only. Even then her resident had to kick her ass out, so was Meredith enraptured in the procedure.

When she arrived, a little breathless, to the examination room, all her colleagues were already seated. Her eyes fell immediately at Derek who seemed immediately relaxed at her sight. She shared the feeling. He was there for every test and exam since high school, he was her lucky charm to be honest.

The papers were distributed around. They were allowed to start. Meredith couldn't help a satisfied smirk appear on her face as she read the questions and her pen started to glide effortlessly on the answer sheet. Not single one of the questions caught her by surprise.

She didn't want to gloat but it was just… easy. She could answer this with full confidence if she was woken up in the middle of the middle night, no coffee allowed. She put away her pen, she checked what she had written and then double checked it. Spotless.

If only she was half as sure of other issues in her life as much as of these answers. Her eyes stopped at the level of Derek's back in the other corner of the room. She had thought they were broken forever. That he didn't reciprocate her love. She wasn't so sure of that any longer. It seemed like the proud egotistical oblivious-to-the-world Derek was just a phase from which he already moved on.

But was it? Could she be sure? Could she trust his declarations? Certainly, he believed them himself but unfortunately, it didn't mean they were true. She didn't want to jerk him around and she knew she was doing exactly that at the moment, giving him mixed signals. Once she was smiling, kissing his cheek; then there was a whole day she spent avoiding him. But her heart was telling her one thing, her mind another.

She smiled at the recollection of what she overheard this morning. She was looking for Derek to wish him good luck like they always did before an exam. She spotted him sitting with his patient, telling the young girl about his high school days, almost laughing at himself, admitting that it wasn't all that bad… Weeks ago he yelled at her it was the worst time in his life. What was she supposed to think now? And the awareness that her non-wedding day was in a week didn't help matters.

She was startled by a rustle in the room. It was ten minutes till the end time, people started to hand in their work and leave. Derek passed by her desk, a look of concern on his face caused by the fact that she was still sitting here.

She hastened to leave her paper with the supervisor and hurried out, straight into Derek's anxious arms.

"Mer? Is… everything okay?" he looked at her attentively.

"Yeah," she nodded quickly, prying gently away from his grasp. His hands were burning her.

"Meredith," his voice was slightly berating. "How did it really go? You never sit longer than I do."

"It was really good, Der," she chuckled trying to calm him down. "Look, I finished my work when it was still forty minutes to go. And I did check my answers."

"Then-"

"I got… lost in thought, okay?" she sighed. "You don't have to be worried about it. I'm still positive I scored higher than you."

He shook his head with a chuckle. "Of course."

"So, you don't need to worry."

"Okay, do you want to go to Joe's and celebrate?"

"Derek…" she hesitated, taking a little step away from him. "I… I know we're in this weird limbo or something… And I'm sorry for it but… I don't think I'm ready for this…"

"Mer," he sighed, trying not to sound dejected. "I'm not asking you on a date. I don't deserve that yet. And you've got nothing to be sorry about. It's only my own doing that led us where we're now. I'm asking because that's everyone's plan for the evening," he said pointing at the group of interns chatting further down the corridor, including Cristina and Izzie.

"Oh."

"I wasn't going but if you are…"

"You don't have to martyr yourself, Derek," she sighed. "If you want to go, you can go. Even without me. You-" she fell silent biting herself on her lip to stop the reproach that was about to involuntarily fell from her lips

"I've done this so many times before, you mean?"he said knowingly. "I have. And I wish I had stayed with you every evening that I spent in the company of Sloan or anyone else."

Another moment. Another moment she wanted nothing else to throw her arms around him happy that she was his number one. But her qualms held her firmly in her grip so she just smiled at him.

"I'll join you there."

He nodded. It was better than nothing. Small steps, baby steps. He couldn't lose hope… But he couldn't shake off the sudden fear either. What if he could never regain her trust?

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Dr. Grey."

Meredith leaned back to look over from behind the locker door. She was just about to set out for Joe's bar. Everyone was already there, unwinding after the test.

"Dr. Evans," she nodded, her eyes moving back to her locker.

"As you surely know I was appointed the head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace today," he began.

"Uh, congratulations," she said dryly.

"I'm not sure if Chief Webber discussed it with you already but I would like to-"

"Yes, he's mentioned what I think you're talking about," she interrupted, throwing her bag over shoulder.

"Then we should discuss right away how our work schedule will look like next year. I'm aware you've just sat your intern test but with what I've seen I'm confident we don't have to worry about that."

"Wait a minute, Dr. Evans," she finally faced him. "I said Chief Webber had mentioned your… offer. I never said I accepted."

"Why would you not?"

"I'm not an object, I am not a piece of hospital equipment and I certainly won't be one of your perks on the job," she stated clearly. "You can look for another impressionable doe-eyed intern to follow you around. There are plenty of them here."

"Dr. Grey," he sighed. "I do not-"

"Goodnight, Dr. Evans," she said wryly and walked out leaving him standing alone in the intern locker room.


	25. Chapter 25: Of Forgiveness

**A/N**** Hello! I'm glad you continue to enjoy! We're not very far from the end.**

**In this update, someone arrives at SGH…**

**Enjoy and comment!**

**Em :)**

Meredith huffed with annoyance, leaning with her back against the wall. Twenty minutes, she was waiting for him twenty minutes already. After he had summoned her to his office so unceremoniously he could at least be on time… But no, he had to show her who held all the power here, like the title of the chief wasn't enough. Men…

Meredith snorted. What was wrong with men in this place? What was wrong with men in her life? First, there was her fiancé who had suffered a personality split. Her estranged father who hadn't bothered to call for over twenty years but who suddenly took interest in her wellbeing again. Her boss who was totally unprofessional in her regard and there was the lower rank boss who wanted god knew what from her. It was worrying that she was the common denominator with these nut cases.

One of them was just walking in her direction in his light blue scrubs. She expelled a little involuntary sigh, she still didn't have an answer for him. She was on the brink. Vacillating. Not knowing onto which side of the line she should fall.

"Meri," he greeted her sweetly halting in front of her.

She frowned. He looked jumpy, even more nervous that when he put his hand in her panties for the very first time. And it felt much better then than it did now too.

"You've got a moment?" he asked, a tinge of anxiousness in his voice. When he woke up this morning, it was like the sky was finally clear after months of storms. He could finally see the big picture, the entire picture, all his faults and misdemeanors. It was also high time he apologized to Meredith. Fully. It was going to be a long conversation. He wanted to confess everything that was in his mind and his heart. Maybe after hearing what he had to say, she'd consider giving another shot at their relationship.

"I've been waiting for the Chief, actually," she sighed.

"Oh," he nodded dejectedly, the conversation clearly had to wait. He didn't want it to be hurried. They needed to take their time. His head snapped up suddenly. "Why are you waiting for Webber?"

Meredith bit her lip. Derek knew nothing about the whole Evans-gate. She preferred it to stay that way. Derek's jealousy was the last thing she needed at the moment. She didn't want to lie to him either. They didn't lie to each other. Never. It was that simple and that hard.

"I… it's… work related…" she muttered, shuffling her feet.

"You don't want to tell me," he said knowingly, her heart breaking at the crack in his voice. "It's fi-"

"He wants to give me preferential treatment," she sighed.

"Preferential treatment?" he eyed her with puzzlement.

"He… wants me to start specializing next year…" she revealed evasively.

"But… that's great," he smiled at her, somewhat relieved.

"No, it's not. I don't want preferential treatment!"

"You think it's because you're Ellis's daughter?" his fingers shyly grazed her cheek.

"I… don't know what to think about some things, Derek. A lot of things actually."

"Mer, I-"

"Dr. Grey, I see you follow at least some of my orders," Richard's voice interrupted whatever Derek intended to say. "If you could come to my office, please."

"I'll see you later, Derek," she sighed and took a deep breath before going in.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Care to tell me when you stop being a petulant child, Meredith?" Richard sighed as he took the seat behind his desk. "You've always had a character, always, and it comes in handy in the world of surgery but this is going too far."

"I don't know what you mean," she shrugged. "I do my job and do it exceptionally well. I do what I'm told."

"Oh, do you?" he said sarcastically. "You haven't worked an hour in neuro since Evans is back."

"It happens you know," she rolled her eyes leaning back into her chair. "Working schedule is irregular here, but I really don't have to tell you that since you're the Chief and all."

He snorted. "Only a Grey would talk back like that to her Chief of Surgery."

"You haven't treated me like a Chief of Surgery," she threw back.

"You're right," he nodded. "I've been too soft on you. It's changing right now. You're going to do as I tell you. I'm giving you three more days to think through your childish behavior."

"Three days? What's in three days?" she frowned.

"A yearly fundraising event," he answered simply.

"A yearly fundraising event. What does it have to do with me?"

"Only your attendance."

She burst out laughing. "You're not joking?" she choked seeing his constantly grim expression.

"Does it look like I'm joking?"

"Interns don't go to fundraising events," she argued.

"This year they are."

"Oh, really? So the rest of this year's group has to come too?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Originally it was just-"

"Just me, wasn't it?" she snorted.

"Listen, we have plans to greatly expand our neurology programme. We have a good seasoned team now but we're going to build a new state of the art unit around Evans. We'll be able to compete with world's best centers. It's going to take some time but we need to start to groom a young talented team right now. Eventually, Evans is going to need many more close co-workers he can thoroughly rely on than just you. This is the future Meredith, the future. Your future."

"The future involving wearing a stupid dress and stupid shoes and smiling at people who think they have the world in their pocket?" she snapped and got to her feet. "I don't think so. That is not why I became a doctor."

"What do you think your mother would say?"

"Couldn't care less," she shrugged and sauntered to the door. "Excuse me, Chief, but I have work to do, real work."

Webber shook his head disapprovingly and reached for the phone. He tolerated this childish behavior for far too long, from both of them.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

Thunderous applause broke out as their fellow graduate concluded her valedictory speech and left the stand with a dazzling smile of happiness.

Meredith felt Derek inching closer to her.

"That could have been you," he chuckled into her ear.

"Nah," she scrunched her nose. "It couldn't."

It didn't come as a slightest surprise to Derek that his brilliant fiancée came out at the top of their class. She was just a perfectionist work-wise, he knew that since they met the first day. She had a stupendous memory, intelligence, and a drive to work hard, to always outshine herself. After years of trying to please her mother, it just became her second nature.

All in all, Meredith was offered the honor of delivering a speech during the graduation ceremony but… she humbly and politely declined, stating that someone else would represent their class with more style and grace.

"I'm just not into speeches and the galas and all that hassle," she whispered to him inconspicuously. "I would have said something hugely controversial and inappropriate and look," she pointed with her head at the audience, "they are all happy."

"Yeah," he smiled, "happy and bored. You would have rocked."

"How… about me giving you a private valedictory speech tonight?" she winked at him.

"An uncensored version?" he quipped. "Can't wait. Thank God, Mom and the girls are staying at the hotel this time."

She tried to stifle her giggle.

"We're almost doctors, Mer," he whispered excitedly.

"That's right, Dr. Shepherd," she purred.

"That… hot…" he breathed out.

"Yeah?" one of her eyebrows rode high in amusement. "Don't expect me to play a naughty nurse. I can be… a very strict attending though…"

"Fine by me, Dr. Grey," he grinned and squeezed her hand that was tucked safely in his throughout the ceremony.

They still had to face weeks of anticipation waiting for the teaching hospitals they applied to to announce the lists of accepted but today was all about celebration.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**2 DAYS LATER**

He was going insane. Slowly but surely he was losing his mind. His relationship with Meredith struck a dreadful impasse. He was mad at himself for letting things go that far. He saw her internal struggle reflected in her eyes whenever she looked at him, as if she wanted to trust him but wasn't able to.

He hoped everything he had to say to her would change that. He rearranged and practiced the speech in his mind for the last few days, waiting for the right moment.

The prospect was also terrifying. It came to mean to him a sort of make or break moment. He couldn't possibly imagine what else he could do to change her mind.

He crossed the corridor mingling through a little crowd that recently got off the elevator. He needed to find her. Bailey had just given him the envelope with his results, the results of the intern test. Meredith had already got hers, Bailey told him as much. Now he just needed to find her and fulfill their little tradition. They opened their letters of acceptance to Seattle Grace together. They were supposed to learn the results together as well.

He abruptly stopped in his tracks just a few feet further, his eyes going wide. Impossible, just impossible… He really was going insane. It was just a random woman. His eyes and mind were playing tricks on him.

And yet… He couldn't shake off the feeling. He turned around to look at the woman who was waiting for the next elevator. She was standing with her back to him. The same height, hair color. Her hair was slightly shorter though. She had the I'm-on-the-go look about her. He took a step forward, he needed to be sure.

"Dr… Dr. Grey?" he asked cautiously, coming to a halt behind her.

He almost got a heart attack when she turned to him. He suspected it but actually seeing his suspicions confirmed almost threw him off his feet.

"My, my," she seized him from head to toe, one of her eyebrows rising in an inscrutable expression. "Derek Shepherd. Or I should say, Dr. Shepherd. Time has worked wonders for you."

For a moment, all he was capable of doing was standing listlessly, stunned and speechless.

"I hope that's not your usual expression during working hours," she remarked. "If it is, I pity the patients."

He cleared his throat finally, "What… what are you doing here?"

"You look like you saw a ghost. I was not dead. Just travelling."

"And now?" he asked suspiciously. Life was hugely fucked up. First, Meredith's father showed up, now her mother.

"And now I'm here," she smirked.

"What for? Are you here for a case?"

"One that involves my daughter, yes."

"You're back because of Meredith?" he asked with a frown. "Why?"

"Why would you care?" she bit back. "You're not together anymore."

"How…" he trailed off shaking his head.

"How do I know?" she snorted. "I have my sources. And I'm Ellis Grey, I know everything."

Derek seemed to get his bearings together. "We may not be together but she's still the love of my life. I'll never stop caring for her or protecting her."

"What about protecting her from you?" she narrowed her eyes at him. "You really must have pulled a number on her if she chose to break up with you, so besotted she was with you."

Derek's face flushed in shame while his jaws set tight. "I… I hurt her, I admit. My only defense is that it is was not intentional. You can't even imagine how I regret it."

"I actually can," she sighed and stepped into the elevator.

"Why are you here?" he repeated.

"Not to hurt her," she answered and disappeared behind the sliding doors.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith took the seat in front of Richard. Again. Why couldn't some men take no for an answer?

"So… I know you must have received your letter by now," he started, clearing his throat.

"I did," she stated simply. The envelope was crumpled in her lab coat pocket, unopened. She wondered if Derek remembered they were supposed to open them together.

"And?" prompted Webber, looking nervous for some reason.

"I haven't looked yet," she shrugged.

"Why won't you do it now?"

"You called for me to help me open an envelope?" she asked challengingly. "You do that with every intern?"

Webber raised his eyes to the ceiling praying for patience.

"Have you rethought your position?" he eyed her grimly.

Meredith's cell phone started to vibrate in her pocket but she deiced to ignore it. She didn't want to aggravate Webber more than necessary.

"If you're talking about becoming Evans's mascot, then no, I did not," she replied adamantly.

"As I expected," he sighed. "But I'm not going to argue with you any more."

"You're not?"

"Someone else will." He barely managed to say that, the door opened impetuously. Meredith turned to see the newcomer gasped in shock.

"Oh. My. Freaking. God," she muttered getting to her feet. She was hallucinating, right? She prayed she was…

"Long time not see, Meredith," stated crisply her mother, walking into the office.

"Ellis, thank God," sighed Richard. "Maybe you-"

"Silence," she hissed at him. "You've never known how to talk to a woman and it hasn't changed with age."

"Now, really," he started to grumble.

"Get out, Richard," Ellis ordered him around making herself comfortable as though it was her office and not his.

"Ellis-"

"I said get out. I want to talk to my daughter. I'll deal with you later."

He finally marched out muttering something about mothers, daughters and apples under his breath.

"I'll go too," breathed out Meredith turning to leave.

"Meredith, please."

An oddly soft note in her mother's voice prevented her from walking out.

"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly, her eyes taking in the person she hadn't seen live for the last nine years, yet who had brought her to this world. She looked good. Tanned, energetic…

"Richard called me," came the simple answer. "We've been in contact since I left."

"Right," nodded Meredith. "He had to resort to getting you here so nothing hurts his plans for the hospital."

"That's only part of the story," Ellis nodded her head and sat at the edge of Richard's desk. "He feels protective of you."

Meredith snorted loudly. "Seriously?"

"We've had an affair."

"Okay, now I'm really going to look for Evans and request a lobotomy," huffed Meredith. "Trust me, I have no interest into your love life, oh sorry, a sexual life would be a more appropriate term to you-"

"I started seeing Richard twenty-four years ago," Ellis went on calmly.

"What?" Meredith gasped with disbelief, her head whirling back to look at her mother. "You…?"

"Yes, I had an affair behind your father's back."

"That's why he left…" whispered Meredith, surprised Thatcher didn't use this information to defend himself when they talked.

"Not really. He rather pretended he didn't notice anything even though I must have been painfully obvious near the end of our marriage. It was me who finally snapped and filed for divorce."

Meredith tried to wrap her mind around it. "How… gracious of you," she snorted.

Ellis shrugged a little. "I knew soon after the wedding me and Thatcher weren't really compatible. But we had you, so I tried. Then… Richard came along… and made me experience things I never felt before. He was it for me."

Meredith felt her legs give in under her and sank into the chair shaking her head. She was both repulsed and curious.

"And I was it for him. The problem was… we were both married."

"Yeah, that's a problem alright," jeered Meredith pitilessly. "I suppose I was a problem too? You know what's the real problem? Adultery!"

"You don't know what it is like to be trapped in a relationship without future. With a man you don't love," argued softly Ellis. "We decided to come clean. I was to broke off things with Thatcher, he was to end it with Adele. I did. He…"

"Didn't?" frowned Meredith.

"Yet another man in my life turned out to be weak. But this one, this one I loved. And he chose to stay with his wife," she said, bitterness still clear in her voice after all these years. "He said that all the baggage wouldn't let us be happy, that we would leave too many hurt people behind so selfishly. So he stayed with Adele."

"You didn't try to make up with Dad?" asked Meredith quietly. For once she could feel something close to sympathy towards her mother. She knew the pain of the break up with the love of her life all too much.

"I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to go back to Thatcher after all I had with Richard."

"But… why did you have to tell him to stay away from me?" breathed out Meredith. "It wasn't his fault you didn't love him."

"I was… deeply hurt at the time, angry. It… came out more of rage than a genuine wish to make him disappear from your life. But he took it to his heart."

"And later? He said he came back a few years later. You were angry then too?"

"This time it was a conscious decision. He couldn't decide what he wanted. I didn't want you to have a father who walked in and out of your life like it was a trip to the store. Besides, I knew he remarried. Had a baby on the way. I didn't want you to be second best to him, a second family. Maybe I was selfish and inconsiderate but I couldn't allow my daughter to be second on his priority list over some brats he had later. And Richard finally came to his senses. Or actually, my jealousy ploy worked."

"You tricked him into divorcing his wife?"

"Not so much tricked as helped him realize that the blind rage he experienced seeing me with another man wouldn't pass."

Meredith shook her head and rubbed her temples. "So what happened next? Why did you break up?"

"We didn't, we've been together ever since," stated Ellis.

"What? How… I never saw him in the house…" muttered Meredith.

"I had… my conditions, so to speak. You never knew who he was to me, I never met anyone from his family."

"And… the last couple of years? When you were making a tour around the world?"

"A long-distance relationship," shrugged Ellis.

Meredith snorted, "Yeah right, a distance relationship. Do you know how much it would hurt if I had to live thousands of miles from Der-" she bit on her tongue. "Why did you leave Seattle Grace?"

"Contrary to what you may think," Ellis stared straight into her eyes. "I loved you. I love you. After… that evening, I couldn't stand this place. The hospital, Seattle, it reminded me of you too much. It reminded me of my failure as a mother."

"I cannot believe you're saying this," Meredith uttered out in a strangled voice.

"I am not bereft of a heart, Meredith," she sighed. "And I did a lot of thinking over the years. A very humbling process, thinking about your mistakes. I'm sure your fiancé would agree."

"He's not my fiancé anymore," she admitted quietly. "But… I still don't know why you're here? To tell me about your lifelong affair?"

"Initially, to tell you that you shouldn't throw away a chance that's right open before you."

"How can you talk me into agreeing? I have my dignity, I know what I'm worth-"

"I don't think Evans thinks less of you than you deserve," interrupted her Ellis. "He's a good surgeon. But apart from that, he's a decent man. Have you even given him a chance to explain himself?"

"No," grumbled Meredith, casting her eyes down.

"You should let him what he has to say for himself. As well as Dr. Shepherd."

Meredith's head shot upwards, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Oh, I met him on the way here…"

Meredith immediately retrieved her cell phone. Yep, it was Derek who called her five times.

"What did you tell him?" she gasped shakily.

"We've had a little heart to heart," said airily Ellis while her daughter's face went pale. She jumped to her feet, ready to bolt out to find him. "Relax, Meredith. I know I've been a bad guy but… I am capable of admitting I made a mistake. I… I am sorry."

She looked at her quizzically.

"I never suspected this was really something serious when you two came to me with your marriage announcement. But the years have shown I was wrong. You obviously have to love him if you stayed with him this long. We are too much alike, you wouldn't stay with a man you didn't feel for just like I didn't. And he was just ready to be your knight in shining whatever…" she shrugged. "Go and make up with him when you're still young."

They stood in silence for a while, both relishing the moment. It was… the first real conversation they ever shared.

"Are you staying?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Probably not now. You're not ready to have me around."

"I… thank you. And I want you to know… that I don't hate you. I never did."

Ellis nodded slowly, closing her eyes for a second.

"And… I think you're punishing him. Richard. He failed you. He hurt you and humiliated you so you've been punishing him ever since. You took him back but you've never forgiven him."

"Have you forgiven Derek?"

Cristina asked her the same question on the exam day and just like before, she didn't have an answer. "I don't know."

"Go. I know you want to check if he's still alive after meeting the monster-in-law. I'm staying in Seattle for a couple of days before getting back on the road."

"I'll see you around then," Meredith said sincerely before slipping out in search of Derek.


	26. Chapter 26: Of The Calm Before The Storm

**A/N This time the update is a bit shorter and a bit fillerish before the two-parter that's coming next and which is going to be a game changer…**

**Read, enjoy, and comment…**

**Yours,**

**Em**

"Mer!"

Derek caught up with her in the corridor and gently steered her behind the nearest door for some privacy. Thankfully it turned out to be a storage room.

"Mer… There is… I…" he started to stammer, not exactly sure how to convey in words that her mother was in Seattle Grace.

"I know, Derek. I already know my mom is here," she hurried to put him at ease.

"You know?" he breathed out. "And you're okay?"

"Yeah," she giggled. "I was actually on my way to ask you if you were okay. She mentioned that she bumped into you."

"I'm fine, surprisingly," he nodded. "Are you really okay? This is… this is your mother we're talking about."

"I feel like we really connected," she shrugged in amazement. "She was honest. She was… kind…"

"That's really good," Derek sighed with relief. "I was worried sick."

"I know, I got your calls," she said apologetically. "Sorry I couldn't pick up. I was with the Chief."

"Again?"

"You know he's been haranguing me about choosing specialty," she bit her lip. "And that was actually why he called my mother over."

"Seriously? What's the deal?" he frowned. "The Chief himself practically is begging you to do it. You keep saying no even if it would be a huge leap in your career. I don't understand it."

She looked at him simply and sighed.

"Derek, I want to come clean with you."

"Me too," he nodded nervously.

"But I need time. You… your actions hurt me. I'm sorry to say that but it's the truth," she admitted hating the fact that she was hurting him now. But it was the truth. "And… I'm not sure if I've forgiven you yet. I want to. But I'm not sure."

He nodded, his eyes cast to the ground, his Adam's apple bobbing up as he accepted her honesty.

"And I need to be sure," she added quietly. "Because I've just seen how disastrous it can be when people take out their bitterness on the person they love."

"Okay, okay," he sighed.

"Der," she addressed him with a more cheerful voice and pulled out a crumpled envelope from her pocket. "Have you opened yours? Mine is still intact."

"Mine too," he managed a little smile as they exchanged the letters. She remembered. "Ready?"

She nodded and tore the paper, Derek following her. With bated breaths, they unfolded a single sheet of paper.

"Congratulations, Der!" She couldn't help but give him a tight hug, her hand caressing his back.

"You too, Meri," he hummed into the crook of her neck, clinging to her familiar body, inhaling her sweet scent he missed so much. The contact was reviving and tearing him apart at the same time.

She was first to pull away gently.

"Soon, Der, I'll be ready soon," she promised him in a whisper and as she left him in the tiny room, she prayed that all her doubts would really disappear in the near future.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith entered his office with a soft knock.

"Dr. Evans? Have you got a minute?"

He lifted his head from the papers spread before him. "Dr. Grey, I must say this is a surprise."

There wasn't any irony in his voice, just amusement but she felt like a child who misbehaved anyway.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you-"

"No, I am the one who is sorry," he beat her to an apology. "I understand your objections, now I see how it must have looked from your perspective. I should have consulted your opinion first, instead of going to the Chief behind your back. It has to be your choice, not an order from your superiors. I wanted to talk to you but you were a patient yourself when I was going back to New York."

She nodded slowly. "What do you expect of me exactly? I'm just an in- well, a resident now."

"Which means you have an open mind, enthusiasm for medicine that still has years to be dimmed and," he hesitated, "I simply enjoy working with you. You're professional, you're always prepared. You're what I demand of my coworkers. I feel I can trust you. The Chief told you about our plans, didn't he?"

"He did. They are quite ambitious."

"They are doable. With all the resources Seattle Grace has at its disposal, the resources it might gain access to, totally feasible. The question is, do you want to be a part of the process? I assumed you'd fit in neuro but maybe you have your mind set already on a different specialty?"

"I… need to think about it. It's always been my fiancé who's obsessed with brains… My… ex-fiancé," she cleared her throat. "I am sorry. When you have a mess in one department in your life it's hard to contain it…"

"Probably even harder when you work with that person," Evans nodded understandingly. "Anyway, you've got a few weeks to decide whether you're in, until you're back from vacations."

"Does it mean I don't have to go to this stupid event tomorrow?" she asked hopefully.

"I think… that Chief Webber made it mandatory for everyone," he chuckled.

"Damn," she sighed and bit her lip. "I supposedly say yes… we'll be… just coworkers, right?"

"Or friends," he smiled.

"Yeah, but just friends, okay?" she insisted.

"Friends is a lot," he nodded to make her at ease. She fascinated him both as a doctor and a woman. But the moment he decided to be her mentor, he knew he couldn't act on the latter. Besides, he didn't have any chances with her anyway. "Meanwhile, I've got an interesting case. You're interested?"

"Like incredibly difficult and requiring a long demanding surgery interesting?" she smiled. "I'm in. I need something more kick-ass than coffee to carry me through tomorrow's bore-raising event."

He chuckled handing her the chart. "Tomorrow's your last day as an intern, isn't it?"

"Actually, today is. Including the night shift. I was supposed to be free tomorrow, and the day after, and then…" she trailed off.

"And then?"

"I was to get married this Saturday."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"Me too," she sighed but smiled halfheartedly. "I'm gonna get busy with the case."

She was not going to think what would have been. She would never be able to reconcile with Derek if she only had in mind what they lost.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

It was a serene summer afternoon. Sun was shining through the trees as they quietly made their way between rows of tombstones. The halted before one of them and Meredith knelt to lay the flowers. They were always fresh flowers on this grave.

"Hey, Dad," Derek breathed out. "You must be surprised why we're here again. We visited only last Saturday. But, we have news…" he trailed off taking Meredith's hand in both of his. She smiled at him tenderly.

"We are getting married. Like… finally getting married," he chuckled. "We've been engaged for eight years… and we don't want to wait any longer. It's time."

"We've set the date," Meredith took up quietly, laying her head on Derek's shoulder. "I'm sure Mom and the girls won't believe it. But we really are getting married. Next summer, after our internship is over."

"It's going to be a crazy year," smiled Derek. "Intense. But there's so much to look forward at the end. At this time next year, we'll be counting down the days… almost hours… And we wanted to tell you first. Mom practically, er, witnessed the entire engagement so we thought you should hear first we're really sealing the deal," he laughed. "I wish you'd be here…"

He glanced at Meredith, "I wish you could meet him…"

"Sometimes I think I knew him," she smiled at him pressing a kiss onto his cheek. "I imagine him like an older and more experienced version of you."

"Mer," he choked out.

"Shh," she hummed planting another kiss on his lips.

"Come on," he said placing an arm around her. "Let's go and give Ma an occasion to celebrate."

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

When Meredith returned to her and Cristina's apartment in the early morning next day, she was practically dead on her feet. It was touch and go with their patient for many hours, he coded twice on the table but his conditions stabilized by morning. But as she sank onto the couch in the living room she felt the exhaustion of the whole intern year on her body, all the successes and failures, including the biggest one of all, which was also the greatest failure of her life.

She just wanted to sleep it over, sleep… She remembered with annoyance that she was obliged to attend the horrendous fundraising event this evening. She didn't even have anything to wear.

"Morning, bitch," Cristina greeted her coming out of her room, ready to start the last day of her internship.

"Good night," yawned Meredith, nuzzling her face into the coach. "Cristina… I need to borrow from you…"

"Borrow what?" she asked pouring yesterday's coffee into her throat.

"A dress… wear… tonight…" shy mumbled tiredly.

"A dress?" snorted Cristina. "Do I look like a person who would wear a dress? I'm a feminist!"

She went back into the living room but Meredith was already sleeping soundly. She shrugged, "Okay, I'll ask Tinkerbell."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

When Meredith opened her eyes again, the apartment was basked in the hot afternoon sun. As always lately, her first thought was Derek. She wanted so much to know where they were standing. Maybe she could use the two weeks off work to really see if their relationship could be salvaged… Nancy, she needed to have a talk with Nancy. The eldest Shepherd sister always had a sober rational look on things.

Meredith's nose twitched. A post-it note was stuck onto her cheek tickling her face with one corner.She sat up slowly reading it with curiosity.

_Tinkerbell__ got you a dress, princess._

_Left it on the bed…_

_Your bitch_

Meredith let out a little chuckle but she was nevertheless grateful. She would kill herself if she had to look for something to wear last minute. Scratching her head distractedly, she trudged to her room. Her eyes open wide as her regard fell on the bed. She rubbed them with disbelief. It didn't help. The horrible sight was still there, right in the middle of the duvet, accompanied with a matching purse. A pair of shoes were innocently standing near the bed.

Her fists clenched while her angry yell sounded through the apartment. "Cristina! I'm gonna kill you!"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Murder, she had murder on her mind as she picked Cristina's number.

"Hey, princess. Ready for the ball?"

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" she roared into her phone. "DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?"

"The fact that I could be out of my mind?" quipped Cristina. "Nope, it's more tragic than funny."

"THAT'S ENOUGH, CRISTINA!"

"Okay, okay," she said hurriedly. "Tone down a bit, my eardrums might not survive until the end of this conversation and it seems it might be a long one."

"I hope this is a joke!" hissed Meredith. "Because if you expect me to wear that hideous rag, I'm taking you to psych on the first occasion!"

"Hey, bitch, slow down. Haven't you read the note?" snorted Cristina. "I didn't pick it. Izzie did… Oh, Izzie! She's right here. Iz, Meredith has some objections towards that lovely dress!" She was back within a couple of seconds. "Izzie says sorry but she can't talk right now. She's eating a sandwich."

"She's gonna end up as a sandwich if she doesn't bring me a normal dress before the evening!"

"Eh, Izzie says the dress is perfect and it doesn't clash with your hair," Cristina repeated after the blond.

"I don't care! What do I care that it doesn't clash with my hair if it clashes with the rest of me? I do not wear pink!"

"Izzie also says that it's an exact copy of a bandage dress by some Herb Lever … uh, Erg Ledger… no, whatever-"

"_Hervé Léger_!" Izzie's muffled voice interrupted Cristina's.

"I DON'T CARE-"

"Izzie says you will look great," Cristina went on monotonously. "So, see you tonight, princess."

Meredith stared at her cell with disbelief. They hung up on her! Her arms fell to her sides helplessly. That was just freaking perfect…


	27. Chapter 27: Of Method In Madness Part I

**A/N Thank you for all your comments! I hope you enjoy the first part of the evening…**

**Note: Mer's dress is not big and pouffy *giggle*. Nothing in the style of Izzie's prom dress. It's Herve Leger after all. **

**Enjoy…**

"Crap."

Meredith tried to inconspicuously pull her dress as far down as she could. It was ridiculously short for her standards. She was far from being a prude but she felt so… naked in that flimsy thing. It barely reached her mid-thigh and showed way too much cleavage. Her shoulders were practically covered but it didn't stop her from feeling totally exposed.

Not caring much for appearing gracious, she plopped on one of the benches in front of the hospital to change her shoes. She wanted to put off as long as she could the moment to wear the enormously high heeled silvery sandals Izzie left her. They supposedly matched the dress. Pity they didn't match her legs.

Meredith pulled the trainers from her feet and grinned wickedly. It was her little vengeance on Cristina. Those shoes were her favorite pair.

She lifted them up in the air by the laces and moved over the trashcan. "Bye bye!" she murmured with satisfaction and dropped them down. They landed in the pile of rubbish with a satisfying squash.

With a less happy sigh, she donned her sandals and tried to stand up. Success. She made a few steps forward and almost fell flat on her face, tripping over the ridge between the pavement blocks.

"Are you all right, Miss?" an elderly man in tuxedo caught her by her arm and her waist.

"I am!" she gritted out wrenching away. Damn, he could be one of the hospital benefactors... "I mean… yes, thank you. I'm such a klutz," she grinned at him and moved to let him pass.

She gritted her teeth in helpless rage as soon as he walked away in the direction of the main entrance.

Determination written on her face, she marched inside, stumbling only a little on the way. Her hand gripped her little purse protectively. She had slipped the heart pendant and the ring into a little pocket inside, this way they would still be close to her.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek mingled through the crowd, his eyes frantically scanning the surroundings for the familiar pink haired head. Maybe Meredith would let him keep her company tonight. It wasn't like they would be alone… They were people all around… Yet he never felt more lonely.

The vacations seemed like a blessing. Well, not in comparison to how they were supposed to spend it. They were to go for their honeymoon abroad and this time they opted for South America given the fact that they had already been to Europe for a month. At the moment, he could only hope Meredith would allow him to spend some time with her, work on rebuilding their relationship. However, he had more and more doubts if they would ever achieve the incredible state of union and trust they had shared for so many years and which he ruined so quickly.

He couldn't spot her beautiful face anywhere. She had a free day, maybe she didn't arrive yet. He halted near the table to grab something to drink in hope of calming his nerves. He cringed when he realized he stopped very unfortunately, a few feet behind Addison Montgomery and the other whiney intern, April Kepner or something, who seemed to be currently in sobs.

"I'm surprised they let me come at all," she choked out blowing her nose loudly.

"You're not fired," shrugged Addison. "You just failed your intern test. You're gonna try next year."

"But it's so… humiliating!" she sobbed.

"Well, it kinda is," admitted the red head unhelpfully. "But wipe those tears, for God's sake. You'll be surely fired when you scare off potential investors. Especially now."

"Why especially now?" asked April with a calmer voice.

"They're expanding the neurosurgery department," Addison whispered conspiratorially. "That's why Evans is here."

"Oh! Oh no, I love neuro! I will be too far behind to catch on!" whined April.

"That's why I'm thinking of trading vaginas for brains but… I don't think I have chances anyway…" snorted Addison.

"Why? Why not?"

"Evans has already chosen a favorite."

"Who?" gasped April.

"The same one everyone else is drooling over, Shepherd, Avery…" sighed Addison, making Derek frown and stop listlessly to listen in further.

"Meredith Grey?" April opened her mascara-marred eyes wide in surprise.

"Yep, he likes her… very much, if you know what I mean," snorted Addison. "And now that she's broken off things with Shepherd, he's got green light. It fits pretty nicely, Evans arrives, she's no longer interested in the intern…"

Derek's blood boiled in his veins at the insinuation. He was just about to interrupt their gossip time when April exclaimed, "And she's here… Wow!"

"That's Grey?" Addison Montgomery was in obvious shock. "She looks… almost like a woman…"

Derek's head whirled in the direction of the entrance. He couldn't help letting out a gasp of surprise.

Meredith looked totally uncomfortable. And totally gorgeous in the snuggly fitting pink dress, a whole shade lighter than her hair. Her legs seemed never ending, accentuated with the shortness of the dress and the high heels. He knew she wasn't used to walking in such shoes. She swayed slightly with every step but it only added to her sex appeal. His legs started to carry him to her hypnotically.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Meredith felt her skin burn in humiliation as many heads turned upon her arrival. She was gonna kill Izzie and Cristina. She was not a freaking socialite! Horrifying images of Paris Hilton showing her underwear while getting out of a car flashed in her mind and she fought the urge to tug down at the hem of her dress.

"Meredith?" her mother stopped in front of her with a disproving frown on her forehead as she scanned her appearance. "What in the God's name have you done with yourself?"

"What?" she barked out challengingly even though her cheeks flushed. She should have known her mother didn't transform into a Mother Theresa overnight.

"Why do you look like a clown in a circus?"

Meredith squinted at her with annoyance. Smartass, Ellis was wearing a simple black jacket and knee-length pencil skirt.

"I haven't got anything else," she grumbled. "A friend brought it for me…"

"You sure it was a friend?" she snorted and walked away, a glass of champagne in her hand. She didn't go far when she felt a pair of eyes fixed at her and it wasn't the death glare her daughter was sending her. She glanced around to spot a young Asian woman openly staring at her.

"You! Who are you?"

"Cristina Yang, Dr. Grey," she walked up to her reverently.

"Was that supposed to tell me anything?" spat Ellis.

"No, no, of course not…"Cristina quickly shook her head. "I'm… I'm… Meredith's friend…"

"Hm, so you are the one responsible for that idiotic dress?"

Cristina paled slightly. "No… that was… another friend's doing. Izzie Stevens, that's her fault."

"You're an intern, aren't you?" squinted at her Ellis. "Why are you even talking to me?"

"I'm not an intern, Ma'am," she denied quickly. "I'm a second-year resident."

"You are an intern if I say so," smirked Ellis. "You have the doe-eyed intern look. It's not a resident look."

"Oh! I have an intern look? What should a resident look be like?" Cristina rattled off. "By the way, there's a bet around the hospital…"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Mer!"

Derek appeared at her side and she felt immediately calmer. He was probably the only person in the vicinity to fully know how uncomfortable she was feeling.

"Mer, why…?" he asked looking at her dress pointedly.

"Izzie," she replied sourly. "I'm gonna kill her when I get my hands on her."

"Well, this brings back memories," he chuckled. "Fond memories, I'd say. You wearing a pink dress…"

She smiled at him gently, the events of her Sweet Sixteen flashing in her mind.

"Derek, I miss you…" rolled of her tongue before she could stop herself. It was his turn to smile at her admission. "I think… we need to talk after… this whole thing is over… I mean, tomorrow maybe? I can't tonight," she said remembering about her meeting with Nancy. She hoped to show herself to the Chief and sneak out fairly early to talk with her sister.

"Yes, okay," he nodded quickly. He was giving her time but now she was ready to talk. "By the way, you look great, you know," he sent her a tiny smile, his eyes sparkling.

"Really?" she snorted. "Because I'm pretty sure I feel ridiculous."

"Would you like something to drink? I've already had one so I shouldn't drink more. I'm still technically on my shift, but I-"

"Dr. Grey!" Richard Webber appeared beside them out of nowhere. "Meredith, thank God you've changed your mind!"

"I haven't… yet," she cleared her throat feeling increasingly guilty she had kept Evans's offer quiet from Derek.

"Never mind, never mind," Webber said distractedly, clearly not registering her answer. "I'd like you to meet someone. Dr. Shepherd, if you excuse us!"

"I'm sorry," Meredith mouthed to Derek apologetically as Richard steered her away.

He sighed to himself, his eyes following her every move. Chief led her to a little group of people whose outfits screamed loaded. His lips went to a thin disapproving line as one of the men went further than shaking her hand and dared to plant a little gallant kiss on her fingers. His frown deepened as no other than Evans appeared at her side, gently catching her elbow as he introduced her to new people.

Suddenly Derek's heart experienced a panicked drop. It was as though a light bulb was lit above his head. Why didn't he see it earlier? Webber didn't offer her the chance to specialize in any department, he told her to specialize in neuro, under Evans… He shuddered at the thought. Perhaps it was Addison's once in a life time chance to be right… The neurogod was too much interested in Meredith to Derek's liking.

And all the time… she didn't say a word about it. She told him nothing about Evans…

He thought he was going to suffocate as another realization hit him hard. Meredith's neck was bare. Naked. Not a trace of the heart pendant. Not a trace of the ring. She took them off…

She wanted to talk to him tomorrow… Did she want to tell him she gave up on him? That it was the end?

He glanced around for a drink desperately but the beeping of his pager prevented him from drowning his sorrow in the bitterness of alcohol. With the last look at Evans and Meredith, he hurriedly made his way through the crowd to check up on his patient.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

"Okay," Meredith breathed out, her eyes sweeping around almost nervously. "Can we go now?"

"We've been here for five minutes," chuckled Derek. "I don't think so."

"Count in that ten minutes we spent standing before the hospital and it will be a quarter of an hour," she quipped.

"Mer. It's an intern mixer. We're supposed to… mix," he chuckled observing with amusement as she turned on her heel in order keep her back to the older black man he knew was Chief Webber. "And… you will have to face him sooner or later."

"I prefer it to be later," she shrugged.

"Why didn't we get something to drink?" he proposed smiling at her as she readjusted the strap of her dress for the millionth time. Thankfully Mia was of the same size, she didn't have to buy a dress for one event. "And you look beautiful."

"You've told me that three times already," she sighed. "I doesn't make me feel any more comfortable. I hate dresses!"

"I love them," he eyed her hotly. "I mean, on you."

"Really?" she raised her eyebrow ironically. "Wouldn't you prefer me to not wear anything at all?"

"I would," he confirmed quickly. "But not here. Here, the dress is… sexy."

"Feast your eyes then," she chuckled. "It might be the last time you see me in a dress before…" she trailed off.

"Before?"

"Before the wedding…'

"I think that particular dress won't stay too long on you…" he promised, his eyes twinkling.

"I'm taking your word for it," she smirked.

"I can assure you, I will never get lazy with fulfilling that share of marital obligations."

She sent him the last smile before they reached a long table with drinks and snacks, where a group of interns seemed to be engrossed in a conversation bordering on an argument.

"Hey! You two!" a young Asian woman pointed at them unabashedly. "Are you surgery?"

"Yes."

"Cristina Yang," she introduced herself. "And you?"

"Meredith."

"Derek Shepherd."

"Meredith who?" insisted Cristina, narrowing her eyes.

"Grey," grumbled Meredith.

"I knew it! I knew it!" hissed Cristina. "I knew that rumor about Ellis Grey's daughter was true!"

"Shut up! You're Ellis Grey's daughter?" gasped a curvaceous blond standing next to her. "I'm Isobel Stevens, but everyone calls me Izzie."

"Who's… who's Ellis Grey?" a shorter guy piped up shyly.

"Where did you finished your med school, Bambi?" snorted another, taller and more muscularly built.

"I hope you're not another Tinkerbell," Cristina eyed Meredith critically. "So far, the women here suck, whiners, trust fund babies, models…"

"That's because vaginas are not hardcore," the arrogant guy smirked again. "You fit right in with nurses."

It was the time Meredith felt she needed to step up. "You better watch your mouth, Evil Spawn," she hissed harshly. "This time tomorrow you'll be crying bitch baby tears."

"Finally a sane person," Cristina sighed with blissful relief.

"I see you're feeling better," chuckled Derek, putting an arm around her waist.

"Why is he so clingy?" Cristina eyed them curiously. "You're sure fast, Grey."

"We're engaged," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You're what?" she spluttered.

"Really? You're together?" grinned excitedly Izzie bombarding them with questions. "When did you meet? When is the wedding?"

"First day of high school," laughed Derek. "And next summer."

"Oh my God, this is sooo romantic!" exclaimed Izzie, her face beaming.

"High school sweethearts," cooed Cristina, fake admiration in her voice. "I think I'm gonna puke…"

"And look who's here!" a boisterous voice stole all their attention. "If it isn't Derek Shepherd himself!"

Derek frowned at the newcomer. "Mark… Mark Sloan…?"

"Who else," he laughed and reached out his hand. Derek shook it cautiously, exchanging puzzled looks with Meredith.

"The world is damn small!" went on Mark while Meredith rolled her eyes. Actually, the world must be not only small but insane if Mark Sloan not only went to med school but graduated with good grades apparently.

This year certainly looked interesting. Thank God she had Derek at her side.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

A whole hour passed before she was able to free herself from the clutches of the high society. Her chance came when Webber, accompanied by Evans, led off one of the tuxedo guys to his office in order to show him the financial plans. Apparently, they already caught a huge fish.

She looked around in search of Derek. She was almost already late for her meeting with Nancy but she didn't want to leave without saying a quick goodbye. Instead, she spotted Cristina leaning back against the wall and seemingly talking to herself.

"Bitch!" she hollered into her ear making her flinch. "Has your inner insanity finally started to show?"

Cristina only shrugged and made a kind of grimace with her face. "How was it?" she asked eagerly.

"How was what?"

Cristina scrunched her face again. "The resident face? Was it okay?"

"No, I thought you were having a seizure," Meredith replied, deadpanned. "What the hell is wrong with you today?"

"Your mother, not Shepherd Mama, Grey Mama, told me to practice the resident face if I don't want to look like an intern anymore," Cristina recited excitedly.

Meredith's eyebrows rose skeptically. "I'm sorry to inform you… no, I'm actually not sorry to inform you, that you've just been screwed over by the Ellis Grey."

Cristina stared at her, wide eyed. "Oh. Well, it's still the Ellis Grey…"

"It's great that you're in such a good moon today," smirked Meredith and decided to lay her cards on the table. "Maybe you won't even feel that lonely…"

"Lonely?"

"Yeah, you know you favorite Nikes?" she grinned wickedly.

"What about them?" Cristina gritted in sudden fear.

"They went on a trip," smiled Meredith. "To the city dumpster."

"No!" gasped Cristina. "Where did you throw them, bitch?"

"In front of the hospital," shrugged Meredith checking the time. "If you hurry maybe you'll manage to say goodbye before the limo arrives to collect them…"

Cristina whizzed past her, elbowing her way to the exit while Meredith stifled her wicked laughter. Payback was a bitch… With a grin, she inconspicuously fled the stuffy room, thankful that no one stopped her to chat. She used up her year limit of polite nodding and fake smiling.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

When Derek was back some time later, a shift in the gathering was very much palpable. Everyone, no matter if they were guests or hospital staff, seemed much more relaxed, more frivolous and more intoxicated. He was sure it was one of the nurses that an old guy with a golden signet on his pinky kept flirting with. Hell, even Meredith's mother and Chief Webber looked like they would use a hotel room right about now…

Meredith. He mingled through the crowd craning his neck left and right. She was gone. Her pink presence was nowhere in sight. His heart beat faster. His eyes nervously sought Tom Evans, without success… His spirits couldn't sink any lower. His breathing was short and rugged as his mind kept fabricating sadistic scenarios. Meredith and Evans were gone. Both…

A couple on the dance floor French-kissed right before his eyes…

He felt himself falling into a never-ending chasm. But he must have crashed into hard rocks numerous times as every cell of his body was in an agonizing pain. Worse even, he was dying, slowly, bit by painful bit. Meredith said she couldn't talk to him tonight, she had plans already…

His final intern shift being done, he walked out of the hospital without a second glance and crossed the street to get himself a bottle of scotch at Joe's. He was like a sleepwalker. No, he was more like a walking corpse. He was so numbed he didn't even notice the curious sight of Cristina Yang going through every trashcan in the vicinity.

**A/N Part 2 to follow…**

**Please, comment…**

**Em :)**


	28. Chapter 28: Of Method In Madness Part II

**A/N Hey! *Taking a deep breath* I sooo hope you're going to enjoy this chapter. Won't say anything else, I don't want to spoil a thing****, just- **

**enjoy, please!**

Nancy's eyes bulged out as she opened the door to let Meredith in. She stood in the doorway, speechless, until she got hear bearings together and quipped, "Tell me it's your Sweet Sixteen, Mer. Because I'm still my under twenty pre-pregnancy me if that's the case."

"You're laughing at my humiliation?" Meredith gritted sourly. Maybe she should gone to the apartment and change first after all.

"Yes," Nancy replied briskly closing the door behind Meredith. "Sorry, I'm cranky."

"Todd and the kids away?"

"Yeah, it sucks when we can't get time off together," shrugged Nancy pouring them both a drink. "But at least you can do anything you please, cry, get drunk…"

"Thanks," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I just want to talk…"

"Just talk? Meredith Grey, you're getting boring."

"What should I do?" she asked quietly.

"Mer," Nancy shook her head. "It doesn't work like that and you know it."

"What should I do?"

"I can't tell you what to do."

"You told me to break up with Derek," argued Meredith. "And you were right."

"It was different," sighed Nancy. "You needed the break to get a new perspective, to wake him up. But… getting back together it's a completely different thing. I can't make the decisions for you. No one can."

"But you have an opinion, right?"

"I might have an opinion," admitted Nancy. "But I'm not you. I'm not around Derek often enough to see if he's really changed and why."

"But do you think… is it the genuine-"

"Mer, you're the one who knows him best. You always have," Nancy argued gently.

"I don't know," Meredith cast her eyes down, propping her chin with her palm. "No matter what I do… no matter what he says or does… I can't get rid of the doubt… I mean, he's there for me. And he's really trying but…"

"The doubt doesn't let you trust him, does it?"stated Nancy knowingly.

"I feel like it's my fault…"

"It's not your fault," she said firmly. "I know you want to get back to Derek. You miss him, he misses you. But if you don't feel ready, you can't rush it or you'll only make it worse. And I can't tell you what to do. You're not a person easily convinced. Even I tell, even if Mom tells you to lean into the fear, it's not enough for you. You didn't listen to me when I told you to leave him. You did only when you realized you had no other option. You have to work it out on your own, you know that, Mer."

"When did life get so damn complicated?" sighed Meredith pensively. "My mother's in town."

"I've heard through the grapevine," nodded Nancy. "How is it going between you two? Have you reconciled?"

"I'm not sure. She told me she split up with my father because she was an adulterous whore."

Nancy snorted over her drink. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. She shows up after nine years and tells me she's had a lifelong affair. With my current boss."

"Sucks to be you…" commiserated Nancy.

"Tell me about it," grumbled Meredith. "Anyway, he hurt her over twenty years ago and even though they got back together, she's been pushing him away every since. I don't want to have a non-relationship with Derek for the rest of my life. And I know I would forgive him if I only knew…"

"That he loves you?" offered Nancy.

"You know what was one of the scariest things when he started to pull away? I could no longer feel that safety that only he could provide. I still don't feel it-" the muffled ring of her cell sounded from her tiny purse. "It's Mom."

"Hey, Ma… What?" she frowned listening to Carolyn's mindboggling questions.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"You've got some balls," Luke uttered with amazement, swallowing another piece of the cheesecake Carolyn offered him scrupulously. "You've got the balls like… the size of Texas!"

"Be that as it may, it still remains to be seen if I can make good use of them," she chuckled sitting down opposite her guests. "I might have dragged you here for no good reason."

"We would have come even if Luke wasn't Derek's best man," Jen assured her with a smile. "To knock some sense into their stubborn heads. And it's our vacation, we planned it for so long," she sighed.

"Still can't believe they split up," Luke shook his head.

"They're like a golden couple," argued Jen. "We've looked up to them so many times, the way the rely on each other, understand each other…"

"There are crises in the best relationships," sighed Carolyn. "I still believe they will get together sooner or later but… I believed it would happen much sooner…"

"What about the costs…?" Jen's question hung up in the air.

"I will worry about it in two days," declared Carolyn firmly.

"You know, you could well be Mer's real mother," smiled Jen. "You have the same perseverance-"

She stopped mid-sentence when a loud knocking interrupted the quietness of the night. No, actually, it wasn't knocking. It was thudding against the main door.

"Maaa!" Derek's voice carried from outside. "Know iss late, puh-lease open."

"That… sounds like Derek," frowned Luke putting away his plate.

"I would go further with that deduction and say it sounds like a drunk Derek," remarked Jen.

"Oh, good Lord," sighed Carolyn and got up looking at her guests apologetically, "Can you run upstairs, please? He shouldn't know you're here yet."

"Of course, Carolyn. We'll check up on Annie and make sure she doesn't make any noise."

"I doubt he'd find it suspicious in his current state. You know he's lightweight," chuckled Luke.

As soon as the couple disappeared upstairs, Carolyn opened the door to see her pitifully looking son on the doorstep, half-empty bottle of scotch in his hand. He wore slacks and a dress shirt, a tie was hanging loosely around his neck. She vaguely remembered him telling about some fundraising event. Thank God, he wasn't driving. A cab was parked on the street.

"Derek, for heaven's sake," she let him in, her voice only slightly berating.

"Sssory," he hiccoughed going straight into the kitchen, stumbling just a little on the way.

"Son," she gently passed her hand through his messy dark curls.

"It's over, ssso over," he sighed, laying his head against the tabletop.

"What happened, Sweetie?" she asked taking the scotch bottle and emptying the contents into the sink.

"Mer…" he breathed out. "She… chose god…"

Carolyn stared at him trying to put two and two together. Unsuccessfully.

"Sweetie, can you please concentrate and try to tell me once again what you have in mind? Slowly and clearly? Because what I got from that sentence is that Meredith decided to become a nun and that's one of the things I classify as impossible."

"Not God… neurogod…" he whined. "They roooode into the sunset togeth'r…"

"Rode into the sunset?" Carolyn raised her eyebrows skeptically placing a glass of water before him. "Who is the neurogod and what does he have to do with Meredith?"

"He's old and wrinkly," he complained. "Except he's not… He's our boss… or our boss's boss… And earns millions of dollars… And he's in love with Mer…"

"He's in what with Meredith?" she frowned. Her daughter didn't say a word about it the last time they talked, which was only yesterday. And they did talk a lot, mainly about Ellis's reappearance. The topic of love struck bosses never entered the conversation.

"He wants her… bastard… sorry, Ma," he muttered. "And they're… they're togeth'r…"

"Together? What do you mean by together?"

"Left together… the party. And ya know what happens aft'r parties…"

"Er…"

"Ssex," he choked. "Hot dirrrty sssex… Didn' even make it home after the mixer…"

"I didn't really need that level of detail…" she sighed ruefully. "I didn't set my foot in the hospital tonight but I can assure you Meredith would never leave to… er, have hot dirty sex with some other man."

"Sure not," he agreed. "Wouldn't be hot and dirty with someone else that me…"

"Right, dear," she nodded disconcertedly. "You're missing my point though. Meredith loves you-"

"I hurt her, she hates me…" he mumbled. "And she's with the god…"

"Did you actually see her leaving with him?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Well, no. But they were there… and then they weren't…"

"Have you called Mer?"

"No! I don't want to… hear… or imagine…"

Carolyn shook her head rolling her eyes to the ceiling. She stood up and grabbed the phone from the wall. She didn't have to wait long to hear Meredith's voice, "Hey, Ma."

"Meri, can you talk?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm with Nancy. She says hi."

"You see, silly," she glanced at Derek, his eyes almost puppy-like. "Meredith's at Nancy's."

"Is something wrong, Ma?"

"No, I've just had to deal with a little-" she glanced back at Derek but somehow his place was completely empty… She was all alone in the kitchen.

"Ma?" Meredith's curious voice sounded in her ear as she walked to the window to see the cab pull off.

"It's… nothing, Sweetie. Not important," hurried Carolyn. "Just… if you make any decisions, please come to see me right away, okay?"

"What decisions?" Meredith asked in puzzlement.

"Goodnight, Sweetie," said Carolyn hanging up.

"Was this for real?" asked Luke entering the kitchen, thoroughly amused. It was clear he and his wife were listening on everything.

"Unfortunately," she chuckled plopping to one of the chairs tiredly. "You know, my youngest children are already twenty-four but every day still gives me more evidence than having kids is the most hazardous occupation in the world."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

Meredith slowly drifted back from sleep to reality. Something was pushing all along her body lounged in one of the on-call room beds. Something. She smiled in the darkness as Derek nuzzled against her. That was just the way he was since high school. Very touchy, she loved that.

"Der," she huffed sleepily, her eyes still closed as she tried to find his lips for a kiss.

"Hey," he breathed out obliging her with a kiss much deeper than she intended. She could tell he was smiling too, more than that, he was grinning.

"You're happy."

"I am, I am happy," he chuckled, lunging for another kiss that took her breath away. "You know that Arizona Robbins just told me?"

"What?"

"That I'm the future of Seattle Grace!" he rattled off excitedly. "Can you imagine? She said that!"

"Congratulations, honey," she smiled and kissed him hard, her arms going around his torso. "And you're still on surgery high…"

"I am…" he laughed rolling them over so she was underneath him, his lips going to her neck as if pulled by a string.

"Mhm," she hummed with approval. "You're thinking… on-call room sex…"

"We've never had an on-call room sex," he chuckled breathlessly. "We need to rectify it, we've been here a month already…"

"True, true," she nodded while her fingers went down to pull the strings of his scrub pants. He let out a short gasp as her hand went straight into his boxers pulling his erection out.

Taking her cue, he hurried to pull down her pants. In this moment he felt he had everything.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"That was… weird..."

"What did Mom want?" asked Nancy curiously.

"I honestly don't know," chuckled Meredith, inserting her cell back into her purse. "It sounded as though she just wanted to check where I am."

"She's just worried," sighed Nancy. "She doesn't let it show but what you're going through is killing her."

"I know," Meredith lowered her eyes down guiltily. "She was so happy when we told her we were getting married… I'm sorry, Nance," she waved her hand distractedly. "I've been spreading depression all around lately."

"No need to be sorry," she smiled at her gently. "That's what I'm here for. You wanna grab some ice-cream and catch something interesting on TV?"

"Soo good," hummed Meredith indulging in the delicious strawberry pleasure, her feet on the coffee table, just like Nancy's. It was just what she needed after the dreadful evening. "What are we going to watch?"

"True Blood."

"Seriously? Isn't it some vampire show?" Meredith raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"My girls are crazy about the Twilight thing but this," she pointed at the flat screen and wiggled her eyebrows. "This one's for adults. You'll see."

"Seriously? Seriously?" Meredith groaned a couple of minutes into the show. "You're showing me soft porn when you know I'm not getting any?"

"The more you should enjoy it," shrugged Nancy. "Look at that cute butt!"

"Derek's is cuter…"

"What makes you think I wanted to hear that?" Nancy grimaced in disgust.

The doorbell suddenly ruptured their conversation. "Nance! Is Meredith here?"

"Talking about cute butts," snickered Meredith.

"Naaancy!"

"Talking about drunken asses," muttered her sister.

Meredith put her bowl on the table, worry slipping into her heart. Judging by the few phrases he uttered, or rather yelled, Derek was indeed not sober. He was drunk and looking for her. She trotted behind Nancy when she walked to open the door for her noisy brother.

"Nance-" he paused breathlessly mid-sentence when he noticed pink head over her shoulder. "Mer!" He bolted past gobsmacked Nancy and clung to Meredith with all his might, squeezing her so tight she almost couldn't breathe.

"Der…" she said quietly, her hands going around him on their own to gently rub his back, coaxing him into some kind of response. Other than trying to suffocate her, that is. "Derek, what's wrong? Why have you been drinking?"

"Meri," he mumbled nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. "I thought… I thought… Oh, God, I thought I lost you…"

"I'm here," she sighed closing her eyes for a second. "And I don't think you'll ever lose me…"

"Love, I'm so sorry, you can't imagine," he rattled off, his breathing becoming shallow again. "I've been meaning to tell you… a long time ago… but there was always something not right… not enough time…"

"I'll… leave you two alone," said Nancy quietly. "Bedroom, no, actually, I'll be on the balcony, hopefully not hearing anything," she muttered and fled the scene remembering to grab the ice-cream on the way. She smiled at them for the last time before disappearing behind the sliding door. She kept her fingers crossed for Derek not to screw it up this time.

"Der, maybe you should sit down," Meredith tried to steer him to the coach.

"No, no," he shook his head vehemently. "I need to say this, please. Please, I need to… I am not… that drunk…"

"Okay," she nodded soothingly, pushing a stray lock from his forehead. He needed to have his hair cut. He only entrusted that job into her hands and she wasn't there for the last months… "Okay."

"Meredith," he gazed at her with glassy eyes. "I failed you so many times, over and over again…"

Her body went rigid, she didn't know she was ready to hear it. Even if Derek was not completely sober, his words were very purposeful. He sounded coherent too. He just had that forlorn look of the alcohol intoxication wearing off..

"I couldn't stand the last weeks… without you, the loneliness," he choked. "It's excruciating… But I deserve that, you know? I deserve everything because you must have felt this way ages ago."

"I did," she confirmed quietly sitting down on the edge of the couch. He followed to kneel beside her.

"I left you alone," he whispered. "I can't exactly believe but I put us in the background. You know, I kept thinking and thinking why I did this… how it all started… It's not that I stopped to love you…" his voice was barely audible when he took her hand in his trembling fingers and placed it over his heart. His bluish orbs were mesmerizing her when she let herself look into his eyes. "I live only for you."

His whisper sent a shudder down her spine.

"You remember when I was told I was the future of Seattle Grace?" he sighed.

"Yes?" she frowned. "It was Dr. Robbins, right?"

"I think that… that was the beginning of it all," he cast his eyes down shamefully, swaying a little on his knees. "I felt like I was achieving everything, like I had everything. I felt I was finally this successful adult with a great wife, great job... And I rested on my laurels instead of trying harder… I did get comfortable. I enjoyed our life. Too much. Without you."

"I… I stopped paying attention to you," he went on as though confessing his sins one after another. "I stopped listening to you and your feelings… without realizing it… I was such a an idiot," he choked, pitiless on himself. "I was an arrogant asshole and the truth is that you should have dumped me a long long time ago. But you loved me right?" he squeezed her hand in his. "You should have dumped me before I hurt you even more… that night. I am so sorry, Mer," his voice broke suddenly.

Meredith's heart clenched as hard as his fingers around her palm when she observed his face, every emotion etched so clearly on his features. "Making love… it wasn't what it was supposed to be for quite some time… but that night… after you said…"

"I know," she nodded quickly.

"It must be one of the most horrible things I ever did. I… I… I used you, I used your body and I hate myself, I hate myself for it…" his shoulders shook uncontrollable and Meredith was surprised to see tears forming in his eyes.

"Der…" she sighed, her palm encasing his cheek.

"You gave me everything, unconditionally. I failed you all the line. I failed your love and failed your trust," his last words came out as a sob. Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes, dampening her fingers. "All I wanted is to beg for your forgiveness… but I know better that I do not deserve it… After everything you've done for me, since we met, I don't deserve it. And I want you to know," he looked straight at her with his bloodshot eyes, "that I will always know it was my fault and that I will always love you, Meri." He couldn't stand her regard on himself any longer and he hid his eyes in his hands.

"Derek," she whispered, placing her hands gently on his shoulders that were trembling frantically as Derek seemed to completely break down in sobs. She wanted to comfort him, to soothe him, but she was temporarily rendered speechless by everything she just heard. It blew her mind away.

His eyes briefly fluttered open. They gazed into each other's eyes. She became immersed in the blueness of his expressive orbs. Pearls of teardrops were glimmering on his lashes. A little gasp escaped her as she realized out of a sudden she was feeling light. The gravity was no longer pulling her down to the ground pitilessly. She was free from languishing in the pain and the fear. Time ceased to exist as she stared into his eyes. Instead, their timeless love flowing between them was the only measure in their lives. Again. They were bodiless, everlasting souls. Whole, untarnished by the passage of time.

It was as though her pulse was back after weeks of flatlining, warmth was seeping back into her body. As Derek's eyelids closed again, she let herself believe that she had her Derek before her, the one she fell head over heels in love years ago and whom she walked through life hand in hand. He had had a momentary lapse in judgment, it happened to the best. But he still loved her, he must have. He understood, he voiced everything she was feeling throughout those horrible months.

Her breathing got rugged as the first true smile in weeks spread on her lips. She was not going to keep punishing him forever. He had his share of pain, he learned his lesson. It was time to put the sorrow behind them.

She was just about to speak, in a voice that would came out very shaky no doubt, when she felt Derek going slightly inert on the floor against her legs. She swept his forehead with a sigh. The alcohol and the stress combined did their job.

Seconds later, the balcony door opened with a rustle and Nance peeked inside. "Mer? Derek? What…?" she frowned at his head that was lying listlessly on Meredith's thigh.

"He passed out," she explained with a tiny smile.

"Oh," Nancy raised her eyebrows rushing to help her sister heave him onto the coach. "It went so silent out of a sudden. I thought you were already engaged in foreplay. Needed to step into action."

"We wouldn't have sex in your living-" she hung off seeing Nancy's disbelieving face.

"So, is everything okay…?" Nancy let the question float in the air.

"We-" Meredith trailed off, suddenly remembering Carolyn's plea. "I have to go!"

"Have to go were?"

"I… I promised…"Meredith started to explain frenetically, grabbing her purse and her high heeled sandals. She decided she would be quicker barefoot.

"Mer-"

"I'll be back!" she grinned and glanced back at Derek sprawled on the coach. "I will be back."

"Meanwhile, he's going to throw up the alcohol soaked contents of his stomach onto my new carpet!"

"He's not," Meredith shook her head confidently. "He threw up after drinking only once in his life."

"That's very consoling," snorted Nancy rolling her eyes.

Meredith moved back to Derek and after a moment of hesitation hugged his torso laying her head on his chest.

"What are you doing?" Nancy asked suspiciously.

"Just checking," she beamed, getting to her feet reluctantly.

"Checking what?"

"If I feel safe again…"

"Do you?"

Meredith nodded with a wide smile. He was unconscious and totally defenseless and yet she felt the safety of his arms… "I'll be back." She grinned and ran out of the apartment.

Derek let out a snore drawing back Nancy's attention as though she was expecting him to ruin her precious carpet any moment. To tell the truth, she wouldn't be that angry if that accident happened. At least one of the biggest crises in the Shepherd family history was over.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Carolyn's watchful eyes pierced the darkness of the street pulling a small curtain in the kitchen window aside just as she picked up the sound of a car stopping by. Her guests had already retreated to their room but she couldn't take their cue and go to bed not knowing. She had a feeling…

She smiled as a pink blur shot out of the car and rushed to the door.

"Mom!" Meredith stood breathless on the doorstep, pink, barefoot, shoes dangling from her hand. She all smiles though still slightly shaky.

She lunged forward to hug Carolyn, laughter on her lips. "Mom, he… he loves me," she whispered softly.

"I know, Sweetheart," chuckled Carolyn.

"You know? What didn't you tell me?" laughed Meredith.

"Like that would have worked!"

"No, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't," she agreed with a smile.

"Did you two made up, troublemakers?" Carolyn asked straightforwardly noting the blatant lack of Derek at her side.

"Kind of…"

"Kind of?" Carolyn frowned suspiciously.

"Mom, don't worry," Meredith hurried to explain. "Der, he said all those things I wanted to hear and I thought I never would," she rattled off excitedly. "And then I wanted to say some things too but he… well, passed out. Nancy's with him. Watching over her carpet in all probability… And I'm here, because you asked me to…"

Carolyn shook her head with a laugh. "Maybe it's even better this way… Meri, are you sure of your feelings?"

Meredith just nodded simply. "I… I should go back to him-"

"Not just yet," smiled Carolyn. "I have an idea."

"An idea? What idea?"

"Come with me," said Carolyn taking her hand and leading her upstairs to her bedroom.

The door to the guest room opened suddenly and Meredith let out a gasp of surprise at the sight of her friends from Boston.

"Jen? Luke? You are… here… at Ma's… What… what are you doing here?" she stammered out.

"To see your wedding, silly," smiled Jen, her husband standing with her arms around her, a wide grin on his face.

"Ma? I thought you cancelled everything?" Carolyn didn't answer for a while as she opened the vast wardrobe. "You haven't?" shrieked Meredith.

"Shhh, Dear," she shushed her down. "Annie's sleeping in your old room. "Now… how do you like this?"

She carefully pulled a dress wrapped up in a protective foil cover, looking expectantly at the young woman who she hoped would formally become her daughter in law at long last.

Meredith slowly made a few steps forward, her feet plunging into the rich carpet, her eyes wide in wonderment. Her fingers clasped together over her mouth as she admired the delicate gown.

"How… why… what…?" she stuttered.

"I… haven't cancelled anything," admitted Carolyn. "Just changed some points of the programme… And this," she eyed the dress with pride. "It was my wedding dress. You know me and Michael had a beach wedding, the dress couldn't be all that orthodox by necessity… I made some much needed adjustments and modernizations…" she smiled. "What do you think, Sweetie?"

"Oh, my God," Meredith breath out daring to touch the dress through the foil. "This is… this is absolutely…" She seemed simply speechless for a couple of minutes, her eyes alit as she admired every inch of the dress while Carolyn let her take everything in in silence. "Mom," she finally said with a stronger voice though her eyes were glistening dangerously. "This is the one dress in my life I actually can't wait to wear…"

**A/N Loved it? Hated it?**

**This is the moment we've waited so long. Just a few chapters left but they're going to be long. I owe you some happy fluffy sexy MerDer.**

**Don't forget to review… :)**

**Em**


	29. Chapter 29: Of Hymn To Love

**A/N Hey, thank you for all the comments after the last chapter!**

**This update is super uber long so please, be generous with your reviews…**

**Enjoy… Hope the flashback surprises you. :)**

Derek briefly closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing regular. He anticipated a panic attack.

This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. That was how the happiest day of life was supposed to look like. He was in a beautifully adorned church, people crowding on both sides of the aisle awaiting the imminent nuptials. All his family was here, as well as his friends and colleagues from work. He stood before the altar in a brand new tux… But the one, most important element was missing.

He opened his eyelids scanning the gathering nervously. The majority of eyes were fixed at him. He felt as if he had fallen victim to the prank of the century. His sisters were capable of pulling a sick joke like this, he was sure of it. They didn't know he paid very dearly for what he had done to his life, for what he had done to Meredith. He was paying for his mistakes every day, every hour. He was going to pay for the rest of his miserable life. And now this, it was past his breaking point.

"Derek, relax," he heard Kathleen's soft whisper near his shoulder.

He didn't even look back at her. Relax? He snorted inwardly. It was supposed to be his wedding day. He had been broken up with the love of his life for nearly two last months. And completely out of a sudden, yesterday when he woke up in Nancy's apartment, his sisters insisted on trusting them and following their instructions. And he did, giving in with the hope of a desperate man he was.

At the moment, that hope was fading fast. He expected one of his sisters, it would probably be Amelia, to pull out a carton board saying "Laughter" and everyone in the audience start to jeer at him with no mercy.

The clock announced 4 p.m. and continued its run. The doorway remained as empty as it was for the last half hour. Meredith didn't come. Seconds flew by. Heads turned to each other in the buzzing church, whispering, talking…

Derek took a deep breath and snapped at Kathleen, "I have enough."

"But Derek-"

He didn't listen. He almost ran to the door and outside, his eyes steadily ahead of himself, not looking at anyone.

Kathleen stepped behind a column to discreetly pull out a cell phone, "Houston, we have a problem…"

A minute later she flipped it shut, assured the priest that they would resume in a couple of minutes as planned, and hurried out, casting small smiles around.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

His legs carried him only this far. He sank down to one of the three small steps leading to the church and loosened his collar, his breathing rugged. He hoped no one was coming after him because he felt his eyes stinging again. It was too much, too much… A quiet sob escaped his throat.

He didn't hear cautious footsteps behind him, the delicate rustle of a white dress. He was too shaken up to feel he was not alone until a lacy handkerchief slipped over his shoulder grazing his cheek.

He stilled letting out a short gasp. The distinctive scent of lavender emanated from the exquisite material. His heart hammered loudly in his chest, fearful of letting himself believe that…

He braced his palms against the stone step ready to turn around but a gentle though steady hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"They say it's unlucky to see your bride before the wedding."

He was dreaming, was he…? It must be just one big hallucination. He was surely just imagining her loving voice filling his ears. Even if it was, he wanted to stay in that dream world where he was enveloped in her scent, warmth, love…

"Meredith," her name fell from his lips like a prayer.

"Derek," she murmured. "Dry your eyes."

With a trembling hand he took the offered handkerchief to wipe the solitary salty drop that made its way down his cheek. Thankfully, the blissful weight of her hand remained on his shoulder.

"Mer…"

"I'm here," she assured softly.

"Meredith…" his voice broke as his eyes stared at the street facing the church. "I'm so sorry… I-"

"I know you are. You already told me at Nancy's."

"You were… so I didn't just imagine everything," he gasped. When he woke up on his sister's coach the day before he had problems distinguishing between the dream and reality.

"You didn't," she admitted, her fingers flexing on his shoulder. "So, you thought, how did Mom put it, that I rode off into the sunset with Evans?"

"No, not really. I mean, I knew … I know it was silly. But I was desperate… and drunk. Can you…" he swallowed, "can you ever forgive me? I love you, Meredith, I swear I do-"

"I've forgiven you already," she assured him. "Stop beating yourself up."

"You… you have? Are you sure? Because-"

"I'm sure. I should have listened to you some time ago… but I was afraid, I felt I wasn't ready. Now I know you really love me. I feel it. You finally understand what I was going through. And you're hurting because you hurt me. I don't need more proofs."

"We can… we can go past this? Forget about this?"

"No," she stated making his stomach drop again. "It was a crisis. We can go past it but we can't forget. It's a kind of mistake that we have to learn from. To make sure it doesn't happen again."

"I'd rather die than hurt you again!" he uttered in a strangled emotional voice.

"I don't want you to die," she chuckled. "I'm waiting for you to take me as your wife."

"So, are we really doing it?" asked quietly Derek, excitement timidly taking over his body.

"I want to."

"Me too, definitely," he hurried to assure her.

"Then we'll meet again in a couple of minutes," he could hear the smile in her voice, "at the altar."

"I can't wait," he whispered. "I love you."

"Don't look, count to ten and then go inside," she giggled. "Oh, and one more thing… Can you…?"

He glanced sideways at her hand. Meredith's engagement ring was lying on her outstretched palm.

"Technically, I should be your fiancé, you know," she chuckled.

He gulped. His hands shook as he took the delicate piece of silver and carefully slid it onto her finger, just like over nine years ago. His lips grazed her knuckles before she backed away her hand.

He heard a rustle of her gown, which made him crave to see her even more and a discreet sound of her heels as she walked away.

When he reached ten and stood up to reenter the church he was again all alone. She might have as well been a ghost, she vanished without a trace. Almost… There was an intangible proof she spoke to him, hope and sweet anticipation swirling in his heart.

His step was considerably lighter as he strode back the length of the church. Luke grinned at him knowingly, "Got over your wedding stress?"

"Wedding stress doesn't even begin to cover what I've been through," he chuckled, readjusting his tie. He was still in deep shock that Meredith actually took him back, a very good kind of shock, but he needed to pull himself together. "Now… Where are the wicked sisters?" he frowned taking note of the obvious absence of his siblings.

"They'll be back when the time is right," Luke smiled enigmatically, not even bothering to make Derek feel more at ease.

"You suck at being my best man," groaned the groom.

Once again he faced the crowd but this time with much less fretfulness. Suddenly, they didn't seem hostile at all. His mother was sitting in the first row on the right in the surprising company of none other than Ellis Grey. They got along astonishingly well. From what he was told, and pray the wicked sisters weren't too eager to tell him very much, Meredith's mother insisted to cover practically the entire cost of the wedding, claiming she was long overdue caring for her daughter.

Derek didn't feel like Ellis owed them anything and he was sure Meredith didn't either. They managed to survive Harvard on their own, it made them tougher, more resourceful and independent.

A couple rows further he fished out the gray head of Meredith's father. Next to him was his wife and one of the daughters. The church was pretty much full. There were a lot of his and Meredith's coworkers. Izzie Stevens, George O'Malley, Bailey, even the Chief himself to name just a few. Thank God, Mark Sloan didn't decide to gate crash. Derek's relations with him became colder than Siberia and formal to the extremes, which didn't bother him in the slightest.

Apart from the delegation of Seattle Gracers, dozens and dozens of Shepherds and Maloneys arrived to celebrate the wedding. Yes, the wedding of Carolyn and Michael's only son was a much awaited event that brought even the most distant relatives to this small church in the glorious summer day.

And every single head turned back abruptly with the first sounds of the music.

A thrill flowed through Derek's body as though an electric current at the sight of her. His eyes opened wide avidly observing her every move, taking in every inch of her…

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHBACK**

**TWENTY-TWO YEARS EARLIER**

A little girl skipped along the dimly lit corridor, her blond hair flying up with every jump. She was awfully pleased with herself. She once again escaped from the care of one of the young doctors her mother appointed as her babysitter of the day. There would be a huge row later. That was always funny to watch. Mom would be yelling at one of the pretty doctors in light blue clothes and calling them "incompetent idiots". And they would be making funny faces behind her back even though they trembled in fear every time she grimaced.

Not that Meredith, for that was the little girl's name, wanted to get her babysitters in trouble. They were generally quite nice to her, joking with her, trying to play with her. But she was just better off alone. They weren't her friends really, she didn't have any… They were all too big, looking down on her with a kind of sad smile, not really understanding her when she talked... It was best when she played alone.

She slowed down her pace as she got closer to one of her best hiding places, under a broken gurney. She pulled up a sheet covering it but was startled with a surprising sight. There was someone already there. A boy! Looking at her with his big blue eyes. Skinny, a mop of unruly black hair on his head.

"Who are you?" she pointed at him with an accusatory finger.

"Who are you?" he threw back. He was mad at his parents, mad at his sisters and didn't want to be found out.

"It's my bed on wheels! Shoo! Go away!" she scowled at him mimicking her mother.

He stubbornly continued to sit under the gurney, his arms around his knees. Meredith crawled beside him and hit him on the arm.

"Ouch! Girls are stupid!"

"Are not! I'm a girl! I'm not stupid! Boys are stupid!"

"You are stupid, you play with stupid dolls. All my sisters play with stupid dolls!"

"You're stupid! This is not a doll. It's Anatomy Jane!" she stuck her tongue at him and proudly showed him the doll.

"Why is she so fat?" Derek asked, couldn't help betraying his curiosity when he glanced sideways at what she was doing. All his sisters' Barbies were very slim.

"Dunno," shrugged Mer. "Asked my mom, she's a doctor. She said it's because of babies. Look," she pulled off the belly simulating pregnancy. Derek's eyes went wide as he saw a little baby underneath.

"Wow! My mom said babies came from love."

"Nope, they come from big tummies!"

"My uncle Bill is really fat," Derek said in wonder. "He'll have a baby too! Maybe it will be a boy. I hate girls… I have lots of sisters and they're mean."

"I don't have sisters so I don't know," she shrugged and offered him her hand. "I'm Meredith."

"Derek. I'm with my family. Me and my dad wanted to go fishing this morning but one of my sisters broke her leg and we had to come here," he said ruefully. "Stupid sisters. What are you doing here?"

"I live here," she shrugged.

"No one lives in the hospital," frowned Derek.

"I do," she insisted as she pulled out different organs out of her Anatomy Jane. "Since my dad went away."

"Where is he?" Derek asked curiously.

"Dunno," she shrugged again.

"Why does she have all these weird things inside?" he pointed at Anatomy Jane.

"That's her twosh," explained Meredith expertly naming all the organs. "Next to the chubbel, and that's connected to the slivvy. And it's the jelly pouch."

"Jelly pouch?"

"You want to see something cool? Like really really cool?" she whispered conspiratorially, stuffing her Anatomy Jane with her body parts haphazardly.

"What?" he whispered back.

"Come on," she giggled and crawled out, Derek at her heels. Five minutes later he was peeking over her shoulder through a crack in the door. Someone seemed to be lying on the table while a doctor was leaning over them, his gloved hands covered in blood.

"What's that?" gasped Derek with fascination.

"Dead people! They make zombies here!"

"Really? Wow…" Derek's mouth dropped wide open, his eyes glued to the scene before him.

"Meredith!" the Afro-American doctor raised his head from the table. "You ran away again?"

They quickly backed out and broke into a run laughing wildly.

"You should be my sister!" said Derek when they stopped breathlessly around the corner. "You're not stupid like Kath or Nancy."

"Derek? Is your name Derek?" a harassed looking nurse caught up with them.

He nodded dejectedly.

"Come on, Sweetie, your family is worrying about you. We've been looking for you everywhere! And you little Miss Meredith," the nurse shook her head at her, "You're coming too! Always the troublemaker."

They marched before the nurse with their heads hung down as though she was an executioner.

"I want to play with you again!" sighed Derek kicking the wall with his foot.

"Me too," she smiled at him. "You're my friend, right?"

He nodded. "I'll come to see you again."

She grinned and blushing furiously, planted a quick kiss to his cheek. He watched in shock as she ran away with her Anatomy Jane before the Nurse came back with his parents. He was her friend and they would see each other again, preferably without the kissing part, he thought as he wiped his cheek.

**END OF FL****ASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Are the groom's jitters dealt with?" chuckled Mia as Meredith joined all the Shepherd sisters and Cristina near one of the side entrances to the church.

"He wouldn't be jittery if you had let me talk to him yesterday," she braked at her. "This was sheer torture to him."

"See, this is why you're not the maid of honor," snickered Nancy, looking with superiority at her younger sister. "You need to learn the limits in Derek bashing. Even Ma is less protective of him than Mer."

"You're not a maid of honor either, Nancypants," scowled Mia. "You're an old matron!"

"Sorry to interrupt," said sarcastically Meredith. "I'm going to get married while you can stay here and continue to argue, okay?"

She gathered her dress haughtily and trotted back to the main door. Derek must have gone inside already.

"Wait!"

"We're going!"

All the women hurried after her with a squeal, including Cristina Yang who didn't stop wearing an expression of utmost pain on her face since the moment she was forced into a dress.

Meredith halted at the doorstep, gave a little shrug to readjust her attire and took a deep breath. Her happy ending was within the reach of her hand.

"Ready?" she heard Nancy's warm whisper in her ear.

She nodded resolutely and commenced her graceful walk. The soft organ music filled the church and all the heads turned to look at her appreciatively. Her eyes were fixed on the finish line though, on her bedazzled groom who seemed to be devouring her with his gaze.

It would be an understatement to say that Meredith's appearance took his breath away. That didn't even begin to cover what was going through his heart, mind and soul. She was coming back to him, his best friend, his companion, the love of his life, the other half of his being.

And she was so beautiful, spectacular, his angel of forgiveness. Her snow white dress vaguely resembled that of his mother… It seemed more modern and bold though. It was strapless. The beading and lace embellished material closely hugged her chest only to fall loosely under her breasts. The skirt almost reached the ground at the back to rise just below her knees at the front. An almost see-through shawl was loosely draped around her shoulders and arms for decency of the church building.

She held a tiny bouquet while solitary lilies were tucked behind her ears. One could possibly complain about the pink hue of her hair but Derek wouldn't have it any other way. He was marrying his rebel, the angry punk who had threatened to have his eyes on her fork that memorable day in the cafeteria, who kicked a school jock's ass for him and who looked at him, into him, like no one had before. Loved him like no one else could.

He knew he didn't deserve that. She would be much better off with someone else, a better man than him, maybe even Dr. Evans, except… she loved him. She wouldn't be able to find happiness with any other man. That sole piece of knowledge deepened his determination to do everything in his power to prove worthy of her. He couldn't promise he would never hurt her again; anyone who lived a little on this world would call him on unfeasibility of such a declaration. He could only promise he'd do anything not to hurt her and that any misdeeds would be unintentional.

His lips stretched in a breathless smile of reverence as she got nearer. He was impatient to have her next to him. He knew he must be looking awestruck, he certainly felt that way. His sisters would surely take the Mickey of him for years on end but he couldn't care less. The sight of Meredith approaching him at the altar was something to behold. Thoughts were chasing around in his befuddled brain, some way too impure for the house of God. But it was the longest dry spell they had since the sweet night of Meredith's sixteenth birthday. Derek was close to spontaneously combusting as the thought of the wedding night fleeted through his mind.

They had to get married though first and Derek hoped the priest would do his job promptly. His mother would probably whack him over the head with her handbag if she knew what was going in his head as he was silently thanking they chose not to have a wedding with a mass. Even though she attended church for numerous occasions with the family, Meredith was not Catholic so just a simple marriage ceremony seemed the best option. And a quicker one.

The familiar scent of lavender wafted to his nostrils as Meredith reached him, her face beaming. The heart pendant glimmered from underneath her shawl.

"Meredith…" he breathed out and reached his hand for hers.

"Just a second, young man," Mia butted in unexpectedly.

He blinked , finally registering something else than Meredith. All of his sisters plus Cristina Yang were trailing behind her.

He looked at them quizzically.

"We're giving her away," explained Mia.

"Who?" he frowned.

"You're really slow today," Mia rolled her eyes. "What, are you marrying a whole freaking harem? We're giving away Meredith, of course."

The priest cleared his throat significantly so Derek hurried to nod his head and utter a quick thank you.

"Not so fast, Mr. Shepherd," said Lanie. "We're giving you the hand of our sister. We have faith in you, so don't sc- don't take it for granted this time."

"Remember, we'll be watching you," Amelia threw him a meaningful look. "There might not be another chance…"

Meredith sighed internally. Little her sisters knew, there would be another chance, and another. There would be a chance as long as their love was alive, which she was now positive was eternal.

"I'll do anything to make her the happiest woman on earth," Derek assured his sisters sincerely.

"Good," smiled Kathleen and beckoned the rest of the girls to take their places in the front rows. Only Nancy, as Meredith's matron of honor, stayed beside Luke.

With the realization of the magnitude of the moment, suddenly a bit shy, Derek gently led Meredith to where two chairs were ready for them in front of the altar.

The words of the priest barely entered their minds. There was only the overpowering knowledge that they would soon be joined in marriage, that the drama of the recent weeks would find its resolution in the exchange of their vows. They could barely contain their beaming smiles or look at something else than each other all throughout the readings and the homily. Only the Hymn To Love seemed to catch their attention, truer words had never been spoken.

Love is patient and kind;  
love is not jealous or boastful;  
it is not arrogant or rude.

Love does not insist on its own way;  
it is not irritable or resentful;  
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things,  
believes all things,  
hopes all things,  
endures all things.

Love never ends.

So faith,  
hope,  
love  
abide, these three;  
but the greatest of these  
is love.

Love was the greatest power of all, it governed their universe. They felt like they waited forever to pledge it in the rite of marriage. At long last, it was the time to stand up and declare their intentions.

"Derek Christopher and Meredith Elizabeth, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"

"Yes," they breathed out together, joining their hands.

"Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"

"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

Meredith couldn't help a blush exploding on her cheeks as they answered affirmatively. When he saw her glancing at him shyly form under her eyelashes, he fell in love with her all over again.

"Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church."

A surge of energy passed between them, as they gazed into each other's eyes.

He almost forgot how to breathe when he opened his mouth to speak. His voice came out shaky and filled with raw emotion.

"I, Derek, take you, Meredith, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

"I, Meredith, take you, Derek, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

"What God has joined, men must not divide."

Nothing on heaven or earth would divide them, ever. Not after they came victorious from their trial.

The priest blessed their rings, and they exchanged them as a sign of love and fidelity. As soon as the sweet weight of the white gold bands was put on their fingers, they heard what Derek was anticipating from the start, _"You may now exchange a kiss."_

_Their wide grins softened as their heartbeats sped up once again. __Normally, they wouldn't have to be told twice but they hadn't kissed since they were broken up…_

_He took half a step forward slightly hunching his back. __His eyes surveyed her rosy lips dreamily only to glance back into her green orbs as though seeking permission. Her lips parted slightly, awaiting the kiss that would ultimately brand her as his wife. Her eyelids fluttered down as she leaned up to meet him halfway._

_They__ both sighed, joy mingled with relief at their chaste touch, gentle as breeze. They momentarily froze savoring the moment of returning home. The world was back on its axis. Thunderous applause filled the church, afternoon sun sliding through rose windows basking the interior with dozens of colors._

_But the clapping of their family and friends didn't make them part. Quite the opposite, they __were totally consumed with the realization how much they wanted and missed each other physically. Meredith cocked her head sideways, allowing his lips to slide against her teasingly until she felt the tip of his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth. With a little moan of appreciation, she granted him the access, hooking her hands behind his neck, vaguely remembering not to drop her bouquet. _

_He deepened the kiss heatedly, his __tongue meeting hers in a sort of mating dance as one of his arms went around her waist to press her beautiful body closer to his. His other palm sneaked to her neck angling her head to his advantage. He had an unquenchable thirst for her, a hunger that begged to be sated and by her eager reaction, they were fully reciprocated. _

_Just as Derek's hand started to wander dangerously close to her chest, Meredith __titled her head sideways to catch her breath. Several realizations hit her at once. She and Derek were just announced to be husband and wife. They just shared their first kiss. And now her brand new husband was necking her in public, to the eyes of the entire assembly. And he was feeling her up. AND he was beginning to harden against her hip in the middle of the church…_

_"Derek," she dragged his head away from her clavicle. "Later…"_

_He looked at her with hooded eyes, his breathing haggard. The catcalls, whistling and peals of laughter reached their ears, making them both flush furiously. They glanced at the priest apologetically but he was only amused._

_His arms encircled her once again. "I love __you so much… my wife…"_

_"I love you too," she smiled up at him, "my husband."_

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Finally!" Carolyn's eyes still bore traces of joyous tears she shed during the ceremony. "Finally my children are married. You have no idea how long I have been waiting to see you both so beautiful and happy."

"I think we know, Mom," chuckled Derek. "Only since I brought Mer over for the first time."

"Oh, you!" she chuckled at him and lunged to hug them both close once again.

"Let them breathe, Carolyn," Ellis sighed and eyed the crowd gathered in front of the church impatiently. Her own congratulations had been much more reserved.

"Shut up, Ellis," Carolyn talked back. "I saw you dabbing your eyes during the ceremony."

Derek and Meredith stared at the strict doctor with surprise.

"Is that true, Mom?" she giggled. "You… cried?"

"Nonsense," Ellis rolled her eyes. "I was having an allergic reaction! Really, there were too many flowers."

"Of course, there were flowers, it's a wedding!" argued Carolyn. "I hope you didn't book them a room in a cave!"

"What room?" asked Meredith.

"I booked a special suite in the best hotel in Seattle," Ellis announced proudly. "I am many things but certainly not stingy."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey," Derek smiled at her gratefully, his arm going automatically to rest on Meredith's waist.

"You're welcome," nodded Ellis. "You should also thank me for the wedding trip. Your plane to Rio takes off tomorrow afternoon."

"Seriously?"

"Wow-"

"I know, I know, I'm wonderful," said crisply Ellis. "Just so you know, I'm a little too young to become a grandmother yet."

"No, you're not!" snorted Carolyn. "It's actually a perfect time for Meri and Dearbear to start thinking about expanding the family!"

A look of understanding and commiseration passed between the bride and groom. Thankfully, the Shepherd sisters plus their kids and husbands pushed two Mamas forward in order to offer their congratulations. Cristina trailed behind them with a depressed look.

"I guess you'll be moving out then?" she grumbled uneasily. "You getting hitched and all…"

"What a sparkling enthusiasm," chuckled Derek.

"You!" Cristina pierced him with a stare, pointed at her eyes with two of her fingers and then at him. "I'll be watching you, McDreamy."

She stepped aside as the sea of family members swept Meredith and Derek like a flood.

"I bet you regret not choosing a private ceremony in the city hall," snickered Cristina at Meredith's side nearly an hour later when the congratulations phase still wasn't over.

"I do not," shrugged Meredith. "They're my family."

"They're his family. Do you even know their names?" Cristina asked skeptically.

"I do, I know their names, family connections and dirty secrets," smirked Meredith as one of Derek's uncles, a very corpulent one, made their way towards them.

"Derek, Meredith," his eyes swept over Meredith frame suspiciously. "Is another Shepherd on the way? The floaty dress would suggest that…"

Meredith forced herself to grit a sour smile.

"Uhm, no, Uncle Bill," Derek hurried to spare her the pain of answering. "But you'll certainly be one of the first to know when it's the case…"

"What was that?" laughed Cristina, holding her sides.

"Nothing," Derek quickly shook his head. "He's just… rude."

"No, he's not," Meredith shook her head with a laugh. "That was just… delayed vengeance. Supposedly on Derek…"

"Shepherds have family feuds? Unbelievable," snorted Cristina.

"It's not a family feud," went on Meredith ignoring her husband's pleading looks. "You see, Uncle Bill was always… well, this big. Apparently five-year-old Derek asked him if he was pregnant."

"No way!" Cristina burst out laughing.

"Mer," he pouted. "I thought we agreed that was one of the embarrassing stories that wouldn't ever leave the family circle. Besides, I was five years old. I thought a baby would pop out of every big belly."

"That's funny," she shrugged and pressed a little kiss to his nose. "And surprisingly, I did too."

"You sure that Uncle Bill was always that much of a whale?" went on Cristina. "It might be in genes. Your McDreamy here might end up like that. Or worse, what if you have to push a little elephant through your vagina?"

"Cristina!" both of them groaned at her snarkiness.

"Okay, okay," she shrugged. "Don't tell me later that I didn't warn you."

"Meredith, Dr. Shepherd," a nervously looking Thatcher appeared with Susan and their elder daughter.

"It's Derek," he said shaking his hand.

"Thank you for letting me come to see the wedding, it was beautiful," he breathed out.

"You're… welcome," she answered simply.

"Oh, I don't think you've met… this is my wife Susan, and our daughter-"

"Alexandra, right?"

"Just Lexie," smiled warmly the brunette. "I wanted to meet you so much since… well, since Mom and Dad told us about you."

"It's… nice to meet you too, I guess," said Meredith feeling Derek's palm rub the small of her back reassuringly.

"Molly wanted to come so much," went on Lexie. "But we couldn't risk it in her state."

"Very wisely," nodded Derek.

"So we just took a lot of pictures to show her everything," smiled Susan.

"I… you can… you can stay for the reception if you want to," offered Meredith. "I don't mind."

"Meri, are you two ready?" Carolyn ushered the newlyweds forward. "Everything's waiting in the wedding hall and it's already almost six! Come on, the car's waiting for you."

"What car?" asked Derek.

"That one," pointed proudly Carolyn. "Ellis also got you a limo."

"Wow…" Derek's mouth hung open surveying the long car to which the door was invitingly open.

"Yeah, wow," giggled Meredith and pulled him ahead. "I'm starting to wonder if my mother wasn't abducted and brainwashed by aliens instead of travelling."

"We'll see each other in half an hour tops," said Carolyn as Derek helped Meredith get into the limo, the crowd of their friends and family cheering around. "And… behave just a little longer. You need to look decent for the photos."

"You so sad," cooed Izzie elbowing Cristina as the luxurious car pulled off. "Admit it, you liked living with a friend."

"Not at all," coughed the Asian, avoiding the blonde's eyes. "I just… lost the bet."

"How come?" gasped Izzie. "You bet they'd make up before the vacation. Well, you won."

"A tiny fraction," whined Cristina. "Mamas took everything. They both banked on the wedding…"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Alone at last," breathed out Derek scooting closer to his bride on the spacious backseat.

"Not for long," she grinned at him, her fingertips tracing the curve of his jaw tenderly.

"Well, the night is… nigh…" he whispered, his lips searching hers for a swift kiss. He looked into her eyes with awe. "We're married."

"We are married," she nodded, beaming.

"This is the most beautiful day of my life… for many reasons," he confessed.

"For me too. Der, I know we probably have some things to talk over but not today. Today is about us celebrating our love. I meant it, I don't want you beating yourself up over what had happened. It's behind us, okay?" she caught his face in her palms to make him look at her.

"Okay," he whispered and lunged for another kiss. "I love you so."

"I love you too," she gasped as his lips slid from hers to the little sensitive spot below her ear. "And we have… we have… ooh, these marital things you… you promised to fulfill."

"Yes, dear," he breathed into her neck, trailing his hands over her flanks. "This dress… really floaty…"

She giggled. "This was Mom's dress."

"You look gorgeous in it. Stunning…" His palm slid to her thigh and knee. "How do I take it off?"

"Mom told you to behave," she smirked feeling his hardness with her hand.

"Correction, Mom told us both to behave," he chuckled. "And I am going to. For now. Can't promise anything about good behavior later…"

"Later," she purred lacing her arms around his neck. "For now, kiss me."

"Oh, yes, dear…" he nodded and plundered her mouth.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

The evening was beautiful. The summer didn't fail them and the excellent weather enabled them to hold the reception outdoors. The patio of one of the Seattle restaurants was elegantly decorated with hundreds of flowers while dozens of lanterns waited to be lit.

The wedding party was already seated and listening attentively to the best man's speech.

"I won't be speaking too long. I don't want to bore you and frankly, the newlyweds don't seem too interested anyway. They'd probably prefer to be somewhere else entirely right now…"

A wave of laughter swept over the patio, Meredith was sitting at Derek's lap and both of them seemed to be immersed in their own little world. Indeed, they preferred to be somewhere else entirely, just the two of them. The sooner all the points of the programme were over, the sooner they could get away. They grinned at Luke, encouraging him to go ahead.

"I was honored when Derek asked me to be his best man but was really stressed out about the whole speech thing, even more when I learnt that the wedding could have been cancelled altogether. Thankfully it was all smoothed over and we can all enjoy the wonderful wedding cake.

"Anyway, as I told you, I was at a little loss for what to say. Because whatever I could say would be really redundant. I mean, one look at them is enough to see how much they love each other. In this effortless way I've only seen a couple of people do.

"They could serve as an example to write a definition of two people in love. They were also an example to me and Jen, my wife. We moved in next to Mer and Derek after our wedding and we immediately became friends. And even if we were the married couple and them the ones living in sin," another peal of laughter went around, "we often looked up to them. You don't even know how many times Derek had to listened to my bitching, or Mer to Jen's. We were astounded to see their union. They knew each other inside out, understood each other without words. That's what we hoped to achieve in our marriage and I think we have. So, Meredith, Derek, I want to thank you for proving that such a love exists in the real world. I'm truly happy we could be here today to celebrate your day. To Meredith and Derek!"

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Another song ran its course, Derek and Meredith slowed their dance even more , just swaying lightly in the secure embrace. It was beginning to get dark; the speeches, the cake feeding, the first dances were all over.

"I think it's time," she sweetly whispered into his ear.

"Time for what?" he quipped. "Another drink?"

She lightly swatted his arm. "Watch it or little Derek will be your only company during the wedding night."

"Little Derek is… far from being little and you admitted it publicly as I recall," he grinned and pulled away to grip her hand in his, "and he can't wait to come out and make my wife happy."

"She already is… but she could be screamingly happy," she wiggled her eyebrows and tugged at his hand pulling him through the crowd on the dance floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?" Mia's voice strengthened by the microphone resonated in everyone's ears. "We've just got the confidential information that the newlyweds are trying to sneak out, very eager to consummate the marriage no doubt- Okay, Ma, okay, straight to the point. Anyway, we must do the justice to tradition. Meredith Shepherd, the bouquet toss! Wait, wait! I need to get in the line first!"

"Tell little Derek to wait a little bit more," she grinned at him as Izzie ran up with the little bunch of lilies. All unmarried girls and women gathered together giggling and blushing. All except Cristina who lurked behind one of the tables.

Meredith bit her lip and announced to Derek, "I'm going to trip."

"You're going to trip?" he chuckled. "You sure you didn't drink too much?"

"I'm going to trip and fall and since you're my husband for better and for worse I expect you to catch me."

"Okay," he looked at her quizzically.

"Ready?" yelled Meredith winking at him. "One, two-"

What everyone saw was that she took a swing to throw the flowers far behind her but very unfortunately tripped and would have hit the ground if it hadn't been for her husband quick reflexes. However, the bouquet slipped from her fingers and soared through the air.

Everyone looked around in frenzy. They didn't have to search for long though. It turned out the bunch fell one the table, just in front of Cristina Yang who jumped away from it as though it was a poisonous snake.

"You minx," Derek laughed out loud helping his wife to her feet.

She shrugged innocently and grabbed the crook of his arm with the intention to leave but was once again stopped by Mia sporting a wicked grin on her face. "Not so fast, sister and brother of mine! The garter toss!"

"Garter toss?" Derek glanced at Meredith with a smirk, one if his eyebrows riding high.

"I thought you might approve of that one," she giggled and let herself be led to a single chair placed in the middle of the dance floor.

"And now mission impossible for the groom!" yelped Luke coming behind Derek to blindfold him and tie his hands behind his back. "Good luck, man!" he laughed steering him to kneel in front of Meredith.

"You're enjoying this," she couldn't help laughing at his eager expression.

"How could I not?" he grinned and lowered trying to dive with his head under her dress. Luckily for him the it was cut higher at the front. His lips grazed up her leg hitching the material with his nose.

"Derek," she hissed. "Pull it down or everyone will see something that's meant for your eyes only!"

"Sorry," he mumbled and bent lower crawling forward to hide his head fully under her dress.

Clapping and laughter accompanied his efforts as he kissed a path to her knee and her thigh. Her breath hitched in her chest as she felt his tongue wandering around to her inner thigh.

"Derek!" she bit her lips. Catcalls sounded all around as he pushed himself between her legs for better access. She felt herself getting wet when his hot breath fanned her skin so close to her core. Her chest heaved covering in a crimson blush, just as her face. She stifled a little moan as Derek's teeth grazed her thigh trying to hook the garter he finally found. But instead of dragging it down her leg he nibbled teasingly around the delicate material.

"You better get a move on or it will be the closest you get to my vagina tonight!" she gritted out, unsuccessfully fighting a grin.

"Fine," she heard him let out an exaggerated sigh under her skirts and his teeth tugged at the garter.

"Just… be fast," she gasped, becoming more and more aroused due to his ministrations around her leg.

Several minutes later he successfully managed to pull it over her heel to the cheers and whistling of the crowd.

"I could leave you like that," Meredith quipped standing up to free his hands. "Tied up, blindfolded…"

"Mhm, I'd like that," he hummed and spun around to kiss her.

"Keep it over your eyes and throw it so we can finally go, she instructed him.

He scrunched his face peeking at the blue garter from under the blindfold. "Throw a part of your underwear to a crowd of men, I don't think I like that."

"I have another, just for you," she assured him with a smile as all the single men were ushered onto the dance floor.

He grinned and quickly sent the garter flying behind him. It landed straight into the hands of a tall red-headed man, one Owen Hunt Carolyn met at the veteran centre she was volunteering at.

"And now the lucky garter catcher puts it on the leg of the bouquet catcher! Cristinaaa!"

Meredith laughed imagining the torture her friend was going through but when she glanced at her, she saw Cristina peeking curiously at Owen.

She didn't have a chance to ponder on her friend's wellbeing as Derek tore off the blindfold and swept her away towards the exit, fire in his eyes.

"How did you raise them?" sighed Ellis from behind the table where she was observing the scene with Carolyn. "They didn't even say goodbye."

"Aw, missing Meri already?" smiled knowingly Carolyn.

"I'm leaving next week," sighed Ellis. "Not sure when we'll see each other."

"You can always stay…"

"I don't think she's ready for me being here full time. Maybe next time."

"And what about that man you're jerking around?"

"You know about that too?" groaned Ellis.

"Welcome to the family," quipped Carolyn.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"Why is it taking so long?" Meredith groaned against Derek's neck at the backseat of the limo. "Is the hotel on the opposite coast or what?"

He moaned feeling her tongue on his pulse point. "We're… we're not going to the hotel, Mer. At least not yet…"

"We're not?" she frowned at him pulling back as though he was crazy. "Where the hell are we going? Wedding night, remember? Sex?"

"I remember," he shut her up with a deep kiss. "We're going to take our car and then go to have our wedding night… somewhere special…"

"Somewhere special?" she smiled at him. "Where?"

"Somewhere special," he smiled mysteriously.

**A/N That deserves a comment, doesn't it? :)**

**Next chapter: wedding night…**

**Em **


	30. Chapter 30: Of Heaven On Earth

**A/N Thank you for all the comments! I'm sorry I made you wait for this update, but it's eleven pages of wedding night … *giggle***

**Enjoy…**

**FLASHBACK**

"It's so hot," sighed Meredith trying to fan herself with her hands for lack of anything else.

"Yeah," nodded Derek tugging at his T-shirt in attempt to cool off his torso.

Every living creature seemed to be hiding in shade from the pitiless sun as their slowly made their trek from the clearing when they left the bike to the cliff.

Meredith halted in the tall grass squinting her eyes.

"Mer?" he stopped beside her putting an arm around her waist. "You wanna go back?"

"Course not," she rolled her eyes. "Mom's at home. She won't let us near your room, or my room, or any room with a door for that matter. I want my orgasm!" she sighed dramatically. "But no pressure," she winked at him, making his lips went into a thin line. "I'm joking, I'm joking! You know you did it the last time, champ!" Yeah, Derek was really getting the hang of the whole sex thing, both in regard to perseverance and overall coordination of his actions. And the last time they sexed up in his room when everyone was gone from the house, he made her come, just seconds after him actually. No surprise she wanted to feel that again, not just with his fingers inside her but with his hard cock. And she loved teasing Derek about it. Of course, she knew the limits. A man's ego was a fragile thing, Derek's especially.

"Oh, you're just asking for it," he smirked at her dangerously.

"Actually, I am asking for it."

They stared each other for a moment in the still scenery until Meredith broke into a run through the grass laughing wildly. She didn't manage to get away very far. He had longer legs, stronger male body and better shoes. He captured her around her middle, throwing them both off balance to roll into the grass.

His lips landed on hers as he pinned her to the ground with the length of his body. She moaned arching her neck to him when something caught her eye. Water was reflecting sun rays, blinding her with their intensity.

"Look!" an exclamation rolled off her tongue.

"I am so lookin'," he muttered hitching her T-shirt over her breasts.

"Not here!" she giggled and pulled his head sideways. "The lake! It's beautiful."

"So?" he shrugged. "Your boobs are much more spectacular…"

"Why, thank you," she smiled. "But I'm hot."

"You are," he smirked.

"I'm too hot," she laughed pushing him off her to sit up. "I want to cool off. In the lake."

"Can we do that later?" he grumbled. "After we… you know…"

"Who said we can't do both at the same time?" she bit her lip and ran to the sandy fragment of the shore. "Have you ever skinny dipped?" she asked knowing the answer already.

"No..."

"Me neither. Another first time for us," she grinned at him saucily and threw her T-shirt over her head.

"I love first times," he said throatily taking her cue at stripping.

"I can see how you love them." She eyed the prominent bulge in his boxers that appeared after she dragged her shorts and panties down her legs. She unclasped her bra and threw it over his head. "The last one to the water is a loser!"

He didn't even try to race. He stayed on the shore watching her run into the lake in full glory, laughing and splashing water. It washed over her body and glistened over her thighs, her breasts… He didn't mind being a loser if could this picture to admire and make love to her later.

He took off his boxers and strolled to her direction. The lake wasn't even that cold, it cooled his skin pleasantly. It was small and Seattle was experiencing the longest heat wave in years.

"Grumpy!" Meredith yelled and proceeded with a water attack, completely soaking his hair.

She shrieked and tried to escape when he lunged back after her. He pulled her wriggling form to his and kissed the living daylights out of her. His hands massaged her naked curves.

"Der, I wanna do something for you…" she whispered warmly. "Will you let me?"

"Whatever you want," he breathed out as she led him closer to the shore, where the water barely reached their knees.

She smiled up at him and lowered herself before him.

"Meri?" he gulped watching her mouth getting closer and closer to his penis. He would lie if he said that idea never crossed his mind. He would never asked her to do that though. And now she was offering to do a blowjob for him of her own free will… He just died and went to heaven… Nope, that couldn't be heaven with the amount of sinful fantasies he had with him and Meredith playing lead roles.

"You're okay?" she asked quietly and her breath fanned his sensitive hardness.

"Uhm, yeah…" he breathed out.

"Good," she grinned and braced herself against his thighs.

Mesmerized, he watched down her pink tongue tilt out of her mouth and cautiously touch his velvety head.

She lapped at the engorged tip with curiosity. The precum was already glistening out. She heard many stories but she decided with relief that it didn't taste that bad at all. She licked his swollen length slowly, from the tip to the base. She smiled with satisfaction when she heard him moan. She chanced a peek at his face. It was a mask of concentration, just like every time he tried to hold off his release. He didn't need to try so hard this time thought, it was all about his pleasure.

Becoming a little more bolder, she took him into her mouth. His thighs trembled under her hands as she sucked on his head. She embraced him a little deeper but it was all it took for him to let out a growl and start twitching against her tongue, shooting his seed into her throat. She coughed a little, unable to swallow everything.

"You okay?" she giggled licking him clean.

"Oh, yeah," he managed to breathe out. "You're 'mazing…."

She grasped his hand and led him back into the deeper water. "Come on… another first time for us…"

"Another?"

"We've never done it in the water, have we?" she asked hooking her arms around his neck, pressing their naked bodies flush.

"No, we haven't." She was weightless against him as she hooked her legs around his waist, even more than usual, carried by the water.

"We could name it the lake of first times," she giggled, biting her lip.

"And you call me cheesy," he mumbled and got lost in a kiss.

This was their land of first times though, always would be.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

"I hope no one will notice we never arrived to our hotel," giggled Meredith getting out of the car. The air was balmy and warm on the bare skin of her arms, carrying the serene freshness of the falling darkness after a hot day.

"Meri," he chuckled as he pulled out a basket and locked the car. "I doubt anyone would be willing to check up on us tonight…"

She reciprocated his mischievous smile and intertwined her hand with his as they followed the path they knew by heart but which they hadn't revisited for years.

"And… my shoes are ruined," she smiled as her sandals were being defeated by the tall damp grass. She briefly wondered if she wouldn't be better off barefoot but that would be just a tad uncomfortable. She held up her dress high around her thighs not to completely destroy it as well.

"I can carry you," he offered glancing at her in the growing obscurity.

"They're just shoes," she shrugged.

"No, in fact, it is my right and obligation as a husband to carry you," he argued with an amused note in his voice.

"Derek- No!" she squealed as he lifted her up into his arms effortlessly, the basket hooked around his elbow.

They became breathlessly silent as they gazed down upon the splendid panorama starting at the foot of the cliff. They saw it so many times but it never failed to take their breath away all over again. Seattle was slowly brightening up with hundreds of lights being lit. The sky over their heads was intensely indigo slowly transforming into black while the horizon was still pale bluish and pinkish.

He delicately let her down to her feet with a throaty whisper, "We're finally home, love."

She trembled at the raw quality of his voice. "We are."

He placed the basket on the ground and pulled a simple blanket spreading it over the grass to their hilarity, in the exact same spot they became united in the physical act of love for the first time. They shook of their shoes as the edge and stood in the middle of the blanket holding their hands.

"I'm kinda nervous…" she smiled up at him.

"Me too," he whispered closing the distance between them. He caught her lips in a lingering kiss, massaging the cavern of her mouth meticulously.

However, just as she let go of his hands to bring them around his neck, he dropped to his knees before her. She intended to follow him onto the blanket but he stopped her with a gentle shake of his head and his palms steadying her legs.

"Wait. I want to pleasure you…"

"Der," she sighed at him simply. "If this is about the remorse thing, please, stop-"

"It's not. Or not only," he looked up at her fiercely. "It's about me wanting to give pleasure to my beloved wife. And you promised me the keepsake garter, didn't you?"

A warm smile spilled over her features. She nodded, her breathing getting quicker as she braced herself against his shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said before planting kisses to both of her knees. His outstretched palms massaged with apparent laziness the sides and the back of her calves, knees and thighs. His fingers went higher hitching her dress to her second garter. Blood coursed faster in his body at the deliciously arousing sight. He lunged at the lacy material with his teeth but he barely dragged it to her knee when he decided using his hands would simply be easier. He already passed the test during the reception. He pulled it away gently lifting her foot and tossed it somewhere on the blanket.

His hands once again climbed up her thighs this time to hook his fingers under the line of her panties.

Her palms kneaded his shoulders as she waited with bated breath for him to eliminate the last barrier.

He toyed with the with lacy lingerie for a seconds before sending it after the garter with a wide grin.

"You're laughing…" she commented with a smile.

"It's just… you wore black for the first time…" he muttered, ever so slowly rolling her dress higher.

"Are you insinuating I'm too much of fallen woman to wear white on my wedding day?" she stuck her tongue at him.

"Are you insinuating you want… my tongue?"

She shivered as in this exact moment he swiftly exposed her most intimate place to his hungry gaze.

"Not insinuating," she swallowed hard. "Telling you…"

"Yes, dear," he smirked, rubbed enticing circles around her knee and unexpectedly bent it, placing her leg on his shoulder.

"Ah," she gasped slightly as she vacillated forwards, almost crashing against his face.

He didn't waste time as the scent of her arousal filled his nostrils. With his tongue, he teased her folds which were already coated with the essence of her need for him, sliding with ease against her seam.

She let out a soft outcry, at the temperature contrast on the most sensitive part of her body. When Derek hitched her dress and removed her underwear, cooler air hit her damp lips while now his hot meticulous tongue was working past them slowly, torturously slowly, tilting inside.

A wild shudder shook her frame when he momentarily brushed against her swollen clit. Seemingly unintentionally, as he continued to tease her avoiding the burning spot again. Nothing about his ministrations was unintentional though, every tiny movement was aimed at building the pleasure inside her so it would explode with a staggering intensity. He wanted to make up for their last unfortunate… well, intercourse. This time he wanted to make love to her, make her feel loved. He knew it. He was also sure she knew it. That was just how he was. That didn't mean he wasn't going to take his own pleasure out of this. His pants were already getting way too tight.

"Derek…" she moaned, her fingers squeezing over the material of his jacket impatiently. "I need… I want…"

"I know," he said against her, making her tremble. He purposefully pressed his tongue against her engorged nub and proceeded to caress it with firm strokes, only to suck on it.

"Der…" Her breathing got even more labored, her fingers blindly went to tug at raven locks in anticipation as she tried to pin his head even closer to her opening.

He strengthened his grip on her leg with one arm while reaching up with his right hand. She groaned with protest when he took his lips from her clit but was rewarded with his finger pushing gently inside her.

"Oh, God…" she gasped. She was one fire and she needed to crash and burn. "More…"

Granting her wishes he added his middle finger, making his movements faster and harder in her slick heat.

With a growl and the last remains of her rationale, she managed to pull up her leg so her foot instead of her thigh rested against his shoulder.

"Der, please…"

Hearing the desperation in her shaky voice, he decided not to prolong her torture. It was torture for him as well. He was hot, his jacket had to land already somewhere in a crumpled heap. His erection was already rock hard and he didn't exactly want a repeat of their first time. Not tonight. He put his lips to suck on her clit even harder while his fingers plundered her tight channel. It wasn't long before ripples of orgasm took over her body making her clamp around his fingers and flood his tongue. She trembled in ecstasy supported by his strong frame as he carefully licked her clean.

She collapsed onto him inertly and he finally let her slide down to his level, observing her with adoration. He loved to watch her come, it was even past a simple turn-on for him. He experienced happiness watching her happy. Like now. She was clinging to him, still shaky after her orgasm. Her eyes were hooded, her lips slightly parted to catch her breath. Her skin was all flushed and covered with a sheen of sweat.

She smiled looking up into his eyes. "I should return the favor…"

"Later."

"I fully enjoyed your attention," she argued with a smile. "I want you to-"

"I enjoyed it too," he assured her. "And I'll be ecstatic to enjoy you giving me your attention but not now," he smiled at her dreamily in the way that always made her drown in his eyes, "I think now it's the moment to consummate our marriage…"

She giggled, pressing her mouth to his, tasting herself in their kiss. "You're right. The whole wedding's kinda invalid if you don't do the husband thing."

"The husband thing?" he chuckled as his hands trailed all over her torso searching for a clue how to get rid of the dress.

"Yeah, it's when you take me as your wife."

"I thought I've already had," he quipped engaging her in another scorching kiss that left them both breathless and tingling with anticipation.

"Take me, take me, Derek…" she rattled off busying herself with unbuttoning his shirt.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

Derek's shirt lay forgotten on the opposite end of the blanket while Meredith's hands explored his chest bit by bit, the clear-cut definition of his muscles, the trail of black hair pointing downward under his belt. His ribcage kept shrinking and expanding rapidly as her fingertips followed the ridges between the muscles of his six-pack. She felt the wetness flooding her core as she watched his unrestrained reaction to her touch. They would never get tired of this, the fire would never be extinguished.

His hands traced circles on her waist as they knelt on the blanket, kissing sweetly until breathlessness. He craved to see her, all of her, it was a desire similar to the one he had while undressing her for the very first time.

He could feel her smooth body underneath the thin layers of the dress as he massaged her sides from her thighs to her breasts using more and more pressure. The fact that she was already pantyless seemed to arouse him even more.

He groped around her in search for the zip sighing with frustration. It seemed to be seamless. He was half decided to just pull it up when she grabbed his fingers and moved them behind her to the hidden closing on her small bodice. It parted when he tugged at the zipper, his outstretched palm covering the exposed skin at once. She didn't wear a bra, other than the one sewn in the dress. He pulled away slightly to take it over her head.

"Be gentle," she asked him. "I want to keep it."

He nodded and swallowed as the whole of her angelic body was being slowly uncovered to his eyes. Her perfect thighs, the apex of her thighs, the widening of her hips and her slim abdomen, the flawless roundness of her breasts with her pert nipples and her gorgeous face with her now ruffled hair. Just as he promised he delicately deposited the gown away and returned to cradle her into his arms, his eyes glazed with desire. She was such a perfection. His lungs barely managed to pump oxygen into his blood flow as her feminine softness clashed with his hard built.

Every little detail about her inflamed both his heart and body. The way her unblemished skin glowed in the moonlight, the warmth with which she leaned into him, the way she tried to remove the lily that was pinned to her hair behind her ear and got crooked when he shed her dress.

Ever so gently he pushed her backwards onto the blanket. It took him a second to discard his pants and boxers and join her down. With a smile, he took the flower from her hand and inhaled its scent. It still carried the smell of lily but it was now distinctly infiltrated with her aroma of lavender.

He rested his weight against her and brushed her temple with the lily. His lips followed immediately. She blinked, a smile playing on her features, as the soft petals teased her nose, moving to her lips, jaw line up to her ear and down her neck, his hot mouth faithfully covering the tracks.

"Whatcha doing…" she breathed out spastically, her toes curled as her inner muscles squeezed in anticipation.

"Loving you," he murmured against her pulse point which was now jumping madly.

"Torture... ing… me…" she choked as the flower moved over her clavicle into the valley between her breasts. The chain of her pendant meandered over her upper ribs like a river.

"Myself too," he assured her and pressed his hardness into her leg as the proof of his raging desire. His tongue licked a path between her heaving globes until the end of her sternum, his evening stubble sending shivers over her body.

Her fingers that tried to grasp the edge of the blanket over her head went to his head and neck, coming his overgrown black ink curls, spurring him to continue. He intended to lavish her perfect mounds with much more attention. The lily went a winding path around it to the top pressing against the engorged crimson nipple, his tongue mimicking the movements onto its neighbor to suckle and bite on the sensitive tip.

"Derek," she moaned his name sensuously, arching up into him, begging him to take her whole. Her leg went around his instinctively, trying to get her womanhood as close to his cock as possible.

"Not… that… fast…" he muttered even though the world around was getting really hazy with the overpowering lust that seemed to replace blood in his organism. He wanted to enter her heat, bury deep within her, spent the erotic energy against her sex… But he needed to give her pleasure first, make her see stars, not only those that were beginning to twinkle over them. His primal instincts needed to wait.

Meanwhile the oh so pure lily resumed its journey down her body, Derek's mouth hot on its trail, making circles around and into her belly button. Wild outcries of want tore from her throat as the white petals arrived to her pubic bone and delved parting her moist lips. He teased her fat nub mercilessly until she was trembling like a leaf in the wind.

"Oh, good Lord…" she moaned throatily trying to look at him though her universe was shaking with need. For him. For her husband. Her Derek. Her love. For his love and passion to fill her whole.

He decided it was time to let go the white lily that was not so innocent any longer and sank fully against his wife's frame that was shivering blindly just as he was. She spread herself as far open as she could for him on instinct while her hands went around his neck once more.

One of his arms rested against the blanket propping himself up while his right hand cradled her head. Their chests crashed against each other as their hearts hammered madly. Their eyes locked hypnotically when he started to slide in, slowly, inch by inch. They both gasped when she clenched involuntarily around him. Finally, they were one again, joined into one being, just as they belonged. One heart, one mind, one body connected in the most intimate of ways.

"Meri…" he moaned and flexed his hips away breaking the silent moment of reverence. They needed to burn alive.

"Oh, yes…" she screamed as he thrust back into her tight channel. "Harder… deeper… need to feel you…"

He first wanted to be gentle and delicate but they were both past that. Their need reached the level of desperation. They had to brand each other again, to feel each other again.

His pushes gained on intensity while she managed to hitch her legs up higher, the heels of her feet digging into his taut butt. They gave and took everything they had until they both exploded in sync. Her world burst in flames before her unseeing eyes, the unbridled pleasure crashing against her. The only thing she was aware of was Derek, going with her through their inferno of ecstasy, filling her with his hot seed to the brink.

They stayed connected for a long while, continuously trembling with the aftershocks. It was without a doubt one of the most intense orgasms they experienced, one that left them blissfully inert and boneless.

"I love you," he whispered shakily near her face.

"I love you too," she managed to breath out before falling into a lethargic rest.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

They lay in a perfect snuggle with their arms draped over each other's waists, not an inch of their bodies untouched. Full smiles stretched their lips as their hearts pounded in their chests.

"It think it might be the time for champagne," proposed Derek, his tongue reentering her mouth unhurriedly. "A toast…"

"Hurry up," she sighed contently. "I don't like to be away from you…"

He smiled planting a kiss into her nose and reached for the basket to retrieve the bottle of champagne.

"Wow…" she sat up and marveled at the view of Seattle reappearing in her line of vision. A sea of light spread at their feet. "It never fails to take my breath away."

"Just like you," he remarked.

She turned to look at him and once again she encountered problems with breathing. He was glorious in his male nudity. A shiver of desire passed down her spine.

"Are you cold?" he asked protectively, noting the way the goose bumps erupted on her skin and her nipples hardened. He moved to perch behind her, his legs around her, as they peered over their city.

"Not really," she giggled, nuzzling and wiggling her back against his chest.

"Here," he handed her her flute of the golden liquid, his other hand sneaking around her abdomen lazily.

"To us," she whispered clinking her glass against his.

"To us," he repeated and took a sip. A drop of champagne slid down his glass and landed on Meredith's shoulder, making her shudder at the unexpected stimuli. "Sorry," he muttered and leaned to kiss the cold alcohol away from her skin. It didn't come as a surprise to him that once his lips touched her milky skin, they didn't want to part.

"Mhm," she hummed arching against him and laying her head on his shoulder while he feasted on her neck, nibbled on her earlobe, licked little circles over her pulse point, bit her skin in a way that would surely leave distinct hickeys…

Her free arm went behind to plunge her hand into his rich hair, making it more wild than it was before.

She quickly downed the rest of champagne and tossed her glass away so they wouldn't crush it in the throes by accident. She grinned hazily as she felt the champagne going to her head, heightening her arousal. She squirmed against his crotch feeling the wetness seep out of her again.

He didn't waste time to swallow the remaining contents of his glass and fling it away by her example. He needed both of his hands free to cup her full breasts. He started with a slow gentle massage but she pressed her own palms over his, letting him know she wanted more pressure, more fire.

She moaned when he obeyed her command, kneading her glorious mounds, squeezing them, toying with her nipples while his cock got harder and harder against her ass. She bent forward rubbing against his palms, propping herself against his parted thighs.

Her unrestrained moan tore the silence of the night as the tip of his hard length slid along her damp opening.

"Der… now…" she groaned, her hand going back to his head for leverage against him. He gripped her hips to impale her on him. She buckled against him, desperate to achieve more friction.

He scooted up to sit on his legs to get into a more advantageous position. He thrust up into her, brining her down on his manhood, his palm blindly rubbing her belly, her breasts, her clit as his teeth grazed her neck.

The lights of Seattle danced before their eyes as they made love in a dazed trance only to be overcome by the sweet delight of their release once again.

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

When they opened their eyes for the next time, the sky was getting navy blue again.

"We fell asleep," Derek stated quietly with a yawn. Everything around them was silent and listless with that eerie stillness just before the dawn.

"We were tired," she giggled sweetly, stretching against him under his jacket that was draped over their torsos, their legs bare.

It wasn't their longest night of lovemaking but it was certainly equally intense, both physically and emotionally, and it left them deliciously tired and achy, as well as damp with dew. They had never actually fallen asleep in their secret spot before. Another first time.

"We were," he agreed beaming at her with his half-hooded eyes. "We were busy last night."

"It was wonderful, Der…" she whispered planting a kiss to his chest.

"It was incredible," he sighed and stared up over their heads. The stars, including the mischievous one that always seemed to peep on them, were fading.

"I know what you're thinking," she said quietly as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"I know that you know," he turned his head sideways to face her. "I'm sorry."

"You wouldn't be you if you if it wasn't going through your head," she sent him a tender smile. "It's probably one of the reasons I love you."

"Probably?"

"Well, a lifetime would be too short if I wanted to enumerate all the things I love about you. You were pretty amazing since the beginning." She caressed his scalp, playing with an unruly lock on his forehead. The current state of his head resembled his bad hair school times.

"And then I turned asshole and hurt you," he stated, no mercy for himself.

"Temporarily," she shrugged. "You learned your lesson. You're not going to do that again."

"You believe in me so much," he whispered gathering her in a tighter embrace.

"I know you. Even when you forget who you are. I always know."

"I'll do anything to prove you're not mistaken," he assured fiercely. "The past weeks were agony."

"And now?"

"Now it's heaven," he breathed out leaning for a slow tender kiss. "Remember what I promised you here?"

"Hm, let me think… You promised me lots of things. A cheesecake, a movie night, a screaming orgasm…"

"A house," he grinned. "When we are fancy neurosurgeons coveted by all hospitals in the country, we're going to buy this land and build a house. For us… and our children."

"I like that," she smiled from side to side. "Meanwhile, more heaven…"

"More heaven," he agreed, meshing their bodies in the first rays of the rising sun.

**A/N Please don't hesitate to leave me a word of comment. This was the very last chapter of the story. Only epilogue to follow.**

**Love,**

**Em**


	31. Chapter 31: Epilogue

**A/N Hello and welcome to the last update of this story. I loved writing this fic, I tried new things and experimented a little, so I'd like to thank you all for reading and even more for showing your support and encouragement in your comments!**

**Please, enjoy the epilogue!**

Meredith was just leaning over the table to get herself and Derek a drink, when she felt a hand touching her perfectly smooth abdomen. She turned with the what the fuck expression on her face to see a short woman with mousy hair. She vaguely reminded her of one of the trumpet players from the school band.

"Hey, Meredith!" the woman smiled widely and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Don't you remember me? Sonya, from the band."

"Yeah, sure, I do," answered Meredith with reservation. She never had anything against the girl but she was now pressing her freaking palm to her stomach for some reason…

"Oh, sorry," giggled Sonya removing her hand. "It's for luck."

"For luck?" she frowned.

"Yeah, you know," she chuckled and wiggled her eyebrows knowingly, "pregnant women bring luck."

"Seriously, huh?" Meredith tapped her foot on the floor. Did she look fat or what?

"Derek told me you're due in January."

"He told you that?" her eyebrow rode high almost disappearing under her blond hair that was draped over her forehead.

"Yeah, and guys, you're incredible!" she gasped. "You totally have to win the "It's unbelievable they're still together" statuette!"

"How cool," muttered Meredith and taking two glasses of juice instead of champagne as she initially desired. "If you excuse me, I need to take the drinks to Derek. I'll catch up with you later."

"You know what I've just learnt?" she asked her husband dryly, joining him where he was standing under the gigantic 10th anniversary school reunion banner.

"What, dear?" he smiled taking a glass form her.

"That I'm apparently giving birth in January."

"Well, it is possible…" he said cautiously, feeling he might have said too much to his friends from the band.

"Really? Is it? Think like a doctor, Derek," she sighed. "I just got off the pill last month."

"Yeah, last month. I could have already done my job right for all we know. Shepherds are very fertile," he said smugly.

"You're right," she grinned wickedly. "Maybe there is no more reason to even try again, you know, you probably did your job already and all."

"No! I mean, I think we should er, try some more, a lot more, just to be sure," he attempted to look apologetic.

"Then stop telling people I'm knocked up already. You'll have lots of opportunities when we know I really am," she sent him a gentler smile.

"Okay, sorry for that," he placed a little kiss onto her lips. "I just can't wait."

"Me either," she smiled and changed the subject. "It's really nice in here."

"Yeah, who would have thought it was going to be so good to be back in these walls," he sighed, his eyes sweeping around the crowd in the gymnasium that was decorated with banners and balloons for the occasion of the 10th anniversary of their graduation. "Most of the people are actually… nice."

"Well, people change as we know so well," she said wistfully. "Some of them are really nice, others think it's better to be nice to hot-shot doctors. And some, especially females, think you're hot."

Derek cringed visibly, his arm tightening around her. "Oh, look who's here," he pointed at the entrance.

"Mark Sloan…"

Their relations never exactly got better after their non-fight in the morgue. Derek didn't regret, Mark professed completely different values to his own. What was more, Meredith was very enthusiastic when he finally confessed what exactly happened between him and Sloan.

"And he came with a woman," Meredith remarked with surprise at the sight of a brunette holding his hand.

"That's a novelty," nodded Derek. "You think it's something serious?"

"Nah," stated Meredith noticing Mark's eyes inconspicuously slide over other females around. "You know, I'll be back in a sec," she kissed his cheek and went in the direction of the table where Mark's partner halted to get their drinks. His attention was bestowed on his old pals from the team, he would never know.

"I'm sorry, did you come with Mark?" she asked the brunette with a dumb smile.

"Yes-"

"Then you must be Monica," Meredith grabbed her hand and shook it vigorously. "It's so nice to meet you finally! We were all dying to meet the woman who managed to get Mark to the altar."

"I'm sorry but-"

"Don't be, we understand why you didn't invite so many old friends of Mark's. He left quite a trail of broken hearts behind him. It was such a shock to hear he got hitched last summer. But you surely know, he was always a player. How's Jimmy, by the way?"

"Jimmy?" the brunette asked blankly.

"I heard your baby boy is just adorable, Mark all through and through."

"Wait a minute, Mark is married?" gasped the woman.

"Well, aren't you Monica Sloan?" Meredith faked astonishment.

"No, I'm not," she hissed while her palms fisted into balls. "And I owe you."

She marched off towards her partner, murder on her face.

"Oh, ouch," grimaced Derek. "That must have hurt," Derek commented as the brunette slapped Mark on the cheek, all his friends watching avidly.

"His ego more than his face, I'm sure," smirked Meredith, nuzzling into his side.

"Awww," he chuckled as the woman took another swing, this time her fist collided with his eye. Everyone was looking at the scene with unhidden curiosity. "What did you do?"

"How dare you accusing me of anything," she snickered.

"I dare," he whispered hotly into his ear. "You're my queen of troublemakers. That will never change."

**THE GEEK AND THE REBEL**

**FLASHFORWARD**

"Little Miss Meredith?"

Meredith heard the somewhat familiar nickname uttered by a seemingly unfamiliar female voice as she was in the process of filling up the chart of her patient. Her mind kept drifting to a different place altogether though. Today they were breaking the ground for their house in the wilderness and the butterflies kept swirling in her stomach at the sole thought.

She lifted her head to see an Afro-American nurse, probably late into her fifties, gazing at her with a gentle though sparkling smile.

"Excuse me?" she looked at her quizzically.

"I was actually told to pass the lab results over to Dr. Grey-Shepherd. I took a look at you and knew it was my Little Miss Meredith already. I have a photographic memory, especially when it comes to faces…"

"How… I don't think I know you…"

"Of course, you do! I'm Liz Fallon. I used to work here years ago, scrubbed into many surgeries with your mother and would hear an earful from her too for losing the sight of you while you ran around the hospital. I was a navy nurse for the last two decades and now I'm back home, probably to stay here until the retirement."

"You must have seen me nearly thirty years ago for the last time," giggled Meredith, vaguely remembering the image of a young nurse trying to keep control over her wild escapades.

"Doesn't matter," shrugged Liz. "Some features stay the same. Anyway, Dr. Grey-Shepherd, does it mean there's a Mr. Shepherd around?"

"Dr. Shepherd actually," she smiled brightly.

"Are you newlyweds?" asked Liz curiously.

"Only if you can be newlyweds after six years of marriage," laughed Meredith.

"Then your husband is a very lucky man," stated Liz appreciatively. "Your eyes shine at the sole mention him."

"Someone said anything about lucky husbands?" Derek appeared beside Meredith out of nowhere planting a kiss to her lips and depositing a chart. "Not yet today, but I'm hoping for a little rendezvous in an on-call room."

"You've just killed that hope with your last comment," she couldn't help chuckling.

"Nah, that's just fore- Ouch!" he laughed as her ineffective fist collided with his bicep.

"Better tell me if you've been called to sort out the terrible two. I haven't received any complaints from the daycare yet and it's almost worrying."

"Terrible two?" asked Liz.

"Our children," explained proudly Derek. "They're a bit… energetic."

"More like making the carer in the daycare center pull her hair in desperation," snickered Meredith. Some days of the week, they had to use the daycare. They didn't want to completely take advantage of Carolyn even though she insisted. She had a whole herd of grandchildren anyway as Lanie and Mia started their own families too. Ellis on the other hand still worked at the hospital even though Richard, with whom she moved in, hinted at the possibility of their retirement. "A girl of four and a boy of two-"

"And the third one on the way," nodded knowingly Liz.

"I'm not even showing yet! Another walking pregnancy detector," laughed Meredith. "Mom, I mean Derek's Mom, is just the same. I don't have to spend money on tests."

To their joy and Derek's smugness, it turned out she did get pregnant almost immediately after she stopped taking the pill. Their son came a little unplanned but well in time as their baby girl turned two. Now, Meredith was three months along with their third little joy.

"Derek's?" Liz frowned as something stirred in her memory.

"I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. Derek Shepherd, neurosurgery department, like Mer."

"Liz Fallon, was a nurse here when your wife's middle name was Little Troublemaker."

"Oh, it still is," he grinned.

"Now you're pushing it," she tried to scowl at him.

"You know, your childhood friend was called Derek."

"I… didn't have childhood friends…" frowned Meredith while her husband eyed her with curiosity. "And Derek's my high school sweetheart if we're looking into these categories."

"But of course you had a childhood friend. He was all you talked about for weeks after you met him, I clearly remember."

"I… don't," Meredith shook her head.

"He was very much like Dr. Shepherd here too. Lots of black hair, the nose… I have an eye for detail."

"That's… impossible," Derek let out a little laugh. "I would remember."

"I think his sister was hurt," went on Liz. "He was one hell of a troublemaker too, I spent at least four hours looking for him all around the hospital to finally find him with, whom else, little Miss Meredith."

Derek was momentarily speechless. "I… Kath broke her leg when she was a kid… We all had to come here and… my great escape is legendary…"

Meredith stared at him with wide eyes. "No way!"

"Fate has mysterious ways," sighed Liz with a shake of her head and discreetly moved away.

"This is… unbelievable," Meredith tried to wrap her mind around it.

"Kinda," he agreed with wonderment. "You remember anything?"

"I don't know," she sighed, scrunching her face in concentration. "Bits and pieces maybe, very chaotic."

"I think… you kissed me!" he said pensively.

"I did not!" she blushed.

"Oh, yes you did, Little Miss Meredith!" he laughed. "I must have been grossed out…"

"Gee, thanks," she rolled her eyes.

"I hated girls at the time, what do you expect," he laughed and leaned towards her lips. "Now, on the other hand, your lips are my drug."

"I should thinks so…"

"Which doesn't change the fact that you seduced me at the age of… what, four? Five?"

"Idiot," she bit her lip. "You're making fun of your pregnant wife, your wife that tired herself out two times already giving birth to your children!"

"Now they're my children," he laughed and pressed against her back when she stood up from her chair. He didn't care if anyone was looking, the staff was used to their public displays of affection.

"Okay…" she said tucking her blond hair behind her ears as she turned around in his arms. "What does that makes us… kindergarten sweethearts?"

"Soul mates, just soul mates," he whispered and sealed her lips with a kiss.

**END OF FL****ASHFORWARD**

**THE END**

**A/N If you haven't commented yet but liked it at least a bit, you still can let me know ;)**

"**The Geek And The Rebel" being over (I don't plan any sequels, Meredith and Derek's story has been told just like I planned from the beginning), I am going to post my newest fic in the next couple of days. It's practically a MerDer romcom with a dose of drama, I hope I meet you there!**

**Love,**

**Em**


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